Pulled (8 page)

The server appeared and took our order, and I was thankful for the few minutes of distraction. The moment she walked away, an uncomfortable silence settled over us, both of us glancing around the restaurant and then back at the table; anything to keep from making eye contact. I began playing with my tie before deciding I’d had enough of the whole situation.

“Al right, Vanessa. Why are we here?”

Taken off guard, she jerked her head up. She pursed her lips together and then sucked the bottom one in nervously before looking me straight in the eye. “I’m pregnant.” My brow furrowed as I tried to understand why the hel she thought that information would be important to me.

“Wel , congratulations, I guess. But what does this have to do with me?” The whole conversation was uncomfortable. It took everything I had not to bolt from my chair.

“Daniel, I’m almost five months pregnant. Why do you think I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for the last three months?” she spat the words at me.

Al the air left my lungs as her words clicked—

Vanessa was pregnant, and she was tel ing me the baby was mine.

No!

I shook my head. This could not be happening.

Blood drained from my face, and I felt

lightheaded, the skin prickling on the back of my neck as sweat drenched my forehead. I felt nauseous, my hands trembled, and I grasped the table to keep myself from fal ing from my chair.

“Daniel. Daniel.” Vanessa snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Have you heard anything I said? I was tel ing you I have an ultrasound next week—” I put my hand up to stop her; I couldn’t register a word she was saying right now over the roaring in my ears. I stood, stil holding onto the table for support. “I have to go.”

“What? You can’t just leave. We need to talk about this, and our lunch isn’t even here yet.” She sounded desperate, begging me to sit back down, but I couldn’t deal with her right now. It was as if every unhealed wound I’d harbored inside me ripped open anew.

I could only shake my head and repeat, “I have to go.”

I started to walk away but realized I didn’t even know where she lived.

“Um...uh, we’l talk tonight, okay? I just have to go right now. Text me your address.” She nodded, appearing frustrated and confused.

Somehow, I was able to walk out of the restaurant and to my car. Thoughts came fast, and I was having a hard time keeping them at bay. Melanie was the only person in this world I ever wanted to have a child with. The thought of my flesh growing inside of another woman’s body made me sick. My head spun, and I grabbed it trying to orient myself enough to be able to get home. Flashes of Melanie infiltrated my mind, but I pushed them back.

I had to get home.

I started the car and raced from the parking lot.

There was no way I would ever make it back to the office this afternoon. I pul ed myself together enough to dial the office number.

“Montgomery Oncology,” Lisa answered on the second ring. “How can I help you?”

“Lisa, it’s...it’s Daniel,” I tried to keep my voice even, but it shook. “Something’s come up. I’m not going to make it back to the office this afternoon.”

“Daniel, what’s wrong?” Lisa sounded panicked, so I could only imagine what I must have sounded like to her.

“Just something came up. Just tel my father I’l see him tomorrow.” I hung up as soon as I got it out.

Flying through the streets, I arrived at my condo only minutes later.

I ignored my phone as it rang, only for it to beep with a message and then start right up again. Looking at the screen, I saw it was Dad.

“Shit!” I raked my hands through my hair, trying to control the emotions that were ready to explode.

He’d just keep cal ing and probably send Mom to come and check on me if I didn’t answer.

“Hey, Dad.” I choked, trying to hide the pain that was ready to crush me.

“Daniel, what the hel happened? Lisa said you left for a lunch meeting and then cal ed very upset, saying you weren’t coming back in today.” Dad was a very calm, control ed man, but I could hear the dread in his voice. He knew after everything I’d been through, it would take something drastic to keep me from work. “Where are you?

Let me come get you.”

“No, Dad. I’m fine. No.” I shook my head, trying to get the words out as I tripped over them. “I mean, no, I’m not fine, but I’l be okay, al right? I just need to be alone right now. I promise I’l explain it tomorrow at dinner, okay?” I just needed him to give me some space. I’d have to pul myself back together before I told my family of the horrible mistake I’d made.

“Daniel...” He hesitated, trying to keep me on the phone.

“Dad, I promise. I’l be there tomorrow.” I knew Mom and Dad always had the underlying fear that I was so depressed I would hurt myself, but I could never do something like that to them. I’d rather live in complete misery for eternity than cause them any more pain than I already had.

“Okay, son. But if you need anything, cal .”

“Yeah, Dad. I wil .”

I made my way through the hal to my apartment. I hung up the phone and slowly turned the key in my lock.

I knew it’d be al over once I walked through the door.

I swung it open and stepped inside. The barrier broke and the emotions came crashing down, bringing me to my knees.

I gasped as the sorrow took over—sorrow both for the loss of the baby girl I had so desperately wanted and for the guilt over the one that made me sick to think about.

October 1999

“I’m late.”

I was so freaked out by the look on Melanie’s
face it took me a minute to comprehend what she was
saying. Her intense green eyes were filled with so much
fear and anxiety that I had started to think of every horrible
thing that could have happened to her in the last two
hours, so this took me by surprise.

“You mean, like late late?” I asked, moving my
hands from her arms to her face, forcing her to make eye
contact with me.

All she did was nod and try to look down.

“Hey, it’s okay, baby. We’ll be okay, no matter
what.” I gathered her back up in my arms, trying to ease
some of her anxiety. It was hard to do with my own anxiety
building in the pit of my stomach.

“No matter what?” she asked as she looked back
up at me. So much emotion swirled behind her eyes it
made me dizzy.

“No matter what,” I smiled softly at her and
nodded. “So, what do we need to do? I mean, have you
taken a test or anything?” I didn’t know if she was telling
me this was a sure thing or not.

“No, not yet. I’ve kind of been ignoring the signs,
but I couldn’t exactly do that anymore after I puked up my
lunch because Erin was eating a piece of pizza.” She
laughed, shaking her head. I glanced at Erin’s car in front
of Melanie’s house, and realized my baby sister would
already know all about what was happening.

“Erin knows?”

“Yeah, she figured it out before I did.”

“So, it sounds like we need to take a trip to the
store?” I didn’t want to start freaking out before I knew if I
actually had something to freak out about.

“Yeah, I think we do.” She squeezed my hand,
clearly seeking comfort from me.

I felt shocked, but I knew I needed to be strong
for Melanie. She was the one who still had to finish high
school, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of pressure
something like this would put on her.

I mean, I always wanted to be a dad, and after I
had found Melanie, there was no other woman I could
even imagine having a child with. But right now, it was just
so soon.

At the same time, there was some unknown
feeling growing within me. A slight smile tugged at the
corner of my mouth as I imagined my Melanie with her
stomach swollen with our child. There’d never be anything
more beautiful than that.

The front door opened, and Erin walked toward
us, tentative.

“Hey, big brother.” Her words were soft and filled
with emotion.

I couldn’t help but reach for her and pull her into
a hug.

“Thank you for taking care of her.” I knew it was
hard on Melanie with me being so far away, and it took
some stress off me knowing Erin was spending time with
Melanie.

I came down almost every weekend, but it was
difficult at times, keeping up with school and making the
almost two-hour trip from Boulder to Colorado Springs
every Friday, but Melanie was more than worth it.

It was hard not seeing her every day, but it was
only for the year. Once she graduated in May, she would
join me at The University of Colorado, and we’d be
together again. For the time being, though, I spent every
extra minute either studying, going to class or on the
phone with Melanie.

It looked like we were going to need Erin even
more.

“Anything for my sister.” I loved hearing Erin call
Melanie that. My heart swelled with the thought of my
family, that picture now including a baby attached to
Melanie’s hip and my arms wrapped around them both.

I felt the shift as my shock gave way to joy, and
my anxiety now was at the possibility of a negative test
result. I smiled to myself, realizing just how ready I was to
take this step with Melanie. We might be young, but there
was no love stronger than ours.

“What does it say?” I took turns ringing my
fingers together and then running them through my hair
as I paced back and forth in the tiny space.

Melanie, on the other hand, sat rigid on the toilet
lid and waited for the test to change. After what felt like an
hour, she looked up at me. “It’s positive.”
Oh, my God, it was positive. I was going to be a
dad. I struggled with emotions that swelled inside me. It
was overwhelming and entirely consuming, but the best
explanation would be a sense of completion. Joy radiated
through my body, and I’m sure settled somewhere on my
face. I didn’t think my smile could get any bigger.

I had to touch her. I lifted Melanie, holding her
close to me. I peppered her with kisses as I told her how
happy I was.

“You’re not upset?” she asked as she reached
out and touched my face, her fingers leaving a trail of fire
across my skin.

Upset? Melanie thought I was going to be upset.

That had to have been why she’d been so apprehensive,
barely meeting my eyes when I got home.

“Mel, how could I be upset? There’s nothing I
could ever want more than having a family with you.” I had
to let her know how committed I was to her and our baby.

“You know the biggest desire in my life has always been
to be a dad, even more than being a doctor.” It was true.

There was nothing more important in this world.

A timid smile crept to Melanie’s lips and tears
filled her eyes. She had to be so scared. Hell, I was
terrified, but I needed to let her know it would be okay.

“Yeah, it’s sooner than we planned. So what?

We’ll just have to work a little harder. You’ll finish your
senior year before the baby’s born, and then we’ll get
married. We’ll make a home just like we’ve dreamed.” I
couldn’t help the huge grin plastered on my face when I
pictured Melanie sitting on a porch swing with our child on
her lap. I studied her. She had a faraway look in her eyes
and a glow that radiated from her skin, and I wondered if
she was imagining something similar.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, baby.” She was
tucked close to my chest, my hands moving in soothing
circles across her back, her hands resting on my hips.

She shook her head as if she were trying to clear
her thoughts. She looked up at me. “Well.” She licked her
lips. “I know I should be upset, but I’m not.” Her voice held
complete conviction, and I knew she felt the same way as I
did.