Punked by the Pumpkin: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 4) (6 page)

“So…should I be worried?”

“About Trevor?” I looked at the two kids, Moira laughing and Trevor smiling and blushing. “If I had a daughter and could choose one guy for her to date, it would be Trevor.”

“Yeah, he does seem like a good kid, responsible and decent.”

I had to agree. “He is. And he’s going to do something with his life…”

“But…”

“…But, I know he’s a Junior and she’s a Freshman, too young to really date. It reminds me of when I was a Freshman and Eli was a Senior. I liked him, but I knew he thought of me as a kid. He liked me then too, but we knew our boundaries.”

“Those two will be fine.” Jules put her hand on Carmen’s arm. “Just make sure you tell her about her superpowers as a girl. If she touches his arm and smiles, she can own him. She doesn’t have to try hard or be in a hurry. He’ll wait for her.”

I think Jules’ superpowers were a little greater than my own, but this was probably good advice for a stunner like Moira. Carmen and I leaned in to hear more of her wisdom.

“She’s beautiful and one of the smartest girls I’ve ever met, and she’s a sweetheart and a lot of fun. Tell her she can have this guy or any other one when she’s ready, and there will be even more great guys to choose from when she’s in college. Just be sure she knows that those little tingly feelings of discovery she gets sometimes are not love, they’re just…”

“Help me, please! Bloody murder! Bloody murder!”

I had never actually heard anyone scream “bloody murder” before. It was coming from behind the crowd, which opened up a lane for the distressed person. We saw the figure of an old man hobbling to the center of the street in front of the stage. People cautiously came nearer to him, and we stood up and walked slowly towards him too.

He fell to his knees and had his arms clutched tightly to his chest. He seemed to be holding something.

“That’s Elmer Branson.” Toe spit his tobacco onto the street and we went a few steps closer. At least it wasn’t my sidewalk. “I see him at Bingo every week.”

The breathless, sobbing man lifted his head for a moment. “I was bringing Selma here to the coop behind the Methodist church. She was going to be my donation to the Harvest Dinner.” He opened his arms, and a ball of white feathers fell to the street in front of him. Feathers flew, and the dead chicken lay there, covered in blood. A few people gasped.  “And then, just a couple blocks over there, we were attacked by a vicious fiend of a creature, all green and black with a big round head that rattled like a marimba. He was the size of a car and clawed at my chest. If I didn’t have Selma under my shirt he’d have torn my heart out for sure.”

Another gasp came from the crowd, and Jules was snapping pictures while the four of us looked at each other.
Don’t say ii Toe!

“It was the chupacabra.”

Chapter Five

Well, thanks to Elmer Branson I got a chance to see Eli for a while last night, and I didn’t even have to start a riot. And the townsfolk picked up on Toe’s tale of the chupacabra. Swell. That’s all anybody was talking about in the coffee shop this morning. On the bright side, it did seem to be good for business.

“Special edition, folks!”

Hank, the guy who ran Jules’ printing press next door, came in with an armful of newspapers, and he was holding one up with a big bold headline. She didn’t. Oh, yes she did…

CHUPACABRA TURNS

SWEET HOME SOUR!!

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Chupacabra on the loose in Sweet Home! Special edition, just one dollar, folks. Regular weekly edition will be out this afternoon. Step right up and get your copy. Be the first with all the facts.”

Hank was really selling it, and everybody lined up with a dollar in hand to get a copy. Jules came in the back door, almost bouncing with giddiness. She pointed out the front window, and there was a team of newsboys spreading out across the town with her first special edition.

“I can’t believe it, Jules. Your in the tabloid business now? Tell me you’re not the reincarnation of France Diddlemier?”

“Hey…this is how the newspaper industry was built 120 years ago, Lily. I just had to try it. I wanted to see what it felt like to be William Randolph Hearst or Joseph Pulitzer.”

“It’s only a couple of pages, and it costs twice as much as your regular full-sized edition.”

“Well, I didn’t have advertisers for this one, and I didn’t want to put this story in my real paper. Wait – I guess there is one advertiser.”

She slid a paper off the top of Hank’s stack and opened it to the center page. There was a huge and beautiful half-page ad for the Coffee Cabana – with a coupon for a four-dollar cappuccino.

“The regular price is only three dollars, Jules.”

She shrugged. “You better raise it to five before the people start coming in.”

“I doubt if we’ll get a big rush.”

“Well, the article says that Elmer and Toe will be here at noon to answer their questions.”

“Toe?”

“Well, he’s the local expert on the chupacabra.” She smiled.

“Of course.” I sighed.

It’s a good thing that Hearst and Pulitzer didn’t have Jules competing with them back then.

“Well, I’ve got to get my final edition ready for the press. Tootles!”

Tootles? She really was feeling like a giddy schoolgirl, I guess; and she practically skipped out the back door.

The newspaper had a picture of the bloody chicken splashed across the top, and Elmer was there on his knees with an anguished look, facing the sky, and his arms raised like he was doing the scene from
The Shawshank Redemption
. She wrote up his account of the attack along with Toe’s apparently extensive knowledge on the chupacabra. She also had all the accounts of vandalism and eerie sightings at the cemetery. I’m guessing that Eli and I are the “reputable business owner and law enforcement official” who had seen the green monster from a distance.

Jules was level-headed. She never bought into conspiracy theories, and she certainly didn’t believe there was a chupacabra running through the streets of Sweet Home – or anywhere else, for that matter. But I had to hand it to her. She was building a mood of excitement like I’d never seen in our little town. I just hoped she wasn’t building up enough fear to keep people off the streets during the Festival.

“Land sakes alive, Lily. What’s all this commotion?”

Essie walked in the front door with a tray of muffins from Sal’s with Hildie following behind her with more baked goodies for the display case. I held up the newspaper headline.

“Oh, sweet Lord. Everybody knows that Elmer’s an old fool, crazy as a loon.”

“Maybe, but it was Toe that said it was the chupacabra.”

Essie shook her head. “Well, that man might still be in control of his faculties, but he’s a gullible one, always talking about his ancient astronauts and UFOs. He said he saw Elvis buying donuts in Sabina back 25 years ago too.”

“Well, let’s just enjoy the business while it lasts, Essie. Can you two handle the shop this afternoon? Eli and I are going to take a walk around the Festival and check out some of the arts and crafts and things.”

“That’s fine. Maybe I’ll give Gladys a call just in case.”

“That’s a good idea, because it might get busy at noon when Elmer and Toe come in to talk about the…thing.”

“Oh, for land sakes. He’ll probably be wearing his old top hat and tails if we’re not careful But don’t forget, Hildie and I have to get out of here by 5:00 or so for the Harvest Dinner at 6:00.”

“No problem. Eli should be here any minute. He’s picking me up at 11:00. And Trevor is coming in at 5:00 to cover for us during the dinner. It should be slow until the music starts after dark, so I’m sure he’ll be okay. He has my number just in case.”

I heard the jingle of the bell and turned my head to see Eli walking in the front door. He was wearing his full uniform, including his broad-brimmed police hat and sunglasses. My heart sank a little. It looked like he had been called in to be on duty.

“What’s up with the uniform, Eli? Are we still on for our day at the Festival?”

“Kind of.”

Whatever that meant.  I waited for him to tell me more.

“Thanks to your friend,” he said, pointing to the wall I shared with Jules, “everybody has to be on ‘soft’ duty. So, we have to be in uniform and in public so people feel safe in case a mythical creature decides to attack them.”

He didn’t look very pleased about it.

“The sheriff’s office in Orlando is sending in a dozen deputies too, so I’m sure we won’t be taking any ribbing from them. We had to call out and deputize all of the volunteer firemen too, and even the boy scouts will be out in their uniforms today until this imaginary threat has been dealt with.”

Yikes. “Well, at least the governor didn’t invoke martial law and send out the National Guard.”

He gave me an aggravated look. “Let’s just hope I don’t get any calls from newspapers or TV stations in the city. It might hamper my whimsical mood.”

I was hoping the sarcasm meant he wasn’t really too upset.

“Let’s go then! Hildie, you might get some coupons for cappuccinos.”

“What!?”

“Bye!”

We walked down Sunshine Avenue and then cut through the park when we got to the bridge over Sassquahatchee Creek. There were some rides for the kids set up near the ball fields and plenty of exhibits and concession stands. He got a red Sno-Cone and I got a blue one, and we sat down under a tree.

There were a lot of uniforms visible everywhere, and Eli didn’t seem to mind being in his right now. He was always a police officer 24/7, whether he was in uniform or not, so this was almost normal.

“Any leads on the werewolf, commissioner?”

It got a smile out of him. “We’ve got some people out beating the bushes for our monster. There’ve been a few others who have caught glimpses of the beast, and it’s definitely not the size of a car like Elmer told us. Maybe more the size of a Billy goat or a small deer.”

“Any other attacks or vandalism?”

“There’s still some occasional damage, mostly in and around the cemetery, but the thing hasn’t come near any other people or animals. No other reports of dead animals, although Missy Grant, a sophomore at the high school, called in to say that her dog Scotty hasn’t come home for a week now.”

“Gosh. That wouldn’t good if it turned up with all the blood sucked out of it.” I sort of flinched after making such a flippant remark. Heck, I loved dogs!

Eli rolled his eyes at me. “It could add to the panic if it were found dead, I suppose, but my childhood mutt used to like to go exploring for a while at harvest time. Once he was gone for over a week and came back bright-eyed and well-fed. No idea where he was.”

We took the footbridge across the creek to the sculpture gardens and walked towards Sleepy Palms Boulevard. It didn’t seem like the threat of death was keeping anyone from enjoying the festival, but it was still broad daylight.

“Looks like they’re all set for the hayride.” Eli pointed to the big wagon and several bales of hay next to the band shell.

The brass and woodwind band from the retirement village was playing some pretty good Glenn Miller swing music to a small crowd, but we went around the noise and the hubbub and sat on a hay bale behind the shell.

Eli looked at the wagon and got a faraway, look in his eye, and a small smile grew on his lips.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

He turned and looked at me. “It was eleven years ago this week.”

I waited, but there didn’t seem to be anymore. “Good story, Eli.”

Then he looked at me. “My dad was the captain for the volunteer fire department, so he made me be the proctor for the hayride, since they sponsor it. I had CPR training and was big enough and mature enough to keep the order too, I guess. I didn’t really want to do it, but I was sitting on my perch at the back of the hay wagon waiting for the next load of people. Then this beautiful blonde girl that I’d had my eye on since my senior year in high school climbed on and sat right next to me. I’d watched her grow up from a little spitfire of a girl into a wonderful young lady.”

Jerk. Why are you telling me this…oh, wait.
That was me!

“Ohhh…so you were already interested in her then?”

“Well, she was way out of my league, and I didn’t know how to talk to a girl then, so I thought I had totally blown my chance when I just sat there without saying anything. But then, on our way past the cemetery we hit a bump, which kind of pressed her up against me really close, and she grabbed onto my hand, probably because it was a scary moment. And then, with her hand in mine, she turned and looked at me with her big blue eyes and gave me a smile that just stole my soul forever…”

Goosebumps crept up my arms.

“…and then, after everybody else got off, she threw her arms around me and gave me a kiss on the lips. I was paralyzed by the charms of that young woman, and she ran off before I had a chance to snap out of it.”

I shook my head in bemusement. “I don’t think that’s exactly how it happened. I’m pretty sure you put your arm around her after that bump, which is probably why she smiled at you. Well…and because she probably had a crush on you for a couple years by then. And then you leaned over, and the kiss kind of happened spontaneously, but you started it. And then you didn’t call her or pay any attention to her for quite a few years.”

“Hey! I went off to the police academy the next week. Besides I figured she probably had better prospects. But I did think about her every day.”

“Sure, you did.” I was skeptical.

Eli pulled out his wallet, which was very old, falling apart, and looked like it hadn’t been cleaned out since the Reagan administration. He pulled out a wad of papers and pictures beneath the plastic window that had an old picture of him in his police uniform, with his dad and Miss Pickles beside him. He rifled through the stack, and near the bottom there was an old newspaper clipping.

“What’s this?”

“Take a look.”

He handed me the old folded piece of newspaper, which I opened up to see the winners of the pumpkin bake-off in the band shell that year, which is where I went right after that hayride with Eli.

I read out loud, “…and third place went to young Lily Parker for her pumpkin pie muffins with pumpkin cream cheese frosting.” It was my mom’s recipe, and she really helped me every step of the way to make sure they were perfect. I’ve hardly baked at all since she passed away seven years ago.

He had folded Gertie and Essie, the top two winners, underneath and had my picture in his wallet all these years.

“Of course, it was on top for a couple of years. It helped get me through the academy.”

I was afraid I’d choke up if I tried to speak, so I just put my head on my guy’s shoulder and thought about how we should have had three kids by now if we had just let our hearts lead the way.

We had a wonderful, relaxing afternoon looking at the arts and crafts and the prize-winning harvests. Huge pumpkins and other gourds were on display, some with blue or red ribbons, and fresh-squeezed orange juice was available for free at many of the booths, compliments of the Florida Orange Association and area groves.

We tasted tons of homemade treats, watched a few dance troupes, and even saw some comedic sword fighters spouting Shakespearian insults at each other, who had probably come from a nearby Renaissance Fair. And nobody had been torn to pieces by a chupacabra, eaten by a green monster, or run through by the sword of a headless horseman.

Eli looked at his watch. “4 o’clock. We should probably be getting back pretty soon. Who did Jules decide to take to the Harvest Dinner?”

“Not sure. I know she was going to see if Carmen wanted to come with us, but Albert had already bought tickets for their whole family. Let’s go and check in now. I need to make sure the shop is covered, and I still need to run home and change too.”