Pure Lust Vol. 4 (22 page)

Stunned, I turned to say…something.

I didn’t know what and I forgot to care too when I found myself struggling to stay on my feet as I saw what he’d been looking at.

Me.

The far wall was dominated by a floor to ceiling mural of the picture he’d done months ago. The first ones he’d ever taken of me. The ones that had haunted me from the moment I’d walked out the door.

I’d never seen them and now I couldn’t look away at the one in front of me. My back was arched, my face challenging. Red paint dripped down my breasts. Red paint in the shape of Flynn’s hands. The look in my eyes was both playful and fierce and I was smiling in a way I’d never seen.

I barely even recognized myself.

Shaken, I turned to look at Flynn.

But he was already gone.

Slowly, I moved across the floor, still staring at the larger than life image of myself.

The woman up there looked bold and fearless. She looked like she’d conquer life and if she couldn’t, then she’d go down fighting. She looked like a woman who’d chase her dreams to the end of the earth.

She looked like the woman I’d forgotten I was.

You’re one of the strongest people I know
.

My throat closed up and I turned away, staring out the door. I waited for all of three seconds before I went after him.

I found him in the main part of the studio, but he wasn’t doing anything. He was just standing in front of the window, arms crossed over his chest, staring outside.

“The…” I stopped and swallowed. “The mural…”

“Don’t worry. Nobody’s seen it but me. I’ll take it down when I leave.” His voice was flat, emotionless. There was nothing left of what I’d heard before. “I was never going to show the pictures to Edward,” he added after a moment. “Those are mine. Just mine.” He slid his gaze back to me and it was hard. “You’re wasting your time if you ask me to destroy them.”

I didn’t know what to say, not to this version of Flynn.

“You should go,” he said. “I’ll call you up a car.”

“No need.” My voice was tight. “Paul’s here.”

“Of course.” He nodded.

I didn’t understand what was happening, what had happened. For a moment, I’d thought I’d seen him, the real him. And then I’d seen me, the real me, and it had seemed so natural that the two had happened together. Like we brought out something in each other that no one else did.

But now it was gone and I didn’t know what to say to him.

I was lost again, and before that realization could drive me to tears, I grabbed my purse and hurried towards the door. “Good luck in California,” I mumbled as I went.

“Thanks. Be happy with Edward.”

His words brought me to a standstill. “I can’t,” I said. My voice was low, but sure.

Flynn said nothing for the longest time. “Can’t what?”

My hands shook as I spun around, everything I’d been feeling exploding inside me.

“I can’t be happy with him! He doesn’t love me.” I put my hand on my chest and felt my heart racing against my palm. “He doesn’t love
me
, Flynn.
Edward loves the idea of me, but of a me who’ll stay home where she’s safe. A me who lets your mother treat her like shit just to keep the peace. A woman who sucks everything in when she’s upset and just smiles. I don’t know who she is, but that woman isn’t me and I can’t be happy with him because he doesn’t love
me
.”

Flynn’s eyes were burning and dark when I stopped to suck in a breath. Stopped to consider what I was going to say next. “And…”

“And what?” he rasped, taking a step toward me.

I forced myself to meet his eyes. “And I don’t love him. Not the way I should. Not the way I need to if...”

A muscle pulsed in his jaw. “Tennessee?”

This time, we both moved. I didn’t know who reached for the other first. I didn’t know who kissed the other first. I just knew that being in his arms again, holding him, hugging him, loving him—that was right.

He pressed me up against the wall, his mouth moving along my collarbone, down my torso between my breasts, fingers flicking at buttons and tugging clothing out of the way, baring skin for his mouth and hands. With lips and teeth and tongue, he worshipped my body. When he pushed my skirt up around my waist, baring me to his hungry eyes, I shivered. A moan escaped my lips as he kissed just above my pussy.

I shifted my stance, needing him to have better access, needing him to touch me. The insole of my foot came down on something hard and I gasped.

It was the ring, the stone on it jabbing into my instep. Flynn’s eyes immediately dropped to see what was wrong and as soon as we saw it, we both froze. I was suddenly very aware of how exposed I was. I pushed down my skirt as Flynn stood. My fingers shook as I buttoned up my shirt.

“I…”

Flynn’s gaze came to mine, searching. Reaching down, I picked up the ring.

“I need to talk to him before we…do this,” I said quietly.

Flynn’s lashes swept down to shield his eyes and he looked away. His voice was guarded. “Exactly what are we doing here, Gabriella?”

My heart clenched a little at how distant he sounded at the use of my name. Biting my lip, I struggled to find the words. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how I felt, not anymore. I knew it beyond the shadow of a doubt. But I was scared. Terrified, actually. Terrified that once I said it, I couldn’t take it back and then he would know.

And he could hurt me.

You’re one of the strongest people I know…

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t strong, not really, but I’d learned early on that if I wanted something, I had to reach for it, fight for it. I’d lost that somewhere along the way. Lost the will to put what I wanted above my fear.

Not anymore.

Honesty was the best place to start. “I don’t know what we’re doing here, Flynn. I don’t know what’s happening or where this is going to go. But I do know that I feel more alive, more like me when I’m with you. Even when you piss me off, I feel alive.”

He’d turned back to me as soon as I started to talk, but a careful distance remained between us and I didn’t like it. Inching a little closer, I held up the ring Edward had given me, studying it like I’d never seen it before. “This felt like a promise when he first gave it to me, but it’s not. It’s an obligation. I’m expected to be the proper wife and act a certain way, be a certain way. Be a certain somebody for him. I don’t even feel like me half the time. But when I’m with you…”

He was the one to move closer now.

“I feel like me.”

“What are you saying?”

I heard the cautious hope in his voice and I took a deep breath. “I want to be with you. I like who I am with you. You don’t expect me to change or make me feel like I shouldn’t be me, you...”

He kissed me again, muffling the rest of my words against his lips. It was fierce, full of desire, but when I swayed closer, he backed away.

He nodded at my hand before I could ask. “Do you want me to come?”

“No,” I said with a sigh. “I think I need to handle this myself.” Grimacing, I glanced down at the ring before meeting Flynn’s eyes again. “I need to tell him…everything. Stay handy, though.” I gave him a half-smile. “I might need a ride if he kicks me out the door the moment I try to explain.”

“He won’t.” Flynn shook his head. His eyes were solemn. “Call me when it’s done. I’ll be there. For…whatever you need. Just, please, let me know.”

Throat tight, I nodded. Then I turned away. The longer I waited, the harder this was going to be.

***

Paul was quiet as we drove back to Edward’s house.

Edward’s.

It had never felt like mine and now I understood why. Gazing up at the elegant manor of stone and glass, I let myself acknowledge the truth. I’d been looking for a prince, a fairy tale, a castle, but that hadn’t been what I wanted. Not really. A princess might be happy to be tucked away safe where her prince could coddle and protect her, but that didn’t suit me. That wasn’t me. That life didn’t fit me. I’d been trying to force my round life into the square peg that was Edward’s world. It just didn’t work.

“I’ll be close by, Miss Gabriella,” Paul said as he stepped aside to let me climb out of the car. “Call me when you need me.”

When. Not if.

I hadn’t said anything to him. I didn’t know if he’d seen my bare ring finger or if he was just that good. Trying to lighten my mood, I said teasingly, “You’ve got to tell me how you picked up the mind-reading trick, Paul.”

He simply smiled and nodded at me.

The doors of the house had never seemed so imposing and I found myself fighting the urge to knock. The next time I came back here, if I ever did, I would be a guest for real, no matter what happened between Flynn and me.
Please don’t let him hate me
.

The low murmur of voices drew me towards the sitting room and, as I stepped into the entryway, I froze. I must have made some noise because they sprang apart as if burned. Kendra’s face flushed a deep red. As I stood there, she started to wring her hands, her expression a mixture of embarrassment, guilt and horror.

“Gabriella,” Edward said, his voice level.

“Edward.” I looked over at Kendra, but she didn’t look at me.

“Gabs!” My name came out in a bright and happy chirp, so totally at odds with the expression on her face. “How are you?”

“Um…well. Fine, I guess.” I glanced over at Edward. “I kind of—”

“We need to talk to you,” she blurted out.

“Kendra, please.” Edward moved to her, the gesture so natural, so automatic, that I wondered how I hadn’t seen it before.

Or—I remembered the way she’d leaned into him at the hospital—maybe I had seen it. I just hadn’t realized what it had meant.

He rested his hands on her shoulders and she took a deep breath, some of the strain leaving her face. “Maybe you should…?” A hesitant smile curled her lips.

He nodded at her and then looked at me. “We have something we need to tell you.”

Shifting my gaze back and forth between them, I saw the weight of something hovering there. “Okay.”

Kendra insisted on pouring wine.

I didn’t want any, but it seemed to make her feel better to be doing something so I accepted the glass and sipped from it as she took a glass over to Edward and sat down beside him. The way they sat together, the way they looked together confirmed what my instincts had been whispering for the past few minutes.

“Kendra and I…” He paused and looked over at her, his face softening in a smile. A smile I hadn’t seen directed at me, not like that. “We’ve fallen in love, Gabriella.”

“I’m so sorry, Gabs,” Kendra said, the words hushed. She stared at me, tensed. She looked like she was waiting for me to explode.

I almost did, but not in anger. I wanted to laugh at the sheer insanity of it all, but I had a feeling they’d think I lost it. Rubbing at my eyes, I struggled with the giddiness until it was under control and I knew I wouldn’t start braying with laughter the second I opened my mouth.

When I looked back at them, they were both watching me with worry. I bit my lip and then uncurled my left hand. I’d been clutching the ring ever since I’d picked it up.

“I came over here to talk to you, Edward.” I smiled. “Because I’m in love with Flynn.”

His eyes widened slightly. Kendra looked stunned. Neither of them said anything.

“And he loves me.”

Kendra looked at Edward, as if concerned about how he’d react. For a moment longer, he simply stared at me.

“You look—” He stopped abruptly and shook his head, chuckling softly. “You look happy, Gabriella.”

“I am.”

When I finally started laughing, Edward and Kendra joined in as well.

Chapter 25

“You make a beautiful bride.”

I stared at Kendra as I fixed the orchid to her hair. She’d decided against a veil, skillfully maneuvering around Claire’s protests with a talent that told me things had definitely worked out the way they were supposed to.

It was October and the wedding was taking place as planned, just with one small change. A different bride. Kendra was glowing and she’d sailed through the remainder of the wedding plans with such delighted happiness, I wondered how I hadn’t seen what was going on between her and Edward sooner. Then again, they hadn’t admitted it to themselves at first either.

After about a week or so, I’d finally gotten Kendra to tell me the whole story. She’d still been a bit stiff with me until I’d managed to convince her. Once she’d told it, things had gone back to normal between us. The story itself sounded a lot like what had happened between me and Flynn.

Okay, so not really. Theirs was definitely a PG version compared to my much more NC-17 series of events.

I’d already known that Kendra and Edward had started to talk before the accident, but while I’d been in the coma, they’d gotten very close and the affection between them had shifted into something much stronger. They’d found themselves leaning on each other more and more. Found themselves wanting to spend time together outside of the hospital. They’d just tried to ignore it...until they couldn’t anymore.

The door opened behind us. “Are you almost…oh.”

The very clear disappointment and irritation in Claire’s voice should have bothered me, but I just turned to her with a brilliant smile. It was much easier to do now that I didn’t have to constantly worry about how my relationship with Claire was going to affect the man I loved. Flynn didn’t give a damn how I talked to his mother. “Hello, Claire,” I said brightly. “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”

“We’re on a schedule, Gabriella.” She sniffed at me. “Why don’t you go down and be with the son you’ve stolen from me?”

If I’d thought for a moment that Edward and I breaking up would make Claire like me, she’d quickly dispelled that idea. When the four of us had gone together to tell Claire and Albert about the wedding—Edward and Kendra had insisted on it—Flynn had given her a very clear ultimatum. She could treat me with courtesy or he’d stop talking to her. She hadn’t believed him...until he’d followed through. He hadn’t said a word to her in five weeks, not since she’d commented on how much money she’d wasted on trying to plan a wedding I’d ruined and how I’d made her a laughingstock.