Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (30 page)

“
Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.  I couldn’t speak.  I was so frightened that I was unable to make out anything.

“
Y-y-you,” I said, shaking.

“
What about me?  Claire, what’s wrong?  You look as if you’ve seen a ghost,” he looked so worried.  He tried to hug me, but I was afraid to let him touch me.  Why was he in my nightmare?  I was so confused.  I knew Alex wasn’t the one who had attacked me.  Was my mind playing tricks on me?  I was probably losing my mind from lack of nutrition.  So many crazy ideas ran through my head that I began to think I was really losing my mind.  It took a while to gather my thoughts and calm down and realize it was just a dream.  It was not real.  Alex was not going to hurt me.

“
It was the same nightmare, Alex.  But this time, the face of the person chasing me was visible.  It was you,” I said, still shaking like a leaf.

“
Claire, you know I would never hurt you,” he said holding my hand.  “Maybe the dream just meant that I was trying to protect you from the person in the van.  When you approach the van, the person grabbing you is probably trying to keep you safe,” he noted.  He was right.  Alex had been by my side since day one.  He never tried to get too intimate with me until I had been ready.  He was my knight in shining armor and my dream was proof.

“
You’re right, Alex.  I had never thought about it that way.  You’re my hero,” I smiled.  I didn’t fall asleep for a long time after that dream.  I was afraid I would have another one.  It was almost morning when I gave in to sleep in Alex’s warm embrace.

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Sunday morning was very overcast.  Dense fog covered the beautiful ocean.  The weather forecast predicted rain for that evening.  My body ached as I tried to get out of bed and shower.  Alex pulled me back into bed, “Just ten more minutes, baby.  They’re not coming until one and everything is all ready to cook,” he said.  I wasn’t able to fall asleep, so I decided to turn the tables and watch Alex sleep.  He noticed my stare and opened one eye, “Are you watching me sleep?” he asked.

I laughed, “Yes.  I thought I would give you a taste of your own medicine,” I replied.  I stayed in bed a little longer and decided I really needed to get u
p and shower, so I could look decent when Melissa and Paul came over.  I had already showered and dried my hair when Alex finally got out of bed.  He went into the shower while I applied some makeup and flat ironed my hair.  Suddenly, I felt my feet warming up.  The floor tile became very warm.

“
Alex, my feet are getting hot, why is the floor so hot?” I asked.

“
I turned on the tile heater because I thought your feet would be cold, since it’s a chilly day,” he replied from the shower.

“
Oh, that’s interesting.  I kind of like it.  I can walk around barefoot in here and still be warm.  Is there anything in this house that has not been customized for you?” I joked.

“
Nope. I can change whatever you don’t like and add whatever your heart desires,” he replied as he opened the shower door and wrapped a towel around his waist.  There was steam coming off of his perfectly shaped body.

It was almost noon when Alex put the ribs on the grill.  I offered to at least make the salad and Alex agreed to allow me to help.  Since it was chilly outside, Alex thought we should eat inside the house and not outside on the patio.  I ate a banana as we were preparing the food
, since we had gotten out of bed so late we had skipped breakfast.  Alex chose to save his appetite for the barbeque, but I needed energy.

“
I left the gate to the house open, so they don’t have to ring the buzzer, they can just drive up to the driveway,” Alex notified me.  Shortly after one o’clock the doorbell rang and I ran to answer the door, since Alex was still working on the grill.

“
Hi Claire, it’s so good to see you again,” Melissa looked even more beautiful than the first time I had met her.

“
Hi Melissa, hi Paul.  It’s great to see you guys again,” I hugged them and walked them to the backyard patio area where Alex was.  Melissa had brought a bottle of wine, which I took from her hands and put it on the kitchen counter.  I had set the table in the dining room inside, since it was going to be too cold to eat outdoors.  Alex had finally finished cooking the ribs and the corn and we were ready to sit down to eat.  The doorbell rang again.  We weren’t expecting anybody else that I knew about.  Alex, Paul, and Melissa were outside on the patio, so I headed to the door.

I opened the door to see a beautiful woman, as tall as me, with long brown hair and green eyes.  Her cheekbones were very high, her lips very full, her breasts very large for her small body.  She resembled a Barbie doll
with what looked like some help from a cosmetic surgeon.  She must be a patient of Alex, I thought.

“
Hi, can I help you?” I asked.

“
Sure.  You can begin by telling me who you are.” she said.

“
I’m Claire, Alex’s girlfriend.  And you are?” I asked.

“
I’m Angela, Alex’s wife,” she replied, her eyes piercing into mine.

My heart dropped to the floor, all the blood felt as it
if were drained from my body.

His wife
?

Chapter 11

I began to feel nauseous and my entire body felt numb from what that woman had just said, and who she had claimed to be.

“
Is someone at the door, Claire?” Alex asked as he walked inside the house and towards the front door.  I stepped away from the door, letting Angela in so that Alex could see who the unexpected guest was.  He looked as if he had seen a ghost.  I was frozen at first, unable to speak, unable to make out what I wanted to say, unable to make out what I wanted to ask.

“
Angela,” Alex said as he walked toward her, “what are you doing here?” he asked uncomfortably.

“
What am
I
doing here?  Well for one, this is my house as much as it is yours.  You know, Alex, I’m a little disappointed in you.  You send me away for treatment, so I can return to you a healthy wife and you do
this?
” she said pointing her finger at me.  Was she ill?  What treatment was she referring to? Alex had a sick wife he kept hidden from me, using me in the meantime?  The thoughts in my brain were pulling me down into a deep spiral.  I wondered if she had cancer or some rare disease.  She looked healthy to me and I hoped she had overcome whatever it was that she had.

Angela looked me over from top to bottom with her big eyes, scrutinizing every inch of my being. 
I heard Melissa and Paul come inside the house and walk toward us to see what all the commotion was.  Melissa gasped when she saw Angela.

“
Hi Angie,” she said in a cold tone.

“
Hello Melissa,” Angela replied, even colder.

Ale
x put his hand on my shoulder, “Claire, I need to talk to you,” but I pulled away, not allowing him to lay another finger on me.

“
Is it t-true?  Is she your wife?” I asked, in my hardly audible voice.

“
It’s complicated.  I’ve been trying to bring myself to tell you, but-” he stopped when I cut him off.

“
It’s a yes or no question Alex.  Is this woman your wife?  Yes or no?” I demanded an answer, my finger pointed at Angela.

He
hesitated for a moment and I knew the answer that was next.  He hung his head down and looked at the ground, “Yes, she is,” he replied in a whisper.  That was all I needed to know.  I stormed to the bedroom to gather my things and throw everything in my duffle bag. Alex ran after me to the room, “Claire, please let me explain.  Remember I promised you I would tell you my story one day, but I wasn’t able to?  I just couldn’t bring the words out of my mouth,” he said with his eyes tearing.

“
Shut up, Alex!  You’ve said and done enough already,” I said, charging out of the bedroom and into the kitchen area where I had seen his truck keys.  I was determined to get out of that house and never return.  I didn’t have my car and I refused to ask him to drive me home.  I grabbed his truck keys and ran outside to the driveway where it was parked.  I threw the door open and climbed up into the driver seat and threw my duffle bag on the passenger seat.

“
Claire, don’t go.  Where are you going?” he asked, running after me, holding the truck door open.  “Please, let me explain,” he begged, grabbing my arm.  I pulled my arm away, freeing myself from him.

“
Don’t worry, I’m not stealing your truck.  You can pick it up from my place later.  The key will be on the tire.  Don’t bother knocking or calling.  Goodbye, Alex.  Have a nice life,” I said as I drove off so fast, the tires screeched.  When I looked in the rearview mirror, I could see Alex down on his knees, his head in his hands.  I was still in shock about what had just happened.  I prayed that it was just another nightmare and I would soon awaken from it and Alex would hold me in his warm embrace and assure me that everything was going to be fine.  Wishful thinking
,
I thought.

It began to rain on the drive home.  Between my tears and the rain pouring down, it was difficult to see where I was going.  The windshield wipers were not fast enough for
the heavy downpour.  I finally made it home safe and parked the truck outside, leaving the key on the tire as I had told him I would. As I walked inside, I noticed the vase with the last dozen of roses he had gotten for me had wilted.  I threw them out, washed the vase and put it back on the dining table, empty.  I began pacing back and forth.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I didn’t want to sit, didn’t want to stand, and had difficulty breathing from the pain in my chest.  Something like this could only happen to me, I thought.  The man who I thought was the most perfect man had turned out to be the devil.

The rain came down even harder.  It was unusual to have so much rain in California in just one day.  I sat on the floor of my living room, next to the sofa, rolled up into a ball and just cried and cried.  I felt more alone at that moment than I had ever felt in my entire life.  I felt nauseous, weak,
listless, and my eyes were burning from all the tears.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around what Alex had done to me and kept blaming myself for not catching on.  Why hadn’t I seen it coming?

I heard a car outside followed by a knock on the front door.  I went to open it and found Alex standing there, his eyes red, his hair a mess.  I noticed Melissa and Paul
drive off.

“
I told you the truck key is on the tire.  Wait here while I get your belongings,” I commanded, as I closed the door, locking the dead bolt on top.  I went up and gathered all of his belongings that were in my room, including a pair of scrubs, his toothbrush, aftershave, and anything else I could get my hands on that belonged to him.  I put everything in a large bag and took it downstairs, opened the door to find him sitting on the step in front of the door.  He got up immediately after I opened the door and I handed him the bag of belongings.

“
Claire, please let me talk to you.  I promise to tell you everything.  Just give me a chance to explain, please, I’m begging you,” he pleaded.

“
You’ve had your chance to explain for the past three months.  I believe that’s enough time, don’t you?” I asked sternly.

“
Claire, please.  I know you can find it in your heart to forgive me and just listen to what I have to say,” he pleaded.

“
I don’t have a heart anymore, Alex.  I gave it to you and you burned it. Go back home to your wife.  She needs you more than I do,” I commanded.

“
Claire, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, then I will go back to Angela,” he said.  Was he testing me?  That woman needed him more than I did.  She was his wife.  She was sick with some condition I didn’t know about.  There was no way in the world I was going to get in the way of a man and his ill wife.

I looked
directly into his eyes and said, “You promised me the world, yet you gave me hell instead.  I don’t love you, Alex.  I do
not
love you,” I lied. “Go back home to Angela,” I added and closed the door, locked it and fell to the floor, sobbing.  I listened for his truck, but did not hear anything.  I hoped he wasn’t still out there hanging around.  I peeked through the window and saw him sitting in the truck, his cell phone in his hand.  It looked like he was dialing a number or typing a message.  Moments later I received a text message.  It was from him.

I never meant to hurt you and never lied to you.  I should have opened up to you about everything without leaving you in the dark, so we wouldn’t be in this situation today.  But I got selfish and did not want to face anything unpleasant.  I fell so deeply in love with you that I feared losing you if I had mentioned Angela.  You may not love me anymore, Claire, but you should know that I still love you, and always will.  As I’ve told you before, you deserve much better than me.  I miss you already.