Putting Boys on the Ledge (12 page)

My mom sighed and wiped her hand on her apron. "Oh, Blue, that's not what I meant. Of course I think you're wonderful and interesting. I just want to make sure you're making the right decisions. I'm glad this boy sees you for who you are. Is he a vegetarian?"

"A vegetarian?" Was she kidding? "I didn't ask him. That's not exactly first-date material."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no need to scare him off by letting him know how strange my family is. And I'm not a vegetarian, so it doesn't matter."

Mom raised an eyebrow, but she let the remark about my strange family slide. "Fine. You can go out with him. But not on Friday night, and not unless I meet him first."

"Mom!"

"What?" She imitated my wail perfectly, and it made me as mad as it always did.

"That's so uncool to have to meet you first."

"I don't care. And Friday night you're going to the game."

I folded my arms across my chest. "What if I say no?"

Mom gave me that mom look. "I don't think you really want me to answer that question, do you?"

Fine. She was right. "If you've ruined my social life and scarred me for life, I hope you're happy."

"There are six other nights in the week. If this boy is interested in you, it shouldn't be too hard to find another one."

Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one who'd already messed things up once with Heath.

Twice?

He'd never come back again.

My life was ruined.

* * *

Friday night eight o'clock, my mood was even worse. I glared at the football players, wishing the earth would swallow them up and crush them all beneath mounds of gravel.

"On the positive side, it's good Heath didn't call. That way you didn't have to tell him you couldn't go," Frances said.

I couldn't believe he didn't call. "He probably called right after we left the house tonight."

"If he waited until that late to call, then he doesn't deserve to have you home," Allie said.

"I can't believe my mom made me leave my cell phone at home."

"She does have a point," Natalie said. "The only people you're allowed to call are your family, and everyone is here."

"That's not why she made me leave it at home." I couldn't believe what a bad mood I was in. "You told her you were guarding the phone in case Heath called. So she knew I'd given the number to him."

Natalie poked me. "Don't get mad at me, Blue. I'm not the reason Heath didn't call, and it's not my fault you couldn't go out with him tonight."

"It's your fault I couldn't bring my phone tonight. Heath probably left me six messages trying to find me. And now he'll think I don't like him." I folded my arms across my chest and tried to shoot poison daggers out of my eyes at the world.

"It's not my fault," Natalie repeated. "And you're not being fair!"

"I'm glad you don't have your phone," Allie said. "If he actually bothered to call tonight, then the only acceptable response is to not be home and to not answer your phone. If you'd brought it, I would have confiscated it anyway!"

I couldn't deal with this discussion. "I'm going for popcorn. I'll be back." I didn't even offer to get anyone anything.

Was I in a foul mood or what? Why hadn't Heath called? He'd totally said he'd call. I sat home every night this week, threatening everyone in my family to stay off the phone, and to no avail. He simply didn't call. Why not? I didn't understand it. Everything had seemed perfect at rehearsal. Was it because I hadn't let him kiss me? Had I blown it? It didn't matter now, did it? I'd bolted and I was stuck with it now.

The only solution to make myself feel better?

Eat.

I skipped the popcorn stand and headed straight for the soft-serve ice cream. Double chocolate was all that would satisfy. With any luck it would all go straight to my boobs and I'd wake up tomorrow with a woman's figure.

Yeah, right.

I got in line behind a couple that was being way too lovey for my taste. Even my blackest scowl didn't deter them, so I folded my arms across my chest and stared out at the crowd so I wouldn't have to look at them and think about how I was supposed to be out with the man of my dreams tonight.

And that was when I saw him. Heath, walking toward me—with his arm around a girl.

My stomach turned to lead, my toes curled, and a lump settled in my throat. He was on a date with another girl. That was why he hadn't called. Because he was on a date with someone else. Betrayal and anger swelled inside me. Unbelievable. How stupid could I be?

As I bit my lower lip to keep from crying, I could almost feel the wind blowing through my hair as I peered out over the edge of The Ledge at all the headlights below. Oh, I was out there now, and it sucked. It was a little late to realize that Allie had been right when she'd warned me not to go out there. Would I notice when I lost my spleen? Was it a necessary organ? Would the tread marks be permanent, or would they fade with a good scrubbing?

The Ledge was no place for a girl. With all the coaching I'd gotten on the subject, how in the world had I let myself end up out there, hanging by my fingernails?

"Blue?"

I jerked around, hoping it was Heath abandoning his date as soon as he noticed me. But it was Colin.

Colin!

Oh, my gosh. How totally embarrassing. I hadn't seen him since the kiss. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to act? I'd totally avoided the barn all week, and I'd thought I was safe.

"Blue! How are you?" He caught up to me and settled in beside me, as if he were going to wait in line with me.

It was a very long line.

"Um...hi." I shifted and tried not to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you staring at my sneakers?"

"I'm not."

"Then you're staring at all the bubble gum stuck to the cement floor? I'm so flattered that's more interesting than looking at me."

Jerk. Why did he have to be so demanding? I dragged my eyes off the ground and sort of looked at his face. He smiled, and his eyes sort of crinkled up in this really nice way. I couldn't help but smile back, and suddenly all the awkwardness was gone. It would be fine. "Hi, Colin. It's good to see you."

And it was. A boy who wouldn't put me on The Ledge. He looked totally cute in his work boots and his gray hoodie. There were grass cuttings stuck to his shoe, and he smelled like fresh flowers and pine trees, as if he'd been working outside. He looked wonderful, not scary, and I realized I was so happy to see him.

He touched my arm. "You okay? You were looking kinda sad."

Oh, great. If Colin noticed I'd been on The Ledge, then Heath definitely would have too. "I stubbed my toe and it hurt. A lot."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Did you really?"

"Yes." I could tell he didn't believe me, and for a moment that felt good. With Colin, I didn't have to pretend I was someone I wasn't, partially because he could tell when I was lying, and partially because I wasn't trying to impress him. After all, he'd taught me how to kiss. How much more personal can you get?

"So, how's Heath? Was he impressed with your...talents?"

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Um... I... Um...haven't..."

"You haven't kissed him yet?" Colin was looking pretty intently at me.

"No," I admitted.

"Why not?"

"I haven't had the opportunity."

"Uh-huh. So it's not that you shut him down again?"

Why did Colin care? "I don't plan to say no."

Colin nodded slightly, but he looked a little annoyed. "Well, you'd better plan to say no at some point with him or you'll find yourself in..."

"In what?"

"In a situation you don't want to be in."

"How do you know what situation I want to be in?" I asked.

Colin met my gaze. "Because I know you."

"Oh." He seemed awfully certain, and I didn't really have the energy to challenge him.

"Did you come here with Heath?" Colin asked as the line moved forward a few feet.

Why was Colin obsessing about Heath? "No. I came with my friends and my family."
Oh, smooth, Blue.
Doesn't that make me sound like a suave and sophisticated diva? Not. It made me sound like a loser who spent Friday nights with her family.

Once again, it was a good thing I wasn't trying to impress Colin. He somehow managed to see the real me all the time. I was definitely going to have to work on that. It was no way to attract boys. Then again, he'd been out at the mall with his sister on a Thursday night, so maybe he would understand about having to spend time with family. So, maybe, it was okay to admit it to him.

"Well, I think you're about to have your chance to wow Heath with your talents," Colin said, "because he's on his way over here."

"He is?" I almost whirled around to find Heath, then stopped myself. What was I doing? He'd put me on The Ledge. He didn't deserve my attention. Colin was the one who'd come up to me and was being nice to me. So I turned my back toward Heath and faced Colin. "So what? I'm talking to you."

Colin lifted his eyebrow, then narrowed his eyes. "What game are you playing, Blue?"

"I'm not playing a game. I just...well...we were supposed to have a date tonight and he never called, so I'm mad at him. I don't want him to think I..." Think what? That I was madly in love with him and would do anything for him?

"Ah." Colin looked over my shoulder, then looked back at me. "Want some help making him feel bad for missing out on a date with you?"

Help making Heath feel bad? "Sure."

Colin nodded, then slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me up against his side. "Pretend you like me."

"I do like you." I fit just perfectly under his arm.

Something flitted across his face. "Pretend you like me the way you like Heath."

"Oh..."

"Put your arm around me," he muttered.

"Right." Was I an idiot or what? Colin was probably rolling his eyes at having to put up with me. I didn't even know how to act like a girlfriend! I tentatively sneaked my arm around him, and I could feel him suck in his breath as my hand settled on his waist. How intimate was this? It was actually sort of cool. I felt safe. Like I belonged to someone. Like if anyone tried to come after me, Colin would protect me. "Like this?"

"Yeah." His voice sounded a little strangled. "Smile at me."

I looked up at him and found him watching me. His eyes had this weird soft glow, like he was looking at a puppy or something that made him feel all good inside. I smiled. "Thanks, Colin."

He grinned, and for the first time I noticed that he had a little dimple in his right cheek. "I'm having fun."

"Me too." It was then that I realized Colin had some shadow on his cheeks too. "You shave?"

He looked surprised. "Of course."

"Can I touch?" I immediately wished I could be sucked into the ground. What a completely stupid comment. "I mean...I always wondered if it felt rough."

Colin shrugged. "Go ahead."

"Really?"

"Just do it."

"Never mind." This was too embarrassing. I mean, it was one thing to admit to a guy that you'd never kissed anyone before, but it was something else to be letting all your secrets out.

Colin rolled his eyes, then grabbed my hand and pressed my fingers against his jaw.

It was rough, almost prickly. "Huh." He let go of my wrist, and I rubbed my fingertips over his skin. "It's rough in one direction and smooth in the other."

"Uh-huh." He had that weird strangled sound in his voice again.

"It's cool." I dropped my hand. No longer was I a bumbling freshman. I was becoming more of a woman by the minute. "Thanks."

Colin looked down at me and his eyes met mine. "You're welcome."

I smiled. "For a boy, you're a pretty nice guy."

"What's your real name?"

I caught my breath. I never told anyone my real name. It was too embarrassing. But...this was Colin. He'd taught me how to kiss and knew I was out with my family on a Friday night. It was actually sort of nice that there was someone out there besides my friends whom I could be myself with. "Blueberry."

He grinned. "Really?"

"Horrible, isn't it?"

Colin shook his head. "I think it's perfect." His voice was soft, almost tender, and he touched my cheek with his hand.

I caught my breath. He had that expression on his face, the one Heath had had right before he'd tried to kiss me. My stomach did a little jiggle and I went still. Was Colin going to kiss me? In public? For a moment I really, really hoped so. Kissing him was magical... I lifted my face and—

"Blue!" Heath's voice slammed into our moment. "Blue, is that you?"

Colin's face darkened, and he looked up over my shoulder. "Hi, Heath."

"Bradshaw," Heath said. "You here with Blue?"