Putting Boys on the Ledge (9 page)

Relax, Blue.

I took a deep breath and caught a whiff of his aftershave. Oh, wow. He smelled just as good as he had onstage that night. I sighed and burrowed my face against his chest. He was so warm, so strong, so solid.

This was perfect.

"Glad you came tonight," he said, his breath hot against my neck.

"Me, too." Now, Allie would probably tell me to play it cool, but why would I do that? I liked him; he obviously liked me. Why play games? That seemed sort of silly.

Then he kissed my neck.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

It was like hot chocolate flowed through my body, warming my insides, turning them into gel. The one-second kiss with Billy Smith behind the swing set when we were both twelve didn't feel anything like this, and Heath hadn't even kissed me yet.

Yet.

Was he going to?

He kissed my neck again, then trailed his lips along my skin to my earlobe, where he nibbled for a moment.

Thank heaven he was holding me so tightly, because my legs were never going to support me.

Then he loosened his grip on me and leaned back. "Blue."

I lifted my face to his. "What?"

He got this sort of dopey look on his face, and his eyes went half-mast, and then he started coming toward me.

And I knew: he was going to kiss me. I mean, really kiss me, open mouth, tongue, the whole nine yards.

He was coming closer.

And closer.

How did one kiss properly? I had no clue—and he was about to find that out. He'd think I was such a baby, not even knowing how to kiss. No way could I handle his ridicule or his disdain.

His lips were only an inch from mine and his eyes were closed.

Argh!

Total panic!

"I gotta go. I'll see you at rehearsal this week." I wrenched myself out of his arms and ran across the dance floor. Okay, I didn't exactly run. I walked fast, but somehow managed to keep enough dignity not to sprint. I grabbed Allie's wrist on the way by, untangling her from her pretzel twisting, and picked up Natalie and Frances, who were standing with their mouths hanging open.

As we disappeared around the corner, I paused long enough to look back at Heath. He was standing where I'd left him, staring at me. He was too far away to see his face, but I had no doubt it was riddled with disgust that he'd wasted a moment on me.

This was the worst night of my life.

* * *

No one said a word until Natalie and I had changed back into our mom-approved clothes and I'd called my mom to come pick us up. Even the first use of my new cell phone didn't feel very exciting because I was so depressed. We sat on the curb two blocks over from the party under a streetlight in silence.

"I ruined it," I said. It hurt even to bring it up. I hugged my knees to my chest and prayed that no one from the party would walk by and see me sitting. I could only imagine what they'd all been saying about me after I'd bolted.

"Tell us what happened," said Allie, who didn't seem mad I'd pulled her from that guy. But that was Allie. Guys came and went with her so fast she didn't even need to bother to learn their names.

"I freaked." The cement curb was hard and cold against my butt, like I was getting a kick in the pants for being such a dork. I had already changed back into my jeans and sweater, back into the real Blue, the one that had reared her ugly head at the party. The thong and the makeup and the sexy clothes had not kept my dorkiness at bay, which completely sucked.

"We noticed that," Natalie said. "But what happened? It looked like it was going well."

"He was about to kiss me." I could still see his mouth coming toward mine, like this giant shark about to swallow my head right up, teeth and all.

"And…?" Even Frances was interested. Usually she said boys and dating were boring, but she was definitely fascinated by my apparent inability to have a functioning brain when I was with a guy I liked.

I groaned and pressed my face into my knees. "I ran away," I mumbled.

"Before he kissed you?" Natalie asked.

"Of course before."

"Why?" Allie asked. "That's the best part."

"Because I don't know how to kiss like that! He would have known instantly that I was clueless, been disgusted, and walked away!"

"So you put him on The Ledge instead of vice versa." Allie handed me a tube of lip gloss. "Try this. You need to clean up before your mom gets here."

"No, I didn't put him on the Ledge I made a total fool of myself and convinced him not to waste time with me." I flopped back on the sidewalk, not even caring that dirt was grinding into my sweater. What did it matter? I was never showing my face in public again. I draped my arms over my face and tried to pretend I didn't exist.

"I think you're wrong." Allie tapped the lip gloss against her chin, staring thoughtfully across the street at a man walking his German Shepherd.

Something about Allie's tone caught my interest, and I dragged my arm off my face so I could peek at her. "What do you mean? Wrong about what?"

"Well, you were all sexy and hot tonight, and Heath was totally into you, right?"

"If you say so." I rather liked her assessment of the evening, however, and yeah, he'd seemed pretty into me.

"So just when he thought he had you, you ditched him."

I groaned. "Don't remind me."

"No, no!" Allie grabbed my arm before I could bury my face in my arms again. "It's good! Now he's wondering whether you actually like him or not. He's got one foot on The Ledge, and that's going to keep his interest. If you like a guy, you never, ever, ever kiss him on the first date. That's the fastest way to get him not to call you again."

"You kiss boys all the time," Natalie pointed out.

"But I don't like them," she said, as if that made sense. "If I liked them, it would be totally different. I'd never kiss a boy I like, not at first."

I stared at her. "That sounds strange."

"Of course it is," Allie agreed. "Boys are strange. They like a challenge, though, and that's what you gave him."

I pursed my lips. Was Allie right? Had I not totally blown it?

"Blue, you've put your first guy on The Ledge. Heath is standing there in the wind, peering down at Storrow Drive, wondering how much he needs his spleen. His darling Blue, leaving him in the middle of the dance floor. What's a boy to do?"

I giggled. "That's what he's thinking?"

"Yep. And you can bet he'll come find you first thing at your next rehearsal together. Just to check in and make sure you don't hate him." Allie grinned. "Louisa would be proud."

"I'm proud," Natalie said.

"Me, too." Frances nodded her head.

"Congratulations, Blue," Allie said. "You are now a woman."

A woman, huh?

A guy on The Ledge and a thong riding up my bum. Who'd have guessed?

* * *

"So you have rehearsal tomorrow night?" Allie was sitting on the feed bin, swinging her feet, while Natalie and Frances lounged on the pile of horse blankets in the corner. I was sweeping the floor, because Mom had told me that Colin couldn't make it today.

Not a problem, because I didn't have rehearsal tonight. But tomorrow was a different story. "Yep. I guess I'll see him tomorrow, since all my scenes are with him and all." I hadn't seen him since the party. Five whole days to think about that night and try to decide whether Allie was right that Heath would be completely in love with me by the time I saw him, or whether I would be laughed at the minute I walked into the rehearsal hall. "How should I act? Should I apologize for leaving?"

"No!" Allie stomped her foot on the bin for emphasis. "Remember, he's the one who needs to be unsure right now. Play it cool. Let him take the lead. Let him wonder if you're mad at him. Wear the thong. It'll put you in the right frame of mind."

"I think I need more thongs. I can't keep washing that one all the time." I finished sweeping and leaned the broom against the wall. "And what if he tries to kiss me again?"

"You should kiss him," Allie said. "Not a long one. Just a little one, and then cut him off."

Natalie nodded. "Don't push him away too hard. He needs to see that you're worth the chase." When we all gave Natalie a surprised look at her Allie-type advice, she shrugged. "I've been listening to Allie for so long I know what she's going to say."

"Well, okay, that's great advice, but there's one small problem with that." Or rather, one big problem. "I still don't know how to kiss! That was why I didn't kiss him in the first place. Not because I was putting him on The Ledge."

"Who didn't you kiss?" Colin appeared in the doorway, a big, annoying grin on his face.

Oh, God, I wanted to die right then, right there. Why, oh, why, did he keep walking into our conversations like this? This was completely humiliating.

"Heath Cavendish," Allie announced.

"Allie!" Okay, I was wrong.
Now
I was completely humiliated.

"Really?" Colin leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest, as if he was going to stay and join the conversation. "I can't imagine many girls refuse to kiss Heath. How'd he take it?"

"I don't know," I muttered. "I left."

"You refused to kiss him and then took off?" Colin grinned. "I love it."

I was not getting into this discussion with a boy. "Why are you here? Mom said you weren't coming today."

"Plans changed, so I thought I'd swing by and see if there was anything to do. I could always use the extra cash."

"Well, I'm covering it tonight, so you can leave."

Something flashed in Colin's eyes, then he shrugged. "Fine. I'll see you around, then."

"Wait a sec." Allie jumped off the feed bin and grabbed Colin's arm. "You should stay. We could use your advice."

Was she insane? "No, we can't. He should leave."

"No, no." Allie tugged Colin back into the barn. "Colin, I have a question for you."

I had to feel a little sorry for him. He didn't really look like he wanted to be subject to Allie's interrogation, but he was too nice to reject her. Because he was nice, even if he did have a habit of catching me in embarrassing moments.

"Anyway," Allie continued, "if a guy kissed a girl who'd never kissed before, would he be able to tell?"

Colin narrowed his eyes. "Tell what?"

"That she hadn't kissed before." Allie rolled her eyes in exasperation, while I contemplated pretending to pass out so I would have to be rushed off to the hospital, and therefore spared this incredibly humiliating discussion of my kissing talents.

Granted, I wasn't interested in Colin, but he was a boy. Which meant I didn't want him listening to my kissing failures.

"Oh." Colin glanced at me. "That's why you didn't kiss Heath? Because you were afraid he'd think you weren't good at kissing?"

If only the earth would swallow me up now. "I really don't think we need to be having this conversation." I turned away and began filling feed buckets. "I have work to do. You all should leave."

"And I thought you refused to kiss him because you just didn't want to kiss him," Colin said, with a hint of derision in his tone. "Dumb idea, I guess. As I said, what girl would turn down Heath Cavendish?"

"So he's popular," I snapped at Colin. "What's wrong with that?" Personally, I thought it was kinda cool that he was popular.

Colin shrugged. "Nothing."

"You didn't answer Allie's question," Frances interrupted Colin. "We really want to know."

"Frances!" What was with my friends? Since when had it become their goal to embarrass me so badly? "I don't want to know!"

Colin turned away from me and looked at Frances, the corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "You mean, would I be able to tell if I kissed a girl who wasn't experienced? You guys really want to know that?"

"Yes," she said.

Natalie nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, could you tell?"

"No, we don't want to know!" I grabbed Colin's arm and tried to push him out of the barn, only vaguely noticing that the muscles in his arm were pretty big. "Colin, leave. This conversation is killing me."

He deftly stepped out of my path and spun back into the barn, still sporting his amused grin. He turned to Frances. "I might be able to tell that a girl was inexperienced, but if I liked her, that would be cool. I'd rather kiss a girl who hasn't kissed a lot of guys."

"Really?" Allie twirled her hair, no doubt trying to recall the countless boys she'd kissed. Guaranteed she was contemplating feigning ignorance the next time she kissed a boy.

"But if I just wanted some action, I'd probably be more interested in someone who knew what she was doing," Colin added.

Well, thank you, Colin, for muddying the waters.

"So what about a guy like Heath?" Allie asked, rubbing her own lips thoughtfully. "What would he want?"

Colin's tone became a little less friendly. "I'm not Heath. I don't know."