Except pray? Already she was grieving for her husband. There
wouldn't be a man to take good care of her. I was a piece of
meat, and soon to be as numb and silent as a stone. I don't
remember anything, except death's door.'
Where there were market-places, there were preachers. So
Musa knew the words and mannerisms he should use to lend a
touch of holiness to what he said: 'She went to look for herbs
to make a poultice for my head. And when she went a stranger
came into my tent. He was my light and my salvation. He came
from nowhere. And he was here, right by my bed, then not
quite here, then gone, then come again. The air was flesh. But
still I saw his face. I heard his voice. From the Galilee. He said
his name. I can't remember it. He put his holy water on my
head. He pressed his holy fingers on my face. He held a conversation with the fever in my chest. He said, This man is loved by god. This man is loved by everybody's god. This man is
merchandise that can't be touched. I will not let you take this
1 00
man from us. He put his fingers on my chest. The hot and cold
went out of me. He plucked the devil out as easily as you or I
might take the stone out of an olive. He pinched death between
his fingertips. He flicked it on to the ground, like that . . . as if
it were an olive stone . . . '
Musa coughed to gain a little time. He could not think how
olive stones and death were quite the same. He tried again, ' . . . I
knew that I would live to be white-haired because . . . You must
not take my word for this. Ask her. Come back in twenty years.
This very place. And you will see me with white hairs. So now
you understand?' He looked at Shim finally. 'That man you saw,
that boy, he made me live again . . . The little Gaily drove death
away.' Again he pointed at his wife. 'Ask her. She left a dying
man and then she came back to a miracle . . . You see?' He
slapped his chest. He pulled the flesh out on his cheek to show
how soft and large he was. 'I am restored.'
It was exactly as Musa wished. He had his way; he had his
company; he had the blond man's staff
'Let's see this holy man of yours,' Shim said, glad for once
that he was no longer the centre of attention. 'Come, come.'
He called his fellow quarantiners to his side. The more they
were, the safer he would be. They did not need persuading.
Marta could not miss the possibility of further miracles. Aphas
found the energy to stand and join the pilgrim group. A healer
was his only hope. The badu followed them like a dog, always
glad of expeditions. Would someone draw the demons out of
him? They set off for the precipice in the middle of the day,
when only mad men left their tents, to find the Galilean man,
if it was him. He was the purpose of their quarantine, perhaps.
He was the answer to their prayers. Like Musa, they would be
restored.
Miri and the goats were left behind. They had no need for
miracles. Miri was unwidowed by a miracle already. She had no
IOI
wish to meet the healer face to face. She'd want to slap his cheek.
She'd want, at least, to have the devil's eggy breath returned to
her husband's mouth. She'd want to have the days rolled back
like parchment on a scroll to times when Musa lay across his bed
with a blackened tongue, blurting fanfares of distress. But Miri
did not believe in Musa's healer, anyway. He was as real to her
as cattle with two tails.
She watched the five pilgrims disappear towards the crumbling
decline of the scrub, their pace set by her husband's flat, unsteady
step. She could have wept. She could have taken Musa's knife
and scarred herself, as widows do. Instead she turned again
towards the warring hanks of wool and the small world of her
loom.
1 3
Miri normally preferred to weave in daylight outside the tent.
The masters working in the towns would say that weavers who
set their looms in open ground have first to find the landscape's
warp and weft, the shadow lines, the tracks, the spirit paths. The
weaving and the landscape should concur or else the cloth would
lose its shape. The wind, the water and the threads, the lines of
scree, the strata of rock, the patterned strips of wool should run
in unison and then the fabric would be true. The weaver and
the ploughman should align. It's not enough to know your yam.
You have to know the land as well, they'd say.
But Miri simply liked the light of open ground. She liked the
privacy. Most of all, she liked the moment, early in the morning
with the sky still pale and unprepared, and no one else awake,
when a piece of cloth was underway and she could step out,
bare-footed, to inspect the new weave on the loom, its warp
threads tightened by the cold and damp. She'd pick off any tiny
snails that had climbed to feed on lardings in the wool. She'd
twang the freshly wefted cloth to shed the dust or dew. If the
weave was square and true and tense, the loom became a harp.
The cloth would hum a single note to her. She could not wait
to see what note the birth-mat would provide. First she had to
find a place to peg the loom.
Miri would have liked somewhere a little distance from the
tent where she would be left in peace, out of Musa's reach, and
out ofhearing. She'd already seen a flat place without too many
1 03
rocks, on the leeward side of the tent. It would be safe and
comfortable, once she had kicked away the stones and cleared
the scrub weed. She would not bother with the landscape's warp
and weft. She'd travelled enough to know she'd find no patterned
unison in this tumultuous scrub. No weave could match such
stringy wind or cluttered light or rock, and only someone from
a town would think it could. She would concern herself with
duller matters and set the loom where the soil was firm enough
to hold the pegs, and where the sunlight came in from the left,
so that her working arm did not cast shadows on the cloth. The
yam, for her, was more important than the land. Yet, yes, she
would allow the masters this - a weaving done in open air,
informed by sunlight and then allowed to stretch and dampen
overnight beneath the stars, was best. It would outlast a workshop
weave which had not been toughened by the sun or tested by
the wind and dew. A workshop weave was like a coddled child,
pent up indoors all day. As soon as it encountered rain or heat
or cold, it sagged and frayed.
As Miri walked towards her chosen patch of ground, carrying
the base beams of the loom, she realized she could not peg them
out away from the tent as she had wished. The site she'd chosen
was the perfect place, except in one respect. There were six
goats. The five females were untethered. There was no goatherd
to prevent them wandering. There were no dogs. Or other
wives. Miri could not leave her birth-mat unattended. In the
night the nannies would join the snails in feeding on the weave.
Goats thrive on cloth. They love the taste of it, the colours too.
They love to dine on cloaks and blankets. They'd strip a sleeping
goatherd naked if they could. They'd eat the devil's hat.
At first she thought she'd try to stake the female goats alongside
the billy. But she was pregnant. It was hot. The goats were spread
out widely over the scrub, foraging for food. Chasing goats was
work for boys. Besides, goats staked in dusty scrubland such as
1 04
this would not feed well, and hungry goats did not produce good
milk. She had no choice. She'd have to peg out her loom inside
the tent and suffer Musa's company.
She was not used to constPicting her loom inside. She did
not know the rituals or the rules. A loom, assembled in a tent,
should always face the entrance squarely, she'd heard it said; the
awnings should never be allowed to fall closed while the weavers
were at work. You might as well throw out the cloth, half done,
if the awnings were closed by mistake. There were prayers to
recite before the loom was warped, and other prayers for when
the finished cloth was cut. Unfortunately Musa's bed already
faced the entrance to the tent. She would not want to weave
within his reach.
So Miri loosened the pinning on the side wall of the tent
between the hand pole and the leg pole. She rolled the goatweave
back or. to the roof and fastened it with leather ties and stones.
She'd opened up a gap three paces wide which she could close
against the wind and goats at night quite easily. It gave her access
to the dark part of the tent, beyond the woven curtain which
she'd made herself some months before. This was where she
slept when Musa did not want her, and where the stores were
kept. It smelt of mildew, from the flour and the skins. She cleared
a space, two paces wide, four paces long. A large birth-mat. She
fetched the pieces of the loom which she and Marta had already
stacked - too hopefully - at the entrance to the tent.
Miri had her mother's loom. She'd set it up so many times
before, outside, and made so many lengths of cloth and in so
many different camps - tent panels from goats' hair, shrouds and
cloaks, hair cloths and veils, mats and carpets, woollen camel
bands, dividing curtains, travel bags - that weaving was her kith
and kin. There, in the tent, was the little rug she'd made in grey
and red, in carefree days before her mother died and she'd
become her father's burden. There were the goat-hair panniers,
1 05
the cotton flour bags she'd made in undyed yams. There was
the blue-green curtain, in twined weft weave, that she had started
when they'd camped in hills above the sea and her father had
sent out word that she would go to any man that asked. Musa's
caravan had stopped and she'd been bartered for a decorated
sword and a fleece-lined winter coat. 'And you can take the
loom,' her father said. There was the black cotton dress she'd
woven for the wedding day, with its cross-stitch embroidery in
red and blue and its plaited woollen girdle and its cowrie shells.
She'd spun the cotton and the wool herself All her history was
made of cloth. Now there would be a birthing-mat in purple
and orange.
She set to work. She tied the broken orange threads of wool
into one long piece and wound and stretched it round the two
warping rods. She lashed the rods, pregnant with their orange
thread, to the breast and warp beams. She pegged one beam into
the ground, using a stone as a hammer. She pulled the other
beam as far away as it would go, so that the tension on the wool
was uniform, and pegged it to the ground. She carried stones
into the tent and packed them round the pegs to stop them
slipping. She put the leashes, the heddle rod and shed stick in
place, opened up the warp threads, and checked the tightness of
the wool. She tugged each thread, looking for the loosest ones
which would meander through the weave if not fully stretched
before the weft was started. The orange wool, unbunched,
looked less garish than it had in sunlight. Perhaps her husband
had been right to choose such cheerful wools.
The gap she'd opened up in the side wall of the tent gave
open views across the falling scrub, towards the precipice and
the distant purple hills, a lesser purple than the wool. Somewhere
below and out of sight, Musa and his tenants were hunting for
their miracles. What kind of self-deception were they guilty of?
Would the Galilean man or boy, this godly creature who'd crept
I 06
so memorably into their tent, expel the old man's cancer, fertilize
the woman's crabby womb, make Shim's heart as handsome as
his face, expel whatever madcap spirits had taken residence inside
the badu's head, bring god down to the precipice to transform
Musa, shrink him to a proper size?
Miri cupped her stomach in her hands. She knew that life did
not improve through prayer or miracles. The opposite, in fact.
So let them go and waste their time. She didn't care. She only
hoped their quest would take them far away and leave her there
in peace all day, all year, to lose herself in woollen threads. She
sat cross-legged before the loom. She rubbed the beams with
her fingertips, exactly as her mother had, exactly as her daughter
would. She plucked the warp. She played it like a harp. There
were no orange notes as yet. It was too soon for her new mat