Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (108 page)

“Did you talk to Dexter?” He nods again and stares into my eyes. “Um… so you… How do you feel about us torturing someone in the dungeon?”
His body strings tight and I realize that Dexter didn’t share that pivotal piece of information- curly-headed rat bastard.

I ramble to cover my discomfort. “I learned a lot. I feel bad about what we did, but it was necessary. War means making difficult choices. I know who the mole is. I’m sure there is more than one, but this is going to suck,” I mumble.

“We really didn’t talk about this, Regina. Can I have a recap,” he requests. His bronze skin flushes pink and he bashfully looks at his hands.

“What did you talk about?” His behavior is a curiosity. He never gets embarrassed.

“He walked in on us,” he whispers. I have to lean forward to hear him.

“Doing what?” It’s my turn to scrunch up my eyebrows and scowl. If he says Kat I’m going to murder someone.

“I haven’t talked to you about this much,” the ‘because you won’t talk to me’ goes without saying. “Cort is having problems. The closer he gets to Ezra and Katya the more the nightmares come back. He’s not sleeping or writing. He’s not himself,” he murmurs and looks at his hands.

“Ah…” I smirk and give into my desire to touch him. I rest my fingertips on his ankle and smile.
“What the smile for?” He doesn’t look up, but somehow he senses my amusement.

“Since you’re still in one piece, I assume he saw you in a tender moment with our
Asshat,” I grin and he laughs.

“Yup!”
He pops his lips on the P in a gesture that isn’t at all like his usual self.

“You guys are…” I trail off hoping he’ll fill in the blank.

“Cort’s very close to caving to them. He made a no sex rule because Kat gave him an ultimatum. Basically Ezra and Katya mate like bunnies, and Cort runs around in denial. He acts atrociously because he wants me to punish him. He doesn’t want to ask for what he wants. If he asks for it, then it becomes reality. The more this goes on, the worse the nightmares get. I can hear him screaming at night. We’ve come to blows,” he says ashamed.

“Do you punish him?”

“He punishes me,” Marc curses under his breath. “I feel weird having this conversation with you. It’s like I’m admitting to having an affair.”

“You have no reason to feel like that, Marcus. We aren’t like that,” I say sadly.
His eyes roll up and capture my gaze. “Aren’t we?” He asks with a tight voice.

I drop my eyes because I can’t look at him and say this. “I’d think that it would make Katya very happy if you and Cort were to get together. I think she’s who you should ask if it’s appropriate.”

It takes every ounce of my control to regulate my breathing and heart rate. I don’t want him to know how much this affects me. His gaze sears my forehead as he uses his mental will to make me raise my eyes and open my soul to view. He sighs when he can’t control me. A smile flirts with my lips. We truly are equals now.

“Don’t you love me anymore?” irrationally rushes from between his perfect lips, and causes my smile to snap flat.

“What?” My eyes immediately seek his. What the hell is he thinking? “Jesus, Marc, how could you even ask that.”

“Okay,” he says softly and relaxes. “Does it bother you about Cortez?” His cheeks pink and he looks at his hands again.

“Aha!” I laugh and he startles. “I’ve known since I walked into the Brownstone that you’re in love with each other. I’ve never been jealous of your relationship. He was there before me, and he and I don’t have the same equipment,” I chuckle.

“I’m not in love with him, Regina,” he says seriously. “I… want him. I will admit that. I want to heal him. I love him, God knows I do, but’s not the same as I feel for my lover,” his voice is filled with affection and he blushes.

I bite my lip against the gasp that tries to escape on his revelation. I breathe through the debilitating agony. I’d rather have someone cut my heart out with a spoon than feel it break into a million little shards. He’s in love with Katya.

“Regina,” Marcus says gravely. “What did I say? Why do you look like that? I haven’t had sex with him,” I hear the ‘yet’ in his voice.

I school my voice to false cheerfulness. “I want you to be happy, Marcus. I’m glad they make you happy.”

I get up and grab a water bottle from my nightstand. I drain it trying to use the moment to cover my hurt.

I turn around and meet his confused eyes. What I say next is completely sincere. “I think it would be incredible if Cort would share that with you. I think it’s better than fighting it. Maybe if he could accept his wants and needs he could be with Ezra in the way they both need.”

I sit on the edge of my nightstand. I can’t share the bed with him. It’s wrong. All those nights he held me while we slept. It was wrong. I’m thankful that I never fed into temptation and allowed him to touch me intimately.

“So… Tonight at Restraint, I was watching the club and I saw four guys share a look. Moments later they started fights that erupted into mini-riots. Before the guys and I could stop it, it evolved into the biggest riot yet. While I was defending Restraint, I realized that Diane was running off our security. I mean, I’ve always known that, but she was also creating the riots. And another thought came to me-” I abruptly stop talking because he’ll never believe me anyway.

I pace my b
edroom floor and worry my lip.

“Regina,” he says softly
trying to coax me to continue.

“I’m trying to get the courage to say it. I know that once I do you’l
l hate me.”

I pace for a few more lengths until hi
s leg shoots out into my path.

I sigh and speak, “We’re vulnerable. We have four security guys and our Masters. The Masters and their submissives were fighting for Restraint, and while we weren’t winning, we held them off. No one fights harder than those on their home turf. Devlin shows up and demands all of this training. More than half of our members were obliviously in a training room tonight while we fought for our lives. Devlin fought next to me. We protected each other’s backs. He looked betrayed because he knew she’d weakened us. It was Aaron, me, and four
security protecting the club while the biggest riot went on. The training was a diversion, Marc.”

I walk around his leg and continue on my path across my bedroom and back. I give him time for that to sink in and marinate.

“I assumed as much,” he says gravely. “You can tell me anything, Regina. I’ll never hate you- ever,” he growls.

“Um… things change when you speak of the mother of someone’s children. I mean, I know Jamie could give a shi
t less. But you’re not Jamie.”

“And you’re not Olivia,” he hisses and I flinch.

I try to rub the pain away from the outside. I’m pretty sure this is what a heart attack feels like. Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious, of course manly Regina isn’t Olivia or the mother of your child.

“Are you ill?” Marc asks in concern and tries to reach out to me.

I sidestep him and continue my journey. I hadn’t realized my face twisted in pain.

“Aaron and I are walking out,” I drop my bombshell. “You can run your own cl
ub. It’s not worth our lives.”

“You blame me,” he states and I feel his gaze leave my face.

“No, I just don’t think it’s worth it. I think we should shut down, regroup, and get a real security team into place that we can trust. I warned you someone would get hurt.”

“Who?”
He painfully asks.

“Dalton almost died tonight,” I sob and Marc jumps from
the bed and rushes over to me.

“Is he alright,” he tries to shake the answers loose from me.

“Bruised up. He was unconscious; Devlin thinks it was out of fear. He’s resting right now.” I walk out of his arms because they aren’t meant to hold me.

I tell the story from the beginning as I pace. He sits back on my bed and watches me and listens to the events of the evening. I start with how I found Dexter and the torture we delivered to get answers. I pause before I tell him the truth. I know he won’t believe me.

“My son could have been there. I know he’s almost a grown man, but a mother never stops worrying,” I flinch because it apparently depends on who your mother is.
Marc’s sharp gaze notices the change in my emotions and I can feel his confusion. I could look at his expression to read him better, but I refuse to make eye contact.

“The riots were the diversion to the main event. It was a hit on Dalton’s life.”
Marcus cuts me off, “The cartels?”

“No, not the cartels,” I mumble. I turn my back to him and face my bedroom door. “His mother,” I whisper. “She wants her son dead. I don’t know why and I don’t care. I won’t let her hurt him. It’s bad enough that she sent him here to flush out our mole when she turned him into the very mole he seeks.”

I silently seethe as I face my closed bedroom door. Moments go by and Marc says nothing. If I couldn’t hear his breathing, I’d swear I was alone.

“I have a proposal,” I offer and the emotional current changes.
Marcus doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his intrigued, interested stare.

“Close Restraint for renovations. Make a huge deal about it with the press. Our enemies can’t take credit for it if we have a real reason, and Restraint does need improved in many ways. While we renovate, we get a real security team- ex-cops like Roarke. I met a military man named Gunner tonight. I want to have a sit-down with them and get professional muscle. We need to have a get-together where we spill our guts. We already know who we can trust. If the info leaks then it narrows down the pool. I’ll work on Dalton. I’ll have Whitt put distrust in him in regards to his mother. We have to go slowly with him. I can’t imagine how I’d feel to know that my mother wants me dead and has used me. We need a real plan,” I murmur in exhaustion.

“We need to keep up the pretenses of training. Hell, stick them all in there. They were using divide and conquer on us, so let’s show them unity. While we renovate everyone else can train- Master and submissive. It’s information that will be useful for each of them and it will keep Olivia in the dark.”

“Regina,” Marc gasps in a voice filled with affection that pierces my heart.

My eyes seek his and he gazes at me lovingly.

“You’ve surpassed your teacher. That is brilliant,” he grins with excitement, but his demeanor instantly changes. “I’m sorry I’m such a shitty Master,” he exhaustedly sighs.

“While I was staring at Dalton in his true form, I was hit with a revelation. I’d do anything for all of them. They are the family I chose. I realized I loved Dalton because he would bring Whitt great happiness. I will protect him at all costs. Over the years I’ve felt so close to you during hard times. I would think ‘this is how Marcus feels’ and it would make me feel connected to you. Tonight was the ultimate, and it scared the shit out of me.”

“What was it,” Marc asks breathlessly.

“I realized for the first time that I am your equal,” I look at him as I speak the words. “I understood how lonely it is to put everyone before your own needs. I fell in love with you all over again, only more so. I was scared and I wanted to run from my fears.”

“I know that feeling well,” he chuckles. “I’ve run so many times that I thought you’d hate me when I returned. Now instead of running away,
I chase after you,” he admits.

“I haven’t been running from you, Marcus,” I say and it’s the truth. “I’ve been running from myself. It just hurts too muc
h.”

“Why does it hurt? What hurts?” He softly demands in a voice tinged with ache.

“I can’t talk about it yet,” I mumble and sit on the corner of the bed.

“Ah, running,” he chuckles and pulls the blankets back on my bed.
When he crawls between my sheets I say, “What are you doing?”

“Getting comfortable for bed,” he says incredulously.
“Shouldn’t you go home to your family?” I stand and start pacing again.

“Regina, I thought I was already home,” he whispers so quietly that I’m sure he didn’t want me to hear him.

“What!” I exclaim in shock.

“I don’t get you lately. You were always so straight forward. Now it’s like having two parallel, but separate conversations at once. I feel like I say it, and you hear something else. Regina, I mean what I say to you.”

“I know,” I whisper.

“Good, then get over here and join me,” he chuckles and draws the covers back for me to climb in next to him.

“Your actions and words never coincide. You’ve told me things that contradict joining you in my bed.” I want to act like a total girl and throw a tantrum and stomp my foot. I settle on fisting my hands on my hips, and clenching my teeth against the torrent of words threatening to spill from my throat.

“Explain that, please,” he says in confusion.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed with your lovers?” I start pacing again. This is the conversation I’ve avoided for way too long. If I hear it, it makes it reality, and all hope will be lost.

“I’m not Cortez lover. I want to touch him, but he isn’t my lover.” He tips his head and watches me from b
eneath the lace of his lashes.