Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (75 page)

Chapter Twelve

“T
hank you,” I whisper to Whitt.

I found solace in the embrace of my husband’s arms. Marcus had warned me that even though Ezra knows about our affair that he couldn’t risk Diane knowing. He fears that she’ll retaliate against me and my family. This is the biggest reason I have to play the lesbian. Diane being of the same persuasion, and her hatred of the male form, would solidify the position tha
t I’m not her husband’s lover.

So Whitt is holding me while I cry in frustration. My husband can’t even hold me in my bed. We have to keep this a secret too. I’m forever hidden by the ones I love. Grant didn’t want me, to the point of that created an alter-ego, and fled from his responsibilities. Marcus may love me, but he doesn’t want to tell the world and I doubt he ever will. Whitt married me, but not solely out of love, it was for protection and partnership. I understand each and every one of the men in my life, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. 

We’re lounging on Whitt’s sofa in his private room at Restraint. I even had to sneak in here so that no one would see me enter and start gossiping.

I made my first of two calls of the night. I called my son. I spoke to him for over an hour as we reacquainted ourselves with each other. I asked him questions and he asked me some, too. We have to grow together. It’s too soon to try to have a mother/son relationship. I’m not sure we’ll ever get there, but just knowing we love each other is enough. I want him to look up to me and respect
me, but I need him to love me.

It’s all so new to both of us. It’s the strangest feeling to have the ability to call him whenever I want. My heart swelled to the point of pain when he told me he loved me and ended his call so he could go to sleep. That is what started the tears of frustration.

“I have to make another phone call,” I whisper in the dark of his room.

“Do you want me to leave while you talk to him?” He instinctually knows who I’m calling.

I don’t tell him to leave. If there’s anyone that has my back, it’s Whitt. We have a common goal. He needs me or he won’t be able to take control of his family and save them from his grandfather. Our marriage is built on mutual survival. I can trust him to the grave because if I go down, so does he. I flip the phone open and dial as I burrow deeper into his embrace.

“Hey,” I say quietly to Marcus.

“Are you doing okay?” He asks softly.

“Yeah, I’m a tough broad,” I laugh.

“Cort told me what happened. Did he force you?” He whispers into the phone in fear.

“No,” I admit to him and myself. “I knew what I was getting into when I went to him. I take responsibility for my actions. We made a deal in regards to his sneak attacks. If he catches me unawares he can take all he needs, but the first time I see it coming
all bets are off. He agreed.”

“Are you upset because you were with him?” Marc says as softly as before and I hear him moving around. I can tell he’s in his bed. It hurts my heart that we both have to go to sleep alone instead of side-by-side.

“It’s difficult to admit, but my reaction was stronger this time than the last. I don’t get it, but it is what it is. I gave Ezra sound advice after Cort left and he better take it. I need you to do something for me. I need you to convince both Cort and Ezra to be together. I don’t care what you have to do. Push them on each other. Be relentless and ruthless if you have to. If Ezra’s being touched by Cort, he’ll leave me the hell alone. I not saying that I don’t enjoy it, but it’s for all the wrong reasons. I don’t want to experience something so deep with him.”

“I agree. Ezra’s behavior is destructive. I need him as grounded as possible when Katya gets here. I hate knowing that he touches you.
It’s worse that you’re upset about it. I know that you are, no matter how well you may hide it. I can hear it in your voice.”

“Marcus,” I breathe. “I meant what I said. I’m a tough broad. I can handle this. He needs healed and if I can help, I will. I’ll do it for you. Someone needs to have your interests at heart for once.”

Marcus is quiet for several long moments. If I couldn’t hear his breathing, I’d have sworn he hung up. I patiently wait while he orders his thoughts and deals with his emotions. I’ll never push him because I wouldn’t want anyone to push me either- mutual respect.
“Are you alone?” He whispers into the phone.

“No, I’m with Whitt,” I whisper back. I fear that his territorialism will make him jealous.

“Good,” he says in obvious relief. “I’m glad that he can help you right now. I don’t want to think of you being alone. I’m sorry that my son is a manipulative bastard. He was always so sweet and he knew how to bend everyone to his will. I don’t think anyone knows the real Ezra, not even me. I apologize, Regina,” he says profusely.

“Don’t apologize. I’m a doer, remember? We will get him functioning again. I’m strong enough to deal with his shit. And he has begrudging respect for me. He knows when to back off.”

“I will let you go. Tell Daniel I said good night,” he says softly.

“Marcus, I don’t want you alone eithe
r,” I say with equal softness.

“I’m not. I spent the night bullshitting with Roman and Jamie. I’m staying with Jamie tonight. I can’t stand being in that huge house with her. Now that Cort is back with Ezr
a, it feels colder than ever.”

“I
’m sorry,” I whimper in pain.

“Not your fault, it’s never your fault. All we can do is
wait and pray. Good night, Regina,” he whispers and hangs up abruptly.

I hug Whitt as tightly as possible and bury my face into his neck and sigh. He doesn’t speak; he doesn’t ask what’s wrong or why we said what we did about Ezra. He knows I need him and he’ll give to me freely.

My lips feather a kiss to his neck and he jolts as if electrocuted. I brush my lips up the column of his throat and he groans. Whitt’s fingers clench my back and release with every kiss I pepper him with. I work my way to his ear and gently nip his lobe. He grunts from the sensation but doesn’t try to take over. He knows I need to be in control after the night I’ve just had.

I don’t kiss him out of sexual need. This is purely for comfort, connection, and love. I need to feel good and connect with my husband. Whitt isn’t Marcus and I’m not touching him as a substitute for Marc’
s affections. I just miss him.

“Daniel,” I purr into his ear and he moans for me. “I’ve missed you today. One day I will make sure we’re all happy. I promise you this,” I vow.

“Regina,” he groans in his Master Daniel voice.

I can’t have him take over and dominate me. It would make me feel less in control. It was a comfort when it came to sexual contact with him, but not when it’s about mutual connection and affection.

“I will always get you what you need no matter what I have to do to get it. There aren’t many people I’d do this for, but you’re tied at the top of the list. I love my children, but one day they will grow up and find their own lives. You and I have a long partnership ahead of us. Tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you,” I beg.

“I want you,” he throatily moans.

“Then take me,” I huskily beg.

“Regina, behave,” he breathes. “I still have twenty-nine days until my birthday. Don’t seduce me and make me break my word to you. What kind of man would that make me? I’d be a man not worthy to be the head of my family. Do
n’t do this to me,” he pleads.

“I’m sorry,” I say in shame. “I just need to feel loved and forget all this shit for a few minutes.”
“I didn’t say we couldn’t cuddle,” he snickers at my distress. “God, you make me feel like a man,” he groans.

The tip of my nose runs up and down the side of his neck. I revel in his addictive scent. I’ve missed him so much that I physically ache. My soul screams that it wants to consume him so that
he can never leave us again. My soul needs to keep its sunshine, without it we’d forever be in the dark. My children need him just as much as I do. In an instant I realize that I’d do whatever I can to make him happy- anything.

“What do you need right now
?” I whisper against his neck.

“Just hold me and let me hold you.” His voice breaks under the stress of his need- his hunger for affection and acceptance.

I’ve had my daughter for the past decade to feed my skin hunger and Whitt’s had Niel, but it’s not the same thing. I didn’t realize how lonely I was until Whitt gave me a brief taste and I’ve been without it all day. I will forever crave his affections.

Marcus has never allowed me to sample him in this manner. He’s too scared to give this level of intimacy because once you have a taste you’ll forever chase it, and we can’t give it to each other yet.

We fall into the sensation of pure connection. We don’t speak or touch sexually. We simply embrace and silently communicate while we gaze into each other’s eyes. I spiral into his scent, his touch, and his gaze, and I finally feel whole. 

Chapter Thirteen

Water heats my flesh and chases away the chill of the past few days. I spent several hours chatting with Katya Waters today. As I got to know her, I was tempted to tell her to run and never look back. Ezra’s a scary motherfucker and I don’t want him corrupting her. But as I did with Roman and Kristal, I won’t interfere. I’ll keep watch. I won’t tell her to run, but I’ll beat the shit out of Ezra if he hurts her again. I’ll invite friends- a dungeon full of friends. It’s a test of Ezra’s honor.

Katya wasn’t as I expected. I read all of the chat logs from both Kimber and Dr. Jeannine. Katya doesn’t trust easily and she seems hard-hearted. I felt an instant connection with her. I noticed that as we chatted she opened up more and admitted that I seemed friendlier. I came up with some lame excuse that Dr. Jeannine was helping me thaw out.

Thoughts buzz in my mind like a deranged hornet’s nest. I try to think about anything to keep the bad thoughts at bay and nothing works. I’ve hit a roadblock with work even. I’ve always been able to focus on work. My mind just creates programs from nothing without thought. Not anymore. I can barely finish the contracts I have with my current clients.

I lean against the shower wall and allow the dozen showerheads to massage my skin with scalding hot water. I close my eyes and try to release the tension that has been afflicting me.

“Ahh
h…” A hand cuts off my scream.

I bite and can’t find purchase. I freak the fuck out. I kick backward and draw my elbows back but I don’t hit anything. My wet soapy body is too slippery. My limbs flair about and slide without hitting with force.

My face is pressed into the cooling tiles of my shower and shoved until I bend down. A bare foot hooks my ankle and pulls until my legs part. My teeth slide against my attacker’s skin and the more I struggle, the harder they gasp near my ear.

I’m impaled and I instantly calm. Only one person on this earth gets off on scaring me half to death. The fact that it’s the same person that’s been plaguing my thoughts, it should have clued me in the second his hand covered my mouth. But where would’ve been the fun in that for him.

“Do you relent?” He says smoothly in my ear.
I shake my head yes and his palm lifts away from my mouth.

“Well, there’s no denying that I surprised you this time. Our game is stil
l on,” he says with arrogance.

“Ezra- you fucking bastard,” I hiss and he laughs against my back.

“You knew we had a meeting tonight,” he says knowingly.

“I thought a phone call. I didn’t expect you to violate me in my shower,” I growl angrily, but I don’t fight back anymore. I deserve i
t since he got the upper-hand.

“I believe that was the point- that you didn’t expect it.” He nips the side of my neck with every word.

“You win,” I say in defeat and relax in his hold.

Ezra pulls my back against his chest and sighs. It’s Master Ez’s heavy, suffering sigh, but it’s definitely Ezra who’s with me tonight. He’s correct: Childlike Ezra and Master Ez are melding and I don’t like the product it’s creating. Ezra’s a sick and twisted bastard because of it.

I turn my head to the side and kiss his shoulder. Either way I’m fucked, I might as well enjoy it. Ezra nuzzles the side of my face and makes a purr-like noise in the back of his throat. I kiss him gently again and he relaxes against me.

We stay like this for a few minutes, acquainting ourselves with one another. I kiss whatever I can reach since he’s behind me- his shoulder, neck, and one of his pecs. Ezra’s hands roam around my body in the slippery sudsiness. He keeps trying to wrench my neck back to gain access to my lips, but I don’t allow it because he wants it. Every time my lips make contact with his flesh the cock deep inside my pussy pulses and flexes. I love knowing that I affect him- it makes me feel empowered.