Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (77 page)

I
suck in a breath and say fuck it. They all know what they’d just heard. It’ll serve Ezra right for sneaking into my shower.

“Who let him in anyway?” I ask the three of them and they all shake th
eir heads that it wasn’t them.

“How’d you know he was here?”

“Because he was screaming your name in the throes of passion,” Kris says sarcastically and bugs-out her eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t take him for a screamer,” I chuckle.

“Dr. Zeitler, I brought guests,” I say loudly before I open the door.
I stand in the doorway stunned. The bastard is fully dressed and he’s innocently scrolling through his cellphone. He’s no longer on my bed, but at the small writing table near the French doors.

“Oh, good idea,” he praises. “Let’s get them tagged.”

It’s unbelievably unnerving to see him as a childlike Ezra and then Master Ez while he took advantage of me, and then tonight he’s the real Ezra. Now the man sitting at my desk is the fake persona of Ezra- the one he shows the world. He bares himself raw to me and shows them this facsimile. I feel sad for him. He may have tricked me earlier by using manipulation, but I know deep-down he’s lonely and starved for affection.

I feel like I did with Grant. I seem to pick up rich, wounded bastards like stray puppies.

“Girls, here’s some new bling,” I grab their bracelets off my nightstand and lock them into place.
Kris and Fate
Oooww
and
Aaww
over the jewelry as Ezra slides Roman’s necklace over his head and pats his chest.

“The bracelets never come off,” Ezra warns. “It’s up to your Master to unlock them. It’s for your own protection. I want the women of Restraint to feel safe. The patrons will know that you’re owned and leave you be. Roman, you have to wear
this at all times. Someday if your bratty girlfriend calms down, maybe her Masters will let you have her,” he teases and plucks at Roman’s empty necklace.

“I’ll pass,” Roman says jokingly and the girls laugh, but Roman, Ezra, and I share a look. He wasn’t joking. Kris isn’t the woman for him and I worry for her when she figures it out.

“Here ya go, Boss.” I toss the paper on the desk and sit at the foot of my bed.

Ezra’s eyes turn glassy and his mouth parts in need. He looks like a junkie that was just presented with a baggie of his favorite shit. I chuckle and lean back on my elbows.
The girls and Roman watch us with weird expressions on their faces. They look at me differently- full of respect. My best friends now see me as a true Master. They look at me as they do Marcus and it fills me with hope for our futures.

“Skedaddle, Ezra and I have business to attend to.” They grin at me like I’m using a pun until they see the intent expression on Ezra’s face.

As soon as they leave I enter a text war with Jamie and Niel while Ezra pours over the sheets of paper I’d brought him. It’s weird that I’m talking to the father of my children and my son at the same time. I have to go see Jamie, but I’m just not ready yet. I cowardly text him and I wonder if he thinks I resent him. I can tell that he’s sad, yet relieved that I haven’t been to the Brownstone to see him. I’m sure he’s scared to show me how he looks now. I silently type to him for a long time.

“Wh
at’s wrong?” Ezra softly asks.

“What?” I murmur and then I realize I’m crying. “Do you know who Jamie is?” I sniffle and wipe my
eyes with the back of my hand.

“Yeah… but I’m not supposed to. Do you?” His face fills with
pity and it wrenches my heart.

“I guess I’m crying for a billion little betrayals. We all have our reasons for everything. I’m torn. Did he create this new life because he didn’t think that I’d accept his mute, mutilated form? Did he fear I’d see him as broken and weak? This theory hurts and makes me feel better at the same time. I don’t want him to think that I think less of him, but it would mean that he left me and my children for me. But if he left me because he really wanted to be Jamie then that means he saw me as less. It’s either self-sacrificing or selfish, and both options hurt like a sonofabitch,” my voice breaks as I admit the dark truth that’s been lurking in the recesses of my mind.

“I don’t know why, but I do know he’s not meant for you. You’re too strong. The dominant and submissive dynamic works in the dungeon, but not in life. Yes, it works for you and your girls, but not for a partner. The meaning of partner is an equal, and Jamie isn’t yours. Whitt is your equal. It’s a strong alliance built on trust and mutual survival. Marcus is your equal, and someday you’ll be each other’s everything,” he says softly.

“You don’t seem bothered by that anymore. It’s not like that with Marc and
I. We connect, but we’re separate on so many levels. Why aren’t you jealous anymore?” I scrunch up my eyebrows and try to reason out his mood change. I give up; there is no reasoning out Ezra.

“He’s distancing himself from you. He’s doing what Cort does with me. They both give us just enough to hook us and make us googly-eyed idiots who fawn all over them in love. Don’t make my mistakes, Regina. Don’t let him get away
with it and don’t get bitter.”

He lies down next to me on the bed and sighs.

“How’d
operation affection
go with Cort last night?”

“He was suspicious and he tried to fight me. I touched him and he flung my hand away and stormed off to his room. I sat on the edge of the bed while he pretended to sleep. I talked while he ignored me, but I knew he was listening. I explained what I was doing with you and I told him how you were helping me with Katya. He finally talked back to me while I told him everything I knew about her. I touched his hand and he pushed me away. I waited for him to fall asleep and curled around him. When he was half-awake this morning he cuddled back. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven when he kissed me,” he says d
reamily.

“
Ah, that’s so sweet,” I croon.

“And then he woke up… kneed me in the balls and pushed me out of the bed. I hit my head on the dresser. He leaned over me and I thought he was going to help me up, but he smacked my mouth and locked himself in the bathroom.”

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry.” I yelp in shock.

“It
was great,” Ezra beams at me.

“Huh?” I snort.

“Cort might have been pissed at me, but he was horny as hell. I watched him on the nanny cam as he whacked off twice in the shower. He kept touching his lips with his fingertips.”
Ezra gazes at me with a dreamy expression and hooded-eyes.

“You are a sick and twisted individual.” I don’t know if I mean it
as a compliment or an insult.

“
Thanks, ain’t it great,” he snickers.

“Oh my God,” I groan and run my hands over my face. “Wh
at am I going to do with you?”

“At least I know he wants me. I was scared that he didn’t anymore. He wasn’t fully awake, but he knew he was touching me. His inhibitions were down and he took and gave what he wanted for about five minutes. When he was in the shower he kept saying my name. Sorry if you think I’m batshit, but that’s progress, Regina. I’ve only touched him sexually once since…”

“I’m sorry, Ezra.” I roll onto my side and hold him.

“Aaron… I don’t want to talk about him. But I’ve had sex with Dexter. It doesn’t really count since it lasted for five minutes before we were interrupted. Marc forced us during Cort’s initiation. I’ve been with Ade twice and went down on Kristal once. You’re the most sex I’ve had in a decade. So to me a kiss is a huge fucking deal,” he admits. 

I don’t respond. I just hold him tighter to my body and try to warm his sad loneliness away.

“He kisses Marc all the time. I know you’ve seen it. He’s kissed you, too. But to me it meant a lot,” he mumbles.

“Jesus, Ezra,” I cry.

“I need Katya. I need someone to call my own. Cort won’t be able to deny her for a second. He’ll have to love me because she’ll make him,” the
agony in his voice cuts deep.

I slide onto his chest and straddle his hips. He gasps in surprise that I’m willingly putting myself in a sexual position. That small noise makes me
smile through my silent tears.

“I know how you feel. You love strongly and you often wonder if you’re good enough to love back. I get it and you are good enough,” I whisper as I lean down to him.

I give him the kiss he wanted earlier in the shower. This time I give it freely and without coercion. It’s possible that he’s still manipulating me, but what he’s saying rings of truth.

I start softly with just a brush of lips and build to light pressure. I’m shocked that he’s letting me take the lead. But in a way, Ezra is submissive when it comes to affection and Cort is too. I wonder if that’s why they fucked it up so often. Cort gets aggressive with Marc and Marc gets passive with Cort. I don’t understand it. It’s like they don’t know what to do with each other.

“You’re good enough too,” Ezra whispers against my mouth and I gasp.

He takes advantage of my open lips and thrust his tongue inside and tastes me. He sucks my tongue and nibbles my lips while his hands trail up my nightgown and massage my bare skin. I shudder and twitch in his embrace. I fall into the rhythm and I gasp when he smoothly enters me. Somehow he’d managed to undo his trousers without me noticing.

“How’d you do that?” I whisper in awe.

“I figured you’d say no if you noticed,” he laughs. “I can be very sneaky,” he teases.

“No shit, Dr. Lunatic,” I say with affection and slide back on him until he’s fully seated inside me. I look down at him and smirk at the struck-stupid expression on his face.

I close my eyes and rock back and forth and luxuriate in one of my favorite activities. Grant let me ride him constantly. What little sex Marcus gave me, he was always in control. I’m shocked that Ezra i
s allowing me this concession.

“Marcus doesn’t allow me to do it this way,” I whimper when he counterthrusts.

Ezra leans forward and draws my nightgown over my head and lies back down. His eyes latch onto my swinging breasts and it makes me self-conscious. I cup them to keep them from knocking an eye out.

“Don’t,” he says softly and pulls my hands away. “Gay, straight, or bi, a man loves natural tits. Regina, you have the most beautiful breasts ever,” he moans reverently.

“If I was Marc, I’d have you ride me constantly. This isn’t about dominance. I can tell that you miss this and he’s a fool for missing out on it.”

Ezra’s hand roams up my back and he palms the nape of my neck and draws me down to him. He spreads his thighs and pounds me from underneath. My breath hitches with every thrust because it feels so damned good.

“Jesus, Ez,” I groan as my body begins to fill with the pressure of impending release.

“I wonder what my father thinks of you making love to me right now,” he purrs into my e
ar and nips the lobe.

“What?” I try to sit up and his hand tightens in a vice-like grip. Just like that the pleasurable pressure dissipates.

“I’m sure he kept imagining me viciously raping you, not you being in control of our pleasure- both times,” he taunts breathlessly and thrusts a few more times.

“What did you do?” I accuse. “Was this all a lie, you manipulative bastard?”

“No, not all of it was a lie and I enjoy you making love to me. It’s not something I’m accustomed to. It made me feel slightly guilty for tricking you,” he admits.

“Tricking me how?” I whine and get angry with myself. I should have known better.

“I didn’t put surveillance on your house, but someone else did. Let’s just say that I’m tapping into his feeds,” he chuckles and I try to get up again.

“Nah-uh, Regina, be still,” he purrs. “I sent Marc and Cort a text as I was getting into the shower. I’m sure our partners were glued to the screen as I took my advantage. I’ve gotten dozens of
texts from both of them tonight telling me to leave you alone. My favorite was when my dad said to get the hell out of his partner,” his throaty laugh fills the room.

“Why?” I cry in betrayal. “Why would you do this? Did
they hear everything we said?”

“Oh, yes…They heard every word and they needed to hear it,” he threatens. “I’d think that you’d be pissed that my dad is able to watch every move you make, even when you take a shit, Regina”

“You bastard,” I cry with real tears flowing down my face in betrayal. I knew better about Ezra, but that dig about Marcus hurts like hell. Ezra’s using mental warfare on me again and it hurts like a sonofabitch.

“Don’t be upset, Regina,” he murmurs into my ear. 

Ezra tries to kiss me again and I punch him- hard. He grunts when my fist connects with his shoulder. It hurts my hand so I know it’s going to bruise. His cock starts to twitch deep inside me and I know the bastard loved the pain.

“You sick bitch,” I hiss and hit him again.

He controls me by the hand on the nape of my neck. He squeezes until I squeak in pain and it bleeds the fight out of me.

“Regina,” he commands me and I look at him. He stares me into submission. He tries to silently communicate with me, but his fucked-
upness makes it impossible. I give him a confused expression and he smiles broadly at me.