Queen of the Heavens (21 page)

“Why do you even concern yourself with darkness?” Isis asked. “Enjoy the bliss and bathe in the light of the divine.”

I did as Isis said. The light entered every corner of my being and for a time I became one with the light, untainted by even a speck of darkness. I was Tuya, I was the ibises, I was the grass and the stone and the
ankh
. I had become one with all things in this place where time did not exist.

“I can know bliss here, but not in the realm of humans,” I finally said to Isis. “The dark forces inhabit my husband and cause him to despise me.”

“What you call the dark forces inhabit everyone in the earthly realm, some more so than others,” Isis replied.

“I must rid Sety of his darkness, of his demons, Isis. How can I do this?”

“You cannot. The demons that enter the body from without can be exorcised with spells and rituals, but Sety’s demons have arisen from within. If he faces his demons and slays them, he will move forward in his journey to eternity. If he does not, he will move backward. It is the same for all humans, Tuya, including you.”

“I can slay my demons, Isis, but Sety’s will destroy him.”

“They may, but the light is within Sety, too.”

“The light and the dark are fighting a battle inside my husband and the dark is winning.”

“No, Tuya, you only think they are engaged in battle, for the light and the dark are one.”

“I cannot continue to live with Sety and his demons. I’m not strong enough. You must help me, Isis,” I pleaded.

“You have already received my help, Tuya. Remember that day in your childhood when your teacher taught you the Laws of Isis, the laws I gave to the world. Contemplate my laws, for in them lies salvation.”

I thought back to the time when I was sitting next to the lotus pond at my home with Maya, and how I became teary-eyed when my beautiful teacher and I spoke of the story of Isis and Osiris and the dark god Seth. I recalled her, too, reciting the laws Isis had bestowed upon humanity. “The divine is everything. Love no one thing more than another thing. See beauty in all things.”

In an instant, all became clear.

“I did not understand back then, but now I do. See beauty in the darkness. See beauty in the demons. See beauty in the struggle, for through struggle the soul advances toward the light. Sety will overcome his demons and progress toward eternity with a purer soul, or he will fail Osiris’ judgment and have to meet the demons in another lifetime.”

“It is the way of the Cosmos,” Isis responded.

“Must I return to Sety?” I asked.

“No, Tuya. You can stay here, or you can return to the earthly realm and lead others toward the light. It is your choice.”

“If I choose to stay, what will become of my son?”

“His soul will be born in the child of another woman, and he will not know your love and you will not know his. The soul of your son will not progress as it might if you were with him.”

“If I return, will you promise never to leave me?”

“You need not ask that question, for I am you and you are I. You now have seen the light, Tuya. You have become the light. You are Isis.”

I remained in the realm beyond the beyond for some time, basking in the love and the bliss of which I was a part. The decision of whether to remain may have been mine to make, but there really was no choice for I knew what I had to do. My consciousness traveled to the electrum capital of the obelisk, then slowly descended to the monument’s base. As I emerged from the obelisk Sekhmet was there to greet me.

“I thought you would return,” the lion goddess said as she again took my hand and led me back through the courtyard to her throne. We embraced.

“When my son becomes Pharaoh will you protect him, Sekhmet?” I asked.

“Is that not my role in the Divine Pageant?” Sekhmet answered. “You need not worry, Tuya. I will protect him.”

The two of us separated. The goddess sat down on her throne, raised the arm that held the
ankh
and became motionless, her divine essence once more frozen in stone.

I grasped my own
ankh
with both my hands and closed my eyes. When I opened them again I was back in my room in Memphis, seated on the stool. I rose, took off the talisman, wrapped it again in linen and put it back in the chest.

I then lay down in bed and went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that
All is divine perfection. All is as it should be.

XXI

The loveless sex between Sety and me served its purpose, for soon I was carrying another child. Occasionally, Sety looked in on me to inquire not about my health, but that of the tiny being growing within me.

“Is everything all right? Is our son developing as he should?” Sety asked one morning.

“All is well with both of us,” I answered. “Will you sit with me for a while?”

“No. I’ll be in Heliopolis, and then hunting. I’ll be back in ten days.”

Then he left, without so much as a smile.

I made a point not to express even mild displeasure with Sety for I knew this would be futile. I also recognized that regardless of how my husband acted, I needed to maintain peace and balance within myself. Sety might impede the progress of his soul to the afterworld with intolerable behavior, but I would not impede my soul’s journey by reacting with anger.

It was in Thebes, at the time when the sun god Ra ended his southward journey and headed north again, that I felt for the second time the pangs that presaged birth. Once again Sety was away from the palace, in Aswan with Ramesses, who was leading an expedition seeking new sources of granite for the giant obelisks. Mother was in Memphis with Father so I faced the ordeal of childbirth with only Nebet to comfort me. The pain was as agonizing as before, but this time, to my great relief, I heard a whimper then a newborn’s cry as the child emerged from within me. I allowed my spirits to soar.

“My child lives,” I exclaimed, as loudly as I could in my weakened condition.

“Yes, My Lady,” the midwife said. “You have given birth to a beautiful daughter.”

My spirits dropped. I had failed again to produce an heir, and I imagined what Sety’s fury would be like when he found out the news. I saw and heard him railing against me, and cursing my name at the top of his lungs as he demanded that Ramesses allow him to take a new woman as his Princess. I recoiled from my thoughts of Sety, then became angry at myself.

I will not fear this man
, I said silently.
What right has Sety to question the will of the Neters. Let my husband be furious. I will be joyous. I have given birth to a goddess and she will know my love.

As the days passed, I spent a great deal of time with my daughter, cradling her in my arms and singing to her, but I left the suckling and the chore of changing soiled linen to wet nurses and nannies. Such was the prerogative of a Princess.

Had the child been a son, Sety immediately would have left Aswan for Thebes, but the news of the birth of a daughter did not cause my husband to alter his plans and he remained in Aswan for another twenty days. By the time Sety arrived home, I was up and about, again giving orders to household servants and foremen and otherwise running the estate.

When Sety saw his daughter, even he could not be cold toward her. Sety took the infant from me. She reached out to him, smiled, and uttered an indecipherable series of sounds. Sety smiled back and sought to imitate the tiny being with his own indecipherable ramblings.

“She’s a beautiful child, Tuya,” Sety said after handing the infant to me. “She has your features. Next you will produce a son who will have mine.”

What arrogance to think the heir to the throne will look like him but not like me,
I thought. I glared at my husband. “I see your features in our daughter, too. I’m sure some of my features will be in our son as well.”

Sety ignored my comment. “Our daughter will be named Tjia after my deceased aunt,” he declared.

I liked the name, so I didn’t object, but even if I had disliked it complaining would have done no good. Sety’s mind was made up.

A few days later, our small family visited the palace so Lord Harenhab might meet Tjia.

“She’s an adorable little Princess,” the Pharaoh said as he held the infant on his lap. Tjia reached out to the old man and grabbed his finger.

“Thank you My Lord,” I replied. “She takes a liking to you.”

“I regret I never had a daughter of my own, or a son. I suspect your next child will be Pharaoh, my dear, after Ramesses and Sety have completed the task.” Harenhab directed a look of displeasure at Sety. “Don’t neglect your duties to Tuya in this regard. I have high expectations for you, and for the son you and Tuya bring forth together.”

“It is my intention to produce an heir with Tuya, My Lord,” Sety replied, a bit sheepishly, to the all-powerful Pharaoh.

“Good,” Harenhab said. “You have a fine woman who is worthy of your love and respect.”

Sety did not neglect his duties, although he continued to perform them as lovelessly as before. Occasionally, Sety even would meet with concubines to arouse his passions then come to my bedroom to couple. I acquiesced in the practice. It served its purpose, and I soon became pregnant again.

I did all I could to make certain my third child would be a healthy male. I presented offerings of fine food and drink to Sobek, the crocodile-headed god of fertility, and asked that the child be a son. Three priestesses would enter my bed chamber every evening to anoint me with oils. They would begin the ritual by playing the
sistrum
, a tambourine and a harp to alert the gods of their intentions. Then two of the priestesses would recite chants invoking the good will of the gods while the third applied the different solutions.

Three drops of an oil made from sandalwood and lotus were applied to my heart center to promote harmony between mother and child. Four drops of a myrrh and frankincense oil were rubbed on my womb to instill courage in the tiny being. Three drops of an oil made with the essences of mandrake and narcissus were applied to my shoulders to keep away the forces of darkness that might try to invade my body and corrupt the child who was destined to rule Egypt.

An alabaster icon of the god Bes now stood watch by my bedside. My handmaidens and I paid particular attention to honoring the dwarf god with the protruding lips who looked after expectant mothers. We prayed to Bes three times a day and washed the icon each morning with Nile water sanctified by priests serving the royal household.

I also gathered my urine and used it to soak a small bag containing barley and another containing emmer. If the barley sprouted the child would be a boy. If the emmer sprouted it would be a girl. The barley sprouted after five days while the emmer did not. I knew the test was not always accurate, but it provided me with some encouragement that the child I was carrying would be the heir to the throne.

My pregnancy progressed well and I again found some enjoyment in life. I was now in Memphis, the city where I grew up. Mother visited me often, and just being with Tjia provided me with a great deal of pleasure. I even started playing the harp again, using the music to ease my daughter into sleep.

My growing contentment vanished quickly one morning when Sety informed me Lord Harenhab was gravely ill.

“The Pharaoh collapsed yesterday evening as he was preparing for bed,” Sety said. “He wishes to see you.”

I was frantic. “Is he dying?”

“Yes. He has no strength in his left side.”

“I must go to the palace immediately. Perhaps I can save him. Will you come with me?”

“No. He wishes to see you alone.”

Normally I would not have left the house in my condition, but the Pharaoh had called and nothing would keep me from his side. I wrapped a cloak around myself, hiding my body from onlookers as best I could. Nebet came with me in the chariot sent from the palace and walked with me down the great colonnade. She waited outside the door as an officer of the Royal Guard escorted me to a chair.

I thought fondly of my many conversations with the Pharaoh, and of the time in the garden when he gave me the
ankh
and love flowed so freely between us.
We are all participants in a Divine Pageant
, I said to myself.
But why does the Pageant hold so much grief?

“You may enter,” the officer said while standing at the door to the bed chamber. I walked into the room as the physician attending Harenhab walked out, leaving me alone with the Pharaoh.

I looked down at the frail old man and was shocked by what I saw. His cheeks were hollow and the wrinkles in his face were deep. He looked so small, as though he had shrunk to the size of a ten-year-old boy. The bedroom was magnificently appointed with furniture and statuary befitting a ruler, but nothing distinguished Harenhab himself as a Pharaoh or a god.

“Is that you, Tuya?” he said softly, his speech slurred.

I bowed. “Yes My Lord.”

“Come by my side.”

I sat down on a stool next to the bed.

“Hold my hand.”

I grasped the Pharaoh’s parched and cold right hand tightly with both of mine and sought to direct my energy into him. “My Lord, let me help you. Allow me to use my healing power to restore your health. Soon you’ll be sitting on your throne again.”

“Don’t be silly my dear,” he said in barely a whisper. “I’m an old man and my body is worn out. Don’t force my soul to stay in this feeble shell any longer than it must.”

“I can’t bear to see you suffer, My Lord.”

“My suffering will be over soon, Tuya, if you don’t interfere.”

“My Lord. You must not leave us. Egypt needs you.”

“No Tuya, Egypt needs a younger man to lead it. I’ve done all I can.”

“Not yet,” I pleaded. “I need your wisdom and love.”

“I have no more to give, at least not while my soul occupies this body. Don’t be selfish, Tuya. Death is but a transition that brings renewal.”

I was being selfish. My concern was not about the Pharaoh’s suffering but my own, for death was not an end but a beginning. Harenhab slowly separated his hand from mine and reached underneath the linen that covered him. He used what little strength he had to pull out a small alabaster box.