Queenie Baby: Pass the Eggnog (3 page)

"Guess you're in luck, Ashley."

She gave me a finger that described exactly what I could do with old times and then marched forward with her new idea. "So anyway…about my new idea. I think we should do
White Christmas
. We can sing the 'Sisters' song together!"

 "You're kidding, right?"

She started humming the song. "Sisters, sisters," she began and grabbed a towel off the counter. She twirled around, using it as a fan. "Come on," she urged, snapping the towel at me.

I rolled my eyes. How did I get talked into these things?

I chimed in during the second verse and grabbed another towel. We did a pretty good job of twirling in unison and imitating the dance scene from the movie. The singing was a little rough.

We finished to applause from Victoria and The Grands, who had shuffled in at the sound of a song from their era.

"I adore
White Christmas
," Uncle Grover cooed.

"It beats the crap outta what's out there now," Aunt Pearl agreed.

"That was so great!" Ashley cried. "We have to do
White Christmas
, Diana."

I set my towel back on the counter and grabbed a paper thin sugar cookie off a hot cookie sheet. "It's a movie with two sisters. I see how that would work. But who's going to play Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye? Granddaddy and Dan?"

Ashley made a face. I couldn't tell if it was due to the thought of Granddaddy or her husband taking part in the production.

"Granddaddy or Uncle Grover could play the General. Maybe Jake could play Bing Crosby?"

Victoria laughed. "He's not much of a singer."

Ashley snapped her fingers. "We could lip sync."

"And Dan would play Danny Kaye to your Vera-Ellen?" I asked. "I guess that makes sense. He's got the same name."

Ashley realized she was cornered. "I guess that would work."

"What would work?" Dan asked with a yawn. His hair was sticking up all over his head.

"You playing the part of Danny Kaye in
White Christmas
," I replied.

Dan shrugged and stuffed a handful of Christmas cookies in his mouth. "I don't really like musicals, but that movie's a good one. What'llI have to do?"

My sister stared at him. Cookie crumbs clung to his mustache.

"Sing and dance," I said.

"I'll give it my best shot." Dan was nothing if not agreeable. "Whatcha say, sweetie? You wanna be my Ginger Rogers?" He swatted my sister on the rear.

"It's Vera-Ellen, not Ginger Rogers," she snapped.

I could tell she was wondering how she got herself in this predicament. I think she had someone more enchanting in mind to play Danny Kaye to her Vera-Ellen. Fortunately, he was across the country working on his next tour. My sister had experienced life with a rockstar during my first brush with fame a couple of summers ago. Now she had a taste for both. I glanced over at Dan. Kinda like getting your first bite of filet mignon after years of hamburger.

"Aww," I said, stirring the pot some more. "You two will be cute together!"

Ashley glared at me. "That's not the point. We want the production to be as professional as possible, and Dan's not a very good dancer."

"Hey, he's willing. Which is more than I can say for the rest of us."

Dan looked hurt. He took a handful of cookies and headed back to the couch.

"Fine," Ashley snapped. "But I'm done defending you from The Grands."

I wrinkled my brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh," she said loftily, "didn't you know? They're on a mission to get you a man for Christmas."

"It'll be a Christmas miracle!" Aunt Pearl proclaimed.

"What? Are you kidding?" I asked with growing dread.

"Yep, Queenie Baby. We decided you need a man. A real man," said Granddaddy.

"I have a man, Granddaddy. It's Mark. You've met him, remember?" I grabbed another cookie and looked around for the whiskey bottle.

"Well, not fer nothin', but I don't see him here spendin' Christmas with you and yer family. I don' reckon a man like that is lookin' to get married any time soon. An' yer gettin' a little long in the tooth if catch my drift," he replied.

"Do you have to be so crass, Hacker?" Uncle Grover sniffed.

"Shut yer piehole before I shut it for you," Granddaddy snapped.

"Now, dear, don't get upset," Mammaw said softly. "We just don't want you to be lonely."

"Where did you all get this crazy idea?" I asked.

The three Grands looked at Mammaw. She pointed her wrinkled finger up and gestured towards the ceiling. "Your family is worried about you, dear. You have to admit, you don't have much Christmas spirit. We thought a nice boy would cheer you up."

"The Parents are involved in this?" I asked incredulously.

"No, dear, your other family," she gestured upwards again.

We all looked up.

"The dead ones," Granddaddy said.

I stared at The Grands. They nodded in unison.

"Ghosts are worried about my love life?" I asked.

"Not exactly your love life, dear. They're worried about your lack of Christmas spirit. Well, mainly your Granny Babs. She's getting everyone else riled up."

"We decided that a man would fix you right up. Get you in the spirit," added Aunt Pearl. The Grands nodded again.

"What makes you all so sure this is true?" Ashley asked. She seemed as surprised as I was by this.

"Mammaw says so. We all know she talks to the dead. Heck, how do you think I found my teeth last month?" Aunt Pearl asked.

I shook my head. "You can tell the dead my Christmas spirit is just the way I like. And you all can stay out of my love life." I gestured to The Grands.

"Well, dear, it's not always easy to tell them what to do," Mammaw whispered. "They really don't like that."

"Tell them they need to work on something more important like helping Victoria and Jake have a baby," I suggested.

Victoria sucked in her breath, and I realized I may have just stuck my foot in my mouth.

Aunt Pearl was like a hound on the hunt. "You two havin' troubles with baby makin'?" She pointed a crooked finger at Victoria.

Victoria nodded. "We've tried for years and been to all the doctors. We've been on the adoption list for two years."

"Hmrph!" Aunt Pearl glared at her for a second, and then her face softened. "I always thought you didn't have young 'uns because you didn't want the bother. How come you two never told me about your troubles?"

"Because we knew you'd blame Victoria," said Jake as he came in from the mudroom. His cheeks were ruddy from the cold. His salt and pepper hair gave him a weathered, ruggedly handsome look.

"Well, I wouldn't have," Aunt Pearl replied. "I've got some experience with the matter myself. Why do you think you're an only child? Not to mention I was forty when you were born. The doctor said it was a miracle. Acted like I was The Virgin Mary. Which couldn't have been further from the truth. Me and your daddy never passed up a chance to jump between the sheets!" she cackled.

I grimaced as that image burned itself into my brain. I felt like an idiot. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was a secret."

Jake waved a hand. "It's good to get it out. You did us a favor."

"Why's it takin' so long to adopt?" Granddaddy asked.

"Just the way it works," Jake said sadly.

"It doesn't seem right," said Uncle Grover, shaking his head.

Mammaw had wandered off from the group. Her back was to us, but I could see her little wrinkled hands gesturing excitedly.

"Getting some more intel, Mammaw?" I asked. Jeez, this was getting ridiculous.

"Oh my, how exciting!" she exclaimed turning to us. "Oh, yes, of course," she murmured turning her head slightly.

We waited expectantly.

"Don' just stand there. What'd the haints tell ya?" Granddaddy barked.

"Oh, dear, I really can't talk about that right now," she said with a tiny frown. Then she brightened up. "But Jake you don't have to play Bing Crosby anymore!"

We all groaned. From babies to Bing Crosby. Mammaw's attention flitted around like a canary hopping around its cage.

"Didn't know I was," Jake said with a laugh.

"Why's that, Mammaw?" I asked.

"Because there's a nice young man on his way over for you. And his grandmother tells me he's a wonderful dancer." Mammaw smiled serenely.

The doorbell rang.

Everyone looked at me.

"Guess you should answer it," Jake said.

"You've all lost your minds, you know that?" I said, heading for the door. "There's no nice young man at the door unless it's the mailman." They followed me to the door.

I reached the knob and hesitated for a split second. I have to admit I was a little creeped out by all the ghost talk. I couldn't back down now, though. I turned the knob and opened the heavy oak door.

Standing in the doorway was a man who looked remarkably like Paul Bunyan or maybe the guy from the Brawny paper towel commercial. He was even wearing a red flannel shirt. He was so tall, I had to tilt my head back to see his bearded face.

"Diana?" The man sounded surprised.

Dumbfounded, I just nodded.

"You sure grew up nice," he said, before he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off my feet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The family gasped as he twirled me around the room. He smelled like pine needles and a wood stove. His beard tickled my face as he gave me a jolly kiss on the cheek.

"See how he can dance," Mammaw exclaimed. "How nice."

Jake stepped forward. "It's just Kyle from the farm next door. Everybody can calm down."

Kyle set me on my feet. His eyes twinkled with good-natured mischief. "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have taken more care with my groomin'. What a surprise!"

"Yeah," I stammered, "so good to see you again."

"Come on in, and get warmed up, Kyle. Get you a beer?" Jake asked.

"Don't mind if I do."

"Got any vodka?" I asked. I was still a little rattled after opening the door. I had not expected to see Kyle standing there in all his lumberjack glory. He had been a nice-looking boy when we were kids. A little awkward and gangly, but he drove the family farm truck around town and could ride a horse like a cowboy. Heady stuff to a teenage girl.

Kyle took off his heavy coat and hung it on a peg in the hallway. We all moved into the living room where a fire roared in the ornate fireplace. The room was dim except for the fire and the Christmas tree lights. Through the large windows I could see the snow falling steadily. Victoria switched on a couple of table lamps as Jake got our drinks. I sat down in a wingback chair near the fire. Kyle sat down on the sofa across from me.

I glanced over at him. Man, what did his momma feed him? I remembered being nose to nose with him when we were kids. But now he looked like he'd been super-sized. The furniture seemed to shrink with him in the room. The beer disappeared in his hand when he took a swig. It made me wonder if anything else was super-sized…

His eye caught mine. He gave me a wink.

I smiled and looked away. Okay, I'll admit I was intrigued. Kyle was definitely handsome, but lumberjacks were not my type. And living on a farm in the middle of the Poconos would not do a lot for my music career. But I had to wonder if he still kissed as good as he did when he was fifteen.

Aunt Pearl and Mammaw announced they were going to "freshen up" before dinner, whatever that meant. But not before Mammaw leaned over to Kyle and said, "Your Granny would like you to shave that beard off, dear. She says it makes you look like your Uncle Ronnie."

Kyle looked startled. He rubbed his beard self-consciously.

"Now, Mammaw," Ashley began, "that's not polite. You'll scare Kyle off." She gave a nervous laugh.

"No, it's okay. My Granny used to say that to me all the time. It's just I do a lot of hunting in the winter, and it keeps my face warm."

Granddaddy's ears perked up. "Huntin'? You got any deer jerky?"

Kyle nodded. "Sure do Mr. Hacker. I'll bring some by tomorrow if you'd like."

"Hot damned!" Granddaddy rubbed his hands together excitedly.

"You should stay for dinner, Kyle," Victoria said. "We're having roast beef buffet style. There's plenty."

Kyle looked grateful. "Don't mind if I do. What with my parents being outta town visiting my sister in Texas an' all."

He looked over at me and asked, "So what've you been up to these past fifteen years?"

"Oh, she's still trying to be a rock star," my sister interjected.

I glared at her. "I live in Annapolis and work for a temporary staffing agency. And—yes—I'm still playing music."

Kyle leaned in with interest. "How's it going? Sounds like a tough job breakin' into the music business."

"Things were moving pretty slow until I had several of my songs produced professionally in L.A. Then everything just took off—a tour, hit songs, the works." I shook my head still not quite believing it all. "Have you heard 'The Rum Song'?"

Kyle's eyes lit up. "That was yours? I thought a pirate sang that song. Some guy named Carlos?"

Pirates again, argh! I took a calming breath and nodded. "I wrote the song. We ended up singing it together on tour."

"Impressive! So what's it like to work with a pirate?"

How to answer that… "Let's just say it's exactly what you'd expect."

Kyle nodded. "Say, how 'bout singin' a few after dinner?"

Just then, Ashley poked her head out of the kitchen and said, "And afterwards we can practice Christmas carols."

That really got everyone excited.

I gave her the evil eye and vowed revenge. She smiled serenely and went back into the kitchen.

Sisters.

Kyle excused himself to wash up for dinner. I could hear The Parents stirring upstairs. And my niece and nephews begging Ashley for hot chocolate in the kitchen.

I took the opportunity to ask Victoria a few questions about Kyle. "So what's the story on Kyle?"