Rachel's Garden (2 page)
Authors: Marta Perry
The revulsion that swept through her was so strong she could barely prevent it from showing on her face.
Perhaps he knew anyway. The fine lines around his eyes deepened. “Is there a problem with that?”
“No—I mean, I didn’t realize that he had asked you. Ezra never said so.”
“Perhaps he thought there was no need. I always helped him with carpentry projects.”
True enough. It wasn’t that Ezra couldn’t build things with his own hands, but he was far more interested in the crops and the animals. Since his childhood friend Gideon was a carpenter, specializing in building the windmills that had begun to dot the valley, Ezra had depended on him.
But that was before. Now ...
Now the thought of having Gideon around for days while he built the greenhouse that was to have been a gift of love from her husband—
No, she couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t. It was, no doubt about it, a failure on her part, one that she should be taking to the Lord in prayer.
“Rachel?” She had been silent too long, and Gideon studied her face with concern. “Was ist letz? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Nothing at all. It’s just that I hadn’t thought about the greenhouse in months.” Her voice thickened—she couldn’t help that.
Gideon heard it, of course. A spasm of something that might have been pain crossed his face.
“It gave Ezra great pleasure to think about giving it to you.” His deep voice seemed choked.
She blinked, focusing her gaze on the barn beyond him, willing herself to be calm. Think. What could she say that would not hurt Gideon, but would get him to go away?
“I haven’t—I haven’t decided what to do about the greenhouse.” As she hadn’t decided so many things in the past few months, lost as she’d been in grief. “Will you give me a little time to think?”
“Of course.”
But his voice had cooled, as if he knew something of what she was feeling. His gaze was intent on her face, probing for the truth, and all she could think was that she wanted him to leave so that she didn’t have to talk about the bittersweet nature of Ezra’s last gift to her.
The creak of an approaching buggy broke the awkward silence between them. She glanced toward the lane.
“Here is Leah, back with the children.” She probably sounded too relieved as she turned back to him. “Perhaps we could talk about this some other day.”
His expression still grave, Gideon nodded. “Ja, another time, then.” He turned away, but then glanced back over his shoulder. “I promised Ezra, ain’t so? I have to keep that promise.”
He walked toward his waiting buggy, back stiff.
Leah
shook her head, cradling between her hands the mug of tea Rachel had given her. “I don’t understand. Why are you so ferhoodled at the idea of Gideon putting up the greenhouse for you? He’d do a good job, that’s certain sure.”
shook her head, cradling between her hands the mug of tea Rachel had given her. “I don’t understand. Why are you so ferhoodled at the idea of Gideon putting up the greenhouse for you? He’d do a good job, that’s certain sure.”
“Ja, he would.” She couldn’t argue with that. Everyone knew how skilled a carpenter Gideon was. “I just ... it makes me feel ... makes me remember ...” Her voice trailed off.
Leah reached across the scrubbed pine kitchen table to cover Rachel’s hand with her own. “It’s hard, I know. I’m sorry.”
“Ach, I’m being foolish.” She shook her head, determined not to slide into burdening Leah with her sorrow and her worries. She’d done that enough lately. She freed her hand and stood. “I think I’d best take a look out at those children. I haven’t heard any noise from them in a while.”
Three-year-old Mary, building a house with her favorite blocks in the corner of the kitchen, chose that moment to knock it over, chortling when the blocks crashed to the floor. Leah laughed, and Rachel shook her head.
“Plenty of noise in here, though. Mary, pick those up, please. It’ll be time to help with supper soon.”
“I set the table,” Mary announced, and began to pick up the blocks, putting them in her wagon.
Rachel leaned against the sink to peer out the window over the plants that crowded the sill. Her daughter Becky and Leah’s stepdaughter, Elizabeth, seemed to be in a deep conversation, side by side on the wide swing that hung from the willow tree. Her first-grader Joseph and Leah’s Jonah, who was a year older, were romping with Dolly, the nanny goat.
“All seems well at the moment.” She sat down again, pushing the plate of snickerdoodles toward Leah.
“That’s usually when they’re the most ready to get into mischief,” Leah said. She took another cookie, sighing a little. “I shouldn’t eat this, but it tastes like more. Since the morning sickness finally went away, I’ve been eating everything in sight.”
Rachel studied Leah’s glowing face. “Being pregnant agrees with you, for sure. I’ve never seen you look better.”
Leah shook her head, smiling a little, and patted her rounded belly. “I look like a hippo.”
“I’ll bet Daniel doesn’t think so.”
Leah’s cheeks grew pink, but instead of answering, she shoved the plate of cookies back toward Rachel. “You have another. You need all the energy you can get.”
Leah undoubtedly thought she had grown too thin in the past months, just as her mamm did, but Leah was too kind to say so outright.
It was strange, how much their situations had changed. A year ago Leah had been the devoted teacher at the Amish school, single and content to remain so, while Rachel had been completely occupied as a wife and mother, helping Ezra to run the farm, far too busy to think about anything else.
Now they’d switched places, it seemed. Leah was happily married to Daniel Glick, instant mother to his three children, and glowing with the joy of her pregnancy.
As for her—Ezra was gone, and she struggled to raise their children without him, caught in a web of indecision about the future.
Leah must have guessed at her thoughts, because her green eyes darkened with concern as she leaned toward Rachel. “Are you all right? Are you getting enough help? Daniel would be glad to come over, or we could send Matthew to do chores.”
“That’s gut of you, but we are managing to get everything done. There’s not so much this time of the year. William comes every day to deal with the milking, and he’s so willing to do anything he can. I think it helps him with his grief, knowing that he’s doing what Ezra would have wanted.”
She didn’t need to explain further. They both knew how Ezra’s shy younger brother had loved him.
“He’s probably glad to get out from under Isaac’s thumb a couple of times a day,” Leah said, her tone tart.
Rachel had to hesitate for a moment to think of something positive to say about Ezra’s oldest brother. “Isaac means well, I’m sure. He just believes he’s the head of the family now, and so everyone should heed what he says.”
“I’m convinced William’s stuttering wouldn’t be nearly so bad if Isaac listened and encouraged him instead of snapping orders at him.” Leah spoke like the teacher she had been for so many years.
“I try to do as you suggested, listening to him and making him feel comfortable, and I do think he speaks more when he’s here with us.”
“That’s good. I’m glad it’s helping. I used to get so frustrated when he was one of my scholars and I’d see his sisters speaking for him, instead of helping him try.” For a moment she studied Rachel’s face, as if she hadn’t been distracted from her concern by the talk of William. “Still, you will let us pitch in, any way we can.”
“I will.” Rachel could feel her forehead wrinkling into the frown that came too often these days, and she tried to smooth it out. “The real problem is that I can’t seem to make up my mind about anything. I was spoiled.”
“Spoiled?” Leah’s eyebrows lifted. “That’s silly.”
“I was. My life went so smoothly. You know that. I loved Ezra and he loved me, we were able to buy the farm from my aunt and uncle, the children came along easy and healthy—everything went the way I wanted it to. Until the day Ezra and Gideon went off to look at that barn.” Her hands clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white.
Leah put her hand gently over Rachel’s. “Is that why you don’t want Gideon to build the greenhouse? Because you blame him for Ezra’s accident?”
Rachel shook her head, tears choking her throat. “I don’t know. Forgive, that’s what God commands. Besides, it was an accident, no one’s fault. Everyone knows that. But when I see him—”
She broke off. She couldn’t explain to Leah. She couldn’t even explain to herself.
“Forgiveness is only right, but our Father must know it is hard. But Ezra and Gideon were as close friends as you and I are,” Leah said, her voice gentle. “You know he wouldn’t want you to hold Gideon at fault.”
That hit home, and her heart clenched in her chest. Ezra had loved Gideon like a brother. But how could she look at Gideon and not feel the pain of Ezra’s loss?
She took a deep breath, forcing her hands to relax. “I know,” she murmured.
Leah patted her again, seeming reassured. “Just think how much you’d enjoy having a greenhouse.” She nodded toward the windowsills, crowded with the plants Rachel had started from seed. “By the looks of those windows, your plants will be pushing you out of the kitchen soon.”
She managed a smile. “True enough. But I’ll be selling them at the Mud Sale next Saturday, so that will clear off my windowsills.”
Leah had a point, though. With a greenhouse, she’d be able to produce many more plants for sale.
“Ach, I’d best be getting along home.” Leah seemed satisfied that she’d made her point. “I’ll see you at the sale, if not before.”
She rose, but stopped partway up, her breath catching as she clutched her belly.
Rachel was beside her in an instant, fear shooting through her. “Leah, was ist letz? Are you all right?”
“Ja.” Leah laughed a little as she straightened. “Just a muscle spasm, I think. All the books say to expect them.”
“You and your books,” Rachel teased, reassured by the laugh. “I think you have a book about everything, ain’t so?”
“You can never have enough books,” Leah said. “Anyway, I have you to ask for advice when it comes to being pregnant.”
Rachel put her arm around Leah as they walked toward the door. “That’s right. That’s the only subject on which I’m the expert, instead of you.”
Over the years she’d turned to Teacher Leah and her books whenever she’d had a question, and Leah had usually found the answer. For the first time in their relationship, she was the knowledgeable one, and it was gut, knowing she could help Leah.
They hadn’t yet reached the door when it burst open. Becky and Elizabeth surged inside. Elizabeth looked to be on the verge of tears, but Becky wore the rebellious pout that Rachel had seen on her face too often lately. Her heart sank. What now?
“Mammi, my shoes are all wet,” Elizabeth wailed.
Exchanging an understanding look with Rachel, Leah went to her. “Well, that’s not so bad. Sit up here on the chair, and let’s see how wet they are.”
Rachel focused on her daughter, knowing perfectly well that if anyone had instigated mischief, it would have been Becky. “Becky, how did this happen?”
Becky’s lower lip came out, her gaze sliding away from Rachel’s.
“I’m waiting, Rebecca.”
The pout deepened, and Becky shrugged her shoulders. “I wanted to see if the ice is melting on the pond. That’s all. Elizabeth didn’t have to follow me.”
Unfortunately they all knew that where Becky led, Elizabeth would follow.
“You know you are not allowed on the ice without a grown-up there. Go find some dry stockings for Elizabeth to wear home. You will go to bed early tonight so that you’ll have time to think about being disobedient.”
“But, Mammi—”
The pout melted into the threat of tears, and Rachel had to force herself to remain unmoved. “Now, Rebecca.”
Becky scurried out of the room. Leah, having soothed away Elizabeth’s tears, was scolding her gently for being so foolish. “Run along with Becky and get something dry to wear home.”
She gave her stepdaughter a little shove. Her face brightening, Elizabeth hurried after Becky toward the stairs.
“I’m sorry—” Rachel began.
“Don’t be silly,” Leah said quickly. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure we did much worse when we were their age.”
Had they? Those days seemed very far away just now.
“I don’t think either of us was quite so gut at leading others into trouble as Becky is. And it seems to be getting worse, not better.”
“She’s had a lot to handle since last year.” Leah’s voice was soft. “I’m sure that’s all it is.”
She nodded, because she didn’t want Leah to have another cause to worry about her.
But the truth was that she was no longer so sure that she was the gut mother she’d always thought she was. What if it had really been Ezra’s influence that ensured the children’s obedience and happiness? What if she couldn’t do it on her own?
Loneliness swept over her—loneliness mixed with longing for something she’d never have again.
“Don’t
you have any snapdragons?” The English woman leaned across the stand at the Mud Sale on Saturday afternoon, peering at Rachel’s remaining plants and seeming to dismiss them at a glance.
you have any snapdragons?” The English woman leaned across the stand at the Mud Sale on Saturday afternoon, peering at Rachel’s remaining plants and seeming to dismiss them at a glance.
Only the success of the sales she’d made already gave Rachel the confidence to speak up.
“It’s too early to plant snapdragons here. You won’t want to set those out until the danger of frost is past. What about some of these nice pansies?”
The woman eyed the cheerful faces of the pansies. “I suppose they’ll do. Do you have two dozen of them?”
Taken slightly aback by the sudden agreement, Rachel did a quick count. “Ja, I can just manage that.”
Exultant, she began putting the plants into the boxes she’d brought for the purpose. This sale cleaned her out, and it was only two o’clock.
Leah had been right. If she’d had the greenhouse already, she could have made two or three times the money today.
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