Radiant Surrender (CSA Case Files Book 6) (38 page)

Jessie grappled with the strap to her white helmet and appeared more irritated when she had to stand there like a little girl and wait patiently while Townes unfastened it for her. He didn’t blame her for being angry, but this was the fastest way for the two of them to be together—he didn’t want to waste another moment longer due to his own foolishness.

Jessie practically shoved the helmet into Townes’ chest before she marched around the bike and made her way up the walkway. He’d left the door unlocked, knowing she would want to express her displeasure at how he’d summoned her. He hadn’t bothered to blacken the windowpane, but she was too determined to enter the house to notice. Townes locked eyes with him and nodded, another job completed with many more to follow. He’d accepted a position with CSA and was due to start Monday, filling in for Connor briefly while he was on his honeymoon until Townes was given assignments of his own.

The door swung open until it hit the stopper with enough force that it started to swing close. Jessie’s fist prevented that from happening and when she crossed the threshold she seemed in tune with his body enough that she was able to locate him immediately. Her green eyes were blazing mad, her hair was tousled from the helmet, and she’d never looked more beautiful than she did at this moment. These days without her had been a hell that he’d never known existed and he needed to get that across to her. He needed to own up to the mistake he made and prayed that she forgave him. He spoke before she had the chance to.

“Marry me.” Jessie’s reaction wasn’t quite what Crest had been expecting, but then when had she ever reacted like most women? She reached for the first thing she could grab, which just happened to be a priceless antique Acoma Pueblo Indian vase and pulled back her arm. He held up a hand in warning, preparing himself for the worst. “Do
not
throw that vase, Jessica. Please hear me out and then if you don’t like what I have to say, you can destroy this entire lake house before you leave me.”

Crest was surprised when Jessie actually placed the vase back on the side table, although it was with a little more tranquility than he was comfortable with. He understood how his misunderstanding of the facts caused them to be at this point in their relationship. He was man enough to accept responsibility for the hurt that he’d caused her and once he’d realized the magnitude of his error, she’d made her demands clear. She’d needed time and he’d given her that. Now he had to prove to her that he believed in her love and trust as much as she did.

“I’m not an easy man to love,” Crest said, needing to start somewhere and felt more at ease when he heard Townes drive away. Jessie heard the rumble of his engine as well, but her head was tilted slightly as his words penetrated. He
needed
her to hear what he was saying and have her not walk away like he’d done so many times in the past. “I never pictured myself being open enough with a woman to take that chance. The first night I brought you here you said that you knew me better than any woman I’d ever been with before. You’re right. You know every bruise, every blemish, and every stain on my soul that I wish to God you didn’t. The things I shared with you in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep isn’t something that I’ve ever done with another person.”

Crest stopped to let what he’d said sink in, giving him the time he needed to collect his thoughts. It wasn’t every day that he bared his beaten soul to the woman who persistently challenged him to be a better man. He could hear the stiffness of these words he was saying, but it was the best he could do and he prayed that she would accept them for the truth that they were.

“I’m not an overly emotional man, Jessica, but even you can stand before me and know that I love you. You recognized it long before I did. I do love you…more than I could have ever believed possible. Saying it aloud is like waving a flag for someone to try and take that away from us. It scares me that someone might understand how vulnerable that makes you and I. You have no idea the deep-seated fear that consumes me in that regard. I watch every movement you make, every emotion that crosses your face, and guard you against any outside forces that might harm you. I need you by my side more than you need me…and that too scares me.”

Crest didn’t like the distance that Jessie had kept between them. Hell, the door was still open allowing a small, warm breeze to enter the house. He wanted it closed against any exit she might take, but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it if she wanted to leave after he was finished cutting his heart open. She still remained standing when he reached her, pushing the door closed and then extending out a hand to smooth down her disheveled hair. He took it as a good sign that she didn’t pull away or swing at him.

“Marry me. I will keep you safe and do my best to make certain that when you close your eyes at night, you know that I’m protecting and loving you to the best of my ability. From this day forward, let me love you the way I should have from the first.”

Crest had done his best to be open and honest, so it felt like someone had gut shot him when Jessie turned her back on him. The physical pain to his body was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He clenched his teeth to prevent himself from reaching out to her, not wanting to prolong this agony. Townes had gone to the nearest town and was awaiting Crest’s call as to whether or not he could head back to the city. He made himself a promise that he would accept her answer, whatever that may be, but he could only stand there and prepare himself to witness the light that had been his saving grace upon many occasions extinguish into darkness.

“I need to hear you say you love me every day from now on because you made me wait longer than I should have to hear those words,” Jessie whispered, finally turning back to face him with unshed tears in her eyes. A rush of adrenaline tore through him when her words finally registered and he observed acceptance in her eyes. She accepted him for who he was and it took every ounce of power he had not to walk over to her and take her in his arms. She had things to say and he would hear every word, etch them into his heart, and fulfill every wish she had. “Not just with your actions, but your words. Love is trust. Love is faith. Love is what we make it and I won’t go through this life thinking you might walk away from me based on what you
think
I need. You must stand beside me and hold my hand, knowing that I’m in this until one of us is taken from this earth. I’ve been standing in front of you for years and my faith has never wavered. So yes, Gavin Crest, I will marry you.”

Crest felt a weight come off of his chest and it was as if he could breathe again. He wasn’t sure who moved first, but it didn’t matter. He had her in his arms and this time it would take death to separate them. Never again would he allow the uncertainties to grab hold and take away the one thing that made life bearable. She was his lone ray of sunshine and he would spend the rest of his days soaking up her warmth.

“I want a wedding where my father can walk me down the aisle,” Jessie murmured against his neck. Crest laughed as he held her tighter around the waist, knowing her feet weren’t even touching the ground. He already knew it would be impossible to hold her back when it came to their wedding, but that didn’t mean he would make it easy for her. Giving her full reign meant over four hundred guests, including God knows who. That couldn’t happen, but he’d love to watch her try. “Gold trimmed invitations with our name in raised print. I want the world to know that we’re forever bonded and don’t think you’ll get me to do it any other way.”

Crest wasn’t about to get into that conversation now, not when he’d been without her presence for so long. This week had felt like an eternity in hell and his punishment had finally come to an end. He wanted to strip her down to her bare skin and hold her all through the night in front of the fire, watching the golden hues swirl over her flesh as if they were in the middle of the Caribbean. He needed to breathe in her scent and savor her fragrance. This time was needed to reverence the fact that she was giving him this chance to prove his love and loyalty for the rest of their lives.

“We have all the time in the world to plan our wedding,” Crest said, finally setting Jessie on her feet. He brought his hands up to her face, cupping her cheeks so that he could hold her still for what was now and forever his. “I just want to hold you for the remainder of the day. I need this from you, my future Jessica Marie Crest.”

“With pleasure,” Jessie replied, raising on her tiptoes and stopping short of pressing her lips against his. Her emerald green eyes sparkled with merriment and he smiled knowing she would forever make his life interesting. “But first, is there a way I can negotiate on that punishment you mentioned in our last phone call?”

Chapter Thirty-Six

“T
his is nice,” Jessie murmured, knowing she sounded like a content kitten who’d gotten her fill of milk. She and Gavin were currently lying in bed with barely a sheet covering them as they stared into the fire. Night had fallen hours ago but they’d been too busy talking to notice. Moonlight now danced on the lake, but that wasn’t what held her attention. Gavin had permitted her to do a thorough inspection of his body, although not as thoroughly as his had been, nor with the same intensity. She’d just finished and although he wouldn’t allow her to stroke him to orgasm, she was very pleased with her discoveries. She looked into his eyes, seeing a sensual storm brewing and her body responded instantly. “We only have around twelve hours before we have to head back to the city for Connor and Lauren’s wedding.”

“Is that your way of saying you want tonight to progress faster than the way it’s been going?” Gavin asked, a challenge in his voice. Her body tingled at the warning, but she wasn’t going to stop prodding him until she got what she wanted. “And here I thought taking the day to talk over the events of the last few weeks would ease your mind regarding the outcome of your parents’ case.”

“It has eased my mind,” Jessie replied, running her hand up and down his warm, contoured chest to keep reminding him they could be doing more than talking. She’d reiterate everything if it meant that he’d do a little replication of some scenes himself. “I spent the week with Sarah, going to the hearings that Lou had scheduled on the docket. He had their original statement thrown out, as well as providing sufficient evidence that they were never activated before the KGB went under. John’s actions only aided Lou’s defense and as long as the prosecution agrees to the probation terms, mainly Dad’s immediate retirement from the defense company where he works, all should work out nicely. As for what you told me about Ryland, I would love to see his face when he realizes what you’ve done.”

“Just knowing is good enough,” Gavin replied, pulling slightly away and rolling her onto her stomach. He slid his rough fingers up her arms until he came to her wrists, which he gently encased in wrist cuffs that were attached to the headboard. That was more like it and she stretched her body, loving that he was finally exerting his dominance. “What else is good to know is that I never, ever go back on my word. When I promise you something I will always follow through.”

Gavin’s words from their previous phone call echoed through Jessie’s mind and when she went to roll back over to protest, he placed a hand on her lower back, preventing her from moving. She lifted her head to look at him over her shoulder and apprehension washed through her when she saw the hardening of his jaw. How much would pleading get her? There was only one way to find out.

“Gavin, isn’t the fact that I almost died punishment enough for the both of us?” Jessie asked a little breathlessly, especially from the fact that he just lifted her hips to place a large cushioned wedge underneath her that would most definitely keep her ass high in the air. The tender flesh there already felt the tingles of what was to come. “Gavin? Are you listening?”

“I always listen to what you have to say, Jessica.” That didn’t stop Gavin from then placing a spreader bar between her ankle cuffs and securing them exactly thirty-six inches apart. To seal her in more securely, the wedge had a strap that went right over the top of her derrière to keep her in place and was high enough that it wouldn’t interfere with whatever he had planned. “Just as I know you do the same for me. What were my exact words, Jessica?”

Jessie groaned at the mental picture of what she must look like and honestly didn’t want to answer his question. To do so would be to solidify what was about to happen. She laid her forehead on the pillow, grateful for the cushion and mumbled the words.

“If I opened the door I wouldn’t be able to sit down for days.”

“Did you open the door, Jessica?”

“Yes, Gavin,” Jessie answered resignedly, almost accepting the fact that if he hadn’t carried through with this punishment, she would have tried to get away with other things as well. “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.”

“Did you put yourself in danger contrary to my very specific instructions?” Gavin asked from a distance and Jessie couldn’t help but look up to see where he’d gone. He was currently in the closet and not the digging through the drawers over by the fireplace. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? She nervously swallowed around the lump in her throat when he came out and she saw what was in his hand. “Jessica?”