Radio Gaga (9 page)

Inside the Live it
Up
studios something terrible had happened to the space time continuum. Work that should have taken only a few minutes turned into long, painful hours in the company of Steph and Merv. To complete my misery Merv announced that he would be accompanying me to the zoo tomorrow to act as my sound man.

“Otherwise you’ll bollocks it up, like you did at the bloody castle.”

Thanks a lot, Merv. At least Steph had to stay behind in the studio for the broadcast. Otherwise she’d be trying to muscle her way in front of the camera and I’d end up relegated to a bit part.

At least I managed to escape from them in time for my second appointment with Doctor Setti. The treatment followed the same format as before. I was dimly aware of her speaking to me but everything had gone sort of hazy. Heaven only knows if any of this would do any good. The proof would come tomorrow at the zoo if I managed to snuggle up with a snake without passing out.

I arranged an early morning appointment with Doctor Setti for the next day. Hopefully third time would be the charm and I would no longer have snake-o-phobia when I met the film crew. The spiders might still prove to be a problem but I’d need a miracle to cure me of my fear of them by tomorrow.

When I emerged, blinking and rather stunned, into the street outside Doctor Setti’s office, the sun had come out. Gentle heat warmed the top of my head and my back as I strolled along the side street towards the centre of town. I was in no hurry to go home.

I wasn’t looking forward to dinner out with my mother. After yesterday it almost felt as if I didn’t know her any more. I’d always known she’d been disappointed in me and that she’d never understood or approved of the choices I’d made in life. Even so, it had still stung to have those suspicions confirmed in such a hurtful way.

Why hadn’t she told me she was dating Angus?
Especially after it had become clear that it was a serious relationship.
To go so far as to set a wedding date and to have discussed the arrangements with his daughter but still not to have told me until she’d had no choice, that had been devastating.

I meandered along the high street staring through the store front windows at things I had no interest in purchasing. Was I really such a big disappointment to my mother? Okay, so I wasn’t married to a doctor, lawyer or otherwise equally high-powered professional. My degree was in media studies and I hadn’t graduated with honours or gone on to do a masters or Phd. I didn’t have a fabulous job that earned me pot-loads of money.

On the other hand though, I was healthy, happy, had never been arrested apart from that one time when there had been a misunderstanding about a traffic cone which had somehow found its way into my possession. And then I’d been let off with a warning on condition I replaced the cone. I had a job and my own home. Contrary to recent events, I didn’t do drugs, didn’t smoke and only very occasionally did I go out on the town and get drunk.

I called my mother every week, went home for holidays and Christmas and always remembered her birthday and mother’s day. I wasn’t a single mother and I never asked her for money or help. So why hadn’t she been able to tell me she intended to remarry?

A woman clipped the back of my heels with her buggy when I halted suddenly outside Poundland. I hobbled to the side of the pavement as she glowered and tutted before sweeping past me on her way towards the market. Now I had a scrape across the back of my foot right where the strap of my sandal would catch it. I shuffled my foot further down into my sandal and hoped my heel wouldn’t start bleeding before I made it back to my car.

Of course I’d been so lost in my own thoughts I’d taken the long way back to the car park. My heel was sore and throbbing by the time I finally made it. A flash of red on my windscreen drew my attention as I unlocked the car door. Another rose had been placed under my wiper blades.

Once again there was no message. Just a perfect single stemmed red bloom wrapped in cellophane and red ribbon. All around me on the car park were rows of cars and some windblown bushes. The only people in sight were an elderly woman laden down with carrier bags and a harassed looking young mother strapping a screaming toddler into a car seat.

The rose, which had seemed like a cute romantic gesture the first time around now felt creepy and stalkerish. The first time hadn’t been a mistake. Whoever had left the flowers on my car meant them for me. I stood for a moment wondering what to do with the rose. It was too beautiful to discard, and what if the giver were watching me?

I climbed into my car and tossed the rose onto the passenger seat. Was the phantom flower giver someone I knew? I considered the possibility as I joined the traffic stream and headed home to my flat. It would be nice if Ben turned out to be my secret admirer but reason told me this was unlikely even if he had kissed me.

Maybe Neil?
Mum had said he seemed miserable.
Except Neil was too mean to buy roses.
It had been one of the bones of contention between us. He’d always claimed I was being extravagant or frivolous if I splurged on a new lippy or a jar of the posh face cream I liked. On the other hand he would have hocked his own granny on Ebay if they allowed the sale of people.

I was no closer to figuring out a shortlist of suspects when I pulled into my parking space outside the flat. The flat was silent as I let myself in. No hum of the vacuum cleaner, no classical music. I walked through into the lounge and added my rose to the other one in the vase.

Everything was as I’d left it that morning when I’d gone out. Nothing had been bleached, painted or scrubbed. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or worried. After checking that Mum’s stuff was still in the cupboard-come-office that I called my guestroom, I settled for relieved.

I took the opportunity while she was gone to grab the bathroom for a nice long relaxing soak in a hot bath. Whenever Mum visited I always took showers, otherwise I ended up with a lecture on saving the planet by conserving water. Showers were fine, and I used the shower most of the time anyway but sometimes only a lovely long soak in scented water will do. Today was one of those kinds of days, thanks to Merv, my rose giver, and the upcoming ordeal by snake at the zoo.

The bathwater was draining away when I heard Mum’s key in the front door. I took my time towelling myself dry and covering my skin in body lotion before I tugged on my dressing gown and ventured out into the lounge.

Mum had made herself a cup of one of her herbal teas. I could smell the aroma of vanilla and orange as I entered the room.

“Hello darling, how was your day?” She greeted me cheerfully enough but a wary note was in her voice.

“Usual. Merv was Merv, I had my hypnotherapy session ready for tomorrow and someone left another rose on my car.”

“What do you mean, another rose on your car?”

I’d forgotten that in all the fuss about Angus yesterday I hadn’t said anything about my secret admirer. She put down her cup and saucer to walk over to the window. She examined the roses that I’d jammed in a small vase on the window sill while I explained where I’d found them.

“And there was no message with them?”

“Nothing.”

“Who do you think it might be?” A worried frown creased her forehead as she replaced the vase on the sill.

“I don’t know. I wondered if it might be Neil but if it was then why wouldn’t he leave a note?”

Mum appeared to consider this for a moment. “I think it’s worrying. If it happens again I think you ought to consider reporting it to the police. It could be some deranged stalker.” She retook her seat on the sofa and picked up her drink.

Cheers Mum, good way to reassure me.

“Or it might be some nice harmless old pensioner who wanted to give me a flower.” I didn’t really believe that, but it was a possibility.

“Just be careful Chloe. Make sure you park in crowded areas and take care at night. Don’t go walking on your own in the dark.”

“Yes, Mum.”
Like as if I hadn’t been doing that for years.
Although, I supposed I could be a little more careful. It was easy to get blasé. I’d never been frightened of being out and about on my own even when Merv and Steph had sent me off to interview down and outs for a piece Steph was doing on homelessness.

I’d actually only found one down and out and everyone in town knew her. Scary Mary lived in a small tent in the municipal gardens behind the high street and made her cider money by helping the market
traders
pack up their stalls. They also supplied her with left over fruit and veg which she pushed around in a Tesco trolley along with the rest of her possessions. Her story had been rather sad, really.

“I’ve booked a table at the Raj for tonight. I hope you don’t mind but I asked Natasha and Ben if they’d like to join us. I think poor Tash could use a night out.” Mum carefully didn’t meet my eyes as she spoke.

“Fine.”
In one way I was relieved that I wouldn’t be spending a whole evening tete-a-tete with Mum but this was what she always did. She’d find some lost cause and drag them into our lives. All through my childhood she’d done the same thing. I’d shared my toys at Christmas with a neighbour’s foster daughter. I’d always been forced to have some stranger tagging along when we’d gone to a theme park or on a trip to the seaside.

 
If I’d objected I’d had a massive guilt trip laid on me about the less fortunate and how privileged I was in comparison. Which was fair enough but sometimes, just sometimes it would have been nice for it to be only me and Mum. Now it seemed it was Tash’s turn to be the subject of Mum’s good intentions. Not that I minded Tash. On our brief acquaintance so far I actually quite liked her, and I certainly had no objections to spending more time with Ben.

“I’m sure I know her brother from somewhere. He is so familiar. I’ve been wracking my brains to place where I know him from.”

“Haven’t you asked Tash?” I’d have been amazed if she hadn’t. Sometimes I think Mum should have been an investigative journalist. Her interview techniques could have been learned directly from the Spanish Inquisition.

“One doesn’t like to seem nosy, and besides she always manages to change the subject.”

I smiled to myself. Mum always went into ‘posh’ mode and the third person when she knew she shouldn’t be poking around in people’s business.

“Maybe he looks like someone you know,” I suggested.

She took a sip from her cup. “No, it’s something else. I know it is.”

A prickle of unease ran up my spine. I hoped Mum wasn’t going to turn dinner at the Raj into an interrogation opportunity.

Ben and Tash met us at the Raj. I’d been there a couple of times before with Shelly. It was pricier and rather posher than our usual curry house so we tended to save it for special occasions. I knew it was an attempt by Mum to make up for her shock wedding announcement so I thought I needed to try too.

I’d made a special effort with my appearance. To please Mum I had dug
 
my one and only skirt out from the back of my wardrobe and teamed it up with a cream fluffy jumper that did wonders for my cleavage, and my favourite high heeled black patent boots which were murder to walk in.

Tash was as lovely as usual in fitted black trousers and a pale blue silk blouse that looked suspiciously like a designer number. Ben seemed to have made an effort for the occasion as well. My heart did a crazy skip when he walked through the door to greet us. His dark grey shirt emphasised the taut muscles of his shoulders and chest.

“Oh, I’m so glad you could both come.” Mum greeted them both with air kisses. “I can’t believe I’ve stayed this long with Chloe without us killing one another.”

I pasted a fake smile on my face. She had that part right.

“It was nice of you to ask us, Mrs Lark,” Tash responded as the waiter showed us to our table.

“Call me Melody, please.” Mum took a seat opposite Tash while I found myself seated opposite Ben.

“You look very nice tonight, Chloe. How are the nerves holding out?” Ben smiled.

I busied myself with spreading the pale pink linen napkin across my lap to hide my shaky fingers. “Not too bad. Hopefully it’ll be quite a short piece and I won’t have to touch anything very horrid.”

“Well I think it’s very brave of you.” Tash gave a delicate shudder. “You wouldn’t get me within ten miles of a place full of big hairy spiders and giant slimy snakes.”

Ben must have seen my face grow pale. “Tash, darling I don’t think you’re helping.”

Tash immediately looked stricken.
“Sorry, Chloe.”

Mum picked up the menu and flipped it open. “I honestly don’t know why you let yourself in for these stunts, Chloe. I’m sure there are other jobs out there that you could do.”

I’d lost count of the number of times we’d had these kinds of conversations. ‘Why don’t you look for a steady job? Have you thought of office work? Perhaps you should go back to college for another course?’

Mentally I counted to three. “Because radio is my job, Mum, and I like it. This is a great opportunity I’ve been given. If tomorrow goes well then I might get my opening on TV. Maybe even my own programme. You never know.”

Ben stared at me. “Is that what you want?
To be on TV?”

Mum rolled her eyes. “Chloe has never grown out of the stage most children go through where they want to be famous.”

I suspect Mum thinks my desire to work in television is a bit like showing off.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love radio but my dream was to work on something like Blue Peter or on Nickelodeon with my own show.” I was aware my face was probably as red as the covers of the menus.

Fortunately at that point the waiter came over to take our order so I had chance to cool off while we pondered the merits of kormas, tikkas and basmati rice. My face wasn’t the only thing that appeared to cool while we were ordering our dinner. After the waiter had gone to fetch our drinks, Ben also seemed much less disposed to be friendly towards me.

“Have you considered the disadvantages of being famous?” he asked.

“Of course.
It isn’t the being famous part that’s important. I think I’d be really, really good on TV. I’d enjoy it.”

I was glad to see the waiter coming back with the drinks. I could use some fortification even if I had promised that I’d restrict myself to one small bottle of Cobra because of the filming tomorrow.

Mum chimed in as she claimed her drink. “I think Ben has a point. I mean you only have a bit part now on the radio and you have someone stalking you.”

“Someone has left me two roses on my car, that’s hardly stalking.”

To my surprise Tash was nibbling nervously on her lower lip and a heavy frown creased Ben’s forehead.

“What? It could be someone who fancies me you know. It’s not that far out of the realms of possibility is it?”
Sheesh.
I tried to sneak a peep at my reflection in the bowl of a spoon. Did I look that bad?

“Did they leave a note?” Tash asked.

“No, she found the flowers under the windscreen wipers on her car. One when she was parked at the
studio,
and one when she was in town today.” Mum answered for me.

“See, it could just be some harmless but painfully shy admirer.” I took a sip of my beer.

“Would you really want paparazzi waiting for you outside your front door every minute of the day and night? Having strangers root through your rubbish to find out any secrets? Have them pester your friends and family for gossip or dirt? Having someone leave you a couple of flowers, whilst I agree with your mum that it’s rather worrying, it’s mild in comparison.” Ben folded his arms and leaned back in his seat, his gaze fixed on my face.

He sounded unusually vehement for someone who was supposed to be taking part in a casual discussion about my chosen career and whether or not a nutter was after me. It was as if he’d experienced the downside of fame for himself.

“I want to work on Blue Peter or some other kids TV show not be a judge for X Factor or Dancing on Ice. How much interest would there be unless I led some kind of double life, which I don’t.” I glared back at him.

“Like the tablet incident at the castle?” He raised an eyebrow.

“For the hundredth time, that was a simple accident.” For a minute I forgot I quite fancied him and thought about jabbing him in the leg with my fork instead.

“You couldn’t sit and have a drink like you are now in case someone took your picture and said you were a bad role model for young people.” He wouldn’t let it drop.

“They could, but why would they? That’s mad. Any way, you take pictures of people for your living.”

“I try and treat my subjects with care. I never harass them or take them when they’re emotionally vulnerable.” He glared at me.

The waiters seemed to have picked up on the air of tension surrounding our table like an electrical storm and hurried over with a raft of dishes which they placed before us.

“This looks delicious,” Tash said brightly.

I suspect she hoped to divert her brother from his argument with me. It worked for a moment while we all helped ourselves to curry, rice and extras. The food was delicious and it worked quite well as a diversion for a time as we all busied ourselves with eating.

“I’ve got it; it’s just come to me. I know where I know you from now!” Mum stared at Ben and I could literally see the penny dropping into place.

Ben’s jaw tightened and Tash paled, her eyes appearing huge in her slender face. I was so used to Mum thinking she knew people from various places and invariably discovering that she was wrong I hadn’t taken her seriously when she’d kept saying that she recognised Ben.

“You were on the news last year and in all the papers. You won a medal out in
Afghanistan
and spoke out for your unit over the safety equipment. Weren’t you wounded going back to save some child who’d been caught in the crossfire? There was the most enormous fuss in the MOD and one of the ministers was forced to resign.”

I could tell by his expression that for once Mum had hit the nail right on the head. I dimly remembered reading something about it now. It had been in the news for a couple of weeks and all over the papers. There had been questions in Parliament and everything.

“Ben doesn’t like to talk about it. He’s not in the army any more. You won’t tell anyone will you?” Tash intervened, anxiety showing clearly on her pretty face.

“No, of course not, but if I recognised Ben then other people may too.” Mum’s forehead creased in puzzlement.

I tried to recall the images that had been circulating of Ben at the time. He’d been pictured in his uniform with crew cut hair and a beret. It was no wonder I hadn’t twigged who he was.

“It’s something I’m trying to put behind me. It caused a lot of trouble even though in the end I hope it helped a lot of other servicemen to get the right equipment.” He appeared to be addressing his comment to me as if he didn’t trust me to keep my big mouth shut.

“Of course I won’t say anything. Let’s face it, I didn’t recognise you.” I tried to keep my tone light. Oh boy, what a night this had turned out to be.

“Ben isn’t asking for his own sake, although what he went through was pretty bad, but for mine. It affected everyone in our family.” Tash’s mouth trembled and tears formed in her dark blue eyes.

I wished I could risk drinking something stronger than Indian lager.

“They tried to get Ben to shut up, you see. Of course he wouldn’t and couldn’t. It was impossible knowing that people were dying because of crap decisions being made higher up just to save money and to cover politicians and civil servants’ backs. When they couldn’t find anything to pull Ben down they started to look at his family.” A large tear spilled from Tash’s eye and ran down her cheek.

“You?”
I didn’t know why I asked. It was pretty easy to fit the pieces together.

She nodded and dashed her hand across her face to wipe away her tears. Mum pulled a tissue from her bag and passed it across to her.

“They dug around until they found someone who knew Tash and me and spilled the beans on everything she’d gone through.
On all our lives.
It made the more lurid red top papers.” Ben’s knuckles whitened as his grip tightened around the handle of his fork.

“That must have been awful for both of you.”
Poor Tash.
She must have felt dreadful. I tried to recall what I’d read. I sensed from the tension in Ben’s shoulders that there was more to the story, maybe even things Tash didn’t know.

“It was.” Ben dug his fork into his curry as if wishing he could spear a red top journalist along with his lamb bhuna.

I could see now why Ben was so agitated about my desire to get on TV. “What about tomorrow at the zoo? Aren’t you concerned that there may be people there in the TV crew who might recognise you? With your new job you’re going to come up against other journo’s all the time.” It seemed an odd career choice for someone who hated the intrusion of the press.

The corners of his mouth tilted up in a mirthless smile. “After seeing how unscrupulous some photographers and journalists could be I decided there had to be a role for someone who would do things more ethically and still report the news. Any way I plan to keep out of their way as much as possible. After all, all the attention will be on you.”

“I’m sorry you got dragged into the mess up with the abseil.” He must have hated having his name all over the radio and the Gazette when I’d passed out.

“Just do me a favour. Don’t let on to Merv about me.” A glimmer of real humour flashed into his eyes as he made his request, lightening the mood a little.

“I can definitely promise you that.”

The rest of the evening went well with no more acrimonious discussions or bombshells. It had turned into a fine dry evening by the time we’d finished eating, and as we weren’t miles away from home, we decided to walk back instead of calling a cab.

Tash fell into step beside Mum and they were soon engrossed in some long rambling comparison of the causes of homelessness in
India
and those here. Ben strolled along beside me, matching his longer stride to my shorter one. I knew I shouldn’t have worn the patent boots.

“So will you forgive me for wanting a media career?” I sneaked a peep at his face. Hopefully now things had calmed down we could have a rational chat and he wouldn’t bear me a grudge for hankering after the bright lights.

“Maybe.”
The corners of his mouth tilted up in a faint smile but I couldn’t tell if he meant it or not.

I gave an involuntary shiver as we rounded the corner and a slight breeze chilled me. Ben draped his arm around my shoulder and I relaxed into his warmth as we walked the final few hundred yards home.

“All I want is to find a career that’s right for me, and this is something I’m actually good at.” I wished I could get him to understand but at least he seemed to have forgiven me.

“Then I hope it works out for you.” His lips brushed mine as Mum and Tash disappeared out of sight and my heart did a crazy skitter.

He lifted his head breaking contact and I struggled to catch my breath.

“We’d better catch them up.” He rewarded me with another smile and we hurried towards the house.