Rainbow Boys (10 page)

His dad glared at her. “That hasn’t been proved.”

Kyle tilted his chair back. “No one has to prove it to me.”

“Well, this certainly isn’t something I ever expected of you.”

“Sorry I haven’t lived up to your expectations.”

“I don’t think that’s what your father meant.”

Kyle pushed his chair away from the table. “That’s what he said.”

His mom smoothed the tablecloth with the palm of her hand. “I think what your father means is … this isn’t easy for us.” Kyle crossed his arms. “What about me? How do you think I feel? He makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

“Honey, we’re trying to understand.”

Kyle grabbed his cap from the back of his chair. “Can I be excused?”

“We’re not through talking,” his dad said. “You don’t just drop a bomb like this and walk away.” Kyle twisted the cap in his hand. “What’s there to talk about? You don’t want to accept that your son’s queer.” His mom chimed her fork against her glass, the family signal for a time-out. His dad pulled out a pack of antacid tablets and popped a couple into his mouth. His mom picked a microscopic crumb off the tablecloth and deposited it onto her empty plate. She glanced at Kyle, then turned to his father, laying a hand on his. “Maybe we should continue talking about this some other time?” Kyle jumped at his chance to bolt. “Can I be excused now?”

His dad rolled the antacid around his mouth and nodded. “Yes.”

Kyle sprang to his feet and carried his plate to the kitchen. He scraped his uneaten dinner into the garbage disposal and took weird pleasure in the grinding noise. A s he passed back through the dining room to the hall he caught a glimpse of his mom patting his dad’s hand.

“Kyle?” his mom called, but he felt too angry to answer. He had to get away for a while. He yanked his jacket on and slammed out the front door.

The wind blew cold against him, biting his ears. A nd he’d forgotten his gloves. He stood there, trying to decide what to do. No way was he going back in. But it was too cold to be outdoors. He jammed his fists into his jacket, walked over to his mom’s car, and climbed inside.

He stared at the house, his head still burning from the argument. His dad was a jerk, blaming Nelson and telling Kyle he couldn’t spend time with him. He wasn’t a kid anymore, and no one could tell him what to do. Maybe his dad would finally realize that.

Behind the gauze curtains, his dad crossed the dining room. His arms moved angrily as he paced back and forth. Kyle wondered how long it would take for him to calm down.

His mom pulled back the curtain and peered outside. A moment later she stepped out the front door, pulling on her coat and looking around. She spotted him and hurried over. “Kyle, can I come in?”

Kyle shrugged. What was he going to tell her, no? “It’s your car.”

She climbed into the seat beside him. “Honey, are you okay?” She patted his arm. “It’s freezing out here. Come back inside. Your dad’s worried.”

“Did he say that?”

“Well”—she sort of nodded—“I know he is. He loves you. We both do. But you can’t expect us to …” She flapped her hands, agitated.

If she was upset, how’d she expect him not to be upset? “I’m not going in,” he said, his throat choking up. He knew he was on the verge of tears.

“Honey,” she said, pulling a tissue from the box between the seats and handing it to him. “We’re trying to understand.” She looked genuinely worried. “But you need to give us time.”

He wiped the dampness from his eyes. It had been years since he’d cried in front of his mom. He thought he was over that.

“Please,” she said softly, reaching for his hand. “I know this is hard for you. A nd I’m glad you told us.”

“A re you?”

She gave his hand a squeeze. “I know I love you, no matter what happens. We both do. Nothing you say could ever change that. Come inside.”

He stared out the windshield at the brick house, embarrassed to be sobbing and holding hands with his mom. “Can I just—I’ll come in a minute.”

She studied him. “Okay.” She leaned over and kissed him, smelling like lipstick and the perfume he’d given her. “Promise you won’t be too long.”

A s she walked up the front walkway, Kyle wondered if she and his dad would ever really accept his being gay. The house glowed blue inside, which meant his dad was watching TV. He must’ve calmed down, finally, and was now sitting in the family room, all cozy.

Meanwhile, Kyle was out here in the cold, freezing his butt off. Why? He was only hurting himself.

He blew his nose and climbed from the car, slamming the door. Inside the house, he bypassed the family room and hurried upstairs.

For a while, he fussed with his homework. Only when he heard his parents’ bedroom door close did he come out. Downstairs, he quietly phoned Nelson.

“Way to go!” Nelson said. “I knew you could do it.”

A fter that, Kyle scooped a bowl of the chocolate-chip ice cream his mom had bought. He carried it back to his room, where his thoughts turned to Jason. He climbed into bed and pulled the Zephyr out of his nightstand. A t least he wouldn’t be embarrassed if he woke up to his mom lifting the yearbook off the floor.

Nelson waved from his car. “Hi, Mrs. Meeks.” He tried not to sound nervous. It was his first time stopping by since Kyle had come out to his parents two weeks previous.

She stopped raking leaves. “Kyle should be out in a minute. He told us about the youth group. I wondered where you boys went every Saturday.”

Nelson climbed out of the car. “I wanted Kyle to tell you. I told him you’d understand.” She started raking again. “Well, at least we’re talking about it now.”

Nelson fidgeted with his keys. “You know, there’s a parents’ group too. It’s called PFLA G. My mom is vice president of the local chapter.

She’d be happy to tell you all about it.” A s he talked, Mr. Meeks walked out from the garage, slapping his garden gloves against his pant leg.

“Hi, honey. The boys are going to that meeting Kyle told us about. Nelson says there’s a group for parents, too. Maybe we should go sometime.”

Mr. Meeks remained silent and studied Nelson. He didn’t look angry exactly, more perplexed.

The front door opened and Kyle walked out, carrying his cap in his hand, his hair still slick from the shower.

“Honey, you’re going to catch cold,” his mom said.

“I’m fine,” Kyle replied. “See you later.”

A s soon as he got in Nelson’s car, he let out a groan. “They’re making me crazy. Dad’s giving me the silent treatment—course, I’m giving it back—and Mom won’t leave me alone. A ll last night she kept asking me questions.” He leaned his head out the window to dry his hair.

Nelson put a tape in the stereo. “I think your dad doesn’t know what to make of me.” Kyle leaned back in the car. “Did he say anything? I told Mom he better not.”

“Didn’t I tell you he was going to think I brainwashed you?”

When the boys arrived at the meeting, Shea was talking to a cute, college-aged boy whom Nelson had never seen before. Yummy smile, Nelson thought. Definite hottie. During introductions, he said his name was Jeremy. Nelson liked the name. He didn’t realize he was staring at him until Shea wagged her finger at him. She could be such a wiseass.

Tam, the day’s facilitator, announced the meeting’s topic: “Friends and Lovers.” Nelson sat up. He’d never had a lover, or a boyfriend, or even a date. He thought about it often enough, especially when he was horny, which was pretty much 24/7. But he’d never even been kissed, except by his family—and A tticus, his dog. Too depressing to think about.

“In the straight world,” Tam suggested, “friends are usually same sex and lovers are opposite sex. But if you’re gay or lesbian, how do you decide if someone of the same sex will be a friend or something more?” Blake spoke up first. “I knew the moment I first saw Dane that he turned me on. No question about it. A lmost overnight we became boyfriends.”

Nelson glanced at Kyle and tried to remember if he had felt attracted to him when they first met.

Kyle didn’t seem interested in the discussion. He was doodling or writing something on the back of a bright orange flyer.

“I don’t think the two have to be separate.” Shea put her arm around her girlfriend. “Caitlin and I have been lovers for three years, but we’re also best friends.”

Damn it, Nelson thought, if Shea and Caitlin can be lovers, why can’t Kyle and I?

“Yeah,” Caitlin said. “But I think it’s different for girls than for guys.”

“I don’t think so,” Shea said. The way those two bickered, it amazed Nelson they stayed together.

The new guy, Jeremy, raised his hand. “Do you have to decide right away if a person’s going to be a friend or something more?

Shouldn’t you get to know each other before you make a move?”

Make a move? Nelson asked himself. He’d known Kyle for three years and still didn’t have a clue how to make a move.

He wanted to contribute something to the discussion, but the conversation raised more questions for him than anything. He started to get a headache and was glad when the meeting ended.

A t Burger King afterward, Caitlin asked Nelson why he’d been so quiet at the meeting. Shea answered in his place: “He was too busy checking out the cute new guy, Jeremy. A nd don’t deny it.” She grinned at Nelson. “I saw you. He was checking you out too.”

“Get out! He was not. Was he?”

Shea brushed her blond curls back. “Yep. A nd I found out he’s single.”

Caitlin shook a french fry at Nelson. “Better make a move, Mister Man. The boy won’t stay single for long in that group!” Both girls laughed, though Nelson failed to see the humor. He’d been in the group four years and he was still single.

“Scoot over.” Kyle walked up, carrying his tray of food. “A ren’t you going to eat anything?” Nelson slid over in the booth and pulled out a pack of diet pills. “I’m trying to slim down.”

“You said your legs were too skinny!” Shea said, reading the box label.

“Yeah, but I think I’m getting a gut.” He swallowed a pill and nabbed a sip from Shea’s Coke.

Caitlin shook her head at him. “You’re crazy!”

Nelson turned to Kyle. “What were you writing in there?” He reached for the bright orange flyer sticking out of Kyle’s shirt. “Let me see.”

Kyle clutched his pocket. “Hey, none of your business!”

Nelson withdrew his hand. “A love letter to Jason?”

“No! A nyone want some fries?”

Caitlin accepted his offer, feeding Shea a fry. “Don’t change the subject. We want to hear the latest, most juicy gossip about Jason.”

“There’s no gossip.”

Nelson drummed his knuckles on the table. “There must be something new. Usually you can’t stop talking about him.”

“Okay.” Kyle put down his burger. “I went over to his house the other day to help him with math. Satisfied?”

“Okay.” Kyle put down his burger. “I went over to his house the other day to help him with math. Satisfied?” Nelson stopped drumming. “You went to his house? You never told me that.”

“Oops,” Caitlin said, covering her mouth. “I think we just opened a can of worms.”

“Since when do I have to tell you everything?”

“You always tell me everything!” “You know,” Shea told Caitlin, “maybe we should go find that CD you wanted.”

“You don’t have to go,” Kyle said, but they were already up.

A s everyone said good-bye, Nelson moved across the booth from Kyle and pulled his leather jacket tight around him, unsure whether to feel angry or hurt by Kyle’s omission of Jason information.

Kyle picked up his burger. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Jason’s. I was going to, but then all the stuff happened with the magazine and my parents. Besides, lately, whenever I tell you something that has to do with Jason, you go nuts.” Nelson knew Kyle was right; he did go nuts at the mention of Jason. A s they walked outside, Kyle put his arm around Nelson’s shoulder, something he hadn’t done for a long time. That reassured him a little. Kyle hadn’t totally ditched him—at least not yet.

On the drive home Kyle suggested they rent a video. “How about a comedy? To get you out of your funky mood.” Nelson lit a cigarette. “I’m not in a funky mood.” He punched the radio buttons, trying not to think about Kyle and Jason anymore.

A long with the video Kyle bought a jumbo bag of M&M’s. “Want some?” he asked, climbing back into the car.

Nelson plunged his hand into the M&M’s, thinking: Fuck losing weight. “So, what did you and Jason do at his house?”

“Nothing.” Kyle’s gaze drifted into space, his eyes glazing over. “I helped him with his math. I met his mom and little sister. I wonder if he’ll invite me over again. Maybe I should invite him to my house. What would I say?”

“Tell him you want to suck his dick.”

“I’m glad you’re done sulking.”

“I wasn’t sulking.”

Kyle shook his head. “He’s not interested in me like that. I want to be his friend. I want to get to know him.”