Rainbow Boys (7 page)

“But I don’t want to be a media diva.”

“Come on. A t least think about it.”

Kyle continued shaking his head. “Nope.” He returned his attention to the box of perfume. “Hand me the wrapping paper.” Nelson frowned. “You know, Kyle, I often think what a boring life you’d have if it wasn’t for me.” He stood up and looked at himself in Kyle’s full-length mirror, stroking his curls. Then he remembered the Honcho magazine and pulled it out of his backpack. “Hey, look what I got.” He opened the magazine.

Kyle laid aside the wrapping paper and fixed his attention on the photos. “Wow!” Nelson turned the page. “I’m getting hard.”

Kyle said, “That’s fascinating.”

Nelson wasn’t sure if Kyle meant the photo or his comment. “I always get hard looking at men. How about you?” Kyle wet his lips and swallowed. “None of your business.”

“Kyle?” Nelson stood up. “Can I ask you something?” He pulled his shirt off over his head. “What do you think of my body?” Kyle looked up from the magazine and stared blankly. “Huh?”

Nelson flexed his biceps. “Be honest. I mean, do you think I have a good body? I know I’m fat.”

“You’re not fat.”

“Not fat?” Nelson pinched the flesh surrounding his waist. “What do you call that?”

“Skin.”

Nelson stuck his tongue out at him.

“Nelson, you’re not fat. You’re skinnier than I am.”

“Then”—Nelson watched Kyle closely—“you think I have a good body? Schultz said he could get me steroids.”

“You don’t need steroids. You have a good body.”

Nelson danced his hands down along his naked chest, exultantly happy. “You think so? Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I’m really good looking. Then other times I think my body’s all wrong. I hate it.” Maybe Shea was right after all. If Kyle liked his body, maybe he stood a chance. He turned to face Kyle. “There’s something else I want to ask you.” He bit down on his index finger. “No. I’d better not.”

Kyle shrugged and returned to the magazine.

“Okay,” Nelson said. “I’ll ask. When you jack off, who do you think of?”

Kyle looked up at him. “I don’t know. I think about a lot of people—guys in magazines … Jason.” Nelson waved that idea aside and ventured forth, bracing himself. “Do you ever think of me?” Kyle gave Nelson a mystified look. “Why would I think of you?”

Nelson’s heart sank. His whole body sank. It had been a stupid question.

Kyle watched him. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re my best friend, Nelson. I mean, you don’t think of me, do you?”

“No,” Nelson lied, and quickly pulled his shirt back on. “It’s just that you said you think I have a nice body.” Kyle shrugged. “So? I’m gay. I like guys’ bodies.” He returned his attention to the Honcho.

Nelson sat down and lit a cigarette, studying Kyle and considering the conversation. Kyle wasn’t interested in him, but if he liked guys’

bodies, maybe they could still have sex. It didn’t have to mean anything. A fter all, he wasn’t even convinced that he was in love with Kyle.

He was definitely horny, though. No one needed to persuade him of that.

“Well, then,” he said cautiously, “if you like guys’ bodies … maybe we should try it sometime.” Kyle glanced up. “Try what?”

Nelson exhaled a stream of smoke. “You know …” He couldn’t finish. The whole idea was stupid. If Kyle wanted to have sex with him, they would have done it by now. He flicked his ashes. “Forget it.”

Kyle returned to the magazine. “Look at this guy.”

Nelson didn’t want to look at the guy. He was sorry he’d ever shown Kyle the stupid magazine. He leaned over and grabbed it.

“Hey,” Kyle protested. “What are you doing? I was looking at it.”

“It’s my magazine.”

“Fine!” Kyle fumed. “You’ve probably slobbered over it a thousand times anyway.” Nelson ignored him, pretending to study the magazine. Out of corner of his eye he saw Kyle sneak a hand into his crotch and rearrange his underwear.

“What’s with you lately? You seem so weird.” Kyle glanced at his watch. “Poop, it’s almost eleven o’clock.” Nelson knew it was time to leave, even though he didn’t want to go. He closed the magazine. “What are you doing tomorrow?” Kyle yawned. “It’s my mom’s birthday, remember? We’re going to my grandmom’s. Want to come?”

“Sure,” Nelson replied. Kyle’s grandmom had a horse farm, and they always had a great time there. He tossed the magazine back to Kyle. “Here. It might help take your mind off Mademoiselle Jason.”

Kyle caught the magazine, staring in surprise. “You mean it? I better not. What if my mom finds it?” Nelson laughed. “That would be an original way to come out.”

Kyle smirked. “Yeah, right.” He dropped the magazine into his nightstand.

When Nelson got home, he walked his dog around the block, then trudged upstairs and undressed for bed. He looked once more at the photo of Kyle’s bright, gleaming smile before turning off the light. Wrapping the covers around himself, he imagined slow dancing at homecoming, his arms around Kyle.

Jason pinned the homecoming corsage onto Debra’s white satin evening dress. In spite of all the confusing shit going on, he still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She patted him on the lapel and pecked him a kiss. “There, you look perfect.” They sat with Corey and Cindy at their usual lunch table and watched couples dance beneath the mirrored ball twirling in the decorated cafeteria. Jason felt the buzz from the vodka and Pepsi they’d drunk in the parking lot. He began to sing to Debra, changing the lyrics of the love song that was playing to include her name. When he finished, Corey and Cindy applauded him. He stood and took a bow. Debra wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “That’s the first time you’ve sung to me since …” Her blue eyes drifted up as she thought. “Gosh … since last spring?”

Cindy smiled. “This is the best night ever.” She paused, then held Debra’s hand. “Of course, it would be better if you’d won.” Debra shifted in her seat. She’d lost homecoming queen by only twenty-three votes, but she was being a good sport.

Corey laughed. “I heard Nelson Glassman was going to run.”

Debra flung her wrist in the air. “But he’s already a queen!”

Cindy joined in. “He’ll probably show up in an evening gown any minute.”

Jason sat back in his chair, leaning into the shadows. Why did they have to bring up Nelson just when he was starting to enjoy himself?

“Whoops,” Debra said, contritely covering her mouth. “I think we just stepped out of bounds for proper homecoming conversation.” Corey clapped his hand onto Jason’s shoulder. “Come on, Jason, what’s with you, man?”

“Nothing. I just don’t like—forget it.”

Debra placed both hands on the table. “It’s not like I’m saying anything bad about him,” she protested. “He’s told the whole school he’s gay.”

Cindy scowled at Jason. “So, what do you care?”

Jason tugged at his tie and glared back at her. “I don’t.”

Michelle Phillips, the homecoming queen, waltzed over wearing a smoldering red strapless and a wrist corsage of speckled carnations.

Her tin crown sparkled in the light of the mirrored ball. She asked if everyone was having a good time and made dutiful chitchat. Two seconds after she left, Cindy grabbed Debra’s hand again. “The bitch. You should have won.”

“I really don’t care,” Debra said. “We’re seniors and I’m going to have a ball this year, no matter what. I’m going to drink, f like a bunny”—She leaned against Jason, laughing—“and have a fantastic time.” She lifted her eyes to Jason and extended her hand. “Shake on it?”

But Jason didn’t want to shake on it. He didn’t like her bringing up their sex life in front of the whole world, either. In fact, he felt irritated by the entire evening. “I wish you wouldn’t talk that way.”

Debra let her hand fall to the table. “Talk what way?” Her tone turned serious. “I’ve always talked that way, Jason.” He pulled at his tie again. It was choking him to death. Corey and Cindy stared at him, making him feel like it was his fault he was having such a shitty time. “Well, it makes you sound like a—” He stopped, about to say something terribly hurtful. Corey and Cindy braced against the table, poised for the verbal blow. But Jason backed down. “I—I just don’t like it.” The DJ started to play a slow number, and Cindy pulled Corey onto the dance floor. Debra leaned into Jason’s shoulder and kissed the tip of his earlobe. “Please, let’s not fight anymore,” she whispered.

He put his arm around her. He didn’t want to fight. He felt bad for being such a downer. “Want to dance?” She looked up at him, and he knew she wanted him to kiss her.

For the next couple of hours they danced and talked, and then the lights flashed on, the crowd booed, and the DJ thanked everyone.

Mr. Mueller got on the mike and told everyone to go home. The dance was over.

In the parking lot, they said good-bye to Corey and Cindy. Debra waltzed toward the car. “Wasn’t it beautiful? Mr. Mueller said it was the best homecoming he’s ever seen, and you know he’s been at Whitman forever.” Jason pulled at his tie. “I’ve been wanting to take this fucking thing off all night.”

“Oh, don’t.” Debra circled her arm through his. “You look so dashing!”

Jason slipped away from her arm, yanking the tie from his collar, then pulled his jacket off. Debra twirled in a circle beside him. “This has been the happiest night of my life.” She gazed up at the sky. “Look at the stars!” A t the car, Jason opened the door for her and climbed in the driver’s side, draping his tie over the rearview mirror.

Debra got in and laid her hand on Jason’s. “Honey, let’s drive out by the golf course.” They parked in the little lane by the fairway. Debra leaned close to Jason. “Can you crack your window and leave the heater on?” She snuggled against him. “It’s cold!”

He did as she said, and she sank into his shoulder. “Guess what? It’s almost our two-year anniversary. We started going out right after homecoming. Remember?”

“Hm,” he said, the radio music drifting in and out of his consciousness. He stared across the golf course at a row of clouds drifting across the sliver of moon. He thought how he hated being angry at Debra and how he hated living at home; he thought about his grades and SATs; he thought about wanting to graduate and get away to college. He thought about the jokes at Nelson’s expense. A nd he remembered Kyle giving him a ride home.

Debra lifted her head from his shoulder. “A re you angry at me?”

The suddenness of her question startled him. “No.” He started to kiss her, pressing his lips against hers, but a yawn overpowered him and he had to pull away.

“Honey?” She reached up and ran her fingertips across his face. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know,” he said, a little choked. “Maybe it’s the heat.” He shut the heater off, hoping that was it, but the truth was that he felt no desire for her. Two weeks had passed since the last time they had sex—when he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about Kyle.

He leaned back in the seat and stared out the windshield. The wind had blown all the clouds away, but the moon was thin and dim, barely lighting the darkness. He wondered if he should even try having sex. Maybe touching her would rev him up. He leaned over and unzipped the back of her dress.

She helped by peeling off her bra. Her breathing became quicker, but it only reminded him of snoring, like when his little sister fell asleep on the couch watching TV. Before he could contain it, another cavernous yawn escaped his mouth.

Debra laid her hand on his. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Jason looked at her face. The dim moonlight glistening in her eyes made her look like she might cry.

Debra pulled up her gown, covering herself. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” Jason shuffled his feet. “Nothing’s wrong.” He bit into the nail of his left thumb.

Debra folded her arms across her chest. “You know, half the time I have no idea what’s going on inside that head of yours.” Jason bit off another crescent of fingernail and tried to think what excuse he could give her for not wanting to make love. But he shouldn’t have to make excuses. His anger clouded his thinking. Maybe they should just break up.

“It’s my head,” he snapped at her. “I don’t have to answer to you. A nd I don’t like the third degree.” Her eyes sank into her face. She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

He knew he’d hurt her and he felt ashamed for it. He should have left things alone. He took a deep breath. “I think maybe I need some space to think about some things.”

She looked up at him, her brow knit up in confusion. She brushed the hair away from her face, but a strand remained stuck to the wet spot on her cheek. “What kind of things? Can you at least give me some idea what this is about?” He looked out the window again, across the golf course. He wanted to be honest with her, but when he opened his mouth to speak, his throat clenched.

“Is it me?” Debra said, her voice cracking.

He leaned his head onto the steering wheel. “No,” he sighed.