Rare and Precious Things (26 page)

Her eyes fluttered open, flaring wide as she became aware of me.

“Shit! I’m sorry I—I fell asleep?” She grappled with the door latch frantically, the sound of panic in her voice.

I covered her hand with mine and stilled her.
“Easy. You’re safe, everything’s fine. You just drifted off is all.”

“Okay…sorry.”
She panted deeply, looked out the window, and then back to me warily.

“Why do you keep apologizing?”
She seemed very rattled, and I wanted nothing more than to soothe her fears, but at the same time—I was annoyed with the strange sensation of which I had absolutely no purposeful reason to be feeling.

“I
don’t know,” she whispered at me.

“Are you okay?”
I smiled, hoping I wasn’t freaking her out. I didn’t like the idea of her being afraid of me, but I did want her to remember me after tonight. I wanted her to trust me, too.

“Thank you for the ride.
And the water. And the other stu—”

I interrupted her, knowing I had to take charge so there would be another opportunity for me
to meet her again. “You take care of yourself, Brynne Bennett.” I unlocked the door. “You have your key ready? I’ll wait until you’re inside. What floor is it?”

She retrieved her key from her bag and put her mobile into it.
“I live in the top studio loft, fifth floor.”

“Roommate?”

“Well, yes, but she’s probably not in.”

What was she thinking? I so wanted to know what she thought of me, if she was interested in finding out
anything more about me. “I’ll look for the light to come on then,” I said.

She opened her door and
stepped out. “Goodnight, Ethan Blackstone,” she said to me before she shut the door.

I followed her with my eyes as she made her way to her door, used her key and went in
side. I waited until I saw the light come on in her fifth-floor loft before I pulled out.

I didn’t know
exactly what I felt, or what might happen when I drove away from her place. But I did know this: I would be seeing Brynne Bennett again. Most definitely. There was no other option I would accept on the matter…

I smiled to myself because I didn’t feel the cold anymore. My leg hurt, but I knew it really didn’t matter now. I felt warm, and I was in my safe place with my memories of Brynne, where everything was good and right. She was my light and had been from the first moment I looked upon her beauty. She’d loved me, and held me together, when I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to work that miracle. We were going to have a baby soon. Thinking of our baby made me happy, but very sad at the same time. I couldn’t see my child in the place where I was going. He or she wouldn’t ever know me. But Brynne would tell our son or daughter about me. She would be such a wonderful mother. She already was. Brynne was good at everything she did and motherhood was no different. I knew there wasn’t much time left for me. I couldn’t keep my promise to her. That ripped into my heart worse than anything could. I’d promised I would come back to her. I’d said that nothing could ever keep me from coming back to her.

I desperatel
y wanted to tell her how much I loved her, and how happy she’d made me in our time together. How I could go away, knowing I’d been loved by the most perfect woman in the world? That she was the
only
person to ever really see inside my dark soul to find me—and still made me feel like I’d won the fucking national lottery of life. It didn’t hurt me so much knowing my life would be cut short. The joyfulness was in knowing she’d been a part of it.

Brynne
was
my life. The last piece of my puzzle that had finally completed me.

I just needed a way to tell her somehow, so she wouldn’t worry about me. I wanted her to know how happy I was at the end of my life…because I’d been blessed with the rare and precious gift…of loving her.

10th
January

London

NEIL
and Elaina wouldn’t take no for an answer. They had me over to their place for dinner, or came to our place every night since Ethan was away. I knew he’d arranged for them to babysit me, and I guess it made sense since they were just across the hall. Good thing I loved them both so much.

But they were newlyweds, and needed their private time together, I argued. Neil and Elaina were trying to make a baby of their own, and hanging out with me wasn’t doing them much good in that department. When I said so, they both laughed at me and made cryptic comments that had me wondering if they’d already managed it and just weren’t announcing the news yet. I hoped so. The two of them were so perfect together, and in getting to know them both so well, I’d learned how they’d been a part of each other’s lives since they were kids. The two of them were fated to be together from the very beginning. It made me so happy knowing true love had won out for them.

Ethan’s directive annoyed me, but at the same time, was so very typical of him. So protective, and caring…and cautious. I wondered how he was doing on the job with Prince Christian in the Swiss Alps. He’d dreaded to go as much as I hated him leaving. We hadn’t had time to work through our hiccup, and it was the worst feeling for me.

I missed my man
dreadfully, and needed him back home. I wanted to unburden everything to him about what Lance had told me. And I hoped to hear whatever Ethan was willing to share with me, to get us back to where we’d been before that hideous night we fought over things that just weren’t worth hurting the one you love. Not to me. And, I know, not to him, either.

CHICKEN
tacos with avocado and corn salsa, was my new pregnant comfort food. I tried to get Neil and Elaina to abandon their dinner plans with me by having it twice in one week, but they weren’t buying it, saying they loved my version of Mexican food. Bless their sweet Brit hearts. Because the British rendition of Mexican sucked, in my opinion. Maybe if my career in art conservation failed, I could do street-tacos and make a killing. I laughed inwardly at the idea of Ethan ever allowing me to entertain such a thing. I could set up next to Muriel’s newsstand on the street by Blackstone Security, and he could come down and have his lunch.

Neil loved cooking
, so he was the one helping me in the kitchen. Elaina was off in the nursery working on the mural I’d planned out with her help. It was just a tree with birds and butterflies right now. Color and theme still to be determined, once we knew boy or girl…Thomas or Laurel.

“
Do you know this was the very first meal I ever made for Ethan?” I popped a chunk of avocado in my mouth and savored it. “He brought along some Dos Equis, and ended up getting hooked on the Mexican beer
and
the Mexican food,” I said.

“I know,” Neil answered with a chuckle
, as he added some spices to the sizzling chicken. “He talked about you
all
the time. Said you were a brilliant cook, and to give the Dos Equis a try with a sliver of lime.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah. I knew he was done-for at that point. Not because of the Mexican food, mind you, but because of the beer. He left off with the Guinness practically overnight,” he said with a snap of his fingers and a sorry shake of his head.

“That
would be Ethan for you. He makes a decision about something, and that’s that.” I sighed pitifully, thinking about our unresolved “problems.”

Neil stopped chopping tomatoes and looked up at me. “He’ll be home soon, Brynne. There’s nowhere he wants to be but
right here with you.”

“I know, but he left when things…weren’t right between us. Do you know why, Neil?” I asked, realizing it was entirely probable he did know.

He nodded. “Yeah. I saw the photos of you and Oakley at the coffee shop. Publicity Tweets is all that was to be expected really.”

“I didn’t think about that part. It was just something I had to do, and when Ethan gets home I will explain everything, but it just wasn’t the time for
me
right then, you know?”

Neil’s dark brown eyes were very warm and understanding. “The two of you will work through it, Brynne. I know Ethan, and there is nothing he wouldn’t do for you. He’d
walk through fire to get back with you.”

I stifled a sob and worked on the corn salsa. “Neil, what’s the deal with Sarah Hastings? When Ethan saw her again at your wedding, he was really affected by her presence, and not in a good way. He told me some of what happened to her husband, Mike, and how horrible his death was to witness. I understand that part of his trauma…and at the same time, I cannot imagine how devastating it is for him to remember
when he has a flashback.”

“Sarah? She’s all right, and I can only guess that she has something to do with his therapy, but he hasn’t said—and I won’t ask.”

“I understand,” I said bleakly, realizing that I would just have to be patient with him, and wait until the time came when Ethan could tell me what role Sarah played in his emotional health. “Ethan told you about his therapy sessions with Dr. Wilson at the Combat Stress Centre?”

“He did, Brynne, and I am so glad he’s finally getting something in the way of support. I know it’s only because of you that he’s been able to get himself over there.”

“What happened to him was so horrible…” I trailed off, unable to even express my feelings about what Ethan had endured.

Neil stopped with the food prep altogether. “It was bad, Brynne, really bloody bad.”

“I know he feels guilt, he told me he does, but why does he? Being captured and tortured was not his fault.”

Neil hung his head and closed his eyes for just a moment. He paused
with his head down over the kitchen counter for a long time. I figured he wouldn’t tell me anything, or couldn’t tell me because of strict rules within the British Army. But finally, he picked up his knife and returned to chopping vegetables, and then he started talking.

“I don’t know everything, but I know enough to puzzle it together. E’s shared what he could with me, and the rest I know because I heard the com
ms when they came through—the communications between base and squad when they’re out in the field. I commanded my own team, as did Ethan. I wasn’t there, just E and his men were. There were five troops, and Mike Hastings was one of them. None of them returned alive. Mike survived the ambush along with Ethan…and you know what happened there. E went through debriefing once he was returned, and he said on the day they planned to execute him, the building where he was being held was bombed into a pile of rubble. Nobody knows how E walked out of there alive. Not even he knows. He said he had no explanation of how or why he wasn’t crushed to bits in the blast. It was something truly miraculous.”

I held my breath as Neil explained the
“why” for so many of my questions. Things Ethan just couldn’t talk about. I now understood why, and it just shredded my heart for him, and what he had to suffer. “No wonder he has angel wings on his back,” I whispered.

“Yeah.”
Neil gave the chicken another stir and told me the rest. “Mike’s torture and execution was brutal, and I know Ethan feels tremendous loss and guilt. He believes because it was his call as commander, that he put them all into danger, and as a result of his decision, five young men lost their lives.”

“But it
was war. How can what happened be his fault?” I ached for Ethan even worse than before, and wanted nothing more than to have my arms around him, and his chest, with its fiercely brave and beautiful heart, beating up against mine.

“
War is fucked no matter how you look at it. What happened to their team was indescribable really. They were lured in by a dead mother with her throat slit in the middle of the road, and with her hysterically crying son clinging to her body. He was no more than three years old. Hours of this went on and the comms kept coming in. Ethan wanted to go in and get the boy. And after many hours of haggling back and forth, he was finally given the go-ahead. But it was all a trap. The Taliban used a woman and child as decoys to take out a whole squad of elite soldiers—sympathetic Westerners, who would never conceive of such treatment to anyone or anything. It worked. Ethan went in, grabbed the boy, but he was shot and killed just seconds later, while still in E’s arms. A firefight ensued and at the end of it, two innocent civilians were slaughtered, four of our own were dead, and Mike and E were captives.”

“Oh
, my God…”

I didn’t even have words for Neil. What could I even say to him? Were there even w
ords to be said? No…no words could make that story feel any better, no matter how many years passed. I rubbed my belly and thought of Ethan, and how much I loved him. He was so much more than I ever could have known when we first met. He was a true hero in every sense of the word, who had served honorably and suffered because of that service.

“
Thank you for telling me, Neil, it h-helps me to…know.”

And it really di
d help me, but knowing the truth was horrifying, too. I felt sick, and knew I couldn’t eat the food I’d just been preparing with Neil. How did any of them eat anything ever again, when faced with the memories of wartime experiences I’d just heard? I knew how Ethan’s mind worked, and I could honestly see him feeling the burden of terrible guilt over all of the deaths…how he suffered when he relived the events in dreams.

“I just love him so much. I’d do
anything to be able to help him,” I said finally.

“But you do, Brynne. Your love has helped him
already, more than any other thing.”

WHEN
I was awakened early the next morning from a sound sleep in my lonely bed, I was startled. When I realized Elaina had let herself into the flat to wake me, I knew something bad had happened. When I caught a glimpse of Neil hovering in the doorway, I started crying and gripped my chest. When I heard words saying that something had happened to Ethan, I screamed.

I screamed
at them both and begged them not to tell me.