Authors: T Styles
Tags: #Fiction, #Literary, #Urban, #African American, #General
MAD
BANG BANG
I was in the kitchen at Concord Manor getting some ice for my Henny. I can’t believe my sister stood me up again. Since we got here, she changed so much and I’m starting not to like her anymore. Leaning against the counter, I downed the liquor in the glass and was about to drink some more when Harmony walked up on me.
“What?” I asked looking at her. “I know you not about to play mamma and tell me I can’t drink in your house.”
“I know it’s too late for that,” she said. “I am surprised you’re even here.”
“Why you say that?”
“You usually gone by now.” She paused. “But can I have some?”
I slid the bottle across the counter to her and said, “Help your self.”
Without using the cup she swallowed some, frowned and slid it back toward me. “I can’t see why you drink that shit.”
I laughed and said, “You got your poison, I got mine.”
I grabbed my bottle and walked into the living room. She was on my heels even when I sat on the sofa. She sat next to me.
“Where’s your mother?” I asked, sipping some more Henny.
“You mean Irma?”
I shrugged. “Yeah…whatever. Where she at?”
“They took her to the hospital for some more tests. She’s not doing too well.”
“Oh.” I drank some more until I noticed she was still staring at me. “You sad?”
Her head hung low and she said, “I don’t care about that, bitch.” Then she looked at me again.
“So you can ask us for forgiveness yet you won’t give it to her.”
“She abandoned me. And even though I was a bad mother I never gave up on you. Either of you. I deserve credit for at least that.”
She wouldn’t stop looking at me. What was up?
“What? You want some more Henny or something?” I asked frowning. I was thinking about hanging out with Mad Max or the girl I met the other day so right now, all I was doing was killing time. But I didn’t want to kill it with her watching me. “Because I really wanna be by myself right now.”
“Do you think we could ever start over?” She asked with raised eyes. “I mean, really start all over?”
“I don’t know.” I said drinking some more. “Because right now every time I see your face I want to kill you.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one with all the hate in my heart?” she paused. “I mean, you let your friends rape me, you stuck me with a corn dog filled with ants which it took the doctor days to clean out of my body and you tried to kill me.”
“A normal person wouldn’t do something like that unless they had a fucked up childhood.” I said. “Now who do I blame for that?”
“Madjesty…”
“No seriously. Because if I started talking about how you burned me with irons, never washed my clothes, didn’t feed me for days,” I paused, “what you went through for them weeks downstairs couldn’t even compare. Oh…and don’t forget the biggest shit yet. That for years you had me thinking I was a boy.”
“I don’t know that you would’ve been any different, Madjesty. Quite honestly.” She said. “I think you would’ve always looked and felt the need to be a boy.”
“So that makes it right?”
“No it doesn’t.” She paused. “And I really am sorry about everything, Mad.”
“I’m so fucking tired of people saying they’re sorry.” I said rubbing my temples. “If you really sorry, you wouldn’t keep doing the things that you do. So you not sorry you did me wrong, you’re sorry that I’m big enough not to take your shit no more.”
Silence.
“I know you’re angry, but it looks like something else is on your mind.” She paused. “Something happened with you and Jayden?”
“How you know?”
She laughed and said, “She’s the only one who can get to you, because I never could.”
“She stood me up tonight again. Every time we make plans to hang out, she with the nigga Jace.” Harmony shook her head. “What?”
“I was afraid this would happen.”
“Why?”
“Because Jace can be very manipulative. So if he’s in her head, anything could go wrong now. Jayden is going to change for the worse, not the better, Mad. And I know you love her, but you gotta be aware.”
“For real?”
“Yeah…and with Jayden being impressionable she might not know what he’s doing. He’ll try and pull her away from her family. Her real family.” I looked at her like she was crazy. Because although I may have been family, she hadn’t been anything close to it since we were born. “By family I mean you.”
“You don’t know what you talking about,” I said.
“Listen, you and I both know that Jayden is naïve. I’ve been telling her that for most of her life. It’s not her fault, but she doesn’t have her own mind. Quite honestly you may be losing your sister.”
“Don’t say that shit to me!” I yelled, standing up to look down at her. “I will fucking kill you if you talk to me like that! I could never lose my sister!”
“I’m sorry,” she said backing down a little. “You’re right. I went too far. I was just telling you so you’d know the truth. That’s all.”
When I sat down, she got up and moved for the staircase. “One of these days you’ll see that we have more in common than you realize, Mad.” She paused. “I’m not your enemy anymore. I’m your mother and I love you.”
When she walked upstairs I thought about what she was saying. Jayden was acting differently and I didn’t know how to take it. I was just about to call Mad Max and see what was up for the night when my cell phone rang. It was Denise.
“Hey, you busy?” She asked.
Her voice was like music to my ears. “Naw,” I smiled sipping my Henny. “What’s up with you?”
“I was wondering if I could get some of that dick you were telling me about the other day. Especially since you left me hanging last time.”
Her comment took me off guard. “Yeah, if you ready for it I got it.”
“I was ready the moment I laid eyes on you. But you were so bent on tasting this pussy.” She giggled. “So can I come over?”
I knew I could have company because Harmony couldn’t control me anymore. But with Irma and her daughters staying here for a while, shit was too crowded and I needed my own space. Not to mention Denise didn’t know I was a girl.
“How ‘bout we get a hotel?”
“What…you don’t want me to meet your mother or something?” She laughed. “She don’t like bad girls?”
“My mother is a bad girl.”
She laughed. “Well, a hotel works for me.”
“Aight, let me hit you after I get the room. You can catch a cab and I’ll pay for it.”
“I drive remember?”
“Oh yeah. Well give me a minute and I’ll hit you back.”
To be ready for her I ran upstairs to get my gear together. Then I jumped in the shower. Every time my hands ran over my breasts or vagina tears rolled down my face. I hated my body more each day because it seemed like every second I was developing into a woman. When I finished showering, I did something I never did, walked into my bedroom and looked at my naked body in the mirror.
My breasts…bigger than I wanted them to be. My hips…too curvy. And my vagina, all reminded me that I wasn’t what I knew I was in my heart. A boy.
Feeling disgust with my shape, I opened my dresser drawer and pulled out a roll of Ace Bandages. Then I wrapped my breasts tightly over and over with the bandages until you couldn’t see its form. I wanted them cut off and I couldn’t wait until I had enough money to do just that. In fact I couldn’t wait until I had a sexual reassignment surgery I read about in a magazine because I would never have to do any of this shit ever again.
After I bound my breasts I put a plain white-t shirt over it followed by a grey Hugo Boss t-shirt. With my shirts on, I grabbed a black fitted baseball cap and pulled it over my eyes. My hair was growing more now so it was red and curly and I liked it to hang out the sides of my cap a little.
When I was done with that I grabbed the black strap with the dick attached to it that I bought the other day and put it on. I smiled when I saw the long brown dick hanging between my legs and I put on my white boxers. With my t-shirts, hat, strap on and dick I looked like how I felt inside.
I let the dick hang out through the slot in the boxers and stroked it in my hand. It was as close to my complexion as possible and I couldn’t wait to fuck her with this joint. As long as I didn’t let her touch it or my body, I knew it could pass for the real thing once I was inside of her. Yeah…finally shit was coming together for me. When I got dressed, I grabbed my wallet and dipped out the door.