Raunchy 2 (80 page)

MAD
THE BONDTHAT DOESN’T BREAK

Me and all of my friends were on the Washington DC subway’s (Metro) red line for over two hours, just riding it back and forth like we always did when we were bored. I was trying to feel them out. See if anything changed since my father came to the hotel and got rid of Amber’s body. I could always tell when something was up because we were all quiet. But that wasn’t the case. We talked about stuff, like we always did still, something felt off. I felt like after I killed Amber that now they held something over my head and I had nothing over theirs. That would have to change.

“What’s your worst fear?” Wokie asked me.

We were sitting on the metro in our seats in a way that we could all see each other. Our backs leaned against the windows and our feet pointed toward the aisle. The five of us were taking up full seats so that no one could sit next to us. Sugar kept looking at me. In a way that made me nervous. Then she’d look at Krazy, Wokie and Kid, and I knew they held a secret behind my back. What was it?

“I don’t know. I don’t have no fear.” I told them.

They all looked at me. “Well she did kill somebody.” Sugar said. “So we got to believe when she say she not scared of nothing.”
“Why you being all hot?” I asked, sipping the Henny I poured in a Coke bottle earlier. There were two more bottles of Henny in my bag ready to go.
“We all got fears.” Wokie said. “I don’t care what she say.”
“Right, nigga. We all got fears, so since you asking the question, what’s yours?” Krazy asked.
Wokie looked at the white lady with the red hair and tight blue dress that he’d been eyeing since she got on fifteen minutes earlier. She looked like she popped right out of a fashion magazine. She was beautiful.
“I’m afraid of dying. I guess.” He looked at us.
“That’s too easy!” Kid said.
“Why?” I asked him.
“Because everybody’s afraid of dying.”
“Not me.” I looked at all of my friends. Then I poured some more Henny down my throat. “Not me.”
“Pick something else,” Krazy said. “And when we all get the question nobody can say death. And we can’t pick what somebody else picked either.”
“So what’s your greatest fear, Wokie?” Kid asked. “Because you can’t say death, man.”
“I’m afraid of drowning.” He paused.
“Ain’t that death?” Sugar asked.
“Naw…it’s a way of dying. So shut the fuck up and listen.” Wokie said. “Anyway, when I was a kid, I saw this baby drown before.”
“Where?” I asked.
“I was at my aunt’s house in Atlanta for this family reunion cookout. She had this pool in her backyard. Anyway, after the cookout nobody wanted the party to be over. We were having too much fun even though the mosquitoes was fucking us up! It was nighttime and all the adults were inside the house, having a party. My cousins, about six or seven of us around the same age, and me, were sitting by the pool drinking beer. We weren’t supposed to be out there but the adults were so busted that we knew they wouldn’t know.”
“How old were you?” Kid asked.
“’Bout thirteen I think.
“Nigga, that was last year! You fourteen now!”
“Shut up, Kid! And let him finish the story.” I said.
“Shannon, my girl cousin, use to be real close with us, but shit changed. We didn’t even know she was pregnant before she brought her baby to the cookout. Then, nobody really wanted her around. Anyway, that whole night she kept trying to hang with us, but she’d bring her baby and it made us uncomfortable. The baby wouldn’t stop crying.” He swallowed. “Anyway, ‘bout five beers later, we convinced her to put the baby in the pool. Saying it could swim naturally like in the womb. She didn’t want to do it at first but I could tell she wanted to fit in, even though we were younger.
“After five more minutes the baby was in the pool, swimming. She was so amazed that she left it in the pool because we all thought it was funny the way it seemed to move. After a minute though, the baby wasn’t swimming no more. It wasn’t even moving. It was like, it just floated or some shit.” The train stopped and more people got on. I could tell Wokie didn’t want nobody but us hearing the story, because it took him a while to restart.
“Like I was saying, after awhile the baby wouldn’t move. It just floated.” He paused. “I’ll never forget the look on my cousin’s face when she took her dead baby out of the water. It was blank. Like, she died too. I wanted to hold her and tell her I was sorry but I was in the drunk zone. She just held on to the baby like it was going to wake up. It didn’t.”
Tears came down his face and he quickly wiped them away. We looked elsewhere to pretend we didn’t see that shit. Crying amongst the crew was a no-no.
“What did ya’ll do?” Sugar asked.
“Me and my cousins went into the house, but didn’t tell the adults. Nobody wanted to be the one to say they witnessed the baby die. After about fifteen minutes one of my aunts went outside to do something when all of a sudden she started screaming. Me and my cousins knew what was up. We were there and saw the whole thing. Anyway, when we went outside,” he swallowed, “when we went outside…we saw the baby and my cousin Shonda floating in the water. She killed herself too.” He looked at all of us. “After all this time, I never understood how she could purposely kill herself by drowning. She wanted to die that bad that she took her own life. After that shit I don’t even go to pools no more. I can’t stand ‘em.”
We all looked at each other but remained silent.
“What’s your greatest fear, Krazy?” Wokie asked trying to get the attention off of him. I felt him on that shit too.
Krazy looked at Wokie and I could tell suddenly the conversation got serious. This was the deepest we ever got with one another. I wondered if it was because Amber’s death brought us closer.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Mad, give me some of that Coke.” I handed him the Henny disguised as Coke and he took a large swallow and gave it back. “I guess it would be, to get locked up. I mean half of my family in jail. My mother, my father, two of my aunts and most of my cousins. I got so many family members in jail that if I went there, I might be alright.”
“So how is that your greatest fear?” I asked.
“Because the idea of not being able to do what I want fucks me up. That’s why me and my foster mother don’t get along right now. That bitch keep trying to tell me what the fuck to do. I’m like, old lady bitch, I’m fourteen!”
We all laughed.
The train stopped and a pretty Spanish girl walked on and sat in a seat next to Krazy.
“So I don’t give a fuck about jail! You know. Because for real I’m not scared of nobody. I just like freedom. If they locked me up, I’d probably still be on the run like that dude in the news.”
“Right! I can’t believe they haven’t caught him after all this time.” Wokie said.
“They wouldn’t catch me either. I’m too smooth for that shit.” He was showing off for the girl and we knew it. We let him live though. It was considered rude to announce a show off in our crew amongst somebody else if you could help it. “But if I had to pick something,” he paused, “a fear that is, that would be it.”
He smiled at the Spanish girl and she waved.
“What about you, Kid?” Krazy asked.
“Me…my fear would be not having shit. You know…like not having a fly ass ride, no whole bunch of money. Shit like that.” He looked at all of us. “I mean…I like getting high and chilling with ya’ll. But what would happen if we grew up and the same shit was going on, and we still didn’t have no money?”
“So what you gonna do about it?” Sugar asked.
“We doing greatest fears! Not greatest questions, bitch.”
“Nigga, fuck you!”
“Bitch, suck my dick!” Kid yelled back. “Anyway, if I had to pick a fear it would be that, because I don’t want to be broke. I don’t wanna grow up not having shit. You know?” Then he looked at Sugar. “And I guess I’ma sell dope to make my come up.”
“What about you, bitch?” Kid asked Sugar. “What’s your greatest fear?”
She rolled her eyes and said, “Being alone.” Then she looked at me. “Not having ya’ll in my life. Even though everybody in this crew treat me like shit.”
“Girl, you know we be just fucking around with you.” Kid said. “You the only bitch in the crew now. You gotta toughen up.”
She put her head down and said, “But sometimes ya’ll go too hard.”
“Man, relax and answer the question.” I told her.
She looked at me and said, “I don’t wanna be alone. Ever.” Then she scooted in and looked dead into my eyes. I took a swig of my Henny and tried to act like I didn’t feel her focusing on me. So I looked at Krazy. But he was booking the Spanish bitch next to him and Kid was now busy with the contents of my book bag. I guess he was looking for the bob we rolled up earlier even though I told him I left it. He wasn’t gonna find shit. Now I had to look back at her.
“What you just say?” I asked. “I ain’t hear you.”
“I said I don’t want to be alone, Mad.” She paused. “I want you to know, that you were right at the hotel. About me not being strong enough. And not having enough heart to be your girl.” She played with her fingers.
“Don’t do it, man.” Kid said still looking in my book bag. I didn’t even know he was paying attention. “I told you on the phone not to do it, Sugar.”
“Yeah…we told you it was a bad idea.” Wokie added. “Leave it alone.”
She waved them off. “Mad, I love you.”
Everybody in my crew did the
Mad Max Drop
. It’s when somebody says something so stupid that everybody puts one hand on their forehead and falls back. Sometimes we would go too far and hit the floor but most times we would just fall back.
“Please stop! You killing us, Sugar!” Wokie said.
“Mad, I love you. And I know I could never replace Glitter. But I’m asking if you could be my girl.”
“Then she asks this nigga to be her girl!” Wokie said. “You wrong on all levels!”
“Have you been listening to anything Mad says?” Kid asked. “She’s a dude! She could never be your girl!”
I was stunned.
Embarrassed.
Shocked.
How could she ask me to be her girl? I wasn’t feeling her like that. Cause of her, we had people listening who weren’t even part of our crew. They were waiting on me to answer and I stumbled. On one hand I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and on another hand I didn’t want to be alone either and now I was. So I looked at her, long and hard before answering her question. Sugar was cute no doubt. I was even feeling the signature red glasses. But I didn’t like how strong she was coming at me. I didn’t like that she fucked every member in our crew and I didn’t like her style.
“Sugar…you’re my friend and I…”
She got up and stormed out before I could finish answering. We all got up to catch her but the train doors shut in our faces. We sat back down in a different place, so we could get the extra ears out of our conversation.
“That went over well.” Krazy said stuffing a folded piece of small white paper in his back pocket. “But let’s look at the brighter side, fellas. I just bagged the baddest bitch any of you niggas have ever seen in your life.”
“Fuck that, bitch. Her eyebrows was too thick.” Wokie said.
“Hatersssss!” Krazy smiled.
My mind was still on Sugar. I wondered how she was doing. I didn’t want to hurt my friend. I loved her but we could never be. And then I wondered if that’s how I came across to bitches I bagged.
Desperate
.
Pressed
. I realized after this I was going to change my whole approach. No more coming at bitches at 100 miles per hour with that romantic bullshit. I was just gonna be me and if they didn’t like it, fuck it. Only when I knew they wanted me would I change shit up and show them the nigga I really could be.
“Just because Sugar pulled that hot wet shit don’t mean you getting out of it.” Kid said to me.
“What you talking about?”
“Your greatest fear. What is it?”
“Oh.” My greatest fear was also being alone but the rules were made and we stuck by our rules. No one in the crew was allowed to say another fear somebody already said so I’d have to pick something else. It showed me that we all had more than one fear in life. “I guess I would have to say fucking another dude.”
“What?” Krazy laughed.
“I would rather die than to have another dude put his dick anywhere near me.”
“So, Mad, real talk, you never,
ever
fucked a dude before?” Wokie asked.
“Why don’t you ask me that again after I drop your ass on the floor.”
They all laughed.
“Just asking,” he said putting his hands up and backing into his seat.
“Why?” Kid asked.
“Why what?”
“Why you never fucked a dude?”
“Because I don’t find niggas attractive. Maybe if I hung around a better looking group of mothafuckas shit would be different.” They all laughed. “Naw, all jokes aside, in my mind I’m a nigga. Like, I don’t see myself as a girl until I look in a mirror. That’s why I hate mirrors. I see myself as a dude. And it be fucking me up when bitches like Amber don’t see that sometimes.”
“That’s why you killed her?” Wokie asked.
“That bitch was wilding out. Talking about how she ain’t wanna fuck with me because I had a…I have a…”
“We got you.” Wokie said and I appreciated them for not wanting me to say the word.
“And I snapped.” I continued. “I just snapped and I smothered her with my pillow. Until she was dead.” I looked at all of them.
“I probably would’ve killed that bitch too.” Wokie said.
“Fuck is you talking about, nigga?” Kid asked.
“You ain’t see how long she held onto the loud when we was passing that shit around. Puff…puff…give!” Wokie said. “She act like the shit was all hers. Damn near smoked it to the nub.”
We bust out laughing.
“I love ya’ll.” I told them. “On some serious shit this right here, is my family.”
“You telling us something we already know.” Wokie said.