Raw: The Ultimate Mc Collection (153 page)

Not a production that they depended on to feed their kids tomorrow night.

The cabin was amazing, better than I remembered it, actually.  But I couldn’t shake the awful guilt, no matter how much I tried to feel peaceful.

Everything was awful, in so many different fucked-up ways, and it was all my fault.

I knew that I had done the right thing, though, no matter how much it would hurt people now.  In time, they would re-build their lives, find another job, find another puppet to work for.  

I had become nothing but poison, and I had to remind myself over and over that I was doing the right thing by just being alone.  

Nobody needed to be subjected to my bullshit anymore.  With any luck, the public would forget about me, too, and I could just go on with my life like a normal person.

I looked around the cabin, my fingers caressing the edges of the kitchen cabinet, and then the dining room chairs, and the charming, stone fireplace.  I shuddered, realizing just how cold it was in here.  

The fireplace was the only source of heat.  There wasn’t any wood in there, but I remembered the shed out back that was filled with a cord of wood that had come with the place when I bought it.  I had been so happy to have my own house for the first time, I smiled at the memory of the wood arriving.  

I could have gathered it from the surrounding woods, but when I tried chopping it up myself, it was a laughable failure.  In a moment of weakness, I had made a phone call and the next day a pick up truck had shown up with a handsome cowboy ready to load it all into my shed for me.  Easy, and it came with the bonus of getting to watch his muscles dance as he heaved all that wood.

I pulled a hoodie out of my bag, and put it on, pulling the hood over my head, and my boots back on before I stepped outside.  The shed was all the way in the back of the property, and with each step, my boots sank into the fallen, soaked pine needles that covered the ground.  

Tall trees swayed around me, the wind whipping the rain through them ferociously as I approached the shed.  The latch opened easily, and the heavy doors squeaked as I pulled them open slowly.  Just as I remembered - a huge pile of dry wood just waiting for me to burn it up.  I smiled to myself for the first time, and then immediately felt guilty for it.

Jesse was dead.  I had no right to smile.

I sighed, and gathered as much wood in my arms as I could carry, and then kicked the doors closed with my boot.  I was almost to the back door of the cabin when I heard a crunch behind me.

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

COLT

I searched all day, and once evening began to set in, and I still hadn’t found her, I started to lose hope.  Fear began to settle deep into my gut, and although outwardly I tried to stay calm, I was becoming more frantic with each passing hour.

Rhododendron was part of three sister towns that encompassed Mt. Hood Village, a sprawling forested area that made up a huge portion of the foothills of the mountain.  It was all densely forested, with endless roads that branched off the highway into the woods, with even more endless roads branching off of those roads.  Some of them seemed to go on forever.

In the beginning, I had set out to methodically go down each and every one until I had covered every road, every tiny gravel road that disappeared into the woods and not turning around till I had reached a dead end.  It was obvious that people were private and kept to themselves here.  And the roar of my bike, of Hal’s bike, made it impossible to be inconspicuous.  

Like the rain still pelting me, and the danger I had put myself in weaving in and out of traffic, I just didn’t give a shit.  Several people walked out of their cabins when they heard my bike, but once I saw they weren’t Jett, I went on my way, and they eventually went back inside.  

After a while, I lost my patience, and I started following my gut, without any pattern to my searching at all.  If I saw a road that looked promising, then I’d go down it.  If I didn’t feel it, I’d pass it up. I had gone down road after road after road, and my worry for Jett just kept growing.  What if Crazy Jack had found her? What if he followed her?  What if she wasn’t there at all and had gone somewhere else?  She could have gone anywhere in the world.  This cabin had just been a hunch.  If I was wrong, I would have wasted precious time looking for her.

But what if I was right? What if she had headed straight there and Crazy Jack had found her?  I didn’t even know what kind of a man we were dealing with, but if he had the strength to take down Jesse, then he wasn’t someone to take lightly.

There was no way I would be able to survive if he hurt her.  Jesse’s dead face flashed in my head, and I felt sick with fear.    

I pulled off another one of the many deserted roads and stopped under some trees for shelter to call Rusty.  They had arrived in Portland, and he told me he was handling everything there.  He even had Seth doing a little digging, searching records, and trying to find an exact location on the cabin.

“It just took a little convincing on my part.  It’s interesting what people will do when you use a little gentle persuasion,” he said.

I laughed quietly, thanked him, and after he assured me they would call me with any news, I hung up.  

The sun had set hours ago, and it was pitch black now, the rain soaking everything and creating shiny puddles all over the ground.  It was cold, and I wished I was wearing my jacket instead of my vest.  The ride up had been brutally cold, and it hadn’t let up a bit.  In fact, the rain, the wind, and the cold all seemed to be getting worse as the evening wore on. I hadn’t noticed I was shaking until now. I was soaked through to my underwear.

And I desperately needed to pee.

I wandered away from my bike a little, walking down the deserted, rocky road and into the woods a little.   As I was zipping up, I looked through the woods to the left.  A faint flicker caught my eye, and I saw another cabin through the trees, just like many others I had seen while I had searched all day.  Most of these were on leased forest land, and the log cabin look was very popular.  

This one was more secluded than the others, though, being the only one that I could see on this road.  Usually, they were clustered together, sharing electricity and water sources.  

I continued walking down the road, my boots waterlogged and sloshing through the rain.  The trees whipped around me, their limbs flailing, shedding their sodden leaves.  I looked up at the sky, a huge, bright moon clear between the clouds above me, the rain silhouetted against it as it fell out of the sky.

It was beautiful.  I would bet it was even more beautiful when it wasn't raining, and you could actually fucking see more than ten feet in front of you.  For the millionth time, I wiped the rain from my eyes as I approached the driveway that led down to the cabin.

When I saw Jett’s car, I almost jumped with joy.

Quickly, I remembered Crazy Jack, and I ducked into the trees, and looked around the grounds.  Everything seemed peaceful and quiet.  There was no sign of another car.  

I walked out of the woods and up to the living room window.  A fire flickered in the fireplace, and Jett was sitting in a plaid easy chair next to it, her expression sad and far away as she stared into the flames, a quilted blanket covering her lap.

My heart soared when I saw she was safe.  She looked sad, but she looked peaceful.  I almost didn’t want to intrude, but there was no way I was fighting that rain to go back to Portland, and there sure as hell was no way I was ever leaving her alone again.  She was just going to have to get used to me being glued to her side.

I decided to give her just a few more moments alone, and I walked back to retrieve my bike.

****

As I roared back down the hill, my headlight lit up the cabin like a spotlight.  The front door opened, and Jett ran out.  At first she smiled, her eyes full of happiness, but just as quickly, her smile faded, and as she ran to me, she broke down in tears.

She flung herself into my arms, sobbing harder and harder until she was almost hysterical.  I held her close, the rain falling around us, soaking her as much as I already was.  She was talking, saying something I couldn’t hear, her words muffled in my chest.

I pulled her away from me slightly and she looked up at me, her lips spilling out a trail of incoherent pain.

“I’m so sorry, all my fault, and all those people, and Jesse! Colt, I’m so sorry about Jesse, none of this would have happened, I was just trying to please everyone, I should have stopped long ago, but there’s just so many people, their lives are important too…”

“Jett!” I yelled, grabbing her flailing hands and gripping them firmly.

She kept babbling, a stream of hidden pain and torment rushing out like a broken dam of long restrained words.  

My kiss shut her up.  

Her lips were hot, heavy, salty with tears.  My mouth engulfed her words, my kisses trying to engulf the pain at the same time.

Shut up, they said.  

Stop it, they said.

Be still, they said.

I pulled away, looking into her eyes, - no, looking into her soul.  She was so lost, so far away from what really mattered.

“Jett, none of that is important.”

“It is, Colt,” she protested. “They —,”

“Stop!” I pressed my hand against her chest, leaning into it steadily.  “This is what’s important, Jett.  This is the only thing that matters. You. Your heart. You, having some semblance of peace and balance. That’s all that matters.  Without you, nothing else is real.”

My lips found hers again, my kiss gentle and probing this time.  She let my words sink in, for the first time, really, and she sighed, her shoulders relaxing, her body almost melting under my kiss.

“You’re all that matters,” I growled, pressing my entire frame into her. 

“And this,” I pulled my hand away from her chest, pressing it between my legs, my hot desire throbbing in her palm.  “This matters.”

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

CRAZY JACK

Not even this rain can help you, Jett.  You let that man touch you again, his filth burning into you, turning you into a whore.

It’s going to take so much scrubbing, so much boiling water, so many bottles of bleach to cleanse you.

You dirty, dirty slut.  

How could you do this to me? How could you do this to yourself? Did you think you could escape with this disgusting man?  You have a destiny, Jett, and it doesn’t include this parasite of a man. 

I’ll show you a man, Jett.  You kiss him like a wanton wench!  

As soon as I’ve bathed you, scrubbed you, I’ll show you how a real man takes you.

You almost saw me, didn’t you, my dear?  You heard the crunch of my shoes as I watched you collect wood.  

You know I am there, don’t you?  You know I wouldn’t just give up on you, an angel like you, a precious, pure light like you!  How could I turn my back?

You just need saving, baby, that’s all.  

My precious, lovely Jett.

Soon, darling, soon.  We are so very close now.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

JETT

Hearing Colt’s bike pull up was like hearing a choir of angels singing.  My heart jumped in my chest, and I ran outside, barefoot, in the pouring rain. 

I was so happy, but when I saw him, when I saw the look of relief on his face, it made me realize just how much I had worried him, how much I had hurt him.  It was all too much to endure and I couldn’t help but break down.

He was the most amazing man ever.  He had every right to hate me for ruining his life, for causing Jesse to die.  And yet, when he kissed me, when he said those sweet words of comfort to me, I realized he was right. 

I was what was important.  If I wasn’t happy, then none of this was worth it.  

“I love you, Jett,” he said, after carrying me back into the cabin and lying on the braided rug in front of the fire with me.  He had undressed, his soaked clothes forming a puddle on the hardwood floor.  I was clinging onto him, his kisses like a salve on my soul.  “I’ve loved you since we were kids.  I’m never going to let anything happen to you, do you understand?  I don’t care how long it takes to make sure you’re safe, nobody is ever getting close to you.  I promise you that, Jett. With all of my soul, I promise you that I’ll protect you.”