Ray of Light

Dedication

To Tom. Because of you, I can be me.

Epigraph

Till at last the day begins

In the east a-breaking,

In the hedges and the whins

Sleeping birds a-waking

~from “Night and Day” by Robert Louis Stevenson

 

Light shines on the godly, and joy on those whose hearts are right.

~Psalm 97:11(KJV)

Chapter One

It hadn't been easy, but Lovina Keim had gotten her way. She was going to be the one to read her grandson's very first letter from Florida aloud.

Holding the envelope carefully on her lap, she adjusted her glasses and waited for her twin granddaughters, husband, and daughter-in-law to get settled. Actually, she was drawing out the moment. It was nice to feel like the focal point of the family once again. Too often she felt like as much of an add-on as her
dawdi haus
.

But, as usual, her granddaughter Viola was anything but patient. “Mommi, open the envelope. We're all here and sitting quietly.” Under her breath, she added, “As you insisted.”

Lovina heard that, of course. But she pretended not to.

Instead, she shook the envelope importantly. “Patience, Viola. I'll get to it in my own time. After all, none of us makes you rush to share Edward's letters.”

“That's because she doesn't share them,” Viola's twin, Elsie, said. “At least none of the good parts.”

Crossing her ankles primly, Viola glared at her sister. “Ed's letters are different. He's my fiancé, you know.”

“I believe we all know that, dear,” Viola's mother, Marie, said behind a smile.

Standing behind her rocking chair, Aaron leaned over and pushed the kerosene lantern on the table closer to Lovina. “You'd best read Roman's letter from Florida before this whole family dissolves into another heated discussion.”

Her husband had a point. Over the last few months, even the most benign topic seemed to ignite tempers. With a sigh, Lovina carefully opened the envelope, smoothed out Roman's note, and began reading. “Dear Family, Greetings from Pinecraft!”

Elsie chuckled. “He sounds like he's an advertisement.”

“Indeed,” Lovina said with a small smile. Clearing her throat, she continued. “Now that I've been here for three days, I'm beginning to get into a routine. Every morning, I sit with one of the cousins and drink coffee on the patio, looking out at the ocean. I never get tired of watching the waves crash along the shoreline and can only imagine what it must be like to get used to such a sight.”

Marie sighed. “Being at the beach sounds
wunderbaar
.”

“You should go soon, Mamm,” Viola said. “I mean, you should go when Daed gets better. . . .”

“Perhaps.”

Not wanting to think about Peter's problems, Lovina rattled the pages a bit to claim everyone's attention again. “Next door, another woman starts her morning the same way as me. She seems to be about my age. She's Amish, too, and has blond hair and blue eyes. She's quite pretty. I hear she's a mother and a widow, but I don't know if that's true or not. But whatever the reason, I can't help but be curious . . . but so far, I've had no reason to speak to her. But maybe one day soon.”

Just as Lovina paused for a breath, the room erupted into excited chatter.

As Elsie and Viola discussed who this mystery woman might be, Lovina found her gaze straying to her husband and then felt her stomach drop. Aaron was looking out into the distance with such a heartbreaking expression, she knew he could only be thinking of one thing: his first wife and child.

Little by little, the other occupants noticed, too.

“Dawdi, what is wrong?” Viola asked.

Lovina was just about to tell her nosy granddaughter that not everything was her concern when Aaron slowly stood up.

“I'm all right, child. Roman's note simply made me think of something that happened long ago.”

“What was that?”

Aaron looked Lovina's way, shrugged, then said, “It got me thinking about the time I buried my first wife and son.”

As Marie, Viola, and Elsie watched him leave the room in shock, Lovina felt her world tilt. She and Aaron had agreed never to talk of that. Tears started to fall on her cheeks as she thought of his heartbroken expression. Even after all this time, it seemed that Aaron still carried a torch for his first, beautiful, perfect wife.

When they all heard the back door close, Viola gripped Elsie's hand. “Grandpa was married before? And had a child? Mamm, did you know about this?”

Even in the dimly lit room, Lovina saw that Marie was rattled. “
Nee
.”

Elsie shook her head in wonder, staring at Lovina with accusation in her eyes. “I assume you knew about this. First we find that Mommi was once an
Englischer
, then that Daed is secretly drinking. Now we find out that Dawdi has been married before. How many secrets does this family have?”

Thinking of her other secrets, the ones she hoped and prayed were buried so deep that they'd never be let out, Lovina shrugged. “Too many to count, it seems.” Wearily, she stood up. “I better go see how your grandfather is doing.”

No one seemed to notice that Roman's letter floated to the floor, only half read.

 

Roman Keim wasn't stalking the woman staying in the condominium next door to him at Siesta Key. He just couldn't seem to stop watching her whenever he could.

It seemed she enjoyed the morning sunrises as much as he did. As the sun continued to rise, he sipped his coffee, wiggled his toes in the sand, and watched Amanda Yoder slip through the white wooden gate that separated the condo properties from the public beach, and walk down the path to the water.

Today she wore an apricot-colored dress that set off her blond hair, prim white
kapp
, and lightly tanned skin. As she walked along in her bare feet he was captivated. Her steps looked light and smooth. Happy. He'd heard that she was a widow. He wondered if it was true.

Actually, she looked like her own ray of sunlight, and he felt himself unable to look away when she tossed down a towel, spread it smooth, then sat right down on it, all while holding a cup of coffee in her right hand.

He was trying to think how he'd ever get the courage to talk to her when his cousin Beth stepped through the open sliding door. “May I join you, Roman? Or are you attempting to find a few moments of peace and quiet?” she asked with a wry smile. “I know we can all get to be a bit overwhelming sometimes.”

“Not at all,” he said, thinking what a nice change of pace his uncle Aden's family was compared to his own family's exhausting problems. “Of course I'd like your company.” He leaned over and pulled another chair closer. “Come sit down.”

“Danke.”
She, too, was sipping coffee and, to his delight, had brought out a thermal carafe. After topping off his cup, she sat beside him and followed his gaze. “Ah, I see you've found Amanda Yoder. Again.”

He was embarrassed that his interest was so transparent. “I can't help it if she enjoys the sunrises as much as I do.”

“You know, I met her yesterday when Lindy and I were out.”

Surprised, he glanced her way. “You did?”

“Uh-huh. My Lindy and her daughter seemed to get along.”

Roman struggled to not show his interest. “So,
is
she married?”

“No . . . No, she's not. She's widowed. It seems the rumors we heard about her were true.”

“That's too bad,” he murmured, trying to do the right thing and think of her loss—and not his interest. “She's a young woman.”

“Indeed. Only twenty-five.” Cradling her cup, Beth leaned back and closed her eyes. “I don't know the whole story, but she did say that her husband's death was a difficult thing. I guess he lingered for months in pain.”

Roman inwardly winced. Her story made his family's troubles seem insignificant in comparison. “Did it happen recently?” he asked before he could remind himself that he shouldn't care.

“I don't know that answer, but I'm guessing no. She doesn't seem to be mourning.” Looking at him with a new gleam in her eye, she added, “Actually, Amanda seems like one of the most restful women I've ever come across.”

Restful
. Now, that was an unusual descriptor. But he fancied it. “Hmm.”

Before he knew what was happening, Beth stood up and grabbed his empty left hand. “Come on. Let me introduce you.”

“Beth,
nee.
I was merely curious.”

“If you're only curious about her, then it won't hurt you to say hello.”

“But—”

“Roman Keim, didn't I hear you say that you wanted to experience something new this week?”

“
Jah
, but I was thinking about surfing. . . .”

“Meeting a new woman counts, I believe.”

Because she had a point, he let himself be dragged across the gated patio, through the gate, and down the steps to the sand.

As she heard the hubbub behind her, Amanda turned and watched them approach, her eyes brightening when she recognized Beth.

Roman's mouth went dry. Amanda was even prettier up close.

With effort, he forced his expression to remain impassive.

It would never do for her to know how captivated he was by her. At least . . . not yet.

Chapter Two

Even at this distance, Roman realized, Amanda Yoder had a peaceful way about her. As she watched Roman and Beth approach, she didn't look startled or suspicious. Merely curious.

But it was more than that. She was stretched out on her beach towel as if she'd never had a thing to worry about in her life.

It was the exact opposite of the way he functioned. He got up early and usually hit the ground running. He made to-do lists and crossed off each completed task with a dark
X
to signal his satisfaction. He kept to himself and concentrated on working hard.

Amanda, in contrast, looked as if she never hurried through anything. She seemed like she took the time to enjoy each minute of the day, instead of worrying about plans and goals and what was up ahead.

It was completely attractive.

When she looked his way and smiled slightly, he felt his body's temperature rise another degree. Most likely, his cheeks were flushed. With effort, Roman looked toward the sea and tried to calm his wayward thoughts.

Beside him, Beth had no such compunction. She was beaming so brightly that it was a wonder Amanda didn't look away to shield her eyes. “Amanda, hi!” she called out. “
Gut matin!
How are you?” she continued, not letting more than the briefest of seconds pass before she continued. “We saw you sitting here alone, so my cousin Roman and I wanted to say hello.”

“I hope we're not disturbing you,” he said, then cursed his tongue. It was barely seven in the morning, and she'd been sitting alone, obviously enjoying her own company. Of course they were disturbing her.

“You aren't disturbing me in the slightest. I was simply sitting here, enjoying the morning sun,” Amanda replied. After glancing his way for a split second, she focused on Beth. “Regina enjoyed playing with Lindy yesterday.”

“We should get them together again soon. It's so wonderful that our four-year-olds have found each other. And they play well together, too.”

“I've been thinking the same thing.”

Beth looked toward Amanda's condo. “Is Regina still asleep?”

“
Jah
. My Gina likes to sleep in, I'm afraid. She's something of a night owl.”

“It would be hard to go to sleep early here,” Roman said. “It's a beautiful area. . . . I don't want to miss a minute of daylight.”

As if she was amused, she slowly smiled. “It is a beautiful place. I'm Amanda, by the way.”

“Roman Keim.”

“Pleased to meet you. Do you live in Indiana as well?”

“Ohio. Where are you from?”

Her smile widened. “I live in Pinecraft.”

Without being invited, Beth sat down on the sand. “This is your home? I thought you were on vacation, too.”

“Oh, I am on vacation, for sure. I live in town. My, uh, husband's family owns this condominium. They're encouraging me to take a week's rest.” She rolled her eyes. “They seem to think I work too much.”

Feeling awkward, being the only person standing, Roman sat down as well, stretching his legs as the warm sand shifted around him. “Do you?”

Her eyes widened, then she nodded after a moment's consideration. “I suppose I do. But I don't mind working. To me, it makes the days fly by.”

Beth nodded. “My two kids make my days fly by, too. Well, most days.”

“Mamm?” Lindy called out from the condo patio. “Mamm, I'm hungry.”

Beth scrambled to her feet. “That's my cue to pour cereal,” she said with a laugh. “No doubt her
daed
is standing right there, but for some reason Lindy and Cale like me to do the serving.”

Amanda chuckled. “That is a mother's duty, for sure.”

Backing away as Lindy called out for her again, Beth said, “Amanda, we'll knock on your door later to see if Regina can play.”

“See you then,” Amanda said with a smile.

With a spray of sand, Beth trotted back to the patio. In a flash, she was out of sight, leaving Roman and Amanda relatively alone.

There in the morning sun, it felt as if they were the only two people on the beach—the only two people smart enough to take time to enjoy the day's glorious start. Reluctantly, Roman realized he should probably get up as well, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The sand was as soft as powdered sugar, the salty, faintly damp breeze coming off the water felt good on his skin, and he was enjoying the novelty of being one of only two people out on what was usually a very crowded beach.

And then there was his companion.

He thought Amanda was one of the loveliest women he'd ever met. But attracting him more than her pleasing features was the calm way about her.

“So, what is it you do?” he asked. When a line formed between her brows, he clarified. “I mean, what work do you do too much of?”

“Oh! I work at a bakery that my husband's family owns, Pinecraft Pastries. Do you know it?”

“
Nee
.” Though she was talking about the bakery, he couldn't help but fixate on the way she spoke about her husband. This was the second time she'd brought him up. Obviously, his cousin had gotten her information wrong. “Does your husband work there, too?” he asked politely.

Her eyes widened. “
Nee
. Oh, no,” she blurted. “I guess I need to stop doing that. I keep saying ‘husband,' but he's gone. I mean, he went up to heaven two years ago. I'm a widow.”

“I'm sorry for your loss.” Why did he have to prod her to divulge that? Here he was, making her uncomfortable. He would've thought he could have shown a little bit more tact.

“
Danke
. I am sorry about Wesley, too.” Her chin rose. “But I am thankful for my many blessings. I have a sweet daughter and a good life.” Leaning back on her hands, she said, “What about you?”

“Me? I'm not married.”

“And your work?”

“I work on my family's farm,” he began, then realized that was about all he could say. His family was in turmoil, he'd never had a steady girlfriend to speak of, and at the moment, he couldn't seem to count very many blessings. He couldn't think of another thing he did besides work and try to stand apart from everyone else's drama.

“What kind of farming do you do?”

He shrugged, not really wanting to talk about taking care of livestock or walking behind a plow. It all sounded boring and dirty—the exact opposite of life where they were. Here on the beach, everything felt bright and new and clean.

After another second of looking at him expectantly, her warm expression cooled as she got to her feet. “I see. Well, I should probably go inside now.”

“So soon?”

Bending down, she shook out the bright turquoise beach towel, then folded it in her arms. “I don't like my Regina to wake up without me being around.”

“Well, it was nice to meet you, Amanda. Maybe we'll see each other around this week.”

“I imagine we will,” she said. “We are neighbors, after all.”

Side by side, they walked back to their units, Amanda carrying her towel and empty mug of coffee, Roman empty-handed.

It was obvious to him that she was in no hurry to get to know him.

He wondered if that was because she was still mourning her husband. Or if she simply wasn't interested in him.

Well, he couldn't blame her. Roman realized that he had terribly little to offer. He was reasonably attractive, but not much more than that. He was reserved by nature, and a lifetime of standing on the sidelines and keeping to himself meant there were few bright spots in his life. In his anxiousness to remain calm and collected, he let much of life pass him by.

Back in Berlin, he'd been proud of that fact. Unlike the rest of his family, he'd had little pain, no secrets, and nothing to be embarrassed about.

But now his lack of excitement made him feel curiously flat. One-dimensional instead of three. As if he'd simply existed instead of lived.

It wasn't a good realization. Not at all.

 

Amanda didn't find it difficult to say goodbye to Roman Keim. Though he was lightly tanned and fit, had handsome features and attractive brown eyes, she found him to be too reserved.

She could understand a man's need for privacy, but not about such things as his occupation or his family.

Roman had reacted to her questions as if she were attempting to learn all his secrets. She definitely hadn't cared to know his secrets or his problems.

After all, she had plenty of her own to worry about.

In her twenty-five years, she'd had more than her share of hardships. She'd been scarred by her husband's failing fight with cancer, and before that, she'd married against her parents' wishes. They'd wanted her to wait to marry.

She'd insisted on marrying at nineteen.

They'd wanted her to live near them in Pennsylvania. She'd wanted to live with Wesley near his family in Florida.

And after Wesley's death, she'd gone her own way again. Instead of succumbing to her parents' demands and moving back to Intercourse to live with them, Amanda had chosen to live in the little house she and Wesley had bought with every last bit of their savings.

Now she was working hard to make the mortgage payments and take care of Regina. Her life was busy, with few moments for regret. Instead, she was surrounded by her daughter's joy. And, if, in the middle of the night, when the chores were done and Regina was asleep, she felt lonely and depressed? Well, that was her concern. Not anyone else's.

She had nothing in common with a man who had little to say for himself other than he worked on his family's farm.

Opening the refrigerator, she pulled out the quart of strawberries she'd bought at the market, and bit into the plumpest, juiciest one she could find.

The sweet taste exploded in her mouth, and she savored the flavors.

And couldn't help but contrast that zing with Roman's curiously bland manner. She wondered why he'd even agreed to walk over with his cousin to say hello.

After shaking out her towel again and hanging it on a rail on the back porch, she poured herself another cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, irritated now.

She'd lied to Roman on the beach. The truth was that Regina wouldn't be up for another hour at the earliest. She just hadn't been eager to sit next to him for another moment, waiting for him to tell her something about himself.

Especially since she'd told him about Wesley being gone.

So, essentially, Roman had ruined her morning routine, her very favorite part of the day while on vacation. It was really too bad that he was staying right next door.

She couldn't very well go back outside without looking rude.

Looking around, she thought about making some jam with those strawberries. They had a refrigerator full of fruit. But that meant hours of working in the kitchen.

And that sounded like too much effort.

Amanda supposed she could read her book. Or practice on those Sudoku puzzles everyone else seemed to do with ease.

But those things didn't really appeal to her, either.

The phone rang and startled her out of her stupor. She eagerly ran to pick it up before it woke Regina.

“Hello?”

“Amanda, it's Marlene, dear. I was thinking of hopping on the bus and visiting Siesta Key today. Would you like me to bring you anything? Or have lunch together?”

Her mother-in-law was a
wonderful-gut
woman. But she was a talker. And a worrywart. And a bit controlling. Having her around today would not be relaxing.

Actually, Amanda had a feeling Marlene was worried about Regina. Marlene often watched Regina when Amanda worked at the bakery. She made no secret about how much she worried about Amanda's withdrawn little girl.

It did no good to tell Marlene that Regina was still recovering from Wesley's death. And that it didn't always make Regina feel better to be surrounded by constant talk and memories of a father she only remembered living in a hospital bed.

When she'd finally accepted her in-laws' invitation to use the condominium, Amanda had promised herself that she'd try to make this a carefree week. A happy one. She was looking forward to a few days of doing what she wanted, when she wanted to do it.

If Marlene stopped by, she would certainly comment on the unswept floors and unmade beds. The crayons strewn across the table and the sand toys in buckets by the back porch.

Worse, she would likely settle in and tell Regina a dozen stories about when her father went to the beach as a child . . . and how sad he'd been when he'd gotten too sick to see the ocean.

That wouldn't do. That didn't sound like the kind of vacation Amanda had in mind.

“
Danke
, Marlene, but I don't need a thing.”

“You don't? Oh.” She took a breath. “Well, how about I simply stop by for a chat? I'm worried that you're sitting by yourself day after day.”

In the privacy of the kitchen, Amanda let herself smile. After all, she'd only been gone for two days. “I haven't been sitting alone.”

“No?”

“Not at all. I've made friends with the family next door. Regina has, too. The Keims have a little girl named Lindy, and she's almost exactly Gina's age. They have become fast friends. We've got plans to get together with them later.”

“Oh.”

Amanda winced. That one sound held multiple meanings, for sure. Wesley's mother loved her very much. But she also envisioned Amanda memorializing Wesley for the rest of her days.

“Thank you for checking on me, Marlene. I'm glad you called.”

“Me, too. Is Regina right there with you? Could you put her on? I'd like to say hello.”

“Gosh, I'm afraid she's still asleep.”

“Still? It's almost eight.”

“I know.” Purposely, Amanda left the conversation at that. No way did she want to try to explain their late nights to her mother-in-law.