Razor Edge: Razor Trilogy Three (Razor Thriller Romance Novella Book 3) (4 page)

So I did.

♫

“THIS IS YOUR fault.”

I flung the letter at
him as I passed his chair to take my seat. Marshall took fine dining seriously.
I was seated at the opposite end of a ten-foot, polished dining table. An
elaborate candelabrum sat in the center. I felt like I’d wandered onto the set
of
Phantom of the Opera
.

Daniel read the
letter. “Why didn’t you pay the fees?”

“Because I didn’t have
the money after you fired me from
every
job! I had rent to pay and a new violin to pay for because I ordered it before
Joel disappeared. I had to pay for it. Why do you think I was sleeping on Susan’s
floor? I’m not rich. My parents don’t have money. The competitiveness and
training to get to this level is more than you can imagine. It’s tougher than
anything you’ve ever had to do at Razor Industries. You think that it’s tough
being the CEO of a multi-national corporation? You should try a career in the
arts for a real ball-busting experience. I was insane to think I had the talent
to do this—”

I broke off, hardly
able to speak. It was killing me—that letter was killing me.

“You have talent.
You’re brilliant.”

“Brilliance is not
enough in my world. I have to be super-human. You wouldn’t understand. You want
to do something and you do it. You’ve never known a different life. I’ve never
known what it’s like to be rich until I met you and Joel. I started to think
like you guys did, that I could do anything.” I broke off again to wipe my eyes
on my napkin and blow my nose.

“I’m sorry you lost
your place, Charlotte. What will you do now?”

“What will I do
now
? I’m going to eat the dinner you
ordered for us and then I’m asking Jackson to drive me to Susan’s place. I’ll
sell this dress and the rest of the wardrobe you bought me on eBay and live off
that until I find a job. Detective Lewis has cleared me to leave the state so I’ll
stay with my folks until I find a job. What will I do
now
? That’s kind of an insensitive question.”

He rested his elbows
on the table and linked his fingers together. “Will you give up the violin?
That’s what I meant. What will you do to continue your studies?”

I jumped to my feet
because I really wanted to throw something.
“Nothing!
Don’t you get it? It’s over. This was my last shot. I spent an entire
year
preparing for that audition just to
get accepted to the conservatory. Between the jobs I took to keep a roof over
my head and the rehearsal time I put in, I was working twenty hours a day. The
physical demands alone were intense. I trained like an athlete: protein drinks
with kale, brown rice and vegetables, no caffeine despite never getting enough
sleep. Hand stretches morning and night, and yoga, Pilates and running to build
up my stamina. I had no personal life. I’d turn off my phone; even my parents
couldn’t get in touch with me. And on top of all that, I had to stay free with
the music. I had to let it be my guide, inform me and become one with it because
ultimately, this is about instinct, nerves of steel, and genius. I don’t
control it. When my shot came, I had ten minutes to impress the selection
committee. A blind audition, behind a screen, a single mistake and it’s over.
 A flawless performance and I could join one of the world’s most renowned
conservatories for music.”

“And you gave a
flawless performance.”

I flopped to my chair,
weak with misery. “I gave the best performance of my life. It’s an alchemy that
may never happen again. The audition is a sacred ritual. To win a seat anywhere
is a tremendous honor.”

Daniel’s dark stare
reached across the room. “Why do you do it?”

“I don’t know.” I
would’ve laughed hysterically if I weren’t so filled with hate for everything
in that moment. “Honestly, I don’t know why it’s important. With so much life
has to offer, I’m consumed by a single thought: Give me success or take this
away from me. I can’t live a half-sort-of-life of an unsuccessful musician. I
had my chance and I fucked it up.” I wiped my eyes. Literally, could not stop
crying. “Sorry. Never mind. You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to want
something and never quite get it.”

Daniel poured a glass
of wine. “You’re not drinking?” He motioned to my empty glass.

“I don’t drink for
heartbreak. I eat.” (The baby would at least emerge from my body sober. Though
God knows how we were going to manage after that. I wondered how I was going to
break the news to my parents they’ll have two more mouths to feed on their
artist incomes.)

Daniel’s brow furrowed
as he cut into his filet mignon. “I don’t know what it’s like to want something
and not get it. You’re right about that. I’ve always got what I went after.
I used to act on every impulse that popped into my head. Friends
said I was self-destructive. I didn’t think I was. It felt good to walk the
edge. It soothed an ache I had to test the limits of my mortality. It was
selfish. It hurt people who cared about me and drove some of those people away.
I regret some of it. Some of it I know was necessary to get me to where I am
now.”

“Engaged to a beautiful, sweet girl, CEO of
the family business, wildly successful, handsome and popular, and all it took
was a few years of reckless
behavior
and a platinum
card.”

I was bitter. I wasn’t up for a lecture on
how setbacks built character.

“I’m not interested in that identity as
much as you think I am. I’m like you in that I have one over-riding thought
that drives me. The only thing that matters to me is protecting Joel. He’s my
brother. He’s all I really care about in this life. The rest of it can go to
hell.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“To explain the difference between us is you
will give up and I won’t. I need to know what you wrote in your journal. About
the night Joel assaulted you.”

I was completely taken aback. So that’s why
Daniel wanted my journal. He was determined to protect Joel at all costs. I
felt almost sorry for him because I understood the futility of running after
something we don’t control. We can only do our best and most of the time, our
best won’t be good enough.

“Daniel, no matter how hard you try, you won’t
be able to save Joel. That’s your big fear, isn’t it? Joel wasn’t himself that
night. All I said about it was that he was different and it scared me. You have
to stop worrying that I’m going to destroy your stepbrother. I could tell you
why it is not in my best interests to do that but then I’d have to kill you.”

I smiled.

He smiled.

And then we lapsed into silence as we jockeyed
for a new position, a new strategy to get what we wanted from the other. He had
the unfair advantage because I didn’t know what I wanted from Daniel Razor
anymore.

“There something you need to understand,” he
began. “I didn’t like Alexandra. I didn’t like the way she treated Joel. The
way she spoke to him—she spoke to me the same way but I was angry enough and
tough enough to deal with her. But Joel was only five and couldn’t defend
himself. She was critical and cruel.”

“What does that have to do with my journal?”

“Not your journal, but what you wrote about
that night.” He set his knife and fork down and looked me in the eye. “You were
not the only one. There was a girl four years ago. We were just messing around,
the three of us and then I left them alone in the loft—I don’t remember why. What
happened was my fault. I was always pushing the boundaries, going to extremes
sexually and physically and I always told Joel everything. My brother is a
literal guy. Maybe I wanted him to feel in control. We had got into a habit of
sharing a girl. On this night, after I left the room ... I was in my room when
I heard her screaming.”

The dinner, my dress, the Victorian opulence
of the mansion and secrets about to be revealed were suddenly disgusting. I
tasted copper in my mouth. Two rich orphan brothers with a predilection for
three-ways with unsuspecting girls. I was in love with one and I was carrying
the child of the other. Whatever Daniel told me tonight, instinct informed me
it wasn’t in my best interest to hear. I would become an accessory after the
fact, colluding with the man I loved to protect the brother he loved.

“When I reached Joel’s bedroom, the girl was
naked on the bed and my brother was on top of her. What he was doing was not consensual.
It was my fault that it happened. Joel was only doing what he thought I’d do
with a girl who said no. He doesn’t get nuance and subtlety. I pulled him off,
helped the girl to the bathroom and when she had calmed down ... I talked
money. I paid her to not press charges and to never tell anyone what happened.
She took the deal but she’s still out there and every day I’m aware it could
blow up in our faces. These things usually do.”

“
That
is your chief concern? Jesus. You really are an amoral shit.”

“Ironic, isn’t it? You’re the only one I can
trust with that story and I can’t trust you at all. No cell phones, no
recording devices. No one said anything about diaries. I need the journal,
Charlotte. One girl is a mistake, two girls is a criminal investigation. Joel
can’t go to prison.”

“So that’s what you’ve been worrying about
with me all this time. That’s why you asked me to stay here, to keep tabs on me.
You thought I would press charges or exhort money out of you by threatening to
go to the media.
Stupid man.
If I was going to do
that, I would have done it
before
I
lost my place with the conservatory! And if I was going to press criminal charges,
I would have done so immediately and
nothing
you offered would have changed my mind. But I didn’t do either of those things
because I knew something was wrong. I like Joel and I know he likes me. He
wouldn’t hurt me or anyone. That guy wasn’t Joel. Something changed him. You
don’t need my journal to realize I’m not going to charge your brother with rape.
I’m
telling
you I won’t.”

“How can I be sure you won’t change your mind
a month from now?”

I was about to tell him why and then stopped
myself. If something happed to Joel and the baby was the only link Daniel had
to his brother, would he let me keep it? Or would he line up his team of
lawyers to take custody. What chance would I have against Daniel and Anastasia and
their money?

“I want to find your brother,” I said. “So I
can help him. If there’s a chance for us after this is all over ... if he still
wants to be with me ... I want that too.”

He looked ... I don’t know ... unhappy? Or was
that just wishful thinking on my part. Did I really mean what I said or was I
trying to get a reaction out of him—a declaration. He hadn’t mentioned
Anastasia and how she felt about this skeleton in Razor’s closet.

“Did Anastasia know what happened with Joel
and the girl?” I was curious how far the sweet, philanthropic Redman had to
stretch her scruples to be with the nasty, three-way Razor.

He cleared his throat. “The girl was
Anastasia’s best friend.
Tash
convinced her to take
my offer.”

Ah. The penny drops. My stomach didn’t like
it. “It’s beginning to make sense to me now ... this hold Anastasia has over
you.”

“She’s been a good friend and she’s loyal. She
loves me.”

She loved him. Why did hearing those words
make me want to hurt her?

I rose from my chair and walked the length of
the table to Daniel’s side. I felt reckless and mean, unhinged by the total
derailment of my dream. I wanted to destroy something—why not Anastasia’s
future? Revenge would make sense but this wasn’t revenge. I was getting even
but it wasn’t with Anastasia Redman.

I stood at Daniel’s arm and smoothed his hair
from his brow. His eyes were dark and troubled. “What are you doing?”

I pressed my finger to my lips and indicated
the walls, behind which were a labyrinth of passageways and secret doors. I
took his hand and led him from the dining room to the library where the fire
was still blazing and then I closed the door behind us.

We looked at each other for a long moment as
if deciding. I’m sure he felt as mean and frustrated as I did by where we were
and who we were. But neither of us was going to pull back and return to our
corners.

Daniel knelt down on one knee, unlaced my
combat boots and pulled them from my feet. Silently, we undressed each other until
we were both naked in front of the fire. My belly protruded a very little, just
enough to round out my abdomen. He didn’t notice.

This was the first time I’d seen him naked.
Daniel had the kind of body I liked—tall and lean and athletic. His limbs were
loose and casual at his side, he moved gracefully and easily. He didn’t rush
anything, and I liked that. I like self-control.

Daniel Razor has that rare masculine
combination of beauty and intelligence. It was hard to separate the two. If he
hadn’t been great-looking, would I have stuck around long enough to notice he
had brains? If he didn’t have brains, his looks alone wouldn’t have been enough
to hold my interest. Intelligence isn’t always obvious in a gorgeous man. I was
stunned by how breathtaking he was and I wondered how I’d ever get used to it.