Ready for Love (13 page)

Kylie watched her daughter go and swiped at her tears, wondering if she’d ever stop crying and laugh again. “A playdate with LJ,” she whispered. “That is just what I need to get myself out of this funk.”

They snuggled in the bed after Kylie read Ryan a story. She closed her eyes and thought of LJ and what she needed to do to bring her around to the possibility of a relationship. She could be persuasive when she put her mind to it. All she needed was a plan.
Shoot, I was going to call Granny tonight.
She looked at the clock, and although it was still early, she was too emotionally exhausted and decided to speak with her tomorrow night.

†

LJ arrived back at her apartment and again considered calling Max but knew that wouldn’t solve anything.

She looked around the cold, sterile living room, realizing that was the exact same image she wanted to project to the world. In comparison to Kylie’s warm, inviting home, her apartment didn’t invite people in. Just the opposite. Not that anyone ever saw her apartment, for she never allowed visitors. Even Max.

“Max. Hmm. I wonder.” LJ pulled her phone from her pocket and flicked it on. She yawned and her shoulders fell. Exhaustion overtook the need for sexual release. She hadn’t slept the night before, and the day of isolation had been draining in more ways than she’d ever imagined. Her daily struggle not to go to Kylie and hold her close had taken its toll. With the skim of a finger across the phone’s screen, she turned it off and headed for her bedroom.

As LJ lay in bed and on the edge of sleep, an image of Kylie floated in her subconscious, and the memory of their lips touching, kissing, and melding into one the night before demanded recognition. LJ’s need for Kylie had grown exponentially during the time they’d spent together at her house, and it needed tamping down. There was no way she’d allow herself to become involved. Yet as sleep overtook her, the word
Kylie
drifted from her mouth. In that moment of clarity, she knew in her soul that what she was feeling was so much more than just sexual.

Chapter Twelve

The standoff was into its second week and both women had withdrawn into themselves. Max had shown up twice for what she’d called an “afternoon delight,” and LJ was more than willing to accommodate her. The troubling part of Max’s visit the day before was her insistence on visiting Kylie to see her progress.

Try as she might, LJ couldn’t dissuade Max, who brazenly pushed past her to go to the workroom alone. LJ had stood in the corridor listening and clenching her fingers into a fist, ready to attack if Max tried to treat Kylie unkindly.

To her relief, Max was her usual pleasant, jovial self and sounded genuinely interested in what Kylie was doing. To her ears, Kylie’s voice was distant, uninterested, and sad. Knowing she was responsible for it crushed her once again.

When Max returned she asked, “What’s wrong with that woman? Did someone die or something? She’s positively depressing.” She grabbed LJ’s arm. “After being in there I need cheering up, and you are just the woman to do that.”

LJ wrenched her arm loose. “Kylie has some personal matters to work out, so don’t speak about her like that.”

“Well she’s downright miserable. Work rules are…number one, never bring your troubles to work; number two, always put on a happy face for visitors. I’d say your little helper has broken both of those rules. No wonder you’ve locked yourself up in your office. I wouldn’t want to be around her with that attitude either.”

LJ wanted to scream at Max and tell her she didn’t have any right to judge Kylie like that, but she didn’t.

Max grinned. “Enough of that. I need you, and I can tell by the look in your eyes you need the same thing.”

Max dragged LJ into her office and closed the door. After she flicked the lock, her unrelenting lips were on LJ’s, demanding more.

LJ had no fight left in her to resist and gave in to the assault on her body.

When she arrived that morning at four o’clock instead of her usual time, LJ was surprised to find a sealed envelope lying on the floor by the door. She recognized Kylie’s distinctive writing and immediately tore open it open and pulled out the note. Her hands were trembling as she read the succinct words.

Dr. Evans,

I have personal business to attend to and will not be in today. If you want to dock my pay, go ahead and do so.

Kylie Wilcox

LJ went into panic mode. The note was so formal. Kylie hadn’t called her “doctor” since the first few days she’d worked there.
Is she interviewing for another job? Is she quitting and leaving me?
Trying to determine what was happening and what it meant sent an ache through her heart. She walked hurriedly down the hall to the workroom and Kylie’s locker. The lock was still there, and that brought her a modicum of relief.

When she was at the worktable, she was amazed at the number of pieces Kylie had finished. Her eyebrows scrunched together while she wondered if Kylie had spent the night there. Surely not; When LJ left she would have seen her.

LJ picked an antiquity up off the table and held it up, visualizing Kylie touching the piece. Holding the object close, as she had with other fragments every morning for the last two weeks, made her feel as if she were touching Kylie. Despair filled her heart. Her well-constructed, solitary life was crumbling around her, and she was powerless to stop it. Truth be told, she welcomed the emotions. They were her punishment for not being there for Holly and now for driving Kylie away.

LJ knew Kylie was leaving. Quitting. She was as certain of that as she was that her heart was crying out for Kylie’s warmth. LJ had no one to blame but herself. She left the room still holding the relic—still holding on to Kylie, wondering if she would survive this time.

As she walked down the corridor, she saw Rob coming at her quickly.
Shit, this is all I need.

“What’s going on?” he demanded.

“What are you talking about?” LJ tried to muster some emotion to counter Rob’s stern voice but had nothing.

“Why isn’t Kylie here today?”

LJ shrugged. “I don’t know. I found a note this morning that said she had some personal business to attend to.”

“All of a sudden?”

“I guess so. Look, if that’s all you want, I’m busy.” She looked directly into Rob’s eyes that seemed to be appraising her. “I really need to go.”

“What’s going on with you?”

LJ shook her head. “Nothing.”

“I’ve known you long enough to know that isn’t true. Is something going on that I should know about? Does it involve Kylie?”

“No on both accounts.”

“I don’t believe you. The last time I saw you like this was after Holly died.” He reached his hand out, then stopped. “You need to leave the past where it belongs and move on, LJ. There’s nothing for you there but heartache,” he said in a soft voice.

“Thanks for the advice. I’ll take it under advisement. Now, I really need to get back to work.”

“You’ve been mourning for almost fifteen years; it’s time to move on and live your life.”

LJ looked at the man who had been he champion since her days at the university, knowing the truth behind his words. “I don’t know if I can.” She shrugged. “Or how to go about doing that.”

“Try before it destroys you.”

“Can I go now?”

Rob nodded. “Please have Kylie come by my office when she gets here tomorrow.”

“Okay.” LJ made a hasty retreat to the solitude of her office. Rob had been too close to the truth, and she needed the distance.

†

At eleven in the morning, the restaurant wasn’t very crowded. Lynne waited for Kylie at a table in a secluded corner just as Kylie had requested. She was surprised when Kylie had called and asked if she would have lunch with her.

“Don’t you have to work?” she asked.

“Not today” was Kylie’s flippant reply.

She knew then that something serious was happening with Kylie. Ted’s death hadn’t caused her to sound so obviously stressed. Lynne didn’t recognize an approaching woman until she’d almost reached the table. When she did, her eyes widened. Kylie looked awful. Her face was drawn, and her eyes were dark and sunken in. Kylie, who didn’t need to lose any weight, was as thin as a rail, looking as if she had lost ten or fifteen pounds. Even after Ted had died, Lynne hadn’t seen Kylie looking this bad.

“Kylie, what’s wrong, has something happened, is it Ryan?” Lynne rose from her seat and embraced her friend.

“What? No. Hello, how
ya
doin
’?” Kylie pulled away.

“Forget me. How are you?” Lynne held Kylie at arm’s length and looked her up and down. “No, don’t tell me. I can see how you are, and it is not good.”

Kylie flopped down into a chair across from where Lynne had been sitting. Her sad eyes gazed at her friend for a long time. “I’m not doing too well, Lynne. Not well at all.” She lowered her eyes in what looked like an attempt to stop tears from flowing.

Lynne took her hand. “Want to go somewhere else and talk about it?” Her heart ached for Kylie.

Kylie shook her head. “No. I’ll have to force myself to hold it together if I’m in a public place,” she whispered.

“You know that with me you can fall apart anytime and I’ll be there to hold your hand. Right?”

Kylie nodded. “I know.”

The server came to the table. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“She will have a cup of tea, and we both will have the quiche special.” Lynne turned back to her friend.

Kylie smiled. “Thank you. I don’t think I can handle any decisions at the moment.”

“From the looks of it, you haven’t been eating at all. Now, tell me, what is going on? Are you sure it’s not Ryan, your parents, or your granny? Are any of them sick?”

Kylie shook her head again.

Lynne’s mind was in overdrive trying to think of what was going on as tears slowly rolled down Kylie’s cheeks. “You’re coming up on the anniversary of Ted’s passing. Has that got you down?” She was sure that couldn’t be it as months ago Kylie had confided in her about the marriage being mediocre at best. Not that Kylie didn’t love him—she did—but she said it wasn’t the love that songs and romance novels are written about.

“No.”

Lynne squeezed the hand tighter, and her voice softened. “Then what is it, Kylie? Please tell me.”

Kylie lifted her head. “You know, when I called you, I thought it would be so easy to tell you everything, but right now I can’t seem to find the words.”

Lynne cocked her head. “Why not start at the beginning?”

“Once you hear what I have to say, you might not want to be my friend anymore.”

Lynne puzzled over the comment. “We have been through a lot over the last twenty-four years. I can’t think of anything you could say that would change how I feel about you. Kylie, I love you, and that means nothing you say will make a difference in how I feel.” She smiled. “Wasn’t it you who got me through that whole debacle when that guy accused me of stalking him?”

Kylie nodded. “Somehow I doubt what I tell you will compare to that in any significant way. I’m sure I’ll shock you.”

Lynne watched as Kylie’s expression changed from sadness to anger, and she used the law of averages to guess what the problem was. “Are you having an affair with a married man and he won’t leave his wife for you?”

“Why does everyone always reduce things to a cheap, tawdry affair? If it was that simple, don’t you think I would tell you, Lynne?” Kylie growled.

Lynne held up her hand. “Whoa, settle down. I am not the enemy here, Kylie.”

The waitress returned with their lunch, giving them some much-needed breathing room as far as Lynne was concerned. After she left, their eyes met, and Lynne could see the pain in the gray ones across from her.

“Please, trust me.” Lynne made sure her voice was full of compassion and understanding. “It will stay just between the two of us.” Then, in a loving but strong tone, she said, “And don’t think for a minute that I am your judge and jury, regardless of what you have to tell me. Far from it—you know me better than that.”

For a long time, Kylie just stared at her friend. “I’m in love,” she finally whispered.

Eyeing her friend, Lynne raised an eyebrow.
If this is love, I want no part of it.
“In love, well that’s wonderful, right?”

Kylie scratched her head. “Not in this case. I wish it was as simple as a married man.”

Lynne reached across the table and squeezed Kylie’s hand again. “I’m glad that’s not your style. May I ask with whom?”

“My boss.”

“And that is a problem because…?” Lynne’s eyebrows rose. “The woman we saw at
Rusty’s
?”

Kylie looked intently at her. “I came on to her and she turned me down,” she blurted out.

Lynne nodded. “You’re telling me that you’re in love with a woman?” she asked, louder than she intended. Fortunately, the restaurant wasn’t crowded yet, and no one seemed to pay her any attention. Lynne had several gay and lesbian friends, didn’t have a problem with their sexuality, and was glad that Kylie had chosen her to confide in. “Are you more upset because of the gender or the fact you were turned down?”

Kylie gave her a slight smile. “Leave it to you to get right down to the core of the problem.” She blew out a breath. “Upset about lusting after a woman? Surprisingly it seems rather natural to me. My heart is breaking, Lynne, and I don’t know how to stop it.” Tears were trickling down her cheeks.

Lynne moved to the chair next to Kylie and put her arm around her. “Why don’t you tell me everything and let’s see if we can come up with an answer to your problem.”

A half smile appeared on the tearstained face. “I would like that. I’ve spoken to my granny about this, but….”

“You told Granny Mitchell?”

“Yes. She’s been very supportive….” Kylie wiped her nose. “I’ve made a mess of things and didn’t want her to know.”

“She loves you and never would judge you.”

“I know. I just needed to talk to you, Lynne. You’ve always been there for me and I just need to figure this all out.”

Lynne closed her eyes while she collected her thoughts. “Why not start at the beginning?”

Forty-five minutes later, Kylie finished her story.

Lynne took Kylie’s hand again. “You are my friend and I love you dearly. Just for the record I don’t want you in my bed.”

They both laughed, and Lynne knew her friend was back.

“That was two weeks ago, and she hasn’t spoken to or seen me since.”

Lynne shook her head and smiled. “Have you attempted to see or speak to her?”

Kylie’s eyebrows scrunched. “Don’t you think from what I’ve told you that she made it quite clear she doesn’t want that?”

She crooked a finger under Kylie’s chin before lifting her head so their eyes would meet. “Why are you making her mind up for her? Did she at any time say, ‘Don’t see me or speak to me’?”