Real Vampires Don't Diet (20 page)

I glanced across the street and saw a woman follow Valdez into the bushes. "Is that" Barking, yelling and a scream drew Ray and me across the street at a run.

"What's going on here?" Ray stopped in front of me and I ran into his solid back, almost knocking us both down. I peeked around him. Valdez was standing over a woman who lay crying in the mud. She wore his paw prints on her red Vneck sweater. And no wonder. She had a leash in one hand and pepper spray in the other.

"II was just trying to catch your dog for you." She sat up and waved the leash, almost hitting herself in the face with the metal fastener. "I saw him escape when you came out of your shop. Then he ran across the street."

"Why'd yon try to spray me in the face with pepper spray, lady?"
Valdez sneezed and rubbed his face on a small patch of dead grass.
"Good thing I've got great reflexes or you'd have blinded me."

"Oh, God! I'm hallucinating! I must have hit my head when I fell." The woman collapsed again and closed her eyes.

"Tina, what the hell are you doing here and why
did
you use your pepper spray?" I snatched it from her hand.

"You know this woman?" Ray put his hand on my shoulder.

"She was just in my shop. She's one of my fans." I stepped between Ray and Tina. "I don't get it, Tina. Why'd you try to spray Valdez?"

"II was afraid he'd bite me." She sat up again and looked at me instead of Valdez. Apparently I was less threatening than a talking dog. Though, with pepper spray in my hand and my temper rising, she was dead wrong.

"Did he growl at you? Lunge?"

"No." She stood and brushed off her baggy jeans. The moon came from behind a cloud and she shrieked. "Israel Caine! It's really you!" She wobbled and I thought for a second she was going to go down again.

"She tried to sneak up on me. I was doing nothing but my business. Then
ssspppit,
she zapped me with that spray and
came at me with the leash. Of course I had to defend myself."

She'd come after my dog. What was her agenda? A quick trip through her mind didn't help. She was all about seeing Ray in the flesh. I was shaking with the urge to pepper spray her until seeing anything was a dim memory. I stepped back.

"Practice your whammy, Ray. Look her in the eyes and paralyze her."

"What?" Ray glanced at me. "I don't"

"Israel. I've dreamed of meeting you. I go to all of your concerts." She edged closer and reached out a muddy hand to touch his sleeve. "You're really standing there? With the talking dog, I thought maybe I'd slipped into a coma. After falling down and all." She shrieked again and covered her face. "Don't look at me. I'm a mess! That damned dog. I'm covered in mud." She went on a rant about how she'd wanted to look perfect when she finally met Ray.

"Come on, Ray. You've seen me do it dozens of times.

Ray took her hand. "Look at me, Tina."

I thought she was going to jump out of her ballet flats.

"Yes, Israel."

"What are you doing out here, Tina?"

"Stealing that horrible dog."

I gasped and looked at Valdez. He sneezed again and showed his teeth. Damn it, his eyes were red, irritated by the pepper spray.

"What the"

"Why did you want to steal the dog, Tina?" Ray's voice hardened.

"Because it belongs to that fat bitch you're sleeping with, Israel. I've been watching her shop. Waiting for my chance. Even went inside today." Tina's jaw suddenly trembled and two tears slid down her muddy cheeks. "Look at her. Gross." Ray dropped her hands. "She's nuts. I'm not doing this."

"Yes, you are, Ray." I squeezed Valdez's leash, fighting my kill urge. "Keep going." Ray focused on her again. "What are you doing here, Tina?"

"I want to
give
you what you need. She's nice." Tina spat it, like it was the worst of four letter words. "I'm naughty." She reached for Ray, but he held up his hands and she backed off.

"You want sex? Have sex with me, Israel. I'll do anything you want. Anywhere. As many times as you wish." She ran her hands over her breasts, the red sweater clinging to her ripe curves.

Had I really sold her that? Now it was all I could do to keep from leaping on her, ripping it off her and cramming it down her throat. Right before I drained her dry and tossed her body in those bushes, of course.

"I've been studying, reading. I know lots and lots of positions. And I have toys, outfits. I bet she's boring in bed. Please give me a shot. I even have a certificate, a clean bill of health from my doctor, in my purse." She gestured toward a tree to her right. Ray's stare gave me chills. Tina just kept talking, on a roll.

"Israel, please. Listen to me. I guarantee you'll never go back to Fat Ass there after I get through with you." I heard a snarl. Oh, that was me. The fat ass. Ray reached over and squeezed my hand. Valdez was pressed against my leg on the other side, his growls promising he would be happy to finish her at my signal.

Clueless Tina, a breath away from death, just kept talking. "I love you, Israel. Give me a chance to show you how much." Add tears to the pleading. But Tina was obviously under the influence of the whammy during the whole "Love me, Ray" recitation, her voice monotone, her stare never leaving Ray's face. Good thing, because one look at
my
face, and she'd run screaming if she was as smart as she thought she was.

"Well, that's the power of the rock star at work." My lips curled, my fangs more than ready to rip. Fat Ass? Nice was about to turn really nasty. Sorry, but I'd seen Tina's curves and they weren't any smaller than mine. Talk about delusions. Underneath the eau de pepper spray she reeked of Juicy, a perfume one of Ray's former girlfriends had declared his favorite scent. She also smelled of B negative, which under normal circumstances would have called my name. Right now it was calling all right.

"Drain me," it whispered.

"Why the dog, Tina?" Ray didn't even smile. Which showed more character than I'd given him credit for. That free sex offer should have at least made him waggle his eyebrows, wink, something. Instead he was focused on the threat to Valdez.

"I figured losing her dog would show that bitch the dangers of being with a rocker. I'd send a note, of course. So she'd know why he went missing. And whose stew pot he went into. I'd also let her know that if she didn't leave you alone, she'd be next."

"Holy shit. The woman's psycho."
Valdez looked up at me.
"What is this? A bad remake of
Fatal Attraction?"

"Damn, I'm sorry, Valdez. You'd be surprised how many obsessive fans I've seen. Usually they're fairly harmless." Ray walked over to the tree and picked up Tina's tote. He pulled out a wallet and handed me her drivers license. "We'll give this to Nathan tomorrow night. He'll know who to notify to make sure she doesn't hurt anyone else."

"That makes me feel better. Problem is, that psycho helps with my MySpace page and has a really nice mother." I felt my fingernails bite into my palm and took a few seconds to struggle for calm.

"Nathan will know what to do. I'll tell him to be discreet." Ray tossed the bag aside. "Though why the hell we should worry about discretion, I don't know. Women like this are unpredictable, Glory, and with the power of the Internet"

"So we send her home with a nice new memory. Okay, here's what you do now. Make eye contact with her again, Ray. Suggest to her that she forget about Valdez, about this wild ass plot to steal my dog and that the dog
did not
talk. I don't think you can erase her whole Israel Caine obsession. Too strong. But you can send her home thinking that she waited in the park and you came out of the shop. That you talked to her and were really nice. Here, sign her purse." I grabbed a pen from my own bag and handed him her Coach. I know, I considered it a desecration to write on a designer leather bag, but an obsessed fan would probably treasure it. "Write 'To Tina, a great fan.' And sign it."

"You sure this will diffuse the situation?" Ray did what I said.

"It's worth a shot. Like I said, she's connected to my fan club. It's complicated." So why did I feel like I was wimping out here?

"She'll get home and tell her mother. They'll blog about her Israel Caine meeting on the site. Probably not remember that Valdez or I were even here."

"Good. I don't want her within a thousand feet of you." Ray threw her purse to the ground and issued his orders. We watched as Tina sleepwalked through picking up her purse and heading to her car.

"You sure you shouldn't just rip out her throat and be done with it?"
Valdez rubbed his head against my leg.
"She could
still decide to come after you, Glory.
"

"Tempting, V. I can't stand the way she went after what she thought was an innocent animal." I scratched his ears. "I can handle a psycho bitch, anytime, anywhere. But say the word and I'll send her to hell right now." I saw Ray's eyes widen. Did he think I was kidding? I let him read my mind.

"Son of a bitch! You guys don't fool around, do you?" Ray stared at me then at Valdez. "What"

"Naw, not worth the effort. We going upstairs now? I still feel like I have pepper up my nose. It's been hours since I ate
those muffins. I think I need a snack. At least a dozen Twinkies."

"You got it." I turned to Ray. "Good job on the whammy, Ray. Think you could do it again?"

"Yeah." Ray cleared his throat. "Welcome to my world. One rocker's girlfriend had her hair set on fire." He put his arm around me. "Of course she wasn't a badass vampire as far as I know. I remember that Freddie Mercury ran with one chick who might have been a zombie."

"Yeah, I heard that." We both chuckled and I relaxed against Ray for a moment. "Welcome to my world too. Sometimes we have to use violence. You might as well get used to the idea. And I know this wasn't your fault."

"Maybe it was. The name sounds familiar. I think she's been sending e-mails, snail mail, packages. Nathan keeps track of that stuff. Or rather his assistant Dru does. We should have taken Tina seriously." Ray ran a hand through his hair as we crossed the deserted street. "Dru's in New York. I guess we should think about moving her out here if I stay much longer. There's probably more of this kind of thing I'm letting slide."

"Forget long-range for now. Think short-range. Aggie. Flo and Richard need to be clued in and they're waiting for us. And just wait till you hear the complication Aggie's cooked up for us. Flo's already called me three times and Richard's getting tired of watching your old music videos and reading bridal magazines." I saw Ray's mouth open. "Don't ask. Let's go. I want to bring them and
you
up to speed. Among other things, I made contact with an EV tonight."

"When? Where was I?"
Valdez practically leaped up the stairs after I punched in the security code to let us inside the building.

"You met with someone alone?" Ray put his hand over mine when I was about to unlock my apartment door.

"Well, yes. I handled it." Ray and Valdez both stared at me like I was a first-class idiot. "Quit ganging up on me."

"You shouldn't be taking chances like that. And you definitely won't be walking Valdez in that park anymore without backup. Got it?"