Real Vampires Don't Diet (21 page)

"Man, you're sounding like Jerry. Am I going to have two overprotective males in my life now?"

"Three. Valdez, am I right?" Ray put his knuckles down and Valdez butted his head against them.

"Damn straight."

"Look, I'm perfectly capable of looking out for myself. I'm the trainer, you're the trainee, Ray. Remember?"

"I know I'm not Jerry. He's a hell of a lot more powerful than I am now. Valdez too. But I do care what happens to you. Give me a hundred years or so and I bet I'll be able to kick both Jerry and Valdez's butts to hell and back, see if I don't."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Valdez sniffed. "
I could stand around here and compare packages, but I think I smell something
good cooking on the third floor. There's a shifter up there who likes me, Glory."
He sat and rubbed his face with one paw.

"She can feed me while you two tell Flo and Richard about that freak-a-zoid Siren. See youlater. Keep giving her hell,
Caine. Glory, I'll be back before sunrise. Don't you dare leave this building without me."
He headed up.

"More orders." I looked at Valdez's furry backside as he disappeared around the turn in the stairs. "I'll do what I damn well please, mister! You think I don't know why you're headed upstairs? You're scared of Flo. You're not a dog, you're a chicken."

"Where Flo's concerned? Cluck. Cluck."

"What? Are you in third grade?" Ray grinned at me.

"They didn't have grades when I went to school back in the dark ages. Didn't have school for girls at ail actually. My mum taught me what I needed to know. Picked up everything else later. Much later." I leaned against the door and studied Ray, trying to imagine both of us in a hundred years. Oh, we'd look the same, but what would the world be like? Where would we be?

Roasting in hell if we didn't handle the next few weeks right.

And if we somehow managed to salvage this situation would we stay in touch? Doubtful. It was rare for immortals to keep the same friends for centuries. I guess that was why I was so close to Jerry. He'd made the effort to keep track of me. I'd never had the resources to do the same for him.

"I keep forgetting that you're so much older than I am. You look young, talk young." Ray ran a finger down my cheek. "I'll always keep in touch with you, Glory." He'd been mind reading again. "I know you didn't turn me vampire, but you're making sure I'm going to do this gig right. I owe you. You need me, anytime, anywhere, give me a shout. At the very least, I can sing something for you. It helped with Aggie."

"Your singing has helped a lot of people. Don't let fanzilla Tina's reaction to it bring you down." I breathed in his now familiar scent. Ray hadn't asked to be made vampire and it was playing hell with his life. Some things he had always loved, like the sun, were now permanently off-limits. But, except for that brief bout with the booze, he hadn't whined, just accepted the inevitable and moved on. I admired him. Go figure.

I put my hand on his chest. "I've neglected your vampire lessons. Like the whammy thing. We should have gone over that sooner. You've got lots of powers you've yet to discover. I'm going to get Richard to work with you on some of the macho vamp things like fighting tricks he knows." I slid my hand along Ray's shirt, a nice black Egyptian cotton tonight.

"That's good." Ray stared into my eyes. "But I don't feel much like fighting now. If I practice my whammy on you, can I make you do something for me?"

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"You shouldn't have warned me. Now I'll refuse to meet your eyes. Unless" I met his gaze head-on. "I'm willing to risk it. Because I trust you not to make me do something we'll both regret."

"Well, hell. Now you're counting on me being a gentleman. Which I can be. Or not. Right now, not so much." Ray lowered his head and gently bit my lower lip. "I won't whammy you into doing things with me, Glory. Won't need to, will I?" He smiled against my mouth. "I'm not the only one feeling the heat here. Am I, babe?"

"I think you're still stirred up from Tina's promises. We're just friends, remember?"

"Tina grossed me out. You though"

Ray's hands were on my waist. I relaxed against him, not averse to a little one-on-one harmless flirting. It beat thinking about what waited on the other side of the door.

"Would you two get your butts in here? We have vampire hearing, you know." Flo's voice was clear and irritated. "I want to see what you're doing out there. If we could eat,
cara,
Richard and I'd be having popcorn and a coke with our entertainment." I grinned and felt Ray's smile against my lips.
"Don't say a word. Just breathe heavily. Moan a little. I'm going to bump
against the door a few times."
I said all this in Ray's head, of course. I'd hate to spoil Flo's fun, probably the last she'd have for a while.

"Why pretend when we can give them the real deal?"
Ray leaned into me, his kiss open, wet and wild. I guess I bumped against the door. I'm sure one or both of us moaned. By the time I came up for air, the door was open and we both fell into the living room, our faces flushed and Ray's shirt unbuttoned. Flo clapped her hands, Richard grinned, and the Israel Caine DVD on the TV came to a soaring conclusion. I, for one, needed a drink.

"Well, you were having some fun, eh?" Flo followed me into the kitchen and watched me pull two bottles of synthetic out of the refrigerator. "I am so jealous. I love Richard, but, just once, I'd like to kiss Israel Caine. To compare, you know."

"Don't risk it." I stuck my head in the freezer, finally grabbed a few ice cubes and pushed them down my sweater. "Oops, here take this before I ruin it."

"Mio Dio!
Where did you get this?" Flo waved the baggy in the air and darted back into the living room. "Ricardo, we are going home."

"No, you can't." I ran after her and snatched the bag. "You can have this after we talk."

"What is it?" Ray took the bottle I handed him, looked at the lumps in my sweater, then grinned when he saw an ice cube slide out of my bra. "You hot, Glory?"

I dug out the ice cubes and threw them at him. "Not anymore."

"It's Vampire Viagra." Flo sighed. "You
are
going to give it to me, aren't you, my friend,
mia arnica?"
She put her hand on Richard's shoulder. "I know you don't like it, but, with me,
amante,
you will be transported to paradise. I promise you a night you'll never forget." She gave him a look that could have melted the polar ice cap.

"Let's go. We'll discuss whatever you wanted to talk about another night." Richard shoved to his feet, his hand out, ready to take the baggy from me by force if necessary. I didn't have to read his mind to know that.

"Please. Give us a few minutes. Then you can play all the love games you want." I tossed the bag to Ray. "Guard this."

"No problem." He frowned at the bag. "I don't need a drug to push my love button to 'on.' "

"It's not like that for vampires, Ray. My Ricardo's love button, as you call it, is always on." She gave Richard a dazzling smile.

"But this little pill Mmm. It will give us such a pleasure" Flo sighed. "I can't describe it. So I sacrifice two of the pills. Try it. You and Glory will be amazed."

"Keep your damned pills. I lost my voice just by drinking alcohol. No way am I putting a drug in my system. I've got an important gig coming up. I can't take a chance." Ray tossed the baggy on the coffee table. "Flo, you and Richard can have all of it."

"No one's leaving yet." I grabbed the bag and stuck it down my bra again. "The VV and you, Flo, can wait a few more minutes. Sit down. Ray and I have a serious problem and we need your help. Richard, you might know about this. You ever have dealings with a Siren?" I twisted the top off the bottle of synthetic and took a swallow. Bleck.

"You mean like a mermaid? Sit, darling. I have a feeling that if I tried to take the pills from Glory's bra, Ray would have something to say about it." Richard pulled Flo down beside him on the couch.

"Damned right." Ray took a drink from his own bottle and made a face.

"No righting in my living room. Flo, quit giving me the stink eye. You'll
get
your W." I settled into a chair.

"Patience, my love." Richard patted Flo's knee. "Let's hear your friend out." Flo huffed and puffed and shot me looks that made it clear
she
had no problem shoving a fist down my bra. But she finally settled beside him, tapping her fingers on his thigh.

"Sirens, mermaids. Come on, Richard. What do you know?"

Richard frowned. "I've come across a few, in the Med, but you're not implying you ran into one around here, are you?"

"Unfortunately. Aglaophonos. Aggie for short. She's staked out in Lake Travis. Caught Ray and me on New Year's Eve."

"Caught you doing what? I wonder if I have Jeremiah's number on speed dial." Flo grabbed her red leather purse.

"Florence, quit trying to make trouble. This could be serious. A Siren is no laughing matter." Richard grabbed Flo's purse and dropped it back on the floor.

"Did I laugh?" Flo looked hurt. "I've heard of mermaids. Wanton witches. Luring men to their deaths. But what can they do to a vampire? Pah! Surely you didn't let this Aggie scare you, Glory."

"She scared the shit out of me. She's more powerful than a vampire. Can freeze you where you stand. Lucky for me she's an Israel Caine fan. Ray sang and she finally let us go. But we had to make a deal with her."

"What kind of deal?" Richard addressed this to Ray.

"She's in league with a goddess." Ray grimaced. "This so-called goddess cursed her. Man, you should see the results. Aggie sure as hell doesn't look like a mermaid. More like a nightmare after too many bean burritos." Ray saw Flo and Richard's blank looks and laughed. "Right. No burritos for you guys. Take my word for it then. She's butt ugly. Ask Glory." I nodded. "Scaly, stinky, disgusting. Green! She must have really pissed off Circe."

"Circe! That bitch!" Flo jumped to her feet.
"Mio Dio!
Now we're in for it. No one hates male vampires like Circe. She took a lover from me once. Just sucked him right down to her level of hell." Flo paced around the coffee table, her cheeks pink. "Put a Siren and Circe together and you have serious trouble. We're leaving Austin immediately. All of us." She turned to Richard, hands on her hips. "Ricardo, I forbid you to go within a hundred miles of this vampire gobbling fiend. Do you hear me?" Her voice had risen and she was now officially red-faced. If she could have seen her reflection, she would have been mortified.

"What's the deal you made?" Richard got up and led Flo back to the couch. "Calm down, darling. We'll figure this out. No one is running away and no one is going to suck me down to any level of hell. I'm a former priest, remember? God knows I still do his work here."

Ray looked startled and I smiled at him.

"Richard's right. He's one of the good guys. No way is he destined for fire and brimstone. Ray and I can't run anyway, Flo. Aggie's got us on a leash of sorts. Ray, tell Richard what happened with Aggie."

So Ray gave Richard and Flo the whole story as far as he knew it. "You see, we need three vampires ASAP. Aggie's not patient, but she's given us until the full moon. Two and a half weeks away now. Glory contacted the EVs, that's how she got the Vampire Viagra. We're trying to lure Simon and two of his cronies out to the house. If we can get them close enough, Aggie can sing her Siren's song and do the rest."

"I'm afraid it's not that simple now." I knew that word would get a reaction and I was right.

"Simple?" Flo jumped up. "Sirens in an Austin lake and dealing with Simon Destiny is not simple. I think this is going to ruin my wedding."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "More than you know. She wants Damian."

"What?" Flo looked at each of us. "What is this? A joke? You said we would send her bad vampires. Damie is naughty. Is true. He breaks women's hearts. But they have a good time with him, no?" Flo took a breath. "You tease me. Give me the Vampire Viagra. We go, Ricardo."

"No, Flo, I'm serious. Circe wants Casanova." I looked at Ray.

"When the hell did you find out this?" Ray obviously didn't like to be blindsided.

"Valdez and I had a face-to-face with Aggie, Ray, when you and Sienna were practicing the other night. I asked her why she was in Austin. Seems Circe heard the Latin lover was in these parts. The goddess is a big advocate for women. She figures Casanova has broken enough hearts."

"But Damie
loves
women. So what if he leaves them a little, um, broken.
Mio Dio."
Flo collapsed on the couch. "We can't do it. I won't do it. What happens to you if you don't give this Siren my brother, Glory?" She leaned against Richard who took her in his arms.

"Then Ray and I are going to hell at the full moon, along with any other bad vamps we can drag along with us." I pulled the baggy out of my bra and tossed it on the coffee table. "Here's the W. We all need time to think about this." Richard kissed Flo's pale cheek. "Darling, we'll think of something. Your brother is not going to hell. And neither is your best friend. What kind of wedding would it be without either one of them?"