Real Vampires Don't Diet (3 page)

"I'm sorry, Ray." And not a bit surprised. I devoured anything the tabloids printed about Ray. His drinking had been a hot topic.

"Didn't you promise me a boat ride once?" Yeah, I was a sucker for a sob story. Besides, Ray
wasn't
drunk. And I figured it wouldn't hurt to offer him a distraction.

"You want to go? Seriously?" He smiled, suddenly looking alive again, as if the pity party had never happened.

"If you meant it when you said you weren't even feeling the buzz."

"Yeah. Let me prove it. Believe me, I've been through the drill dozens of times. You can ask my lawyer." Ray walked a straight line, then did the fingers to the nose thing. "Want me to count too?"

"No, I believe you. Valdez says you have an elevator down to the boat dock."

"It's right over here. Let's ditch the bodyguards. Just you and me. Are you up for it? Or don't you think we'll be safe?" He grinned, probably expecting me to be my usual cautious self.

"I can swim, sort of. You can swim." I'd seen the butt shot of him skinny-dipping in
Star Snoops.
"What kind of trouble can we get into out in the middle of a lake late at night?" Would you like a list? Sometimes I can be such an idiot.

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"Nice boat, Ray," I shouted as we roared across the lake. Leave it to rock star Israel Caine to have one of those lethal-looking speedboats. It was a sexy red with white leather seats and noisy as hell. Bet his neighbors loved his late-night rides. Me, not so much.

"Not cold, are you?" Ray grinned and turned the wheel so we were heading away from the lights of several houses clustered along the shore.

"What do you take me for? A wimp? Or do you just want me to come closer?" Vampires don't get cold. A nice perk along with immortality, something to do with our metabolism. I watched the wind press Ray's silk shirt against him, a good distraction from the way the boat was hitting the water. I gripped the chrome rail before I was tossed overboard. "My hair's going to be wild."

"Watch it, Wonder Woman, you're bending the hand rail." Ray throttled back the engine until we were practically coasting in the darkness. "Closer is good. And I like my women wild." He reached over and brushed some curls from my face. "But I think you know that."

"Yeah. I read the fanzines and the blogs." I tried for a careless shrug. Tough when his fingers lingered near my left ear. "Since we've become an item, I can't seem to help myself." Long story. Pretending to be Ray's flavor of the month had explained my involvement in his life while I tried to teach him what he needed to know as a new vampire. Since I could stand to lose a few pounds, especially in the hip area, I'm a novelty in rock-star world. The tabloids had started a

"Glory watch" and chubby women everywhere had clasped me to their well-endowed bosoms. Several blogs were dedicated to me too. Yeah, to not so little old me. Cool, huh?

"They'll move on as soon as another drunk star plows a Bentley into a tree. Don't get too hung up on the hype." Ray's hand slid off my cheek and he peered into the darkness. "Did you hear something?"

Besides the pounding of my heart and my inner slut screaming at me to jump Ray's way too sexy bones? I shook my head. Damn. He'd decided to hold on to the chrome steering wheel instead of me.

"Listen, Glory. I think someone's calling for help." He pointed in front of us. "What the hell's that?" I jerked my brain into drive and looked around. A strange light shimmered and floated a few feet above the water just yards away. I'm not easily spooked and unless the mother ship appeared in front of us, I was more interested in Ray right now than fog and reflections.

"Spirits maybe. I've heard there are sacred Indian burial grounds on the shore of Lake Travis." I'm down with spirits. Two ghosts call my shop home. "Hippie Hollow's along here too. Customers say it was a popular area for skinny-dipping back in the sixties." Was I hinting? Hmm. When Ray didn't ask for directions, I shut up and listened. I'll be damned. I did hear a faint plaintive cry for help.

"Cut the engine, Ray. You're right. I do hear someone."

Ray turned off the engine and we both listened intently Except for the slap of the water against the hull, it was eerily silent.

"He lp. Pleeeease help meee." The voice was high -pitched and singsongy.

I slapped my hands over my bleeding ears, then sucked it up and looked around the lake, trying to pinpoint the direction the voice had originated from. It seemed to have no relation to the floating light that had drifted away like a phosphorescent cloud. I glanced at Ray.

"Can you tell where it's coming from?" I whispered, in case the person called out again. How creepy to be stranded in this vast lake. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm strictly a land lover. Water just isn't my element. I can swim enough to stay afloat, barely. But Lake Travis is
huge,
miles across and filled with all sorts of wiggly, slimy, creepy, well,
things
that a vampire should just shrug off, but I never could. What can I say? Inside I'm still a girly girl who jumps on chairs when a cockroach scurries across the kitchen floor. Go figure.

"Not a clue. See anything?" Ray leaned forward when the voice sang out again, louder this time.

"Heeelp. What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?" This last was a screech. Ray and I winced and both pointed at the same time. The voice was definitely coming from our right. But if this person was in the water and in real trouble, she was in need of an attitude adjustment. The screech had been female and in bitch mode. I should know. I've come up against more than a few bitches in my four hundred plus years and could
give
this one a run for her money if it came to a bitch-off. Yeah, I'm a girly girl with attitude when it's called for.

"Hold on, honey. We're on our way." Ray cranked the engine and turned the wheel toward the voice. We chugged slowly through the water. He had a searchlight on the bow and nodded to me to aim it ahead of us. I figured we'd see someone in a lifejacket, or maybe in a boat with engine trouble. I was hoping for the boat. The water was really cold, though for New Year's Eve, Austin was almost balmy at forty degrees. Got to love Texas winters. A mortal wouldn't though, not tonight. They'd be in serious danger of hypothermia.

I scanned the water ahead of us with the searchlight. What Ray and I saw floating in front of us made us both gasp. When the engine went dead, we couldn't even speak. Because we were paralyzed. Yep. Frozen stiff. And not from the cold. Talk about a freak-out. I couldn't move so much as my little finger. And, believe me, I concentrated until I thought my brain would burst.

"God, what a night. A twofer." The creature climbed into the boat, making it rock and sloshing us both with cold water. Not that we could complain. We were statues. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

"Sorry I had to trick you like that, sweeties, but that's what I do. I'm a Siren. You know, the kind that makes ships wreck, makes sailors steer into the rocks, like that." The beast actually giggled.

I'm not being mean calling it a creature and a beast, though I sure as hell had a right to be mean. I couldn't
move.
You know how horrible that is? Never again will I laugh at those scenes on TV or in movies where the guy has both arms and legs in casts and can't scratch his nose. I can so relate.

But back to the
thing.
It would definitely come in a distant second to the Loch Ness Monster in a beauty contest. Imagine scales, green, slimy with tufts of seaweed and barnacles clinging to it like it hadn't bothered with a shower in a few millennia. Its eyes were red and uneven, but had long beautiful lashes. A good thing, since its teeth were too gross to stare at for more than a second. That explained the miasma that gusted from its pursed leathery lips.

"Now, darling, you can just quit judging me. Under this disguise I'm as cute as a button. Wear size-four jeans." She flicked my size-twelve (okay, fourteen without Lycra) butt with a slimy finger. "But I'm cursed. Because I screwed up. So I'm stuck here in Lake freakin' Travis in Austin freakin' Texas until I can bring the goddess who cursed me three vampires." She grinned and blasted me with some of that breath.

I would have gagged if I could have moved. I had just discovered hell on earth. Yep. If I could, I'd fall on a stake right now rather than spend one more minute so
helpless.

"I've been stuck on the rocks over there for a month. Waiting. I've sensed humans, shifters, even a damned witch and her coven out for a joyride in a stolen cabin cruiser. But not one vampire." She sloshed to Ray's side.

"So you see why I'm so thrilled to get two in one boat." The moon came out from behind a cloud and she got a good look at Ray. "Oh. My. Goddess." The man always has that effect on women.

I felt a surge of hope. Ray's not shy. Maybe he could bargain his body for our freedom. Of course his standards would have to take a nosedive. I struggled to find a shred of optimism. Ray would have to be struck deaf, dumb, blind and wear a clothespin on his nose to hook up with the big ugly here. We were
doomed.

"Honey, no way am I turning you over to any other woman until I have a sample first." She waved a scaly hand and Ray suddenly fell to the deck. "Speak to me, baby."

Ray rubbed his face, blinked, looked at me standing there in concrete mode and managed to show me horror, sympathy and resignation before he faced the creature without flinching. If we got out of this, I was calling his agent. He definitely had a future in Hollywood.

"Someone cursed you too? Sorry to hear it." He smiled and I saw the woman inside the Siren melt like all women do for Ray.

"Too? Oh, honey. You mean someone did you dirty?" She squished across the deck and collapsed on the white bench seat that ran across the back of the boat.

"I'm Ray. What should I call you?" Ray actually had the stones to hold out his hand. God, I couldn't believe it. I tried to move, but only my eyeballs were operative and I'm sure they were bugging out of my head.

"Aglaophonos. It's a mouthful, honey. Just call me Aggie." She frowned down at her scaly appendage, then placed her fingertips gently in his hand. "Sorry about the way I look. If I ever
get
this curse lifted Well, the only way to do
that,
though, is to deliver three vampires to Circe. You and the chubby one there are my first two catches. One more and I'm good to go." She sighed.

"What'd you do to this Circe? Seems the punishment is a little harsh. What kind of goddess is she?" Ray managed to slip his hand from hers and actually refrained from wiping it on his jeans. I couldn't believe him. I was falling in love where I stood. Too bad I'd never live to do anything about it. Somehow I figured a delivery to Circe didn't allow for returns.

"Circe is the goddess of the night. She's got some serious skills. You don't want to cross her. On top of that, she's a bitch." The boat suddenly rocked, thunder cracked and Aggies scales turned bright red. My vision of hell just got worse. I could be pitched overboard while paralyzed. Fishy crawly things could have their way with me while I sank to the bottom unable to move. Ray grabbed me just before I toppled over the side and righted me, setting me closer to the steering wheel and slapping a bungee cord around my arm to secure me there. Have I mentioned how much I love him?

"Holy shit, Circe! You trying to burn me alive? Sorry, oh wondrous one! Do you see me working here? I've got two vampires for you. Let me do my job, okay? I'll cut out the trash talk. I promise." Aggie was shaking but seemed to have calmed her goddess down. The boat settled and her scales went back to pea green.

"She took my singing voice too." Aggie said this in a quiet voice and a pink tear dripped off the end of her snout. "That's my pride and joy. When I'm in top form I can bring a whole ship to a standstill. Every man in the crew falls in love with my voice and will do anything I ask." She reached up in what looked like an automatic gesture, as if to fluff her hair, then frowned. "I'm a shape-shifter. She took all my forms too and stuck me in
this
thing. When I'm on my game, I can be a mermaid or look human, a beautiful woman with long golden hair." She sighed. "But it's my voice I miss most. There's nothing I love more than a fantastic singing voice."

"For true?" Ray smiled. Vampires don't really need to breathe. Ray's a really new vampire, but I guess he'd figured that out because he couldn't be taking in her nasty fumes and still look so cheerful.

The only cheerful thought I could come up with was how it would feel to rip open Aggie's throat, tear her hideous body to pieces and turn her into fish bait. Even an immortal would have a tough time snapping back from that. Ray moved in on Aggie. I hoped he tossed her overboard.

"You ever hear of Israel Caine in whatever land you're from?"

"I move around. But sure. Who hasn't? I could listen to his CDs forever." Aggie straightened and peered at Ray. "Holy goddess of the night. I don't see so well in this scaly outfit, but are you, I mean, could you possibly be ?"

"I am. Would you like for me to sing to you?"

"Are you kidding? After a month with a rock up my butt and only a few bats for company? Hell, I'd do anything to hear some decent music."

I wanted to scream. Ray was going to
serenade
this monster slash woman? While I stood here helpless with, damn it, a hair in my mouth that was driving me certifiable?

"All right then." Ray became my hero when he reached over and pulled the hair from my lips. Thank God I'd taught him to read minds. "I'll sing for you if you'll do me a few favors."

"I can't let you go. I've got to satisfy Circe. And
get
my voice and my form back." Aggie actually looked a little desperate, but not so much that she didn't take a second to grab Ray's hand and pull him closer. She stroked his face with a claw that had certainly never had a manicure. "Israel Caine. Wow. I didn't know you were a vampire."

"Its a new development." Ray gestured at me. "Come on, Aggie. At least let my lady relax. Like you did me. She's going crazy being stuck like that. You can see her eyes moving."