Real Vampires Know Size Matters (16 page)

“Screwed you over, hon.” Aggie had microwaved a diet dinner and was busy scarfing down spaghetti and meatballs.

“I’ll say.” Sienna licked her lips, tears drying up fast. “God, whatever you’re eating smells delicious.” She turned to me. “Seriously? We can’t eat anything solid?”

“There’s a drug that allows eating temporarily. Ian MacDonald invented it and sells it. Costs the earth. It gave me some bad side effects, but most vampires can probably tolerate it. He also has a daylight drug. It’ll give you enough time to watch a sunrise, but that’s about it. I can’t tell you how many thousands of dollars Ray’s sunk into buying that stuff. He’s addicted to it.”

“Of course. Once an addict, always an addict. He’s just transferred the behavior to something else. Tell me about Ian MacDonald. Vampire?” Sienna got up and took off her new jacket. The outfit underneath was pure Hollywood, the latest in skinny jeans and antique lace blouses. The blouse alone must have cost four figures.

“Yes, and a doctor. He’s the one Aggie sued.” I tried to keep a straight face. No one had been rooting for Aggie in that trial.

“Seriously? What’s the deal?” Sienna sat across from Aggie again.

“We were in love. I was a Siren, that’s a woman who lures men to her, takes their money then, um, finishes them off.” Aggie waved her fork. “Don’t look at me like that. Glory was one too, back in the day. At least I was a
good
Siren. Had plenty of kills to my credit. Glory sucked. Was kicked out of the sisterhood for refusing to follow through.”

“Yeah, I lacked the killer instinct.” I hung my head. “I’m
so
ashamed.”

“I’ll bet.” Sienna winked at me. “Go on. This is getting good. So what about MacDonald?”

“Well, Ian and I were a couple. He’s brilliant and hot. In bed . . . Well, don’t get me started. So I fell hard. Decided he was worth leaving my day job for.” Aggie sighed, obviously going through her personal highlight reel.

“Not much of a job. Sounds like you were a hit woman.” Sienna glanced at me. “Glory was lucky to be kicked out.”

“Yeah, well, I’d come to see there wasn’t much future. No room for advancement. You get my drift. So I decided to give up the Siren life to become mortal.” She looked down. “I had a perfect body, perfect. Didn’t I, Glory?”

“Of course. It’s a Siren requirement. When I was kicked out, the Storm God, the man in charge of the Sirens, played a dirty trick on me, rearranging my parts so I wouldn’t be perfect anymore.” I slapped my hip. “Go on, Aggie, finish this fascinating tale.”

“Don’t mock me, Glory. It’s a tragedy.” Aggie chewed her last meatball. “These things are too damned skimpy. I’m zapping another one.” She got up. “Anyway, I arranged to leave the Sirens, hit the dirt as a mortal and took Ian at his word that he’d give me back my immortality by making me vampire.”

“Ah, the plot thickens. Ian promised to turn you? Yet here you are, still mortal and cleaning his toilets.” Sienna laughed. “This is where the lawsuit came in. Right?”

“Yes.” I continued because Aggie was in the kitchen microwaving another dinner. “When Ian smelled Aggie’s mortal blood, he decided to just keep her as a blood slave. Use her kind of like you’re doing but without the paycheck. He also lost interest in her physically. He’d figured out, you see, that she’d done the Siren song thing to make him fall in love with her. Once she lost her Siren magic, Ian lost the love.”

“The rat bastard wouldn’t touch me.” Aggie stood in the kitchen doorway, waiting for her dinner to finish. “So what if I used a little magic on him? We were hot together and I thought maybe we had the real deal.” Big sigh. “Well, you won’t find me talking about love again, that’s for sure. So I was stuck, mortal, and no lover. I took Ian to the local vampire court for breach of promise but those ass-hats are all about their own. Seems they don’t like Sirens. Can you believe they ended up fining
me
a hundred thousand dollars for harming
him
?”

Sienna glanced at me. “Can you do that too, Glory? Make a man love you with music? Sounds like the coolest power ever.”

“It
was
cool.” Aggie frowned. “Glory sings now like a frog in pain.”

“Not anymore. My mother gave me my song back.” I almost laughed at the look on Aggie’s face. Shock to put it mildly.

“Are you kidding me? Hebe can do that?” Aggie looked up like maybe she was ready to ask my mother to do her the same favor.

“Apparently. But I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for her to do it for you, Aggie. You know Mom isn’t going to give you anything without expecting a big payback.” I saw her face fall. “Besides I’m not about to try to call a man to me. When Jerry thought that’s how I’d made him fall in love with me when we first met, he left me. Guys hate being manipulated. I’m not risking another breakup over that Siren shit.”

“You’re nuts. You ought to try out your voice. At least see if it works. I’ll bet you can do some kind of whammy with your vampire mojo to erase the love thing if it doesn’t work out. What do you think?” Aggie leaned forward. “I mean that’s a serious power.”

“I want to hear you sing. Come on. Hit me with your best shot, Glory.” Sienna’s eyes gleamed.

“Not now. What if you fell in love with me?” I grinned. “Maybe sometime when we’re not in the middle of a crisis.” I wasn’t about to get into that now. “Have you tried your own song, Aggie?”

“Sure. First thing. I figured a sugar daddy could be a perfect rescue from my situation. Oh, my voice is still great.” Aggie preened for a moment, then sagged. “But men just look at me like I’m nuts for breaking out in song at odd times. I can’t call squat.” She jumped when the microwave dinged. “So I’m working off my debt to Ian the hard way.”

“That’s why you’re so desperate for money.” Sienna sat back but she kept giving me a speculative look. I felt sure this wasn’t the end of her determination to hear me sing. She’d produced her last album herself. Surely she didn’t think I’d be interested in a career in music. “You didn’t have any savings? What about all those men you tricked out of their cash when you were a Siren?”

“Oh, we weren’t allowed to keep any of it. It’s all up on Olympus, in the Siren treasure chest. Glory could get hold of part of it for me, if she’d go up there. Play nice with her kinfolks.” Aggie had her new dinner on a tray and she carried it back in, blowing on it to cool it off. “Chicken in peanut sauce. Not sure about this one.”

“That’s right, darling. A quick trip to Olympus with
moi
and Aggie would have enough cash to pay off Ian and get a place of her own. Even leave town. Where would you like to go, Aggie?” My mother shimmered into view and sat on the other end of the couch.

“I’ve always been fond of the Amalfi Coast. I speak Italian, of course. And the water there is beautiful.” Aggie grinned. “Looking good, Hebe.”

Sienna had jumped when Mom had popped into the picture. Now she stared openmouthed. Mom did look good. She wore the traditional Olympus garb tonight, which fit her figure perfectly. Her diamond pin at the shoulder gleamed and her blond hair was shining as it tumbled in waves down her back.

“Mother. I see you decided to join us. I called you the other night. Didn’t you hear me?” I kept a grim face. I wasn’t about to take off for Olympus now.

“Oh, dear. No, I guess I didn’t. What did you want?” She looked innocent as she studied her silver nail polish.

“Never mind. I had a question. It’s been answered.” I thought about asking for help with the Mel problem. No, like I’d told Aggie, my mother didn’t do favors without asking for serious payback and she didn’t want me to be with Jerry at all. Of course if I told her I was in danger . . . I’d wait and see if my recipe for a stay-away spell worked first. I’d make Mom my contingency plan.

“Nice to know you actually wanted to see me for a change. Now about the fortune. Have you given it any thought? Look at poor Aggie, suffering because you’re too selfish to take a little trip to get the money she needs.” My mother glanced at Aggie shoveling chicken and some kind of noodles into her mouth. When a noodle landed on her robe, Aggie picked it up with her fingers and sucked it in. Mother wrinkled her nose. She didn’t need to say “disgusting,” we could see it on her face.

“Hey, I
am
suffering,” Aggie said after she swallowed. “I can’t wear rubber gloves for everything. I’ve broken all my nails and can’t afford a manicure. My body is completely ruined, with bulges everywhere. And I’m getting older by the day.”

“You could afford to move away if you had the money.” Sienna obviously saw the most important benefit to me. “But are you nuts? You want to be a vampire? How about all this food you’re scarfing down? I’ve seen you with the Ben & Jerry’s. You want to give that up on purpose?” Her eyes filled. “And give up daylight. I just don’t get it. Why would anyone deliberately—”

“It’s all about the immortality, hon. Mortals have ridiculously short lives. If I had money, the first thing I’d do would be to pay a rogue vampire to turn me. Then I’d be immortal again.” Aggie slurped down another bite of the diet dinner. “After I get back my perfect figure, of course.”

“What’s this about a rogue vampire? There are such things? People who turn you vampire for a paycheck?” Sienna dragged her gaze from Aggie to me.

“Yes, and it’s strictly against the council rules. You’d be in a world of trouble if you got caught soliciting any more vampires to turn you, Aggie.” I ignored her one-finger salute. “Mother, thanks for dropping by but I’m in the middle of something important here. There’s no chance I’m going to Olympus with you anytime soon. You want to help Aggie, give her the Siren magic back.” I smiled at Aggie, who looked like she was about to choke on her chicken.

“No, I don’t think so.” Mom ignored Aggie’s squeal of dismay. My mother picked up the book on the coffee table. “What’s this? Recipes for spells. Voodoo? Oh, my dear, this is so beneath you.” She tossed it back on the table. “If you need to get rid of someone, say no more. I can make anyone vanish just like that.” She snapped her fingers and Aggie was gone. Poof. The only thing left was the sweet tangy odor of peanut sauce and Aggie’s discarded bunny slippers on the floor in front of the couch.

I took a moment to savor it. “Where’d you put her, Mother?”

“Does it matter?” She snapped her fingers again and Aggie reappeared, cursing and shaking her head.

“What in the name of Zeus was that? Who sucked me into the black void? I was like,
gone
.” Aggie narrowed her eyes on my mother and slapped her tray down on the coffee table. “Hebe, I thought we had an understanding.”

“Say no more.” My mother waved her hand and Aggie was frozen in her spot.

“Understanding? Now, this is interesting. Are you behind this whole thing? Aggie needing cash, staying here? I should have known you were in on this plot. It’s all a ploy to get me to come to Olympus, isn’t it?” I jumped to my feet. My mother had made a fool of me. Aggie had made a fool of me. Did she really need money? No doubt about it. But I just bet my mom was slipping her some cash on the side. To get her to cooperate and make my life a misery, so I’d be more open to taking that trip upstairs.

“Now, calm down, Gloriana. I didn’t orchestrate all of this. Some of it just fell into my lap. Aggie fell in love on her own. Made her foolish choice to leave the Sirens on her own. If I took advantage to press my little agenda . . . ? Well, who can blame me?” Mother gestured, like she was practically a victim of circumstance.

“
I
can blame you. Have fun waiting till eternity for me to go with you to meet Zeus. Grandpa Zeus. I wonder what he would think of your manipulations.” I tapped my foot. If the woman had needed a door to make her exit, I would have flung it open.

“Darling, don’t be naïve. Manipulation is how we survive up there. Zeus would be proud.” Mother stood and tried to put her arm around me. I darted across the room, out of reach. Sienna stared at us both, wide-eyed. No need to freeze her, she wasn’t about to move and miss a reality show worthy of prime time on the Syfy channel.

“I won’t go up there and that’s final.”

“Not even to save your man?” Mother actually smiled.

Eight

“What
the hell do you mean?” I stepped closer to her.

“You think I haven’t been following along? That I don’t know what that voodoo person has been up to? I would never have let her hurt you, you know. Rest assured. But your Jeremiah? She can have him and good riddance.” Mother flicked her fingers then just disappeared.

“What? Oh, you are the most infuriating creature I have ever had the misfortune to meet!” I kicked the wall, making a hole in it and scratching my good black boot. Damn it.

“Uh, Glory. What are you going to do about Aggie? I don’t think she can move.” Sienna had crept over to the couch and touched Aggie on the shoulder. Sure enough, the former Siren was still frozen.

“Maybe I should leave her like that. Serves her right, colluding with my mother.” I sighed and trudged over to where Aggie sat, her fork halfway to her mouth. “Get out of the way, Sienna. She’s liable to come out swinging.”

“Don’t thaw her yet.” Sienna grinned. “It’s kind of fun, seeing her like this. Speechless.”

“Oh, no, you didn’t say that.” I shook my head. “She can still hear us, just not move. Stay back. I’ll handle this.” I watched Sienna scurry to the bedroom and heard her lock the door. Famous rock star, scared of Aggie. I wasn’t, but then I knew how to deal with backstabbing traitors. I touched Aggie and she did come out fists flying, noodles and chicken going everywhere.

“Stop it.” I grabbed her hand. “You realize you’re an inch away from being homeless?”

“What the hell did
I
do?” Aggie subsided quickly. “Sienna was mean to me.”

“She’s your paycheck. You can take it. Now listen up. You’ll behave yourself from now on or I’ll kick your butt out of here. Understand?” I got right in her face, making sure she knew I meant every word. “Working with my mother? Not cool.”

“She’s been nice to me when no one else around here gave a rat’s ass. See? My feet were cold. She bought me these slippers.” Aggie stuck out the bunnies. “Passed me a few bucks at the grocery store too. I have to eat you know.”