Reaver (19 page)

everyone else, he only exists in the histories of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

She still had no idea why it was that she had memories no one else did, and Raphael never answered

her when she asked. He was such a dick.

“You hellrat bastard,” she spat. “Reaver’s pain means so much to you that you’re blackmailing me

to make it happen?”

“Yes.” Raphael brushed a cobweb off his shoulder. “Now, do you want me to take the memories of

Yenrieth from you?”

“No.” Fury roared through her, joined by pain as her body morphed, against her will, into her

demon body. She hated when she went all Hulk from rage or angel blood, but that’s what being a

fallen angel was. Evil and ugly. “I’ll do it.”

Raphael shrank away from her in disgust. “Good.” He disappeared, but his voice hung in the air for

a few more seconds. “Make it hurt. And don’t let me see you like that again. You’re hideous.”

Yeah, Raphael was all heart and asshole.

“Did you enjoy hurting me?” Reaver asked, his voice as angry as his gaze.

Ouch. She supposed it was a legitimate question, given how she’d done all she could to make him

believe she’d loved every minute of his misery, but for some reason, she no longer wanted him to

think the worst of her. Maybe there really was part of her that was still good. She’d done a lot of

things for the good team, but she’d never truly felt as if
she
was good. Especially because the things

she’d done in the name of good had been reprehensible.

Like torturing Reaver.

She looked ahead, avoiding his gaze. “Did you enjoy it when you found Gethel torturing me with

treclan
spikes?”

“No.”

“Well, there you go.”

They walked in silence for a while, the carrion wisps still following like sickly ghosts.

“Harvester,” Reaver said, his voice calmer now, “why did you choose to fall?”

“I needed to watch over the Horsemen.”

Reaver’s golden mane had dried in perfect, shiny waves that fell across his cheeks and jaw as he

inclined his head in a slow nod. “I know. But why were the Horsemen so important to you?”

She considered her answer, but everything sounded so lame.
Because I was in love with their father.

Because I made a promise. Because I was an idiot
. Finally, she settled on, “You wouldn’t understand.”

He cursed, low and long. “I really hate it when people say that. You have no idea what I’ll

understand and what I won’t. Pet peeve of mine. So why don’t you try me.”

His tone set her temper on edge, and no matter how many times she repeated to herself that she

needed to refuse to let her evil side reign and make an effort to talk instead of argue, she still spit out

an irritated, “Why should I?”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Maybe because I risked my wings to rescue you.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” she reminded him for what felt like the millionth time. “And if you’re going

to hold that over my head for the rest of my life, why don’t we part ways now and let me fend for

myself.”

Reaver closed his eyes and breathed deeply enough for her to hear. “Once, just once, can you not

fight me?”

She owed him and she knew it, but being indebted to anyone, especially Reaver, was unacceptable.

When she owed someone, that debt became a weapon, as she’d learned after many, many lessons. And

while Reaver didn’t have anything worth blackmailing her with, he knew more about her

vulnerabilities than anyone alive.

Still, she was grateful, and he deserved better than her fallen angel attitude. “I swore to Yenrieth

that I would take care of his children.”

Reaver missed a step. “He was aware that you were planning to fall for the sake of his children, and

he
let
you?”

“No one
lets
me do anything.” She flicked a spark of power at a carrion wisp that was close enough

to have her by the throat in two bounding leaps. The thing yelped and slunk to the back of the pack.

“But he
knew
?”

“Not exactly,” she said and sighed. “My oath was more to myself. On the very day his children were

conceived, I swore I’d watch over them. He didn’t even know Lilith was pregnant.”

Reaver’s throat worked on a swallow, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse. Impossible for him

to believe she had once been decent, she supposed.

“Why? Why would you swear to something like that?”

She thought about lying, or not answering at all, but she knew Reaver well enough to know that he

wouldn’t let this go. And again, he’d rescued her. She owed him.

“Because.” It was her turn to swallow. And avert her gaze. “I was in love with him.”

She snuck a peek at Reaver, but his expression went shuttered, utterly unreadable. Maybe he was

having a hard timing imagining that she might have had feelings for someone. “So you remember

him?”

“I remember events,” she said, maybe a little harshly, but dammit, it kind of stung that Reaver

would be so floored by the idea that she’d loved someone. “But I don’t remember what he looked like.

No one does.”

It was a long time before Reaver replied. “Was he… were you two…”

“No.” This was so humiliating. “I pined for him for decades, but to him I was only a friend. Then,

one day, he kissed me.”

That had been the best day of her life. She and Yenrieth had been practically inseparable, best

friends who honed their fighting skills together, who pulled pranks on humans and other angels, and

who even skinny-dipped in crystal pools together. He’d never looked upon her with lust, but she’d

been unable to see his magnificent body naked without practically drooling.

“I was a virgin,” she said hoarsely. “I was saving myself for him, but when he finally pulled his

head out of his ass and kissed me, I panicked like a lamb in a storm and fled. And he ran straight to

Lilith’s bed.”

Well, bed of grass, anyway. He’d fucked the demon on the bank of one of the pools he and

Harvester had swum in, and Harvester had come upon the aftermath. She’d been gutted by what she’d

seen, and to this day the memory still had the power to cut deep.

Reaver muttered something that sounded like
fucking idiot
as he kept his gaze focused on the forest

ahead, never looking in her direction. He was probably disgusted by her stupidity, just as she was.

“What happened then?”

“I sensed that the succubus was pregnant.” Looking down at her boots as they walked, she wondered

what would have happened if she’d handled things differently. Some angels possessed the gift of

clairvoyance, but she wasn’t one of them. How handy
that
would have been. “I should have told

Yenrieth right then, but I was afraid he’d chase her into Sheoul and get himself killed. He was so

damned impulsive and hotheaded, and he was still a novice battle angel. Even with the kind of power

he had, he wasn’t experienced enough to enter most of Sheoul by himself. Plus, it was sometimes

dangerous to upset him.”

He stiffened. “What do you mean, with the kind of power he had?”

“He was the most powerful battle angel I’ve ever seen,” she said. “Hell, I think he could have given

Raphael a run for his money, and Raphael is a fucking archangel.”

She allowed herself the smallest of smiles. Yenrieth was always getting himself into trouble, and

her with him. But the fun they’d had had been worth the lectures and menial labor they’d been given

as punishment.

“So I decided to wait to tell him about the pregnancy until I could find the children myself.”

Unfortunately, that plan got derailed when she found Lilith first… and the bitch had threatened the

children’s lives if Harvester spilled the beans. “But it didn’t really matter, because the encounter with

Lilith changed Yenrieth. He became bitter and angry. Even his already considerable powers seemed to

expand.”

Finally, Reaver turned to her. “Expand?”

She contemplated how to explain this without sounding crazy. “He could do things I’ve never seen

any other angel do when he was battling a demon. It was almost as if he could absorb the demon’s

abilities and use them himself.”

“How?”

“I have no idea.” She took a deep, weary breath. “I used to follow him into Sheoul to keep him from

going anywhere novice angels were forbidden to go. I was sure he’d get killed while he was looking

for Lilith—”

“Wait… why was he looking for her? He knew she was pregnant?”

She shook her head. “He hadn’t known she was a demon when he slept with her, and he wanted to

kill her for using her succubus tricks to seduce him. His pride was one of his biggest flaws.” In the

distance, a lone howl rang out, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Hellhound. Nasty

things. “Obviously, he never found Lilith, but he slaughtered a lot of demons while he was searching,

and I swear he was able to recharge his powers down here.”

Reaver’s blond brows shot up. “That’s impossible without a
sheoulghul
.”

“I know that,” she said, not bothering to conceal the
duh
tone in her voice. “Maybe he had one, but

they don’t allow for
that
much power. It was very strange.”

“Did you ask him about it?”

Her belly growled, and she realized they hadn’t eaten in days. Worse, her wing anchors were

throbbing reminders that she needed blood. Maybe she could feed from one of the carrion wisps,

because there was no way she was taking Reaver’s vein again. That had caused way too many

problems, and the idea that she might hurt him… she didn’t want to think about it.

She nodded at him… and had to force herself to not look at his throat. “He claimed he didn’t know

what was going on. So… I went to Raphael.”

Reaver’s eyes widened. “Behind Yenrieth’s back?”

“That’s a little harsh,” she said, a little too self-defensively. She’d felt like she was betraying him at

the time. Maybe she still did. “I was worried about him. He was on a self-destructive path that was

going to land him on the wrong side of Heaven.”

“Do you think maybe he wouldn’t have gone as nuts if you’d told him he was a father instead of

hiding such a critical secret from him?” Reaver’s voice dripped with accusation, as if
he
was the one

she’d lied to.

“Fuck you, Reaver.” She punched him in the arm the way she used to do to Yenrieth when he pissed

her off. “It’s easy to cast judgment when you’re five thousand years in the future and looking back on

the should-haves, isn’t it?”

He cursed on an exhale, and when he spoke next, he’d managed to moderate his tone. “So what did

Raphael do when you went to him?”

“He told me to keep an eye on Yenrieth, which I did, in between my Justice duties and looking for

his children.”

“And you found them?”

“I found all but Limos,” she said. “I knew where she was. I just couldn’t get to her.”

Lilith had farmed out three of the four children to human parents, swapping their human infants for

hers. Years later, Harvester learned that Lilith had sold the human babies to demons. For what

purpose, Harvester didn’t ask. Didn’t want to know.

The fourth child, Limos, had remained with Lilith. Limos had been raised to be evil and had been

betrothed to Satan as a youth. It wasn’t until Limos left Sheoul to find her brothers that Harvester had

finally seen Yenrieth’s daughter for the first time.

“Raphael told me you saved Reseph’s life once. Is that true?”

“Maybe. There’s no way of knowing if he’d reached immortal maturity at that point. But yes, I took

him from a burning building when he was a child. His human mother was a worthless priestess whore

who left him to fend for himself for days at a time.”

Reaver’s jaw clenched, but what he’d just gotten angry about, she had no idea. He was pretty

attached to the Horsemen, so maybe he didn’t like the idea that Reseph and Limos had gone through

tough childhoods. Ares’s had been brutal as well, being raised as a warrior, but his parents had, at

least, cared for him. Thanatos had been the lucky one, gifted with wonderful parents in a tight-knit

community.

Too bad he’d gone crazy and killed most of his clan after being cursed as a Horseman. Thanatos

might have had the best childhood, but he’d been given the worst curse and had suffered the most

because of his actions.

The carrion wisps were closing in again, their agitation growing as the orangeish light that gave the

region its extra-eerie atmosphere began to dim for nightfall. She picked up the pace as much as she

felt she could.

“So,” Reaver said, his square jaw still tight, “when did Yenrieth finally learn he had three sons and

a daughter?”

She shivered despite the arid heat in this horrid place. “Not until after they were cursed as