Rebecca's Rose (22 page)

“Amos and Erla Miller.”

“Ah, I see the resemblance,” Mom said, feigning cheerfulness. “I knew Erla before she married. Beautiful, beautiful girl. How is she?”

“My mamm has been sick since she had my brother Danny. Rheumatoid arthritis.”

“Oh, that is too bad. Have they given her good medication for the pain?”

“Some days it works and other days it doesn’t.”

“And how is your dat?”

“He is a roofer. He works in Milwaukee during the week and comes home on the weekends.”

Mom cut some medical tape to the size of the gauze pad. “And brothers and sisters? How many?”

“One sister, two brothers. I am the eldest.”

“Your mamm was a bit younger than me, but we met at
singeons
and such,” she said as she finished securing the pad over Rebecca’s cut. “There now. I will give you some extra pads and tape. Change the gauze every few hours but leave the butterfly bandage in place for at least five days, if you can. It might fall off on its own.”

“I will,” Rebecca said.

Levi pulled his keys from his pocket. “I’d better get her home.”

Mom nodded. “Don’t be too late tonight,” she said, flashing him a we-need-to-talk look.

Yep, Levi had been expecting it. He flashed the same look right back at her.

She fished a packet from the first-aid kit and handed it to Rebecca. “Take some ibuprofen for the headache. If it’s worse in the morning, go see a doctor. No excuses.”

“I will.”

Levi took Rebecca’s hand and tugged her to the door.

“Denki for taking care of my head, Mrs. Cooper,” Rebecca said.

“It is best to have someone wake you up every two hours tonight, just in case,” Mom said.

“I will call you on your phone,” Levi said. “Keep it on, okay?”

Rebecca nodded and turned to Levi’s mom. “I am very happy we could meet.”

“So am I,” she said, giving Rebecca a half smile that did nothing to mask the pity in her eyes. “May the good Lord smile upon you all your days.”

It sounded like Mom never planned on seeing Rebecca again.

Levi parked his crippled car in the usual place next to the bushes that separated the Millers’ property from the road and turned off the engine. They sat in silence as they watched the last bit of dusk disappear into darkness.

“Please let me walk you to your door,” he said.

“Nae, I will be fine.”

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You’re injured. What if you collapse in the field and I’m not there to pick you up?”

“I will call you on my cell phone.”

“What if you drop your cell phone and lose it in the dark?”

“I can crawl to my house. It is not that far.”

“You might think this is funny,” Levi said, running his fingers through his hair, “but it’s not. I make myself sick worrying about you. Today was the worst.”

“Levi, I am nineteen years old. I will be fine.”

“How will you explain the bandage to your family?” Levi said.

Rebecca shrugged. “I don’t know. Fater will be mad that I got myself hurt.”

“I should stick around.”

“I don’t want him to see you. It will make things worse.”

“Worse? How?” A sickening thought slapped Levi upside the head. “Does he hit you?” He almost spit out the words.

Her eyes got wide. “No, never. How could you even ask?” She abruptly opened her door and leaped out of the car.

Levi followed her through the bushes, not caring how much noise he made.

She got as far as the toolshed before he caught up with her. “Rebecca, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Please don’t leave this way.”

Withering, Rebecca slumped her shoulders and folded her arms tightly around her waist. “Go home. It’s cold, and I don’t want anyone to see you.”

Levi rubbed his forehead. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s none of my business. I hate thinking you’re in danger, that’s all.”

She turned her face away from him and stared at the side of the shed. “I have never told anyone before,” she said in a whisper.

Levi’s throat tightened and he clenched his fists, fighting off his suddenly keen curiosity. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m ashamed.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Rebecca.”

She took his hand—a first for her. Levi usually made the first move. “You are the only person who never thinks badly of me, even when I deserve it.”

“You don’t deserve it.”

“After Dottie Mae died, I went to her grave every day and sat there for hours in the cold, crying. I shouldn’t have neglected my chores like that. Or Mamm. She needed me. Things were bad for Fater too. He lost his job and Mamm was sick.”

Levi bit his tongue and tried not to be angry with Rebecca’s parents. They had placed the weight of the world on Rebecca’s very young shoulders.

“One morning I forgot to load coal into the stove before going to the grave. Mamm is so sensitive to the cold, and she tried to load the stove herself. She fell down the cellar stairs and lay there for three hours before Fater and my siblings came home and found her. After the ambulance took her away, he came to find me.”

Levi rubbed his hand up and down her arm. She trembled with emotion.

“I didn’t even hear him come. He yanked me from the ground at the graveside and slapped me hard across the face. ‘Stop your crying. Stop it,’ he said. I remember it like yesterday. ‘Your mamm was injured because you have been here wallowing in self-pity. Get yourself home and ask the Lord for forgiveness, because you almost killed her.’ He wouldn’t even let me visit her in the hospital. I sat home racked with guilt, not even sure if Mamm would live, and he wouldn’t let me go to her. ‘A wicked child like you don’t deserve to see her mother,’ he said. He’s hated me ever since.”

She didn’t surrender to the tears, but Levi did. After he wiped the wetness from his face, he reached out and pulled Rebecca into his arms. He wished he had about ten arms to embrace her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he propped his chin on top of her head. He could feel the rapid rhythm of her heart.

“Fater brought Mamm home two days later. She had a broken leg and a broken wrist and a bruised kidney. She looked so pale. I remember standing in her doorway watching her sleep. Fater caught me looking. ‘This is your fault, Becky. If she dies, it will be because you cared more about yourself than your mamm. Mend your ways.’ That is the one and only time he ever struck me. And that is the last time I ever cried.”

Levi held her close and tried to shield her from the chill. “I’m so sorry, kid. I wish I’d been there.”

She held on to him for another lingering minute then pulled away and took a step back. Her sense of propriety seldom took a vacation.

“You won’t tell anybody?”

“All your secrets are safe with me.”

She put her hand to the bandage on her forehead. “I’ve got to go.”

Although this seemed like rotten timing, Levi couldn’t string Rebecca along with false hope. He ran his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t think I can take you skiing.”

“Why not?”

“Because after what happened today with the car, I will never forgive myself if you get hurt.”

“But—”

“People break their necks skiing. People die. You don’t know how to ski, and you aren’t exactly the most coordinated person in the world.”

“I can do it.”

“When have I heard that before?”

Rebecca’s voice rose with her agitation. “You promised. This is what I have been waiting for all these months.”

She couldn’t know how those words stung. Was it all about skiing? After he took her to the slopes, would she cut him out of her life?

Of course she would. He didn’t belong in her world.

“Maybe it was a promise I never should have made,” he said.

“Please, Levi. I’ve got to do it for Dottie Mae.”

“I think Dottie Mae would have wanted you to be happy and live your own life. Not hers.”

Rebecca paused to think about that. “They put you in a box when you die. A little box that holds your whole life, your whole existence. Dottie Mae was fourteen years old. She died with nothing to show for her life except a friendship quilt she made with her mother. They wrapped her in it and buried her. No matter how much I wished or prayed or cried, I couldn’t bring her back. I promised Dottie Mae, on her grave, that I would finish what she never got to do.”

Levi didn’t know what to say. His pool of answers to life’s most pressing questions was very shallow.

He only knew he didn’t want to take her skiing. He caught his breath. He knew more than that. He had come face-to-face with his true desires just as Rebecca had hit her head against the steering wheel.

He loved her. He couldn’t bear to lose her.

He wanted to marry her.

And he was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.

The thought sent his spirit soaring to the sky and crashing to the ground at the same time.

He would do whatever it took to be with Rebecca.

His life was about to change drastically.

“I’ve… I gotta go,” he stammered.

“What about the skiing?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” he said. “I gotta go.” He turned back to her. “Call me if you have any trouble or need anything, okay? I’ll be here in a heartbeat.”

Doubt filled her eyes.

“I gotta go,” he said.

She frowned, folded her arms, and quickly walked away from him.

“Don’t worry, kid,” Levi whispered as she disappeared into the house. “Everything is going to be okay.”

It was two o’clock in the morning, but Levi knew his mom would be waiting for him. Sure enough, as he silently walked through the door, she sat at the kitchen table clutching a cup of coffee. The apartment was dark except for the single light that hung above the table, casting shadows around the dim room.

“Sorry, Mom. You know I didn’t want you to wait up.”

Her eyes held that exhausted look that Levi had seen so many times. “You want some coffee?” she said.

“I’ll get it.”

He stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a cup then sat at the table across from his mom. He had things to say. She had things to say. They’d probably be up the rest of the night.

She looked into his face and frowned. “You’ve been crying.”

Levi lowered his head. “Yeah, all night.”

“Are you all right?”

He put his hand over hers. “I’m good, Mom. It was a good kind of crying.”

Mom studied his face for several seconds before taking a sip of her coffee. “She is a beautiful girl, Levi.”

“Yeah.”

“I know she is in rumschpringe, but what do her parents think?”

“Her mother is okay with it. Her father thinks I’m Amish.”

Mom shook her head. “Oh, Levi, deception is a dangerous thing. The lies pile up until you are buried in them.”

“He hasn’t even met me. He just assumes I’m Amish.”

“You are still deceiving him.”

“Rebecca does everything at that house. I help her so she doesn’t keel over from exhaustion. Her father would never let me come if he knew who I really am.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter,” Mom said. “You know this relationship must end before you both get hurt.”

“It’s not like that.”

“I wish I would have known. I would have put a stop to it long before now.” Mom took a deep breath. “You love her.”

Levi snapped his head up. “Yeah, I do.”

“And you are going to be devastated when you are forced to go your separate ways.”

“I don’t want to go separate ways.”

Mom leaned her elbows on the table and clutched Levi’s arm. “Don’t do that to her. If you pull her away from her community, she will end up miserable. Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life.”

Levi stood and took his mother’s hand. “Come here,” he said. He pulled her to the sofa, and they sat with his arm draped around her shoulder.

“Mom, I want to tell you something. Or ask you something. Just don’t think I’m crazy, okay?”

“I can’t promise anything.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “Mom, what would you say if you and I—okay, this sounds crazy—but, Mom, I think I want to join the Amish church.”

He could have heard a pin drop. In Africa.

With a look of utter perplexity, Mom sat up straight and fixed her eyes on Levi. “What are you—? Are you—I don’t—”

He leaned forward. “You want to go back more than anything else in the world.”

“No, I don’t. I want my family more than anything else in the world.”

“Most of them are in Apple Lake. And they are shunning you. What kind of family life is that?”

She frowned. “You and Beth are my family.”

“I want to come with you. Beth could live with us too, Mom. She’d just have to manage without electricity. It’s not like she’s going to be with us much anyway. She’s got four years of undergrad and then medical school.” He took both her hands. “Mom, this is going to work.”

“Oh, Levi, it is much harder than you think to fit into the Amish way of life. You have to give up cars and electricity and cell phones. You’d be as miserable as Rebecca would be, trying to fit into your world.”

“It’s different with me. I was Amish until I was seven. I have good memories. I’m pretty good at the language, and I spend one day a week immersed in the culture. I want to do this.”

His mom stared at him with her brows furrowed. “If this is all for Rebecca, it’s not enough. You have to understand, Levi. Love is not enough. I learned that the hard way.”

“I understand that. It is hard to separate my feelings for Rebecca from this decision. But, Mom, I love her. I would live on the moon if that’s the only way I could be with her.”

“I can’t let you do this, Levi.”

“Don’t even think about me for a minute. Think about yourself. You want to go.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

Levi leaned back and pulled his mom with him. “Let’s go talk to a bishop. Get details about what you’d need to do to get back in. It can’t hurt to get some information. I kind of sprung this on you. Let it marinate for a few days.”

Mom grinned. “Marinate. Good idea. You’d better marinate, yourself.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve been marinating for weeks. I’m ready for roasting.”