Rebel Heart (8 page)

“Uh, no. Just wondered when he’d be back.”

“Before supper, I reckon. He tell you about the plans for growing hay?”

“Yes.” Shannon discussed the new idea halfheartedly, her curiosity rampant about what errands Jase had.

As the day progressed, Shannon grew more and more distracted as she listened for the sound of Jase’s truck returning. Unable to concentrate on anything, she turned to baking to wile away the hours. The gingerbread was ready to come out of the oven when she finally heard his truck. Spaghetti sauce simmered on the stove, garlic bread stood ready to be heated.

Flicking a glance out the window, she turned to pull out the fragrant cake. Cleaning up the last of the bowls and wiping down the counter to give herself something to do, she waited for Jase to come in.

“Something smells good.” His easy comment annoyed her. She wanted to know where he had been and why he hadn’t told her he was going into town. She’d been worried about him and he walked in as casual as he pleased.

“Gingerbread,” she said shortly.

He paused, his hat still in his hand, and looked at her, studying her tense stance, her snapping eyes.

Slowly his lips lifted in that grin that wreaked so much havoc on her equilibrium. “Something wrong, darlin’?” he drawled, tossing the hat on the table and walking over to her.

“No. I didn’t know you were going to be gone all day. It’s almost supper time.” Her voice was tight with suppressed emotion.

“I should have told you I was going into town, but you were still asleep when I left.” His hand came up to brush against her cheek.

She knocked it away. “I was not. I saw you drive off.”

“Well, you must have just gotten up then. Next time I’ll wait until you’re awake. I told Gary to tell you.” He sounded so reasonable her anger grew.

“He did.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Why did you go to town?” She bit her lower lip. Damn, she hadn’t wanted to subject him to an inquisition. It wasn’t her business and if he told her so it would be no more than she deserved.

Instead, he grinned again. “What’s the matter, darlin’, you think I went into town to duck work for the day? Cut out to play?”

“No.” But she had. She’d thought exactly that. Bobby never could stay on the ranch more than a few days before he had to find some action.

“Yes, you do.” His hand encircled her neck beneath her braid and gently rubbed the tight muscles. “I went in to talk to the sheriff about your theft. Then I went to buy a computer. You need to get things automated to cut down on the work, and give you instant access to information. Next I stopped in at the cattleman’s association and got the current price of beef. I had my bank wire-transfer the money into your account. I now own three hundred head of that cattle on the range. Now we need to figure out how much land I need to lease till winter.”

His fingers slowly massaged her skin. Tingling shivers of awareness pulsated in rhythm with her heart. Heat began to spread from his hand to every cell in her body. She began to soften, weaken, longed to move against the strength before her and lean on him. Yet she knew that way lay danger. He was too potent for her. She was too fragile and afraid to take a chance.

“I’ll make you a bill of sale after dinner,” she said stiffly, clamping down tightly on the emotions that threatened to spill over.

“It can wait until tomorrow. After dinner we’re going back to town.”

“Why?”

“To have a little fun. I noticed The Big Bonanza on the square when I drove through town today. They’ve got a live band tonight so I thought we could go in and dance some.”

She stepped back, breaking his hold. “I don’t dance.” She turned back to the counter, testing the gingerbread, moving to the stove to stir the spaghetti sauce.

“Besides, I don’t have time to be going into bars and partying the night away. I have a ranch to run,” she added. Was that all rodeo cowboys thought about, having a good time?

“You don’t seem to have time for fun at all,” he said, leaning against the counter, crossing his arms across his chest, the cast already turning dull from the dirt on the ranch.

“I have a ranch to run, responsibilities—”

“Dammit, Shannon, you make it sound like a sacred quest. Everyone around these parts has a ranch to run, but that doesn’t mean they can’t break loose once in a while and have fun. I haven’t seen you relax since I got here.”

“You do enough for both of us,” she said petulantly. “Bobby always did.”

“Yeah, well maybe you drove him to it,” Jase snapped.

She looked up, stunned.

His eyes were dark, angry. His gaze didn’t waver as she faced him, despite the hurt and uncertainty in hers.

“I didn’t,” she whispered.

“How do I know that? If you were as righteous then as now, as concerned about the ranch over the relationship with your husband, maybe you did.”

She blinked back the sudden tears, unable to believe what she was hearing.

“Listen to me, Shannon. I don’t mean to hurt you, I only want to make a point. There’s more to life, more to building a marriage, than just work. The ranch is important, I’m not saying it isn’t. But a well-rounded life includes friends and fun and laughter. You work too hard. You need a break, something frivolous and fun. You’ll end up burning out, otherwise. I know. I was there for years.”

“And you’re trying to make up for it all now, I suppose.”

“In a way, yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I had more responsibility than I wanted or deserved for my age. I was seventeen when my folks died. Seventeen! Shannon, I should have been thinking about girls and dances and school. Instead I worried about bills and money to buy clothes for my brother and sister and where our next meal would come from. By the time they were settled, I had nothing left to give the ranch. I needed time just for me. I know you think it’s selfish and self-centered, but I need it. One day I won’t. One day I’ll get life back in balance and take up ranching again. But until then I plan to have all the fun I can cram into the day.”

“And I suppose I should join you in that fun,” she said bitterly, wanting to turn away, caught by his hard stare.

“In some of it,” he said slowly. “For the time I’m here. What can one night out a week hurt? We’ll go in to town and see your neighbors. Dance to the band. Have a few laughs.”

She shook her head.

He sighed. “All right. I’m leaving at seven. If you want to come with me, I’d like that. If not, I’m still going.” He pushed away and headed for his bedroom. In only a few minutes, Shannon heard the shower.

“Getting all cleaned up for a night on the town,” she muttered, and she stirred the sauce recklessly. Cutting up the gingerbread, she put two large servings on a plate and carried it over to Gary and Dink.

A night on the town.
The words echoed over and over. How long had it been since she’d gone out?

Before Bobby had died. Long before.

She didn’t linger with the hired hands, only smiling at their appreciation for the cake before going to the corral to watch the horses. It wasn’t her night to feed them, but she watched as they ambled over to the fence.

Was there a grain of truth in what Jase had said? Had she driven Bobby to the lengths he’d gone before he died? She had tried to be a good wife. She had tried to make a home for them while he was out riding the broncs and the bulls.

They’d started off fine. At first she had traveled the circuit with him. Life had been carefree and full of mindless excursions into the fun side of things. But she’d grown tired of constant games. She’d longed for stability, something solid to build a future on. Bobby hadn’t wanted to leave the rodeo. Thinking back, she remembered nagging him to stay home, harping on working the ranch, building it up. Had that been only her dream? Had Bobby wanted something else? Had she driven him away by her holy quest to create the home she had always wanted?

No, Bobby hadn’t been driven away. But he had had little to come home for, except a load of complaints and suggestions that would take him away from what he truly loved.

Guiltily, Shannon acknowledged she hadn't gone with him when he asked, thinking the ranch more important. Even the months Bobby worked on the ranch, and went into town on Saturday nights, she’d been too tired, too concerned about what needed doing the next day to bother to go into town with him. She hadn’t wanted to be considered as frivolous as she considered her husband.

And she had done them both a disservice. Bobby couldn’t help what he was any more than she could help being who she was. He'd bought the ranch at her request and had truly tried to satisfy her. But he had had his own agenda for life and it probably had not included a wife and ranch to tie him down.

Was she only realizing it now?

She knew they should not have married. The love they shared had burned hot and bright and quickly faded. The last year they had tried to make things work, but only as strangers, not as lovers.

Maybe she wasn’t cut out for marriage. Maybe she was destined to be a single woman rancher. Would this place become her whole life? Was she not destined to have children, to share the good times and bad with someone special?

Slowly she walked to the house. Jase’s words had hurt, but they had also purged. It was time for her to start building her life anew, and do it right, this time.

Jase stared at himself in the mirror, swiped clear from the steam. Open mouth, insert both feet, he thought. He'd been hard on Shannon and she hadn't deserved it. He didn't know anything about her life with Bobby Blackstone. And it was none of his business anyway. She was trying hard to make a go of things. He should cut her some slack.

Lathering his cheeks, he frowned.

He could remember the days—and nights—when he worried endlessly about taking care of his siblings, of keeping the ranch from falling apart and about losing the only home he'd ever known.

Did Shannon have the same fears? He knew she did.

But he also knew, from his own experience, that she needed to round out her life. To his knowledge, no friends had called her. She didn't have a computer so wasn't hanging out with friends on Facebook, or exchanging emails.

And they had not left the ranch once in the week he'd been here until his trip to town.

Trying to justify his words wasn't working. He'd seen the hurt he'd inflicted and it made him sick. She was trying so hard. He felt as if he'd kicked her when she was down.

Bobby was a wild cowboy. A no-holds-barred kind of reckless rider that attracted buckle bunnies like no one else. And Jase had never seen him turn one away.

Like anything, if there were faults, it was probably on both sides.

He swiped the razor against his cheeks. He'd wanted her to go to town. He was doing better and a night out with others sounded like fun. He didn't know how much he could dance, but one or two slow songs with her in his arms couldn't hurt.

He rinsed the razor. Who was he kidding, it would be like torture, holding her, smelling that sweet scent she wore, touching that sexy body would drive him bonkers.

He grinned at his reflection. But what a way to go.

Only, his grin faded, she'd said no. If there was any dancing tonight it would be with strangers. And that held no appeal at all.

He was all dressed up,
was her first thought when Jase joined her at the table for dinner.
He’d even shaved again.
Surreptitiously she took in the fresh shirt, clean jeans and the scent of his after-shave lotion. His hair was still damp, neatly combed. She longed to run her fingers through it and mess it up. She liked it when his hair fell any which way because of wearing his hat or from the way his fingers dragged through it.

Ignoring the awkwardness she felt, she gathered her courage.

“Jase,” she said.

If he made a snide comment at her change of mind, she didn't know what she'd do.

“Yeah?” He looked up from the stew, his eyes silvery in the light, catching hers as he waited to hear what she was going to say.

“If it’s all right, I’d like to go in to town with you tonight. I’ll change as soon as the dishes are done.” She held her breath. Had he changed his mind?

Slowly he smiled and nodded. “I’ll wait.”

“But this is not a date,” she added quickly.

He raised one eyebrow. “Did I ever say it was? It’s merely two business associates going into town to visit neighbors.”

She flushed slightly, hearing the amusement in his tone. She dropped her gaze to her meal, feeling the flush of embarrassment rise. She should have kept her mouth shut. He’d never thought of it as a date, she should not have, either.

“I saw the sheriff today when I went into town,” Jase said a moment later.

“So you said. Why?” Grateful for the change of topic, Shannon quickly picked it up.

“I wanted to learn a bit more about Rod Thompson and just what the sheriff had done to apprehend him.”

“Not much he can do from what he told me. Rod skipped. No trace.”

“Yeah, he said that. Also that Rod had a problem gambling.”

“Gambling?”

“You didn’t know?”

She shook her head.

“Seems like he had a seriously big loss. Probably saw the money from the ranch as an out.”

“So he stole it from me to pay a gambling debt?” She couldn’t believe it. All her hard work over the last several years gone, just to satisfy a man’s gambling debts?

“Word on the street is that he didn’t pay the debt, the sheriff said. He probably planned to, but once he had the money in hand he changed his mind and just took off with it instead. The sheriff said he’s notified all the surrounding states and is searching for him here in Texas but he doesn’t hold out much hope. If the man's a compulsive gambler, he’s probably blown the wad already, and still owes the fellows here.”

“So while I slave away trying to make a go of it, he’s off spending my money
gambling
! I wish I didn’t know. Or had known before. I knew he went into town several nights a week. But his work around here was so good, I didn’t question it.”