Rebel Heart (11 page)

“That’s not fair, Jase. I don’t want someone who works all the time. But I need someone who puts duty before feckless pleasure. I need to know he’d be someone I could count on to be home when needed and not out chasing after other women all in the name of a good time.”

“Damn, he hurt you bad.” He looked away, pensive.

Shannon held perfectly still. Bobby had hurt her.

Rod had hurt her in a different way.

Would Jase hurt her, as well?

She had to guard her heart. Yet she was more attracted to him than she had been to her husband. How did she explain that? How long would Jase go on seeking fun and adventure to the exclusion of all else? Would the habit become so ingrained he'd never change?

Would anyone give him the chance at a steady job when he was through with the rodeos? Or would he drift from one place to another, always looking for an easy way out, more concerned for idle pleasure than the satisfaction of a job well done?

“Do you ever plan to marry?” she asked, curious about his future, a little sad she’d not figure in that future.

He shrugged. “Maybe. But that would be a long time down the road. I have other things I want to do first. Hell, I already feel I’ve done my share raising kids. I had my brother and sister for years.”

“Now you need to make up for the fun you missed as a kid,” she murmured, suddenly empathizing with him. He'd been only a teenager himself when his parents died. He'd missed out on a lot.

“Yeah. There is that. Come on, I want to get this section finished today. Dink’s had enough of a rest.”

Without waiting to see if she would follow, Jase turned and headed back to the portion of the fence they were replacing. Dink joined him at his call and the two set to work.

Shannon watched for a while, then joined in, taking turns banging the clips against the posts to hold the barbed wire Jase pulled so taut. Dink untangled the old wire, baled it for removal. No sense leaving it where cattle could get tangled.

Jase was hard to get a handle on, she thought as she worked. He disclaimed all responsibility, but she started to wonder if that were true. He pulled his weight around the ranch. More than his share, if truth be told. Especially as he was still healing from his injuries.

He was lavish in complimenting the older men and their contributions. He took his role as teacher seriously, telling her what she needed to know, pointing out articles and books that would assist that process.

Last night had been the first occasion since he’d been here that he’d gone into town for fun. While it had been just over a week since he arrived, he’d done more in the time he’d been on the ranch than Bobby had done when he visited.

Visited.
That was the crux of the entire situation. Jase was only visiting. Soon he’d move on and she’d be left behind.

Taking a deep breath, Shannon turned away from the sudden longing she had to learn more about him, find out more about him to like. She needed distance, as much as she could put between them. To ease the pain when he left.

When they were finished, she caught up her horse and mounted.

“See you at dinner,” she called.

Jase acknowledged her with a wave as she rode back to the ranch house, climbing in beside Dink and settling back for the return ride.

He was beat. He didn't want to admit it, or let Shannon know. But he'd give anything to get a stiff drink and hit the hay.

“You doing okay?” Dink asked, as the truck bounced over the rough terrain.

Jase gritted his teeth against the pain. “I will be when we get back and I get out of this blasted truck. I think you missed a bump back there a bit.”

Dink chuckled and slowed down. “Sorry, I wanted to get back soon. Gary's bringing pizza tonight. I like it semi-hot, not stone cold.”

Jase liked pizza but couldn't get up any interest. He focused on not giving into the pain, and counting the minutes until they reached the house.

If Shannon had any idea how much he could be setting back his healing, she'd have his head. He almost smiled remembering she said she was in charge of the men of the ranch. He'd appreciate that more if his ribs didn't hurt like hell.

Dink slowed even more. “You're looking pale,” he said.

“Watch where you're driving and don't worry about me.”

“You don't have anything to prove to any of us, man. We know you know what you're doing. You've already made a good difference here. Shannon works too hard. She needs a man to handle the rough stuff.”

“She has you and Gary for that,” Jase said taking a deep breath. He had to make it back to the ranch without passing out in pain. He'd never hear the last of it from Shannon if he didn't.

“Sure, as much as we can do. But both of us would be retired if we had any money. The young guys took off once Rod robbed the place.”

Jase frowned. What was Dink getting to?

“And?”

“And nothing, just saying you don't have to half kill yourself to prove anything. I believe you've done more in the week you've been here than Bobby did in six months.”

“It was his place.”

“And he took it on thinking it would run itself. Believing the money would always come in, he'd win all-around, and be cock of the walk. Then he was killed. No insurance, nothing to take care of his widow.”

Jase already knew most of that. Not the part where the man thought the ranch would run itself.

Most cowboys who rode the circuit longed for fame and fortune. And in the twenties they could hardly imagine getting old and not being able to ride.

He probably fell into that category. He was a bit old to be hitting the circuit. Older than most of the competition. But they didn't have the drive and determination he had. He would keep riding until the time was right to stop. A couple of busted ribs and a broken arm wouldn't stop him. Slow him up a bit, but not stop him.

Jase was cleaning up when the phone rang. Shannon turned down the burner and reached for the phone.

“Hello, is Jase Hart there?” a soft, feminine voice asked.

“Yes, hold on, I’ll get him.” Shannon put the receiver down, wondering who was calling her temporary foreman. Some woman he’d danced with last night, she bet.

“Jase!” she called down the hall. “Phone.”

He came out of his room, buttoning his shirt. He was barefoot.

“You can take it in the office if you like,” she said, heading back to the kitchen. She lifted the receiver to hear if he'd picked up.

“Hello? Hi, Brie.”

She quietly replaced the receiver and turned back to her pan.
Brie
? He was a fast worker. She knew that. He’d only been here a day before he’d first kissed her. And if she'd let him, he'd have gone a lot farther than a kiss.

He was no better than Bobby. Was she to be subjected to numerous phone calls from the women in town who caught his interest?

She'd caught his interest, a tiny voice inside reminded her. He was more than interested. It was she who held back. She shouldn’t complain if other women didn’t feel that same need to refrain from taking all he offered.

Beating the potatoes vented some of her frustration, some of her jealousy. She had no reason for either emotion. She’d known going into the arrangement what he was. He’d done nothing to change her mind. Good timing cowboy, don't ever forget, she admonished herself.

“Dinner ready?” Jase came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He’d finished dressing, including his boots. Shannon glared at him.

“Finished with your girlfriend?” she asked sweetly, wanting to slam down the plate of food. Or dump it on his head.

She wished she could eat in her room or with the men.

He raised an eyebrow, rocking back in his chair and studying her. “Miffed about something, darlin’?” he asked.

“No.” She sat down and attacked her dinner.

“Curious about my phone call, maybe?” His eyes danced in amusement.

“Not at all. You can have as many calls as you want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your helping me with the ranch. Are you going out tonight?”

She could have bitten her tongue. She didn’t want him to think she cared. He could do what he wanted in his off time. She didn’t care if he went into town every night of the week.

He chuckled, rocked the chair back down on all four legs and picked up his fork. “Not unless you go with me.” He began to eat.

The atmosphere grew tense, Shannon knew it and knew it was her fault. But she was so ...so angry, hurt, confused.

“Why would I want to go with you when I bet
Brie
would love to go out with you.”

“Shannon?”

“What?” She met his gaze.

“That was my sister on the phone. Brianna Hart. We call her Brie.”

She opened her mouth to tell him she didn’t care. But nothing came out. Snapping it shut, she knew she’d blown it. Closing her eyes, she broke contact with his silvery gaze. She felt like an idiot.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. She got my letter telling her where I was and what happened at the rodeo. She was concerned about me.”

“Where does she live?” Shannon wanted to sink through the floor or run to her room and hide, never have to face the man again. She felt like an absolute, total and complete idiot! But she held her ground. And there was still the rampant curiosity she felt every time she was around him. Which was most of the time lately.

“She lives in Laramie. Graduated a couple of years ago from the university and got a job in the mathematics department.” The pride in her accomplishments sounded in his voice.

“And your brother, where’s he?” Shannon asked.

“He works on a ranch in the eastern part of the state.” Jase’s response seemed a bit guarded, but Shannon didn’t notice.

“How old are they?”

“Brie is twenty-four now and Josh is twenty-seven.”

“They were young when your parents died,” she said slowly. “Brie must have been only eleven or twelve.”

“Yeah, she was eleven.”

So he had raised his brother and sister. They had been even younger than she had expected. What a hardship that would have been for a seventeen-year-old boy. No wonder he relished his freedom now. The responsibilities would have been enormous enough for a grown man, but for a boy not even finished high school they must have been almost insurmountable. Her admiration for him rose.

“Tell me more about growing up,” she said softly.

“Why?”

“I want to know.”

“If you’ll tell me about being an Air Force brat.”

She nodded and settled in to listen as Jase told her stories about growing up on a ranch, the chores he’d shared with his father. About the endless winters when he and his siblings were housebound and the activities his mother devised to keep three active children happy.

The love and strong family ties that spilled out from his stories intrigued Shannon. She'd always longed for a family, but her father had never remarried, never sought an extended family for them. There had been no grandparents, no aunts, uncles or cousins. She had been so often alone.

Listening to Jase made her think of a family of her own. The one she'd thought to make with Bobby. Both of them were alone in the world before they married. Only her idea of a big family never materialized.

She’d like to think she would love her children as his parents had. She’d want to spend time with them, do things with them, give them lots of love.

When he wound down and began asking her questions about Air Force life, she responded, not realizing how much she gave away by her answers. It was late when they finished talking. The time had flown by and Shannon realized she’d enjoyed every moment.

Thunder rumbled.

“What’s that?” She looked outside. It was pitch dark. Rising, she crossed to the back door, peered out into the yard. The wind blew through the trees near the house, their leaves rustling in its strength. Dirt swirled in the yard, looking like fairy dust in the light from the kitchen.

“Was it supposed to storm? I haven't heard a weather forecast in days. Do you think it’ll rain? Was that thunder?”

He joined her, scanning the sky. Stars sparkled overhead, but not in the distance.

“Might. Might be a dry storm.”

“Heat lightning? I hope not. We could use some rain.”

Lightning flashed again in the distance. A few seconds later they heard the rumble of thunder.

Turning, Shannon bumped into Jase. He reached out to steady her and she stood still. She felt closer to him after their dinner conversation. When he lowered his head, she raised hers. Their lips met. He drew her nearer, slowly, as if to give her a chance to pull away.

Shannon stepped closer on her own and pressed her lips to his as dazzling delights spiraled through her.

Slowly she put her arms around him, careful of his ribs, snuggling up against him as his kiss deepened. Her body floated, the kaleidoscope of her emotions scared her. She wanted him, she enjoyed his touch, his hand threaded in her hair, the scent of his skin against hers, the taste of his lips on hers. She was frightened of the depth of emotions he aroused in her.

Jase broke the kiss to sink against her neck, his lips tracing the delicate skin there.

“Ah, Shannon, darlin’, what am I going to do with you?” Jase said softly, hugging her close, his face buried against her hair.

She stiffened, wanting to pull away, unable to resist the seduction of being held so tenderly. Slowly, ever so slowly, the raging desire for closer contact eased. He had her locked in his arms, but soon he only held her, giving her a sense of safety and love.

Love
?

She pulled away. “I’m tired. I’ll do the dishes and then call it a night.” She stepped around him and reentered the brightly lit kitchen. Avoiding all contact, she quickly cleared the table and plunged into the soapy water.

Love
? No, she would not let herself fall in love with another love ‘em and leave ‘em cowboy. She had her ranch. One day she’d meet a man who would stay with her. She’d save her love for him.

Love.
She refused to grant that name to the feelings she had when she was with Jase. It was only infatuation. Sex appeal. Loneliness. Nothing more.