Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) (25 page)

"You love him and want him for yourself," Meagan accused.

"If you will excuse me, I have dinner to see to." Honor would have brushed past her sister but Meagan grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to face her.

"You love Adam. Do not deny it. I see it in your eyes. You go around the house the long-suffering wife, sitting in judgment on Jordan and myself while you are too weak to go after what you want. I do not admire you, Honor. If I wanted Adam O'Roarke as you do, I would go after him, and nothing would stop me.

"You are free to do as you choose, Meagan, while I am not."

"I shall have him, never doubt it, Honor."

"I do not doubt that you can have any man you want, Meagan. Now if you will excuse me, I really must see to dinner."

Meagan knew the conversation was over and that Honor would never allow herself to be pushed into a corner. She was almost positive that Honor was the reason Adam O'Roarke did not find her desirable. She felt confused and unhappy, wishing that it was not Honor who stood in her way once more, because even if Honor was in love with Adam, Meagan knew she would not hesitate to push Honor aside to get what she wanted, and she wanted Adam O'Roarke as she had never wanted a man before.

* * *

Jordan seemed to have turned over a new leaf. He no longer ignored Honor, and he spent more time with her and Aaron. He suggested that they take walks together, and he was always the perfect gentleman, making no demands on Honor, yet showing her very marked attention. He would tell her he liked her hair or a particular dress she was wearing. He even suggested that they go into Richmond and shop for some new gowns for her. He did not like the idea of Honor's wearing her old outmoded gowns.

Things were going well at Green Rivers. Most of the crops were good. Meagan seemed to be away most of the time and Jordan was grateful for her absence. He began to think he had been right to throw Meagan and Adam O'Roarke together. Meagan watched Jordan and Honor together with their son, and felt happy thinking things seemed to be better between them.

* * *

Meagan sat in the buggy beside Adam, looking at him sideways through her lashes. She liked the way the wind rippled through his dark hair. The hands that held the reins had a strength in them she could only guess at.

He smiled down at her. "I am wondering what you are thinking."

"I was thinking about you."

"Pleasant thoughts, I hope."

"Yes, very pleasant. You must turn off the road just ahead. The spot I have in mind is very secluded, and we will have to walk the last fifty yards."

"Hmm, sounds interesting," he said, sliding her a smile.

He was just exuding charm, Meagan thought. Was he beginning to like her, she wondered.

He halted the team of horses and jumped from the buggy, then held his arms up to her to help her down. His hands spanned her waist as he swung her to the ground easily.

Meagan placed the chicken, baked potatoes, and

homemade bread on the white linen tablecloth, while

Adam sat down on the grassy slope and watched the

Green River flow by. Deep in thought, he did not hear

Meagan when she came up beside him.

“What are you thinking, Adam?"

He turned to face her. "I am hungry. Let us eat."

“You do not allow anyone to get too close to you, do you?"

He reached out and drew her into his arms. "You cannot get much closer than you are to me at the moment." There was laughter in his blue eyes. It was the first time Meagan had seen his laughter reach his eyes.

"That is not what I mean and you know it," she said, laying her head against his broad chest. She could hear the steady beat of his heart. "Let me get close to you, Adam." For the first time in Meagan's life she was not playing at love, she was living it.

His hands moved down her back to her waist. "Do not say you have not asked for this, Meagan." She felt him lift her up, and before she knew what was happening she was lying on the grass and he was beside her, his body pressed close to hers. Meagan could feel her body tremble as she melted against him.

Bending his head, Adam kissed her roughly. Meagan could feel his hands on her back as he pressed her even closer to him. "Make me want you. Make me feel alive again," he whispered in her ear, and it sounded like a plea from the heart.

"I love you, Adam. I do not know how it happened, but I love you."

He smiled at her. "Did you ever doubt that you would?"

Meagan shook her head, barely understanding. Her mind was on the hands that moved over her body making her want to be closer to this man. "I do not understand, Adam," she said, not really wanting to understand his words.

Adam wanted to shove Meagan away from hit had no desire for her. He felt he was being devoured as her wet lips clung to his. He was overcome with revulsion. Thinking of the pain Meagan had caused Honor rekindled his anger and made him raise his head. He doubted his ability to be a lover to her.

Meagan's hands curled around his neck as she moved closer to him. Adam's eyes swept her face, and Meagan drew in her breath. So this was real love, she thought. One kiss from that unsmiling mouth and she had lost her heart. It flashed through her mind that she did not want to flirt with Adam as she had with others. She knew if he would love her she would never seek love from another man, she would be content to be with him for the rest of her life. For the first time in her life she felt shy with a man.

"You are beautiful, Meagan, what a shame you have not capitalized on that beauty," he said harshly.

"What do you mean?"

"The face is beautiful, but the heart is black."

Meagan sat up and looked for a moment as if she would cry. "Why do you say this to me? I am no worse and no better than I should be."

"Are you not?"

"You are speaking about myself and Jordan?"

"Yes."

"I set out to trap you, Meagan. I wanted you to fall in love with me."

She pulled away from him, confused. "Why?"

His hand moved up her neck to cup her chin. He laughed harshly. "I wanted to take you away from Jordan so you could not hurt Honor anymore."

"I suspected that might be your reason, but it does not matter, I will take you any way I can have you," she said in a passionate voice. She moved closer to him. "Love me, Adam, I want you to."

His lips sought hers once more as he tried to summon an answering response from his own body. Suddenly he thrust her away from him. "It's no use," he said in an agonized voice. "God, I cannot go on this way much longer."

Meagan sat up, the hurt plainly written on her face. "Why, Adam? Help me understand."

He stood up and looked beyond her. "It is always like this with me since I met Honor. I cannot . . . I do not want anyone but her."

"Give me another chance, Adam. I can make you feel, I know I can," she pleaded, feeling heartsick as he shook his head.

"I wish to hell you could, but I know it is futile. I would worry about my manhood if it were not for the dreams I have and the way I feel when Honor is near me."

Meagan stood up and placed her hand on his arm. "Have you ever been intimate with Honor, Adam?"

Adam frowned at her question, "You go too far Meagan, I would not tell you even if it were true." There was so much misery in his eyes that Meagan, felt pity for him. "Oh God, I wish I could forget about Honor and get on with my life."

"Sit down beside me, Adam and we will talk," she urged.

Adam sat down and buried his head in his hands. "My life was not so bad before I met your sister," he began. He was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Meagan about her sister. "I had my share of beautiful women, and I thought I was happy. Although my sister, Suzanne, was always after me to settle down and take a wife, I had no desire to be married, thinking in my ignorance that I was perfectly content as I was. Had I known what was in store for me when I met your sister, I would have run like hell rather than set up headquarters at Landau."

"When did you first suspect that you loved her?"

Adam closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree trunk. "I believe it was the first moment I laid eyes on her." He opened his eyes and stared at the tree branch overhead. "Would you believe that I once braved enemy lines just for a chance to see her, and in fact was wounded for my troubles?"

Meagan knew now that she would never be able to have this man who had stolen her heart. She felt no bitterness, only a deep sadness, for to love as Adam loved Honor was a beautiful thing. At the moment, Meagan would have given everything to have this man's love. "Has my sister said that she loves you, Adam?"

Adam heard the compassion in Meagan's voice, and he began to think that maybe she was not as bad as he thought her. In fact, it was helping him a great deal just to talk to her about Honor.

"No, that is the crazy part of it. I do not know how she feels about me. I believe her to be in love with Jordan, and still I cannot let her go."

"I do not know, Adam. I wish I could tell you, but Honor has never confided in me."

"It is all so useless. "I know I should do as Suzanne says and go home, but I cannot bring myself to leave. I would do almost anything just for a chance to see her, to talk to her."

"You bought Landau to be near her?" Meagan asked, realizing how deep Adam's love was, and wishing a man would love her as he loved Honor.

"No, not consciously. I bought it to help her, thinking I would one day return it to her. I now know she would never accept Landau from me."

"My sister is very fortunate. Would that I had what you offer her."

"She does not want anything from me. Damn, I must be mad to cling to any small hope when I know I am only deluding myself."

"Adam, I hate to say it, but I fear your sister is right. You should return home. Honor will never leave Jordan, because of Aaron."

"If I had the power I would rip her from my heart and mind." He considered for a moment, then closed his eyes. "No, I would do neither, because as long as I live she will be a part of me."

"Oh, Adam, I am so sorry. If only I could give you some hope, but knowing my sister as I do . . ." her voice trailed off.

Adam saw the tears in Meagan's eyes and did not doubt her sincerity. "Pity me, Meagan, because I am a man without hope."

Meagan put her arms around Adam and held his head against her shoulder. "Oh, Adam, I do. I pity you, I pity me, and I pity Honor and Jordan, for we are all locked in a situation that we have no control over."

His arms tightened around her. "God, the pain is so great, Meagan, sometimes I feel I cannot bear it."

Neither of them would remember later all they said to each other or how long they talked. The picnic lunch went uneaten, and the evening shadows fell before Adam stood up and helped Meagan to her feet. They were quiet as they rode back to the house. Meagan was thinking how fortunate Honor was to have the love of Adam O'Roarke. He was a strong man who knew what he wanted out of life. He had a magnetism that was all too apparent. He had brought to life emotions in her that she had never before experienced. He was a man of principles, and yet he had one weakness, and that was Honor.

Meagan faced the fact that Adam would never give any part of himself to her. She felt a deep sadness and loss. She would find out from Honor how she felt about Adam, and if Honor's love for him was as strong as his was for her, then Meagan decided she would do all within her power to get them together. There would be insurmountable problems to overcome, but Meagan was nothing if not an optimist.

Adam stopped the buggy and smiled down at Meagan. "When I am mistaken, I like to admit it. I had the wrong impression where you are concerned. I said some pretty brutal things to you, and now I ask your forgiveness."

Meagan returned his smile as he lifted her from the buggy and set her on her feet.

"You were not mistaken, Adam. I have done many things I am ashamed of, but somehow I believe I am changed. Please believe me, for I speak the truth."

He put his hands on her shoulders. "What fun we might have if I were not in love with your sister," he said regretfully.

Meagan laughed. "It's your loss."

"I agree," he told her, kissing her cheek.

Honor and Jordan were just returning from the stables where they had been inspecting two new mares Jordan had purchased. Honor stopped short as she saw Adam lift Meagan from the buggy, and her heart shattered into a million peaces as she saw the kiss Adam gave her sister.

"It would seem that Meagan has found herself a new victim, although from the way it looks from here, he is a willing victim," Jordan said sarcastically. "How quickly Adam O'Roarke turns to your sister. Perhaps you entertained some thought that he cared for you," he said acidly.

Honor was incapable of answering. She pulled her shawl tightly about her shoulders, feeling the chill of the night wind.

I am alive, she told herself. I am standing on my feet, so I must be alive, but inside I just died.

* * *

Honor had gone to bed early, hoping to fall asleep. She had not slept well in a very long time. She would lie on her bed and remember Adam's lovemaking. Her body would feel on fire as she tossed and turned long into the night.