Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) (26 page)

It had been a week since Honor had seen Meagan in Adam's arms, and her mind was tortured with scenes of Adam making love to her sister.

"Adam, I love you." she whispered to her darkened room. It was as if by taking her body he had stamped his brand on her, making her belong to him forever. She sat up. Adam must never know how she felt. Suzanne had pointed out to her how wrong it would be for her to go away with Adam, but still a part of her wished she had gone with him as he had asked her to.

Honor arose and reached for her shabby green riding habit and slipped it over her head. The house was quiet now, everyone having gone to bed. Honor had decided to go for a ride, hoping the fresh air would ease the headache she had been plagued by all day.

She slipped out the front door hoping no one would hear her and come to investigate. Once in the barn she saddled her horse and led him away from the house before she mounted.

The bright moonlight lit her way as she urged her horse forward. She pulled her horse up when she reached the top of the small hill. The cool wind blew against her face as her eyes turned toward Landau. The house was dark. Would Adam be asleep, she wondered. A small cloud moved across the bright-colored moon, shrouding the countryside in darkness. Honor was never to know how long she remained motionless staring at the house that had once been her home. Finally her eyes moved to the hillside where her Aunt Amanda was buried. Urging her mount forward, she rode to the Landau family plot, and dismounting, knelt down beside her aunt's grave.

Honor closed her eyes tightly and tried to remember what her aunt had told her that day so long ago. Honor knew now that Aunt Amanda had known that she was dying and had been concerned for Honor's future. What was it she had said? Something about Jordan's not being a strong man. That was true. She had also said that Honor was strong, but she did not feel strong. Aunt Amanda had told her to rely on her own good sense. If she had heeded her aunt's words that day she would not now be married to one man while in love with another. Honor wondered whether, had she not been so ill that day Jordan had asked her to marry him, she would have turned him down, knowing as she did how he felt about Meagan. What good did it do anyone to look back and try to analyze the past? The past was dead and gone, and the future was all one had. "Oh God," she prayed out loud "what will the future hold for me? How will I ever go on as I am now? Adam, Adam, I love you so much."

She felt the cool wind dry the tears that were streaming down her face. She could see her future stretching before her like a deep, empty void. Days, weeks, years passing with nothing to look forward to but more days, weeks, years.

Honor knew she was allowing herself to indulge in self-pity, something she very rarely did, but she loved Adam so much and wanted so desperately to be with him. She wished he would return to Boston, and at the same time she feared he might and she would never see him again.

She bent down and grasped a handful of weeds and pulled them out by their roots. Honor scolded herself for neglecting her aunt's grave. It flashed through her mind that if anyone should chance upon her they would think her mad for tending Aunt Amanda's grave in the middle of the night.

"Must you visit your aunt's grave by cover of night to avoid seeing me, Honor?"

She jumped guiltily as she looked up and saw Adam standing over her with a scowl on his face.

"I do not . . . wish to intrude, Adam. I will leave now."

"You are not intruding. I gave you permission to tend your aunt's grave, never dreaming you would come by cover of night in order to avoid seeing me." he said harshly.

Honor stood up and dusted the dirt from her hands. "I had no intention of coming here. I just started riding and this is where I ended up."

"I have not yet decided if you are innocent, or if you are cold and calculating, knowing what you have done to me."

"W . . . what do you mean, Adam?"

"Do you play Eve to my Adam, enticing me to partake of the forbidden fruit, tormenting me by staying just out of my reach?" He reached out and drew her into his arms and her heart leaped into her throat. "Your eyes say you are not guilty, Honor. Do your eyes lie?"

He seemed to loom over her. His nearness was overpowering, and Honor felt weak and shaken. His hands glided down her rib cage causing her breath to quicken.

"Remember how good it was between us, Honor? Do you awake at night remembering how it felt when we made love, as I do? Did you perhaps come here tonight hoping that I would find you and take you in my arms?" His dark head lowered and his mouth was so near hers that if she were to move forward she would be able to feel his lips on hers.

Was he right? Had she come here tonight hoping to meet Adam? Time had no meaning as they stared into each other's eyes. Honor moved forward and parted her lips.

"Oh, God!" he cried as his lips crushed hers brutally. Tears ran down Honor's face as the feel of his mouth on her released all her pent-up emotions. She pressed her body closer to his, seeking what he had given her before. Nothing and no one mattered but the two of them.

Adam released her lips and kissed her tears away. "Give yourself to me tonight, darling. Let me have this one night. I have been in agony," he whispered as his grip tightened, and he held her so tightly she could scarcely breathe.

"No, Adam! Do not ask it of me. I am weak and can not say no to you, but please do not continue to press me."

"You want it as much as I do, Honor. Do not deny it. Remember how I made you feel before?" He raised her face and looked into her eyes pleadingly. "I need you, Honor."

She leaned her head against his shoulder, wanting to give herself to him, but knowing afterwards she would hate herself for this weakness she had for him. He could dominate her thinking and drain all her will power. Her body craved his and she was afraid if he made love to her tonight she would never be able to walk away from him. She pushed herself out of his arms and sank down on her knees.

"You do not know what you are asking of me. I cannot give you what you want."

Adam went down on his knees and drew her into his arms once more. "You have destroyed me. You have taken my manhood and left me with nothing."

"Oh Adam, Adam, I do not want to hurt you. I ... I do not want to make you suffer because of me." She had been about to tell him that she loved him, but had stopped herself just in time.

His lips moved over her face and she leaned her head back against his shoulder, loving the feel of his lips and dreading the thought that tonight would be the last time she would ever be held in his arms. It was like tearing her heart out, but she knew she would have to deny him what he wanted and at the same time deny herself.

She raised her head and gasped at the soft look that she could see reflected in the depth of his beautiful eyes. Honor raised her hands and cupped his face between them, dying inside for what she must do.

"I am going to give you a kiss, Adam. A good-bye kiss."

He watched spellbound as her lips moved closer and brushed his cheek. He grabbed her by the shoulder and shook her roughly. "Run away, little girl. Run from life. Close your eyes to everything around you. Why the hell should I care?" he told her angrily.

"Adam, there is more to life then just making love."

His eyes narrowed. "What makes you an authority on the subject?"

"I only know what I feel."

"I wish to hell I did." He could not stop his hands from wandering over her back caressingly. "Even when you reject my love I still want you," he said against her lips.

They were kneeling beside Honor's aunt's grave locked in an embrace, and when Adam's lips covered hers Honor relented. She was aware that he lifted her into his arms and carried her toward the apple orchard. Her arms went around his neck as he whispered love in her ear.

Honor was vaguely aware that he laid her down on the grass underneath the apple tree. Her body was on fire as he pulled her into his arms. "You are mine, Honor, never let another man touch you. You belong to me. By some crazy twist of fate you married another man before I met you, but you were intended for me."

His lips traveled down her smooth neck and Honor laced her fingers through his dark hair. He was right, she was his, and no other man would ever hold her heart. It would always belong to him. Honor groaned as his hand pushed her gown off her shoulder and his lips moved down her neck to rest between the valley of her breasts.

"Honor, I warn you, I cannot promise that I will not take you. I have been so long without a woman," he murmured.

What did he mean, she wondered, unable to think clearly. Adam's hands trembled as it settled on her satiny breast.

"Adam, no! Please let me go," she pleaded, pushing against his shoulders.

"You do not really want to go, Honor," he said as he ripped his shirt open.

Honor struggled and tried to sit up, but Adam pushed her back onto the grass. "I warned you, Honor. I cannot let you go now."

Suddenly Honor's senses became alert. He was no different from Jordan. He only wanted her body to use as he desired. In her panic she forgot that it was Adam, the man she loved, and remembered only the pain she had felt with Jordan. Her eyes were wide and frightened as she began pounding Adam's chest with her fists. "You want to hurt me. Let me go. I do not want you," she cried hysterically.

Adam captured her flying fists and held them against his chest. Before now he had not fully understood the extent of the damage Jordan Daniels had done to Honor. He tried to soothe her as his hands slid up and down her back, but it only made her more tense, and her eyes held so much fear that he again cursed the man who had done this to her.

"It is all right, darling, I am not going to frighten you any longer. You are safe with me," he whispered against her ear.

It took some time before Honor calmed down. But finally the sobs stopped as she lay with her head on Adam's shoulder.

"Honor, I am sorry. I would never hurt you, I thought you knew that."

She raised her head and looked at him feeling very embarrassed by her outburst. "I want to go home, Adam."

"I will take you."

"No, I need to be alone."

He stood up and helped her to her feet. "When will I see you again, Honor? You have my word that if you will let me see you sometimes I will not . . . I will only talk to you."

"No Adam, I shall never come here again."

"Are you angry with me, Honor?"

"Oh no! I do not want you to blame yourself for what happened tonight. I am at fault. I will never be able to love a man, Adam. As a woman I am a complete failure."

"No, Honor, that is not true."

She held up her hand. "I do not want to talk to you or anyone about this. I only want to go home."

Adam watched as she left the apple orchard, climbed the hill and gathered up the reins of her horse. He stared into the night long after Honor was lost from sight. He did not fully understand what had happened to Honor tonight, but he could not stand the thought that he had been the cause of her fear, and the worst thing about it was he did not know how to repair the damage.

Honor cried herself to sleep, wondering if one could die from a broken heart.

* * *

17

In the time that followed, the warm days of autumn slowly gave way to the colder days of winter. The big house at Green Rivers seemed to be quieter now. Some of the occupants found no reason to laugh and be happy. The silence could be felt by all except little Aaron. His laughter would ripple through the old house, for he was not aware of the unhappiness felt by his mother and aunt.

Honor had started taking long, quiet walks, for she could feel winter closing in on her. Her life seemed to follow the same familiar pattern. One day seemed much the same as the day before. The only bright spot in her life was her little son, but for some reason unknown to her, Jordan seemed to resent all the time she spent with Aaron. He would declare that she was spoiling his son and now began spending more time with Aaron himself. It was almost as if he were trying to punish Honor by keeping her and Aaron apart.

It was a cloudy overcast day, and a chilling wind blew down the mountain into the Shenandoah Valley, bringing with it the threat of snow.

Honor looked out the window of her bedroom and sighed. She Was aware that Meagan spent a great deal of time with Adam, but she asked no questions, fearing she would not want to hear what Meagan would tell her.

Last night she had cried herself to sleep. She had not seen Adam since the night he had found her at her Aunt Amanda's gravesite.

Last night, however, her tears had been for Jordan, for he, like her, was locked into a situation he had no control over. She felt pity for him, for in many ways he had never matured. He was using their son as a weapon to hurt her as he had been hurt. Sometimes Honor would find him watching her with such longing, and she knew what he wanted from her she could never give, because she did not love him. Her guilt feelings were intensified because of her love for Adam, and so she tried to be kind and understanding toward Jordan. Honor knew he was suffering, but there was no way she could comfort him.

* * *

Meagan looked out her bedroom window and saw the first snowflakes falling. How she hated winter and always had. She thought of Paris and wished she were there at the moment. Winter did not seem to matter so much in France. There were balls and parties to attend, and handsome men to escort a lady to the many galas.

She had received a letter from a young count Horace had introduced her to at a party. He had showered her with attention, and as time passed he had sworn he loved her. Meagan had received six letters from him thus far pledging his undying love for her and begging her to return to Paris and become his countess.

Maybe it would not be such a bad idea to consider his proposal. There was certainly nothing to hold her in Virginia and Green Rivers. It would not be too bad being a countess. She had not been in love with Horace, but they had laughed together and had fun. That was what she missed, having fun.

Meagan had become good friends with Adam, and he had confided in her ever since the day of their picnic. She had even gained the respect of his sister, Suzanne, and that was no easy task, for at their first meeting Meagan had sensed the animosity directed at her from Adam's twin.

Looking down below her window Meagan saw Honor and little Aaron playing in the snow. It would be nice to have a child, she thought. Then she laughed. Lord, was she losing her mind? She was not the stuff of which mothers were made. Still, it would be nice to have a son who would adore her as Aaron, did Honor.

* * *

When Honor and Aaron entered the dining room Jordan was already seated at the table, and soon they were joined by Maggie and Meagan.

"Well, this is a day to record," Jordan said. "All the family together at breakfast."

Darcy walked around the table, serving coffee. Her face was drawn up in a frown, and she seemed to be walking with a limp.

"Darcy, are your legs bothering you again?" Honor wanted to know.

"Well, honey, I sure 'nuf got the misery. This cold weather just seems to creep into these old bones."

Honor stood up and put her arms around Darcy. "I want you to go to your room right this minute, and I will have the doctor check on you later."

"I can't. Who would do the chores?" Darcy said stubbornly. " 'Sides, you knows what today is."

"Hush, Darcy. You go lie down like I said, and I will attend to you later."

Darcy limped out of the room, mumbling to herself, and Honor watched her with troubled eyes.

"Darcy does seem to be feeling her age," Maggie said. "We shall have to think of replacing her."

"She works too hard. I want her to start taking things easier," Honor said, defending her to Maggie.

"You should hire another woman to take over the heavy duties," Jordan said.

"Let me handle it in my own way," Honor said. "Darcy was ruler of Landau for a very long time. Then when we moved to Green Rivers there did not seem to be anyone in authority at that time, so Darcy assumed that role. If I do not handle her just right she will feel she is being replaced, and I would not want that."

"Do whatever you like," Jordan said, losing interest. "I will leave it all up to you."

After breakfast Honor sent Chauncey to town to bring the doctor to Green Rivers. Then she went into Darcy's room at the back of the house. Darcy was lying on the bed, but tried to rise when she saw Honor.

"You stay where you are," Honor ordered firmly. "The doctor will be here this afternoon."

"But it is your birthday and I wanted to make you something special."

"It is a day like any other, as far as I am concerned."

"Don't nobody knows it's your birthday, ‘cept me, does they?"

"It does not matter, Darcy. What matters is that you stay off your feet until the doctor says it is all right for you to get up."

"My poor little lamb. Who will care for you if something happens to old Darcy? The people in dis house use you, all 'cept Master Aaron. And he surely does love his momma. If you was to go off with that Yankee major, he would take care of you. I has seen the way he looks at you. He ain't liking for to be with Miss Meagan. That man loves you."

Honor stood up quickly. "I do not know what you are saying, Darcy."

"Oh, yes you does, you knows all right. I knows you love that Yankee, and maybe it ain't a bad thing."

Honor stared at Darcy. "How do you know this?"

"I knows a lot more than people thinks I does, and I knows you love that man and he loves you. You ain't never going to have no happiness with Master Jordan. He is selfish and he will drain all your strength and leave you with nothing."

Honor pulled the covers up around Darcy's neck. "You just rest. I will be back to check on you in a little while."

"You makes me fairly mad when you does that," Darcy said as she threw the cover off defiantly.

"When I do what?" Honor said, perplexed by Darcy's prying.

"When someone gets too close to the truth you switch and talk 'bout something else, afraid someone will sees how you feel. Well, I have know you for too long to be fooled by you, and don't I know it's the same what your aunt did when she didn't want to talk 'bout something."

Honor was thoughtful for a moment. She remembered her Aunt Amanda's changing the subject when she did not want to talk about something in particular. Had she developed the same habit? Yes, perhaps she had. It was as though if she hid the truth from everybody else, she could also hide it from herself.

"You rest now, Darcy. I will go and see if Chauncey has left yet."

"See what I means?" Darcy said, giving her an 'I told you so' look as Honor kissed her black cheek and smiled slightly.

"You are always right, Darcy."

Honor's day was spent tending Darcy and taking on the extra work that Darcy usually tended to. Every so often she would remember it was her birthday and think how nice it would be if someone else beside Darcy had remembered also. But she pushed the thought out of her mind. Birthdays were not important when one reached twenty-one. For a moment she allowed herself to remember her seventeenth birthday. It had been the night Adam had been wounded, the night he came to see her. She wondered if he also remembered. No, of course not, why should he? She scolded herself.

As the day progressed she began to sink into a deep depression. The doctor was late getting to Green Rivers, and by the time he had checked Darcy over and told Honor to keep her off her feet for a few days because the veins in Darcy's legs were giving her problems, it was already dark. He gave Darcy a mild sleeping potion, and by the time Honor had seen the doctor on his way, she barely had time to rush upstairs, change her gown for dinner and run a brush through her hair.

When she entered the sitting room she found the other family members waiting for her. Honor was so weary, she sank down into one of the easy chairs, dreading the thought of getting up to go in to dinner.

"Aaron was unhappy that you did not have time to spend with him today," Jordan said critically.

Honor frowned. "I am sorry. I will try to make it up to him tomorrow. Everything was at sixes and sevens
today, with Darcy ill. I never realized how much I depend on her."

Maggie looked at Honor with hurt in her eyes. "I guess you are thinking that I could be more help to you, but my health is not as good as it once was," she sniffed.

"Maggie, I know you do not feel well. I do not expect you to do anything until you feel like it," Honor said, wishing she did not have to face a wall of criticism tonight.

"Do not fret, Maggie," Meagan said. "Honor likes twittering about all day. She fairly dotes on hard work. You see before you a martyr, a golden angel, all full of human kindness and sacrifice for her fellow man."

"I hope you will refrain from neglecting Aaron in the future," Jordan said. "He should be your first concern. Darcy would be the first to tell you that."

Honor bit back angry words. She could have reminded Jordan that the past few weeks he had done all in his power to keep her and Aaron apart, but she did not wish to argue, she was just too weary.

"Flora said we are having leg of lamb tonight, Honor," Maggie said, "and you know I prefer to have leg of lamb on Fridays, the way I always did when Clayton was alive."

"Maggie, I am truly sorry, but with Darcy sick, I told Flora to make up the menu today. I will see to it that Lamb is served exclusively on Fridays in the future," Honor said, rubbing her throbbing temples and wishing she dared go to her room, lock the door, and have to face no one until tomorrow.

They were interrupted by Chauncey. "Master Jordan, there is a boy outside with a basket for Mrs. Daniels, says he is from Landau."

"For me?" Maggie said in surprise.

"No, ma'am, says it is for Mrs. Jordan Daniels."

Jordan looked at Honor quickly. "Do you know anything about this?"

"No, send the boy in, Chauncey," Honor said, wondering what could be in the basket, and trying to blank out on who might have sent it.

The boy, who appeared to be no more than fourteen, was apparently having a hard time with the heavy basket. He sat it down before Honor and handed her a note. Then he bowed graciously and left.

Jordan removed the tissue paper from the basket to reveal the shiny red apples that Landau was so famous for. He looked at Honor while everyone waited for her to read the note out loud.

Mrs. Daniels,

Knowing how much you enjoy the apples from Landau, I thought they would be an appropriate birthday gift for you.

My sister, Suzanne joins me in wishing you happy twenty-first birthday. Give my regards the rest of your family.

Respectfully yours,

Adam O'Roarke"

The room was silent as Honor reached into the basket and picked up one of the apples. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she clutched the apples and the note in her hand and ran from the room and up the stairs.

"Good Lord, did no one remember it was Honor's birthday?" Meagan said.

"Apparently Mr. O'Roarke did," Jordan said angrily, not knowing if he should direct his anger at himself for forgetting Honor's birthday or at Adam O'Roarke for remembering it. He quickly went from the room and up the stairs. Knocking on Honor's door, he turned the knob and entered the room. She was standing by the window, and he approached her quietly.

"Honor, what can I say? Your birthday just completely slipped my mind."

"It is unimportant, Jordan. Do not blame yourself," she said, without looking at him.

"I am not much of a husband to you, am I Honor? You go about working until you could drop, trying to make life easier for the rest of us, never complaining, and not a one of us remembered it was your birthday. We never would have thought of it if O'Roarke had not reminded us. You must think us all a bunch of ingrates, taking from you but never giving."

"No, Jordan, I do not think that."

"God, I wish I knew what you do think. Can you never let me get close to you? Must you always shut me out? If you were a proper wife, this would never have happened."

She turned to him slowly. He was doing it again, finding someone to blame for his shortcomings. She knew it should not matter to her that he had forgotten her birthday, but it did, it mattered a great deal.