Recaptured Dreams (20 page)

Striving to keep herself busy, she ignored what Xavier had said about cleaning up and made quick work of the dishes. While putting the leftovers in the freezer, she noticed the chocolate ice cream. Her favorite. She was stuffed from dinner and pie, but chocolate made everything better.

Within seconds she had doled out a scoop, topping it off with strawberry jam she’d found in the cabinet. She perched herself on the granite bar, allowing her feet to dangle over the edge. Every few seconds she’d glance at the door. And every time it didn’t swing open, she swirled her spoon around in her ice cream and took a tasteful bite.

Her eyes scanned the rooms she could see, which was most of them because the layout was so open. After studying the stoically framed fashion prints, the leather furniture, and the cold marble floors, Sophia realized that even though she wished for Xavier in a way she didn’t understand, she didn’t really
know
him. And he seemed to know everything about her. She’d learned a great deal about him this evening and had enjoyed each story he’d told. But maybe in order for her to crack open more of her memory, she needed to get to know even more about Xavier as a person.

She frowned, dipping out another spoonful of ice cream. She wanted to know more about him—then maybe she wouldn’t feel so distant in his world.

When the door opened again, her gaze slid to Xavier. His T-shirt was damp, his hair messy, and his breathing uneven.

Her empty bowl clanked down on the bar. “Are you okay?”

He huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Went for a run.”

“A run?”

“Yeah.” His eyes slid from her head to her feet. “It helps clear my mind.”

Her lips pursed.
He
needed to clear his mind? From what? “Can I come with you next time?”

His thick brow shot up. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh, well. Okay.” She hugged herself, wishing she could disappear.

“Please don’t look like that.” He stood in front of her, his hand lifting her chin. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You’re lying.” He offered her a small smile. “I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying.” His hand fell away, and he tucked it in his pocket. But he didn’t step back. He stepped forward, wedging himself between her dangling legs, his scent consuming her.

She leaned back to look him better in the eye. “Did I use to lie a lot or something?”

A deep chuckle escaped. “Not to me, no. You skated around your parents a lot, though. The corner of your mouth twitches.” His finger traced a portion of her lip and her cheek. “Here.”

She clenched her eyes, keeping her body from jolting. “Why would I lie to them?”

“Because of me.”

Her eyes snapped open. “They didn’t like you even then?”

“Far from it.” His hand dropped to her shoulder, skimming slowly down her arm to rest on top of her hand. “Not for lack of trying on my part, though.”

“I don’t know why they wouldn’t have.” She flipped her hand over, enjoying the heat of his skin against hers. “You’re charming, nice—”

“Poor.” His hand tightened around hers.

“Obviously that didn’t matter to me.”

“But it did to them.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that was on you. How hard
this
is on you.”

His finger stroked her palm. “This is about you, Sophia. Not me.”

“But still—”

He silenced her with a gentle kiss. His lips were warm and cruised over hers with tenderness. But his hands didn’t come around to stroke her; he didn’t press his body closer to hers. He simply took her breath with only a kiss. A slow, careful, patient kiss. A moan escaped her lips, and he stilled. They spent several moments nose to nose, lips to lips, not speaking, and barely breathing.

“Tastes like strawberries,” he whispered.

Another spark of long-lost memory pulsed in her mind. Sophia’s vision faded, and suddenly she saw herself and Xavier in the exact same position during that summer long ago. Instead of inside a house, though, they were on a beach somewhere. Summer heat swathed them. The scent of the salty sea mixed with strawberries floated in the air. Their bodies were pressed together, their hands touching and caressing exposed skin.

“Strawberries are my favorite.
” Xavier’s younger voice was almost a growling purr. She could see the affection dancing around in his eyes. And she could feel something tender and raw in her chest. It etched itself deeply into her heart, carving out a permanent home. It was both reassuring and excruciating.

The young Xavier drew away gradually, taking his warmth with him. Sophia’s vision shattered, bringing her back to the present.

Xavier’s eyes clouded. “Jesus, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I thought a run would help.” He took a gigantic step back. “This is supposed to be about your memories and not this—” His fingers flicked between them. “I won’t do that again.”

Words escaped her. She’d wanted him to touch her since arriving, and she’d gotten it. But she’d gotten much more than that. She’d gotten another blip of her past and her old feelings for Xavier. Had that feeling been love?

And as though he could hear her thoughts, he eyed her carefully, touched a finger to her cheek and left her without saying another word.

Still dazed from Xavier’s kiss and abrupt exit, Sophia spent her evening wandering through the vast house, hoping something would trigger more memories hidden deep within her. She knew they were there, just waiting to come out. The one night she’d had with Xavier had made them come rushing back to the surface. And again now with only a kiss. Something clawed in her chest when she thought of him, but she couldn’t understand the connection.

She walked down the hallway back to her room. Her bare feet made no sound on the hardwood floor, but her satin robe swished. The faint rush of the wind brushed along the house, and she heard a door slam. Spinning around with a jolt, she surveyed the long hallway only to find it empty. She pressed her back against the wall, closed her eyes, and took a long, deep breath.

“Sophia! Come back here this instant!”

The voice of her mother was like a slap. She touched a hand to her rapidly heating face but kept her eyes closed. Sophia saw herself running down the same hallway with tears streaking down her cheeks. Her younger self ran into the farthest room and slammed the door behind her. Her mother wasn’t too far behind, tears coursing down her cheeks as well. When Katherine made it to the door, she beat on it repeatedly.

“Sophia!” she screamed, “You can’t run from this, Sophia. Now open this door this instant!”

“I’m not running, Mother. You’re the one who’s running! Why can’t you understand?”

“At your age, I would think you would understand that your father and I always do things in your best interest.”

“Then why run away? Why run away after all I told you!! I told you he—”

“Stop it! Stop this nonsense about running away. We have a lifestyle—”

Sophia’s hand pounded furiously on the other side of the door. “That’s what you’re doing, Mother. Why can’t you admit it? You are running. You’re afraid. What are you going to do? Lock me up forever?”

Katherine’s voice calmed. “Please, Sophia…open the door; we need to talk about this.”

“Go away.”

“Sophia—”

“I hate you! Go away!”

Sophia’s shrill scream made Xavier lurch for the office door.

“Sophia!”

She didn’t answer. She only kept screaming. He took the stairs two at time, nearly snapping the banister in half with his grip. Each time she sobbed, a punch slammed into his gut. He couldn’t get to her fast enough.

Cresting the last step, he found Sophia huddled on the floor against the wall, her head buried in her knees, which were drawn up to her chest. She was sobbing uncontrollably. Concern nearly crippled him as he rushed to her side and knelt next to her. He reached out and touched her arm.

“Sophia,” he whispered.

She retracted like she’d been burned by a hot ember.

“Sophia,” he said with more authority in his voice. “Are you okay?”

She only nodded, still sobbing. She was curled into herself like a shell. And when her eyes fluttered to his, for however briefly, they were empty.

“Talk to me, please?” His voice cracked.

She shook her head, and defeated, Xavier clenched his jaw. She wasn’t going to let him help her. He couldn’t blame her. Hadn’t he been the one who had run out after dinner, only to come back and kiss her even though he knew he shouldn’t have? Only to leave her again after that.

It was obvious that Sophia was struggling with her memory, and maybe he wasn’t helping as much as he’d thought. He’d known from the beginning he couldn’t control where this path would take them, and thus far, it seemed to be leading them in the wrong direction.

His heart contracted as he looked at her. He needed to wrap her in his arms, and he needed to give her space. How was he supposed to do both?

A terrible thought struck him: getting her back had always been his primary goal, but now maybe he couldn’t do that. Maybe his brother had been right and Xavier’s love for the old Sophia was clouding his thoughts and feelings toward the one that stood before him. Maybe he was doing this for all the wrong reasons.

The hallway was hot, and his face throbbed as blood rushed to his head. He was second-guessing himself, and that was
not
like him. He loved Sophia. He would not give up on what they could have. But he just might have to change the way he was going about it.

Only problem was, he didn’t know how. Maybe he needed to take another gigantic step back and
stay
back. After all, he couldn’t help her if she didn’t let him in.

“Come on,” Xavier commanded as he grasped her hands and hauled her to her feet. “You need to get to bed.”

Chapter Fifteen

M
ORNING
A
RRIVED
, A
ND
S
OPHIA
dreaded what might come next. Something about the last night’s flashback had alarmed her terribly. What could have torn her and her mother so far apart? This trip down memory lane was not what she’d expected.

“Do you mind if we go into the city today?” Xavier asked her over breakfast. It was the first words he’d said to her all day.

She chewed and swallowed her toast carefully. “Sure, where to?”

“Bryant set up a private showing with a new buyer from Canada. He’s a little iffy on the details, so I need to go help him out.”

Her mood instantly brightened. “Oh, so then are we going to your studio?”

“Yes. It shouldn’t take long. The drive will be the most difficult.”

Sophia didn’t miss the sadness in his tone. Was he upset with her because she wouldn’t share what she’d remembered the night before? Did he deserve to know every single ounce of memory that slid into her mind while he helped her?