Recaptured Dreams (28 page)

Sophia ripped off the sunglasses and tossed them onto the seat. The darkness inside the limo matched her heart. Cupping her hands over her face, she shook her head.

She was the one who had put the distance between her and Xavier this time, and she hated herself for it. Hated herself for the fear she’d seen on his face when she’d kissed him goodbye.

She had asked for this, hadn’t she? And now that she’d seen pieces of her life, she was terrified. Terrified to learn she had carried Xavier’s child. Terrified to know that her mother had wanted to take it away. And heartbroken to learn that Xavier had known about the child the whole time.

Her anger, while fresh and raw at the circumstances, was shadowed by her feelings for the man who loved her. The man who had taken her into his home, offered all of his help and support, only with the hopes of getting her back. How could she blame him for this?

Yet, there was nothing she could have said to make Xavier understand the turmoil going on inside her head. In a sense, she had been protecting him, given she herself didn’t even know what had happened to the child she’d been carrying when she had the accident. Before she could begin to explain anything to Xavier, she had to figure out what happened all those years ago. What other pieces was she missing?

The lump in her throat grew, and she found it hard to breathe.

The snippets she’d seen were far from enough. Katherine was the only one who knew the answers. And by God, Sophia swore as the limo pulled up to her house, she was going to get them.

Sophia didn’t wait for the driver to open her door before she flung herself out of the vehicle and sprinted up the walkway. The tears had dried, and uncontrolled fury had built up.

“Mother!” Sophia slammed the solid oak front door. She stalked through the house, searching every room.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Even the help had gone missing. Sophia raced up the stairs as she continued to call out to her mother. Her bellows bounced off the tall ceilings and rang in her ears. Nothing stirred.

She walked down the hallway, passing a glance at each open door. When she finally made it to the end of the hall, she stopped at the last door, her brother Connor’s room. They hadn’t changed it since he’d passed away; it was still decorated with pale green walls and white furniture. And dinosaurs. Connor had loved dinosaurs.

Sophia crossed the threshold and gazed around the room. Sunlight drizzled in through half-closed curtains, and tiny specs of dust floated in the beams. Even though no one had stepped foot in it for years, the room smelled strangely like baby powder. Sophia’s eyes stopped at the rocking chair in the corner where her mother sat, a baby book in her hands.

Katherine glanced up, closed the book, and rose from the chair. She walked over to the bookcase in the opposite corner, pausing for a moment to stroke her hand over the cover before placing it on the shelf. She turned and walked toward the window, pushing the curtains open all the way.

“You know,” Katherine said quietly as she stared outside, “a mother always does what she thinks is best for her children. Even if the children themselves don’t think so.” She slanted a look at Sophia before focusing on Connor’s bed. She walked over and straightened covers that hadn’t seen a night’s sleep in four years.

“I knew you would remember.” She sat down on the bed, crossing her legs at her feet. “As soon as you went away, I knew it would happen.” She rubbed her hands along her thighs, still not meeting Sophia’s gaze. “The look on your face tells me I was correct.” Katherine rose and walked back over to the window. “One day you shall thank me for what I did, Sophia. One day you will understand.”

Sophia stepped toward her mother and grasped her shoulder. Katherine trembled beneath her grip.

“What have you done?” Sophia asked.

“Nothing of which I am ashamed.”

Sophia tensed and took a step back. “Where is my child?”

As Katherine turned toward her daughter, her face paled slightly. She retreated, bumping into the window. “I did what I had to do. I had to shield you.”

“Shield me?” Sophia snapped as the blood rushed to her face. “From what?”

“From yourself. From Xavier. From everything the child would have taken from you.”

Sophia’s eyes burned, and her muscles twitched. “I swear, if you don’t tell me what happened to my child right now—”

“He’s here.” Her gaze dropped briefly. “He’s always been right here…”

Sophia’s eyes flitted around the room—her brother’s room. Her anger mixed with confusion. “Here?”

“Yes,” Katherine replied, her chin held high. “Your brother Connor…was your son.”

Sophia’s legs wobbled beneath her. She folded herself into the nearby rocking chair.

“Why did you lie to me?”

“It was best for you.” Katherine’s voice was determined. “I said I wasn’t ashamed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t regret some of the things I’ve done since then.” Her smile was laced with sadness. “You named him, you know. Connor is the name you picked out before the accident.”

“If you wanted to keep him from me so badly, why would you give him the name I chose? Weren’t you afraid I would remember that?”

“Yes. But I had to do something for you, even though it was small. I never forgot who he belonged to, Sophia.”

“What else have you done?” She jumped from her seat and paced. She knew her mother had done more than steal her child, but she needed to hear it herself. “Tell me everything.”

Katherine’s voice shook, the first crack in her stoic demeanor. “I kept you from him. Xavier. I couldn’t stand my daughter being bound to some commoner because of a child. You deserved better. We deserved better.”

“How dare you.”

“You wouldn’t listen to reason. You were too young to understand that I did it for you. For your future.” Katherine picked up one of Connor’s old toys. A stuffed T-Rex. She stroked it. “The accident erased the memory and allowed you to start over. To get everything you dreamt of.”

“Everything I dreamt of was
him
. And it would have been my child as well had you not stolen him from me.” Her voice rose as her pulse pounded in her neck. “You lied to me. About everything. You deceived everyone who trusted you. Everyone who loved you.”

Sophia stopped pacing and turned point-blank to her mother.

“Father? He went along with this?”

Katherine shoulders tensed ever so slightly. “Of course.”

Sophia’s knees buckled. “Why?” Her relationship with her father had been strained at times, yes, but he’d always been so much more caring, loving than her mother. Understanding. He’d known how much something like this would affect her.

“That’s not important, what matters is—”

“Nothing you say matters,
Mother
. The reasons you give don’t make any sense. What you did was cruel and inhumane.” Katherine visibly flinched as her countess façade continued to fade away. “You took a life.
My life.
”

“That wasn’t the intention—”

“I loved him. I still love him,” Sophia cried as her voice cracked. “You ruined it then, and you may very well have ruined it now! You shall spend the rest of your life regretting what you’ve done to me. You didn’t think I was strong enough. You tried to control me.” She pointed a finger at her mother’s chest. “I
was
strong then. And I’m strong now. I hope you’ve made yourself happy, because you have done more than ruin my life—you’ve ruined your own.” Sophia turned on her heel and ran out of the room, not even bothering to notice her mother’s sobs as she did.

The shock didn’t set in until Sophia reached the utter quiet of her room. She clutched her stomach, which still threatened to toss up everything inside. Her head pounded, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep her hands from shaking.

Her brother was her son. Her brother, who was long buried. She would have to mourn his loss all over again—not as a sister, but a mother. A mother who had loved and cherished every moment of his life. She couldn’t get it back. She could never have the memories of what was supposed to be.

Claws raked at her open wounds, tearing straight to her heart, shredding every ounce of love she’d known. Connor’s laugh, young and innocent, echoed through her ears. Remembering his glimmering eyes, blue as the ocean, made her sob. She’d held him when he was a baby. She’d nurtured him and played with him as he’d grown. He’d called her
Suh-pee.
So crazily similar to
Mummy.

“I lub you, Suh-pee.”

She ached to hear those words again. Those wonderful, priceless words. She’d been through so much with him yet had missed so much as well. The connection between sister and brother was a far cry from mother and son.

Her vision broke and splintered as tears overcame her and the stinging in her chest grew to unbearable levels. Everything hurt with a chilling strain that would never pass. Sophia collapsed on her bed, letting the feeling of loss—not only for her son, but for Xavier—overwhelm her.

Xavier had known about the pregnancy and kept silent the whole time. Why hadn’t he told her? Did he not think it was important?

God.

Maybe when she hadn’t returned to him when she could’ve, he’d thought the pregnancy was false—that there was no baby. So he’d let it pass, not bothering to share that intimate detail of their lives when Sophia had deserved to know the truth—the whole truth.

And now…she was hiding it from Xavier. But truly, it was best to protect him from the knowledge of their son. And to protect him from her.

He wouldn’t trust her, couldn’t love her after he knew the whole truth of a child they could have shared together had it not been for her heartless mother. And weren’t all mothers and daughters alike in some way? They had the same blood running through their veins, after all. What was more, Sophia wasn’t whole anymore; if she’d felt incomplete before, she was now a shell of who’d she’d been even since the accident. A fraction of the woman he’d once loved. With a piece missing for her son. A piece missing for her mother. And a piece missing for Xavier. She’d never deserved him anyway.

The throbbing in Sophia’s chest told her to fight for what she believed in and the love she couldn’t live without. It burned, seeking out all those things she needed. But at what cost? Her heart. Her soul. Her one true love.

She buried her head in her pillow. It was a fight she couldn’t win.

One week later, Sophia was packing her belongings into cardboard boxes. The moving truck was outside, ready to take her things to Anne Marie’s two-bedroom flat. It was high time she got out from underneath her mother.

Anne Marie had told Sophia to go after Xavier. To not let her fears of the past get in the way of the happiness that could be her future. But Sophia hadn’t listened. She’d had strength, but not enough to return any of his calls. Once she came to terms with it herself, she would face him. But not now. Not yet.

“Last box was just put in the lorry,” Anne Marie said cheerfully as she walked into Sophia’s room. “We’ll have to throw you a welcoming party.”

Sophia tried to smile but failed.

“I’ll be waiting outside.” Anne Marie turned to walk out. “Oh, and there’s someone here to see you before you leave. He’s in the sitting room.”