Reckless Love (Satan's Prophets MC, Book 2) (Satan's Prophets MC Series) (12 page)

When Renee looked at her aunt, her eyes were full of sorrow. “I’m sorry, Aunt Jenny. I never knew the heartbreak you lived with all this time. I am so sorry.”

“I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made. It’s a sad and lonely life, living with regret. I live with sorrow and guilt every day of my life knowing I have a son out there somewhere. I lie awake at night sometimes wondering, did he have a good childhood growing up? Was he treated well and loved? Hell, I don’t even know if he is still alive.” Aunt Jenny turned her head away and wiped her eyes with a tissue. “Now,” she sniffed and said in a shaky voice, “I think I am going to go and have a glass of wine.” Jenny kissed Renee on her forehead, got up, and walked out.
Funny,
she thought to herself,
she never drank until she moved here.

Renee sat there for a long time, thinking.

Susanna woke up the next morning and groaned into her pillow. Her head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice and she was nauseous. Jenny opened the door to peek in and heard her groan, so she ran downstairs to get her a cup of tea and some crackers. Jenny found Renee in the kitchen and asked her to take it up to Susanna.

Renee knocked lightly on the door before opening it. She spoke softly to Susanna. “Good morning. I brought you a cup of tea. How are you feeling?”

Susanna buried her head under a pillow and groaned loudly, “I think I’m dying.”

Renee had to suppress a chuckle. She pulled the pillow off of Susanna’s face and helped her to sit up and propped a pillow behind her back.

Covering her face with her hands, Susanna blurted out, “Oh my God, Renee. I made such an ass out of myself last night. How am I ever going to face Jaz and JD again? Thank goodness Mick stopped me before I went any further. I feel like such an idiot! And it’s all that damn Roach’s fault!”

Renee had enough of Susanna crying about how Roach never showed an interest in her. Truthfully, Renee gave Roach a lot of credit; he was sixteen years older than Susanna and at least he had the common sense for knowing that the age difference was a major stumbling block.

Renee grabbed Susanna’s face between her two hands and held it steady. “No, Susanna, it’s
your
fault and no one else’s. I think it’s time for you to open up your eyes and see the truth. Roach isn’t interested in you, so let it go already. How long have you been trying to get him to notice you for more than just friendship?” Renee decided to lay it all on the line. “Besides, he’s too old for you. At least he realizes that, even if you don’t.” Renee knew she was a little harsh with Susanna, but someone needed to get her to face the hard, cold facts.

Susanna looked straight into Renee’s eyes, upset from hearing the truth. Her voice was harsh when she spoke. “As if
you
are facing the facts in
your
life?? What are you so afraid of? Mick is a decent guy and personally, I think he’ll be a good dad. There! I said it! I’ve been thinking it for such a long time but never wanted to open my mouth. You’re so pigheaded! You won’t even give him a chance. So don’t go telling me what’s wrong in my life when yours is more screwed up than mine.” Renee buried her face in her hands and burst out crying. Susanna felt like a big jerk. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”

Renee looked up at Susanna. “I want him. I want him so bad and I am afraid he’ll never want me. I think that is another reason why I have been pushing him away. I’m afraid of rejection. Deep inside of me, I have regretted ending our relationship. Now it’s probably too late. I mean, he wants his kid, but he never says anything about wanting
me
. Why would he? I mean, look at me, all fat and dumpy.”

Susanna had to chuckle. “Oh, Renee… you’re
not
fat. You’ve just filled out in all the right places since having Michael. That’s all. Stop being so silly.”

* * *

After hearing Renee’s heartfelt confession, Jenny silently closed the bedroom door. She had heard enough and her heart was breaking for her niece. She went downstairs to pour herself a small glass of wine, knowing she needed something to mellow her out. Coffee would only make her more jittery.

She had some serious thinking to do. First thing she needed to do was have a talk with her brother Charlie. He was about as pigheaded as a man could be. She had to make him open his eyes and see what was right underneath his nose. This problem brought back so many heartbreaking regrets from Jenny’s younger years, and she wasn’t going to let Renee make the same terrible mistake she had made.

Living with regret was no way to live.

* * *

“Isn’t it a bit early for the wine?” Charlie asked Jenny when he walked into the parlor, grabbing his coat off the wall hook. He studied Jenny’s serious face and wondered what was going on in that head of hers. “Why so glum this morning?”

Jenny was ready and waiting for the confrontation. She jumped up out of the chair and walked over to stand in front of him. 

“She loves him. I can’t believe you didn’t see that, Charlie.”

He shook his head. “Who? That damn biker? She doesn’t know what she wants! I asked you to move in here to help her get her head on straight, not to encourage her down the wrong path. I’ll not have my grandchild growing up around those lawless bikers, end of story.”

“Oh,
no.
It is
not
the end of the story.” Jenny threw her hands on her hips and got right in his face. “I know Renee is trying to convince herself that he is no good for her, but a lot of that is not wanting to disappoint
you
. I’ve been in his company a few times and truthfully, I like him. And he
does
want to do right by his child. That should tell you something, too.” The more she talked, the madder she was getting. “At least give him a chance!”

Charlie sat down in a chair and rested his head in his hands. He shook his head slowly. “I just want to make sure Renee has a good life with a good man and is treated well. Is that asking too much?”

“Give Mick a chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

Charlie got up and slowly walked to the door. “I’m going to work.”

Jenny watched her brother walk out the door. His shoulders were hunched over and he walked like a much older man.

She walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured another glass of wine, wondering if she was going to be a full-blown alcoholic by the time she got this mess straightened out.

The next day, Renee answered the door to see Jaz standing there. “Come on, Renee,” Jaz spoke in a commanding voice. “Go get dressed. I’m taking you with me over to my friend Holly’s house. She’s going to teach me how to make lasagna. I want to surprise JD with a nice homemade meal for a change. Plus, it’ll be fun, and I am not taking ‘no’ for an answer. You have got to get out of this house for a while.”

Renee didn’t want to go. “Isn’t Holly an old lady to some biker?”

“You could say that, but she’s really nice and I just love her.” Jaz was determined. “Quit stalling and get dressed! You’re going. I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

Aunt Jenny came walking in the room holding Michael. “Go, Renee. Michael and I will have fun together.” She tickled his belly and he giggled. “I’m going to feed him now, then take him for a nice walk. It’s a beautiful day outside and the fresh air will be good for both of us.”

Renee sullenly gave in and went to get dressed. When Jaz saw what she was wearing, she burst out laughing. “You sure love to live dangerously, don’t you? A white tank top when we’ll be working around sauce?” Renee shrugged like she didn’t care as they walked out the door.

The ride took a little over twenty minutes, and when Jaz played old songs on the car radio and started singing, Renee cheered up a little.

It was just like old times with Jaz.

As they turned down the dirt road to Holly’s house, Renee yelled, “Stop the car! Oh my God!” Renee pointed her finger towards the side window. “Look at that house. It’s just like my dream house! And it even has a picket fence.” Renee sighed. “I love it! And just look at that beautiful yard!”

Jaz looked at Renee, wondering how she was going to take the news. She spoke softly. “It’s Mick’s house, Renee. He just bought it recently.”

Renee turned her head towards Jaz, wide-eyed. Her mouth flew open, then closed. She turned away. “It looks deserted. Is he living here now?”

“Well, Lori did mention he moved out of the motel, so I guess he must be living here when he’s not off on a job.”

Renee was speechless. She couldn’t imagine Mick owning such a big, beautiful house. “Well, drive on. Lasagna is waiting for us.” Renee tried to make a joke, but it was said so forlornly. Jaz’s heart was breaking for her friend.

Jaz drove on until they came to Holly’s house a little further down the road. It was a beige brick ranch with colorful, flowering bushes in front and a big side porch with dark brown railing. A kid’s swing set was up on the side of the house by the porch. Renee didn’t know what she expected but certainly not such a normal-looking house.

Holly opened the door on the first knock. Renee was amazed at how young and pretty she was. She was holding a little boy in her arms that looked to be around three years old. “Come on in, you guys! Little Sam was just waiting to meet you, and then it’s time for his nap.”

The girls helped Sam finish a fort he was building with Lincoln Logs until he started yawning. Holly picked him up and carried him into his room and laid him on his bed.

“Now, follow me into the kitchen and let’s get this meal going for our men,” Holly prodded them. The lasagna lesson went well and, while the two separate trays were in the oven, the girls had time to sit and relax. Holly poured two glasses of wine for her and Jaz, then handed Renee a soda. Renee was totally at ease and found out that she really did like Holly, even if she lived with a biker. She seemed normal enough and lived like a regular person.

“I must admit, I was somewhat skeptical to come here, Holly,” Renee admitted, a little embarrassed. “You are nothing like I thought you’d be.”

Holly shrugged. “Just because I’m an old lady doesn’t mean I live any differently than other people. I keep my life separate from the club as much as possible, and Striker is fine with that. He doesn’t want me to be anything that I’m not comfortable with. In fact, I think he prefers it. He says when he comes home that it’s nice to get away from all the club craziness.”

Jaz spoke up and looked pointedly at Renee to stress that information. “Just like me and JD, Renee.”

The girls heard a motorcycle roar in and Holly jumped up. She looked at her watch. “Striker is home. Gee, it’s that time already? I hope he didn’t wake up Sam,” Holly complained.

Striker came barreling in the house and pulled Holly close to him to give her a lusty kiss, then nodded to the girls. Just then, they both heard Sam start crying out for daddy. Striker smiled and walked into the bedroom and came back out carrying his son. Sam squealed when his daddy flipped him around and carried him under his arm like a sack of potatoes.

Holly told Striker to stop carrying him like that before he pukes. Striker ignored her completely and continued to flip him around to the other arm. Sam loved getting all the attention and soon everyone was laughing along with him.

Renee was amazed to see the big, rough outlaw biker finding such joy in playing with his son. Being at Holly’s house and seeing firsthand how they lived really opened up her eyes. For the first time, she thought that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t such a bad thing for Mick to be in her son’s life.

Jaz stood up and went into the kitchen. She grabbed her tray of lasagna and said they had to get home. Holly hugged her and Renee and told them to come by again. Striker just nodded, but that was okay with Renee, as she didn’t know what to say to him anyway.

On the ride back home, Renee couldn’t stop looking at Mick’s house when they passed it again. Jaz read her thoughts. “It’s not too late, you know. Maybe you and Mick… It could work, Renee.”

“I don’t know about that, Jaz, but I am thinking a little differently now about letting him spend more time with Michael. I mean, I don’t think he really wants me now, anyway. I had my chance with him and I blew it big time. Well, it’s too late for regrets now, but at least I’m still seeing him when he comes over to visit with Michael.”

Renee sounded so down and defeated, Jaz’s heart was breaking for her. When they reached Renee’s house, she thanked Jaz for the interesting afternoon and got out of the car. Jaz drove away feeling a heaviness in her heart. She sighed, thinking there just had to be some hope for Mick and Renee.