Reckless Radiance (17 page)

Valerie sighed and finally had the will to pull her hands away. Russell reached his hand back to her and slowly pulled her onto his lap. He didn’t glow and even as she tentatively touched his face, he remained in control. She couldn’t help herself. Night after night as they touched and embraced all for the sake of keeping his beacon hidden, she’d kept her wits about her. His touch never stopped exciting her but she told herself she needed to suppress those feelings to keep him safe.

Now perched in his lap and curled close against his chest, she boldly put her hands in his hair again and gripped him tightly. She saw him shiver just before he grabbed her thigh and hiked her body closer to him. Their faces were so close to one another but his halo stayed dormant.

“I don’t want this if it means they can find you and take you away. I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered as she stroked his jaw with her damp fingertips.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. Russell clutched the back of her neck strongly and brought his lips to hers. She surrendered to him instantly and felt goose bumps tickle her flesh. Russell seemed void of inhibitions in the moment. He no longer resembled the timid and virtuous angel. He was more a man when he kissed her this time. Their mouths moved together in an elegant dance of tongues and lips. Her eyes stayed closed and she realized he’d mastered the light he held within him.

Slowly he released her and she stared at him, her lips still parted, her breath being drawn from her in huffs. Russell gave her a smile and tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind one ear. Not a shimmer in sight.

“Looks like you’ve finally got a lock on it,” she said.

He moved close again and planted another brief kiss on the corner of her mouth. “Just in time since I’ll be dancing with the most beautiful girl in town this evening.”

Valerie blushed and shook her head. She stood up and tried to ignore her weak knees as she returned to the sink to rinse his hair. Russell leaned back and grinned up at her coyly. If he could keep his halo from shining during that kiss then maybe he could stayed hidden for good. Her heart swelled imagining him opening gifts Christmas morning with her family or helping her father with a summer barbeque. She placed a towel over his head and squeezed water from his hair into the fabric. Things were going smoothly but it still turned her stomach. She didn’t trust smooth anymore. There had to be something approaching and she would’ve done anything to keep it far, far away.

Chapter Twenty Five

A giggle slipped from her lips as Valerie looked at her brother all dolled up in a pale blue dress shirt and paisley tie. Justin rolled his eyes at his sister and picked up the clear plastic box that held the corsage his mother pulled from the refrigerator. Valerie’s smile turned soft as she watched him examine the pale pink rose surrounded by baby’s breath.

Valerie fidgeted with her fingers and tried to press out the waves of her dress. She couldn’t believe the dress she found in the back of her mother’s closet wrapped in plastic even fit her. It had been her grandmother’s and according to her mom, it had only been worn a handful of times. The two-toned green dress had a sash around the waist and gathered fabric made up the bodice and thick, sleeveless straps. It swished when Valerie walked and though she knew her mother had cleaned it, she was sure it held the faint scent of her grandmother’s Coco Chanel. Digging through her jewelry box, she had found a single pearl drop necklace to go with the dress. But that wasn’t all she came across.

Her breath caught when she saw the ring still attached to the gold chain. The thin gold band with just a speck of a diamond was as perfect as the day Gabriel had lowered himself to one knee to present it to her. She reached out and touched the ring. She was sure it would still fit her finger if she tried it on and it would still look just as lovely. But the thought of wearing it felt odd. She finally felt at peace with Gabriel being gone. Now that she knew he went with Russell willingly and unafraid, his death no longer filled her with pain. Her stomach fluttered when she had a second realization. She felt loyalty toward Russell.

She left the ring in the jewelry box safe and sound as it had been before. Waiting in the kitchen, she rocked back and forth in her silver, pointed-toe flats and told herself to calm down. It was chaperoning, not some gala Russell was escorting her to. But swaying in the dress, feeling the fabric play against her legs, she started to grin.

Her mother’s laugh sounded on the stairs and soon she was in sight with Russell and her father following closely behind. “Come on Justin, let’s go pick up Heather,” her father said, grabbing the keys to his SUV.

“See you at the dance, J,” Valerie said, only to be met with another over-exaggerated eye roll.

Valerie turned from the front door and her eyes settled on Russell. She sighed audibly taking in just how handsome he was. The black shirt and gray slacks were nothing out of his ordinary wardrobe and the black and white striped tie he’d borrowed was a simple touch. It wasn’t his clothes or the way he’d styled his hair more slicked back than usual. It was the look hiding behind his eyes as he took her in.

Her mother reached up behind Russell’s ear and tugged at his hair. “I must be losing my touch! I should’ve taken more off,” she said with a huff. Valerie’s mouth twisted trying to hide a laugh as Russell matched her stifled outburst.

“Mom,” Valerie warned. “He looks great.”

Russell’s eyebrows rose and he mouthed ‘thank you’ to her, making her ears feel hot.

Valerie’s mother sighed and stepped back to look at both of them. “She’s right. You two look like a pair of supermodels,” she teased.

“We should get going,” Valerie said, glancing at Russell. His hand extending toward her and she hesitated. If he had complete control of his halo then it wouldn’t be a problem but if he slipped up in front of her mother, a wealth of new problems would arise. He nodded to her ever so slightly and she let her hand slip into his slowly. The only glow that happened was the one she was sure her face held as her mother gave her a wide-eyed look, clearly pleased at the affection she saw between them.

“Don’t wait up,” she muttered to her mother before they headed out the door.

***

The JFK high school gymnasium was exactly how Valerie remembered it. It even smelled the same. The normally stark lights were dim and colorful disco lights spun around the space, catching the shine of the mirror-ball that hung from the ceiling. The decorations might’ve been the same as when Valerie last attended the Harvest Moon dance. Bales of hay and potted ficus trees wrapped in white twinkle lights were strewn about the room. It was like stepping back in time.

The students were flooding in and immediately hitting up the snack table before congregating in front of the DJ’s set up, where they started dancing. The music thumped and as more and more kids arrived, the volume increased. Russell and Valerie stood near the cookies and punch wearing their chaperone badges, scanning the room.

Valerie remembered the two times she and Gabriel attended the Harvest Moon dance. Aside from a few couples pushing the taste boundaries with their dance moves, there wasn’t much that needed chaperoning. No one tried to spike the punch and there was no sneaking off to have sex. It was a good, clean party from what she remembered. Her eyes swept through the crowd of dancing teens and an absent smile formed on her mouth. Everything had been so simple for her in high school. Up until a few weeks before graduation when she found out about Gabriel’s cancer, she’d had a pretty ordinary life.

From the corner of her eye she saw Russell step forward and stand behind two boys who looked to be up to something. The boys slowly turned around and looked up at Russell.

“Holy sh--,” one boy started.

“Watch your language,” Russell said calmly. He reached out to the other boy and grabbed a water bottle out of his hand. He’d been pouring the contents of the bottle into his clear plastic cup of soda. Russell took a quick sip of the bottle, winced then shamed the boys with his eyes. He took the soda and stared at them for another moment. They looked terrified and Valerie had to hold in a laugh at the scene playing out before her.

Russell glanced at the other chaperones near the entrance. They hadn’t noticed Russell’s intervention or the two boys he had corralled.

“Go dance. And don’t let me catch you over here again,” he warned. They nodded wide-eyed and took off for the crowded dance floor, glancing over their shoulders at Russell as they scurried away. He walked back to Valerie, tossing the plastic bottle and the cup in a large barrel trash can. She grinned at him in awe and he smirked back at her.

“How did you even notice them?” she asked. He resumed his place next to her leaning up against the wall with his hands tucked behind him.

“Observing is what I do best. It’s sort of my specialty.”

She gave him a sidelong glance and slipped her arm behind him grabbing his hand, their fingers intertwining. She couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. The way he tasted and the sound of his breath as she touched his hair.

“I think you’re better at interacting than you realize.”

Russell’s tongue slipped out for a moment to wet his lips and she wondered if he was envisioning their earlier encounter, too. She wanted to move to him and plant her lips against his once again but she resisted. His mouth tilted into a half-smile and his eyes brightened for a second before he returned his attention to the mob of high school students.

Hours passed in what felt like minutes as they laughed, critiquing the music and the daring dance moves of her brother’s classmates. As the numbers in the gym started to dwindle, Valerie sighed. She was hoping they would’ve danced but no moment ever felt right.

“All right everybody, grab that special someone. This is our last song.” The DJs smooth voice rang out over the speakers and a slow song started. She took a deep breath and told herself not to care. A hand touched her shoulder and she turned to him and saw his extended palm. Her eyes jumped to his face and she was overcome when she saw his dark eyebrows raised in expectation. All she had to do was nod before he took her hand and led her under the shimmering mirror ball.

His hand slid around to the small of her back with ease. She inched closer to him and breathed in the scent she would always associate with him. His rich, woodsy smell had a way of putting a tremble in her knees.

They stayed silent as he led her in a simple dance that kept them close. She felt so comfortable in his arms. The multicolored lights twinkled around them as they swayed to the song. Not worrying about the light of his halo was so freeing. She wondered how much effort he was using to keep it from showing after all of their practice. Valerie leaned her head against his chest and the hand on her back held her tighter.

Her head was swimming with words she could’ve said to him.
I’m glad you’re here.
His fingers splayed out slowly on her lower back.
Don’t ever leave.
His fingers curled, barely bunching the fabric of her dress into his fist as he sighed and rocked her gently. A chill ran up her spine and rolled through the long waves of hair that cascaded down her back. She lifted her eyes to him and caught him staring down at her with parted lips.

She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

“I never imagined I would have the privilege of holding you in my arms,” he said.

A sigh stumbled out of her. She pressed even closer to him and he enveloped her, drawing her in. The song was fading. The night was almost over. No matter how many words were churning in her mind, she didn’t have the right ones to tell him how amazing he was. And that after everything he’d done for her, the privilege was all hers.

Chapter Twenty Six

Russell parked the car in the driveway and Valerie noticed the house was already dark. They’d stayed to lend a hand cleaning up after the dance. Her family was probably inside sound asleep without a care in the world. She glanced over at him and noticed he was looking at the house, too. She watched as his mouth seemed to twitch nervously. He must’ve felt her eyes on him because just as she wondered yet again what he was thinking about, he turned to her.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

A slow smile spread on Valerie’s lips and she shook her head. He took a deep breath and she hopped out of the car and waited for him. When he emerged from the driver’s seat she caught his stare again and saw the innocent apprehension in his eyes. She bit her lip and started taking steps backward into the grass away from the house toward the barn. He followed her with his brow furrowed. “Where are you going?” he called out in a whisper.

“Come on!” she replied. She took off bouncing through the yard. When she got to the large doors, she stopped and felt the chilly air prickling her lungs. Russell was close behind and as she saw him pick up his pace, his tie floating on the breeze behind him, her breathing slowed. There was so much she missed out on with Gabriel and she refused to waste any more time with Russell because of it. She knew she was shaking her fist at the sky with her brazenness but her feelings for Russell had a deeper hold on her than her caution.

Lit by the moonlight, she felt her shoulders relax at the sight of him as he approached. His brow was still pulled together and his eyes were worried. Russell placed his hands on her bare shoulders and slid them down to her elbows.

“You must be freezing,” he said. She shook her head and took pleasure in the feeling of his hands on her skin, warming her. Something brewed in Russell’s eyes and Valerie saw them soften. He glanced at the doors behind her then back to her.

“There’s a space heater in the barn,” he said, his words drawn out languidly.

Valerie spun and grabbed ahold of the large metal handle on the left side door and yanked it open with all of her might. The smell of sawdust and fresh cut grass filled her nose when the air wafted over her. She flicked on the lights that were just a few exposed bulbs. Russell hurriedly found the space heater and plugged it in close to them, cranking up the temperature. Valerie stood in the middle of the room and spun around, looking at the space. She was seventeen years old when her father tore down their old barn and built this one. It was huge with a loft on one end and an assortment of organizational units for all of his tools and supplies. She sighed and dragged a hand through her hair wondering what her dad and Russell might’ve talked about all the hours they worked together.