Reckless Secrets (18 page)

He looked haggard. "Nothing. And everything. You're my kid. I'm lying to my wife. I hate that. I want us all to be a family. For that to happen, I have to man up.

"A family-oriented holiday that's a time to be thankful is a good time to bring up it up. You'll be out of town, which will give Lyssa a few days to deal with it while you aren't around."

I held his gaze. "You're taking a huge risk. What if she freaks out? What if she demands you fire me? Or never see me again?"

"I won't fire you. I won't cut you out of my life." His face was set, determined, and his tone firm.

I had to believe him. I wanted to believe him. My heart nearly broke. This man who I hardly knew was willing to risk everything to have me as his daughter. I'd missed an entire lifetime with him. I hated my mom for that. I'd been stuck with the parent who didn't want me, all because of her selfishness. And now my life was a complete mess. And even the joy of finding my dad was marred. My mom had a way of scarring me even when she wasn't around.

The stakes were so high. I swallowed hard. "Go ahead. Do it. If you want to."

He smiled. "I do."

"What about Logan?" I wanted to tell him, and yet I didn't want to at the same time.
 

"I've thought about that," Jason said. He took a deep breath. "I think you should wait until the semester's over. Logan's still emotionally raw and stressed about too many things right now." Jason looked genuinely worried about Logan. "Let's not add to it."

I wondered what Jason knew that I didn't. I had the feeling he was holding something back.

"He needs me right now, too," Jason said. "I don't want him to feel alienated from either of us. Or betrayed." He paused again. "We don't know how Logan will react. I don't want to put either of your jobs in jeopardy, either."

"Logan won't—" I cut myself off. I didn't really know what Logan would do. And that was what scared me. I'd asked for fatherly advice. Jason had seen Logan at his worst. He knew Logan better than I did in that regard. Now I'd have to trust him. Or maybe I was just rationalizing and putting off the inevitable because I was scared. "Okay. It's only a few more weeks. I'll tell him at the end of the semester. Before Christmas."

"Good." Jason looked relieved. More relieved than he should have been.

I swallowed hard. "You wanted to me to tell you something about myself that you don't know—I love Logan. And I can't bear to lose him. I mean, I
really
love him."

Jason covered my hand with his. "Oh, Ellie." He sighed like he was resigned and sad. "I already knew that."

After chem lab, I reluctantly went to see Byron, carrying a big plate of chocolate-chip cookies according to plan. Dex had promised to show up. If he didn't I was going to make him sorry. I'd gone over and over how I was supposed to act toward Byron after that profession of love. I thought if I acted normal, like it had never happened, maybe it would all go away.

Byron's eyes lit up when I knocked on his door and he saw the plate of cookies wrapped in plastic wrap with an orange bow on top.

"Happy early Thanksgiving!" I said to him as he stood behind his desk and I handed him the cookies.
 

He took them awkwardly, blushing, which made me uncomfortable all over again. "What's this for?"
 

"A thank-you for all the help."

"I didn't think you'd come." He sounded almost ridiculously happy as he set the cookies on his desk.

"Why wouldn't I? We're friends, aren't we?" I gave him my innocent look, wondering where Dex was and which method of murdering him would be most painful. "And I still need help in chemistry." I gave Byron my vulnerable, "poor, helpless me" smile. Yes, it was calculated to bring out his manly, protective instincts. I'd been using it all semester. It would be out of place to abandon it now when I was trying to act normal.

"Ellie—"

Just then, with impeccable timing, three guys and a girl from my chem class knocked on the door. "Professor Green? It's not your usual chem hours, but we're desperately in need of help."

I had to hold down my smile. Right then, I could have kissed Dex if he'd been there in person.

"This is a private session," Byron said.

"I don't mind," I said, a little too quickly. I reminded myself to play it cool. "We're all here for chem help. The more the merrier."

Byron looked defeated. "All right. Come in."

Wednesday dawned thick with fog, the kind of fog that doesn't look like it will ever burn off. I had nervously packed and repacked for the weekend with Logan's family. And then I panicked when I realized I should bring some kind of hostess gift. I had no time, and no way, to get to a decent store. In desperation, I made my roommate Bre go with me to the market in the dining hall to help me pick out a gift. After much deliberation and no solution, Tay came in to stock the shelves—she was on duty in the dining hall—and solved the dilemma.

"You said she likes to bake. And Logan says she only uses the best ingredients," Tay said. She grabbed a large jar of honey with a wood honey dipper attached with a ribbon with the university logo. "The university food science department is famous for three things: its ice cream, cheese, and this honey. Everyone needs baking honey for the holiday season."

I took the jar from her. "You are a genius. I'm going to miss you over break."

Tay rolled her eyes. "You're spending the weekend with Logan. You're not even going to think about me. But I am a great salesperson. I should get a bonus." She handed a jar to Bre. "Take one home to your mom. Maybe she'll buy you something nice on Black Friday."

"Good plan!" Bre took it from her.

"When are you heading out?" I asked Tay.
 

Her plans had been up in the air. She'd had trouble finding a ride that was willing to leave after she got off shift at five. Almost everyone else was taking off early. Jason had given the entire student staff the afternoon off with full pay, saying he could handle any problems that came up. No one was going to be in class anyway. The university was going into holiday shutdown mode.

"Six," she said. "I finally found an RA in Hill Hall that has to stay to close the dorm and has room in his car.

"Yeah," she said without enthusiasm. "He has a ten-year-old Ford Focus and four of us going back with him. I'll be lucky if there's room for my suitcase."

"I thought you had a chance with your grilled-cheese guy?" Bre said.

Tay rolled her eyes. "He left yesterday. Like Nic did."

"Better luck next time." Bre was actually being pretty sympathetic and not throwing the fact she had a boyfriend, and Tay didn't, around like she usually did.

"Yeah, I think I'm genetically doomed to be single."
 

Tay's supervisor walked by.
 

Tay sighed. "I'd better get back to work. It's going to be a hellacious day—we're serving crap leftovers. The cook is trying to clean out the refrigerator. Everyone who comes in complains. The only salvation is that the crowds are small and dwindling by the hour." She gave us each a hug. "Have a safe trip. Happy Thanksgiving!" Tay smiled at me. "And keep in touch. I want all the details."

Logan picked me up just after noon. The fog was still thick. As he loaded my bags in his trunk, I noticed his car was empty. "Where are Collin and Zave?"

"They have their own rides." Logan held up a gift bag. "What's this?"

"A hostess gift for your mom."

He smiled. "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did! I want to make a good impression."

He smiled and closed the trunk. "Don't worry—Mom will love you."

"You're awfully certain."

He pulled me into his arms. "Who wouldn't love you, El?" He kissed me in that way that made me want to sigh and pull him into me. That made me want to break down and make love with him, all the way.

I pulled away from him. "If you keep that up, we'll never get out of here."

He grinned.

"What are you doing with Spartacus for the break?" I asked.

"Zave took him home." Logan opened my car door for me.

"Opening my car door—what a gentleman."

"That's what you think now." He got a wolfish look in his eye.

"Hey! Stop trying to turn me on," I said, and kissed him lightly.

It took forever to get out of town. A steady stream of cars was making a mass exodus. The main road out was only one lane each direction. Visibility was poor and the going was slow. It was a five-hour trip to Seattle under normal circumstances. But today it looked like we were in for a marathon trip.
 

Logan turned on some tunes and rested his hand on my knee while he drove. "I wish you were wearing a skirt. I like the feel of your legs."

I tingled at the thought of his hot hand on my bare skin. "You're bad. Keep your thoughts on the road."

"On the road? Not possible." He laughed.

The fog was so thick the car in front of us was barely visible and the rest of the world was a gray-white cloud. I couldn't even see the road.
 

"This is going to be a long trip," I said.
 

"Hey! Are you insulting me?"

"I didn't mean the company!" I laughed and put my hand on his thigh. "I meant there's no view out the window to mark the passing of miles." I hesitated. "Then again, maybe that's a good thing. I'm nervous about meeting your family."

"Why? You've already met Dad. Mom is a pushover compared to him. And you'll like Caleb. Everyone does."

I might have imagined it, but I thought there was a touch of jealousy in his voice when he mentioned his brother. Or maybe it was irritation.

"Okay, I guess I can handle that many people," I said. "I'm fine in small, intimate groups."
 

He turned and stared at me.

"What?" I frowned.
 

"Thanksgiving at my house is never just a small, intimate affair. I told you—Mom always throws a big party."

He was right. He had told me. I had forgotten. "What? There will be more people? Like aunts and uncles? Cousins?" I quaked at the thought, but it also made me happy. Logan was going to introduce me to all of his family.

"And friends. Business associates." He turned his attention back to the road and hit the brakes as the string of cars in front of us slowed.
 

"Wait a minute—how many people are we talking about?"

"Fifty to sixty, depending on the year. Mom loves to entertain. Thanksgiving is her event. She loves being the one to kick off the holiday season."

So much for a small, intimate family dinner. The glow of being invited was beginning to wear off and more fear was setting in. No wonder Harlan had invited me so easily and with so little thought. He hadn't even seen the need to consult his wife. What was one more person to a gathering of that size? I was small. I didn't eat much. No one would even have to notice me. I was still wondering what Harlan's game was. There had to be a reason he'd extended the invitation. I could be lumped under miscellaneous guests and seated out of the way.

Logan shot me another look and shook his head. "Don't look so scared. This is going to be fun."

"Right. I'll keep telling myself that."
 

We lapsed into silence as Logan concentrated on the road and traffic.

"El?" Logan said at last.
 

"Yeah?"

"Have you noticed anything different about Jason lately?"

I froze. "What do you mean? Like what?"

"I don't know. He seems tense. Stressed." Logan frowned. "Distant."

I swallowed hard. That was my fault and I knew it. I'd asked Jason not to talk to Logan about me. I imagined that had put a strain in their relationship. I could imagine Jason backing off because he didn't want to hear too much.

"No," I said.

"Huh, that's funny. You two seem close these days." He sounded almost jealous.