Reckless Secrets (31 page)

"Why? There are over eight thousand guys here. How would I know Falcon was you?"

"Falcon's my high school mascot. And twenty-six is my baseball jersey number, El. You know that. Caleb is two and I'm twenty-six." He paused.
 

"Damn," I said. He was right. I'd just never made the connection. I cursed myself for falling for Logan a second time even without seeing him. Falling for his sweetness and his personality. Falling for the hero he could be. I wondered if I was doomed to love him no matter what form he presented himself in.

"I need to talk to you in private," he said.

I nodded. I
had
agreed. "Where do you have in mind?"

"My place." It wasn't a question. "My car's in the lot down the street."

I nodded again, resigned. And because this was Logan and I couldn't run away no matter how scared I was or how much sense it made. "Okay."

"If I let you go, you promise not to run?" There was the barest hint of tease in his voice.

"Promise."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the SUB to his car. We rode to his place in awkward silence. I had no idea how to break the ice. I kept marveling that he was Falcon26 and berating myself for not seeing it. Neither of us spoke as we entered his apartment. I was still carrying the balloon. Inside, I let it loose to hover in the air, symbolic, his heart unleashed.

The lights were on, but it was quiet. A bouquet of roses sat on the table next to a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice.

"Zave and Collin are out for the night," Logan said.

I turned and stared at him. "You planned this." It was an accusation, not a question.

"Yeah, of course." He looked nervous, more nervous than I could remember seeing him. "I took a chance you'd come. You never answered. If you didn't know it was me, why didn't you give me an answer?"

"Because of you," I said without elaborating. "And because Falcon26 could have been anybody. You should see the way Tay drew him."

"Nerdy?"

"Yeah." I crossed my arms, keeping my distance from him though I ached to touch him. I walked to the living room and sat on the couch. "You can't win me back with flowers and wine. I'm not that shallow. You walked out on me. Ignored me. Yeah, I know I should have trusted you. But you should have been happy for me—I found my dad. The dad I've wanted my whole life. You don't know what it was like growing up with my mom—"

He paled, looking even more uncomfortable. "El, I have something to tell you, but you have to remember your promise to hear me out."

My heart practically stopped. "What?"

"You promised, remember?"
 

I was sitting in the middle of the sofa, but he managed to slide in next to me so close I could feel his body heat as his thigh brushed mine. I knotted my hands in my lap to keep from touching him.

"You'll listen to everything I have to say and then if you want to go, I'll take you home."

"I promised, okay?" I chewed on the inside of my lip and waited for him to continue.

"Okay, here goes—you're right. I was a complete douchebag for storming out like I did. I was hurt and upset and shocked. And jealous because I needed both of you—you and Jason. And I felt betrayed by both of you. You were mine and Jason was my mentor and now he's your dad and I couldn't talk to him about you. And, hell, what had I told him? And how could you have kept it all from me? What a dupe I was.

"I felt weak, like you couldn't trust me with the tough stuff in your life. Like I had so much shit going on that you didn't think I could be there for you."

"No, that's not true," I said. "I started lying and I got in too deep. I came to school looking for Jason. I got the job with him on purpose. I met you and fell for you, but I was afraid any relationship would interfere with what I was here to do. And then it turned out you worked for him. And I couldn't tell you until I knew for sure Jason was my dad and that I wanted to let Jason know I was his daughter.

"The lies and the half-truths spiraled out of control from there." I sniffed, fighting back tears. "And, okay, I admit, I didn't want to burden you with more junk. And I didn't know how to tell you in a way that you wouldn't feel betrayed." I stared in my lap.

He covered my hands with his. "I love you, El. I tried to stay away from you. I tried to forget you. But I couldn't. I tried to be your hero—"

"In a video game?" I shook my head and sniffed again. "By pretending to be someone else so you could spy on me?"

"No. In real life." He hesitated. "This is where you're going to freak out—I've been talking to your mom."

I felt faint. The room spun and I thought I might throw up. I tried to stand, but he wrapped his arms around me and held me in place.

"Listen to me, El. Let me explain. It's been killing me staying away from you. And seeing you hurting. When you started seeing other guys, I lost it. I had to act.

"When I came home that night I found out Jason was your dad, I had a letter from your mom."

"No!" I stared at him, waiting for full comprehension to sink in. "How could she know about you?" And then it hit me—the memory of Logan punching Schwartz out before the football game. "Schwartz! Damn him."
 

I took a deep breath. Schwartz, I bet he went running to my mommy. I even bet he slept with her. If she wanted him to. And she probably did.
 

"What did dear old mommy say?" A big part of me really didn't want to know.

Logan pressed his face against mine. "She wanted—wants—you back. And my help doing it. She was desperate to reconnect and beg for your forgiveness."

I snorted. "Right."

"I have the letter. I can show you." He took a deep breath.

"Don't bother. I'm sure she's very convincing." And then a new fear hit and my heart raced out of control. "Jason?"

Logan shook his head. "She has no idea. She doesn't know he's here or the real reason you chose this school.

"And then I got an idea. A crazy idea that I could lead her off your scent for a while. Feed her false information. Act like her ally and give you time to get to know your dad before she finds out and comes screaming in to ruin things. That's what you're worried about, right?"

I looked up at him, astounded. "Yes, but—"

"I couldn't tell you, El. You wouldn't go for it. And I realized something else—my relationship with Jason had changed now that he was your dad. Everything made sense—the way he didn't want to hear about my relationship with you. How he tried to steer the conversation away from personal details. How upset he got about my fight and how fast I drove and how I lose my patience.

"He likes me as a person, but as a boyfriend for his daughter, I'm not like bring-home-to-mom material." Logan spoke matter-of-factly, but there was a subtle undertone of hurt in his voice. "In fact, I suck."

"No, Logan—"

"Don't lie to me, El." He squeezed me. "We're past all that now and we both know the truth."

I hung my head.

"I didn't want to come between you and your dad. You needed time together to bond and figure things out. I was a complication in an already complicated situation. I'm damaged goods and I've done a lot of bad crap. But I stayed away and kept your mom off your back until I couldn't stand being away from you any more. Until I couldn't lose you for good. Until you blew me off for another guy.

"I graduate in a few months and then I'm gone, out of here. I'm selfish, but I couldn't blow my last chance with you. El? You're really quiet. What are you thinking?"

I was trying to take it all in—Logan hurting me to protect me. Logan keeping my mom at bay. "What do you think of Mom?"

He stared at me like he was measuring what he should say. Finally, he sighed. "She's beautiful, seductive, and deceitful, a lot like you."

I almost laughed through my tears, but his description of her caught me short. "You've met her." I fought back a surge of anger. "How did she arrange it?"

"It's not like you think," he said. "She ambushed me at SeaTac. I was on an interview trip. She caught me while I was in line for security."

I almost asked him how she knew he'd be there, but I stopped myself short again. I had to trust him. She was devious and frighteningly clever when she put her mind to something. "Did she hit on you?"

He didn't say anything.

"She did!" I swore beneath my breath, hoping and praying I'd heard the last of Logan's revelations.

"I'm immune to her charm. To everyone's but yours." He pressed his forehead to mine. "I'm desperate for you, El.
Desperate."
 

I reacted to the ragged edge in his voice. My whole body went tight with longing and desire. I'd missed him. So much.

"El?"

I was taking deep breaths, trying not to freak out. Trying to hang on to the remains of my self-control and not think about my mom and what her plans would be. About how she could ruin everything.

"Melissa's determined to come to campus and confront you. I can't hold her off forever. But I'll protect you. I swear it."

I nodded, feeling the heat from his fingers as he cupped my head. Wanting him. Wanting to cry and give way to emotions I couldn't name.

"I love you." His tone was low and seductive, pleading. "Take me back, El. We'll work things out."

I could barely speak. "No more secrets?"

"No more secrets." His lips brushed mine with a soft kiss, just the barest hint of lips touching, so tender it nearly broke my heart.

"I love you, too." I was lost in him. I returned his kiss, my lips moist and tender on his. When I parted my lips and his tongue darted in, my entire body tightened with wanting him.
 

I pulled away and slid into his lap with my legs straddling him, pushing him back against the sofa as I slid my hands beneath his shirt and pushed it up. His eyes went wide.
 

I couldn't stop myself from touching him. I ran my hands along the hard planes of his chest and slid his shirt over his head. He tossed it over the arm of the sofa as I took in the sight of him, hungry for him.

I bent down and slid my tongue into his navel, thrusting and circling before sliding it up his abs and chest and sucking on his nipples until he moaned. He pulled my shirt over my head and unhooked my bra, tossing them both to join his shirt on the floor.
 

"I've missed you, Logan." I bent to kiss him.

"Not as much as I've missed you, El." He cupped my butt, grabbed me around the waist, and stood as I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him. Passion like I'd never felt before welled inside me.

He carried me to the bedroom and kicked the door shut as I coiled around him, trying to meld myself into him, aching for him, every muscle tight with building need. My heart raced as he pulled back the covers and laid me on my back on the bed. As he braced over me, I knew what I wanted to do, what I was going to do. For the first time in my life, even fear was powerless to stop me. Logan Walker was the one.

"You're so beautiful." His voice was low and seductive. His eyes dilated in the dark.
 

As he reached for the zipper of my jeans, I blinked back tears of happiness. His fingers skimmed my bare skin and played around the edges of my bellybutton ring, scorching with their heat, teasing near the edges of my panties as I grew flushed and tight and wet. I wanted him so badly. I wanted him to want me badly, too. He unzipped my jeans slowly, tantalizing me with his restraint. Impatient, I kicked my heels off and shimmied out of my jeans before he'd finished unzipping them. I was determined to act before reason and logic and fear took over.

Our gazes locked. He grinned. "Eager?"

"Desperate." I felt flushed and tight in a way I'd never been before. I unzipped him and slid my hands inside the soft denim of his jeans, beneath his boxers to his bare skin. "These have to go." I slid them off and arched up to kiss him and press my tightly budded breasts against his bare chest.
 

He let out a ragged breath and slid his hands beneath my panties, finding the pulsing heat between my legs that flamed at his touch, and stroked me until I let out a gasp of pleasure.

He stared at me with heat shining in his eyes. "I want to make love to you, El. I want you so damned bad. I'll wear a double layer of condoms, triple even. And foam. Whatever you want."