Reclaimed (6 page)

“I don’t see how,” I told him in a choked voice. My throat ached from all the tears that I’d already cried and the millions that still clogged it. “How can you, any of you, still love me after all of this?”

Nik’s arms wrapped around my waist from behind and he kissed my neck. “How can we not?” he murmured softly against my skin. “I love you, baby girl. Jesse’s right. None of this was your fault.” He lifted his head and looked at Shane who had his jaw clenched so hard I worried he was going to break something. Instinctively I offered him my hand and after only a small hesitation he took it. His fingers were freezing, but so were mine. “No one blames you, Shane.”

“Emmie?” Shane’s voice was so rough from the pain shining back at me from those blue-gray eyes, it sliced at something deep inside my heart. I tightened my hold on him. “Do you blame me? Do you…hate me?”

“N-no,” I was quick to assure him. “Why would I blame you?”

“Because whoever did this was after me. I’m the one who brought this nutcase into our lives. If it weren’t for me, Ranger wouldn’t have nearly died all those weeks ago and Gabriella wouldn’t be fighting for her life right now. I’m to blame for all of this, Em. Me. Not you.” He was openly crying now and I pulled out of Nik’s arms to wrap my own around the bassist. Shane pulled me closer, burying is face in my hair as he wept. “I’m sorry, Em. So damn sorry.”

“This isn’t your fault,” I assured him. “It’s not. Jesse’s right. The only one we should blame is the idiot trying to destroy us. As long as we hold strong and show the world that she didn’t crack us, then she has no power over us.” I didn’t believe a word that was coming out of my mouth right then, because I sure as hell believed I was to blame for all of this shit, but I needed to comfort him. I needed him to know that I didn’t blame him for anything.

His hands tightened almost painfully around me. “Em…”

“Dude, shut up,” Drake grumbled at his brother as he hugged us both. “No more self-blame for anyone. The past is the past, and that’s where I want to put this fucking week. Far in the past. Because if we don’t, I’m gonna grab a bottle and start chugging.”

I didn’t know if Drake was joking or not, but I didn’t want to chance it. I didn’t want to be the cause of him falling off the wagon when he’d done such a great job of staying on it over the last few years. My hand found his shirt and I gripped it in a fist, holding on to him almost as desperately as I was Shane. “Dray…”

“Listen to the man, Em,” Jesse commanded, adding himself to the group hug. “Both of you.”

“You aren’t too big to be spanked, baby girl,” Nik teased softly as I felt him press against my back, his strong arms wrapping around his bandbrothers.

My mouth snapped closed and I rested my head on Shane’s chest as they all hugged me at once, offering me their strength and the courage I needed to face whatever else would come flying our way. Feeling their love like this, it was hard to keep hating myself. Maybe they were right. Maybe I shouldn’t keep blaming myself.

That didn’t make the pain and anger of the last few days lessen any, but it did ease the chokehold that had been on my heart. I sank into their hug and let a few more tears fall, but these were more in relief than anything else. They were slightly healing in a way and when the guys started to pull back several minutes later, I felt like I could actually breathe for the first time in days.

Nik turned me in his arms. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I-I love you too, Nik.”

His hand clasped mine and he tugged me toward our bus. “Lets go check on the kids. Mia will be glad to see you.”

I nodded and tried to give him a smile, but I knew it fell short. His hold only tightened reassuringly and we walked toward the bus that was surrounded by big, scary men in suits. Seller wasn’t even charging me his usual fee for all the extra men. He was pissed that this had happened on his watch and had come himself to oversee the extra security. The two men standing by the door stepped back and Nik pulled me on to the bus with Drake, Shane, and Jesse right behind me.

Luca, Lyric and Neveah were playing in the middle of the living room floor. Harper, Lana, and Layla were seated on the couch and were watching over the toddlers lovingly. Jagger must have been taking a nap because he wasn’t in the room. My gaze went straight to Felicity who was in the recliner on the other side of the room. In her arms was my baby girl and she was crying softly as her nanny soothingly stroked her fingers through Mia’s long auburn hair.

I didn’t waste another second as I crossed the small distance and softly touched Mia’s back. She lifted her head where it had been tucked into Felicity’s neck. Her tear-streaked face brightened ever so slightly when she realized it was me. “Momma,” she sobbed in a voice hoarse from tears. “Momma, I’m sorry.”

My chin started to tremble but I clenched it before it could. Mia didn’t need to see my tears. They would only make her feel worse. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Mia. All that matters right now is that you’re okay. You’re safe, baby. No one will ever try to hurt you again. I swear.”

Relief washed over her face and I tried to smile for her. Mia had always trusted me wholeheartedly. If I told her the sky was green and the grass was blue, she would accept that as truth. My reassuring her that she was safe was what my scared little girl needed more than anything. I lifted her into my arms. “Let’s go lie down, baby. Momma wants to hold you.”

I didn’t look at anyone else in the room as I went down the narrow hall to the bedroom at the rear of the bus. I sat Mia down on the edge of the bed and she scooted over to the middle so I could climb in with her. I toed off my shoes and pulled the covers back before lying down with her. Tucking the covers up around us, I wrapped Mia in my arms.

Her auburn head rested on my chest instead of the pillows and I breathed in her clean little girl scent as I let the peace of holding her safe in my arms relax me enough that my eyes began to drift closed.

Chapter Three

Felicity

T
HE BUS WAS FINALLY QUIET
. Everyone had returned to their own buses hours ago and Nik had gone to bed not long after. Emmie and Mia were still sound asleep, having already slept nine hours, but I knew they needed the rest. After giving Jagger his usual nighttime bottle, I laid him down for the night and closed the door to the sleep area, or as Emmie called it, the roosts.

I was exhausted but didn’t think I could sleep. Sighing, I dropped down onto the couch in the living room before pulling the cheap little cellphone out of my pocket. I traced my fingers over the numbers I knew by heart without punching them in. The need to call home and just hear Raven’s voice was overwhelming. I hadn’t talked to my best friend in over a year, but right then I needed her more than I’d ever needed her.

Shaking my head, I tossed the burner phone to the opposite end of the couch and sat back, frowning at the television hanging from the wall without seeing it. Nik had been the last one to watch it, switching back between the local and national news before settling on a baseball game on ESPN. The game was off now, but the highlights of the game were being replayed. I wasn’t much for baseball, but I didn’t care what was on. It wasn’t like I was actually watching it.

Cursing under my breath, I reached for the stupid phone again and actually had the numbers punched in before I deleted them all again. Tears burned my throat and blinded my eyes for a few minutes before I could get hold of myself. I wondered how Raven was doing. Was she back with Bash? Had she settled into being a mom for his little girl? Did she miss me as much as I missed her?

Was Jet home?

That last question whispered through the back of my head and I flinched at the thought of the man who still held on to my heart so tightly. I didn’t let myself think about him often—or so I kept lying to myself. I thought of him a hundred different times a day, I just pretended I didn’t.

The guilt of what I’d asked of him still churned in my stomach. I had known exactly what asking that favor could do—that if he didn’t do it right he’d be stuck in prison for the rest of his life. I’d worried about him getting hurt while he did it, of him hating me for asking it of him, and of how much it would cost him to have to stay inside for the rest of his life.

What it would cost Raven and her family.

Even with the guilt eating at me I still hadn’t dared call Hawk back to see if it had been done. I’d been too much of a coward to call again. Just hearing my friend’s voice that one time I’d called had caused an ache inside my chest that still hadn’t completely gone away.

The only reason I did know that Jet had done what I’d asked of him, and succeeded without getting caught, was through Emmie’s security guy, Seller. He’d been keeping an eye on things for my boss. He was the one who had called Emmie and told her that Vince Grady had been killed in a fight in prison. That he’d attacked some guy and been killed in self-defense. Emmie had been so stunned that I’d found myself confessing to her about what I’d done.

“I called in a favor,” I’d told her as I’d sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. She used her guesthouse as her office so she didn’t have to bring clients into the house around the kids. Mia was at school and Jagger was taking his afternoon nap, but I’d brought the baby monitor with me just in case he woke up early.

Emmie had frowned up at me. “A favor?” 

I’d nodded, meeting her green gaze. “I couldn’t stand the way you and Lucy were so scared all the time, Emmie. I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped, but I’ve come to think of you and your family as my own. There was something I could do to help you and so I did it. I put a hit on Grady.”

My boss had just blinked at me for a full minute before tears had filled her eyes. “Felicity—”

“Please don’t think less of me for doing this,” I’d quickly begged. “Or tell anyone that I did it. I’m not worried about what would happen to me, but the guy who did it is…special to me. I don’t want it to blow back on him.”

“Felicity, I would never have asked this of you, but… thank you,” she’d whispered. “Thank you.”

I’d just given her a small, grim smile. “Maybe you can sleep a little easier at night now.”

“Maybe.” She’d glanced out the window of the office but I doubted she actually saw any of the beautiful scenery.

Tears had stung my eyes as I’d gotten to my feet. All too quickly I’d let her and her strange little family into my heart.

The next time I’d seen Seller I’d asked him about Jet. He must have known about the guy who had been in the fight with Grady. He would be able to tell me if Jet had gotten into trouble for killing the vile man.

“As far as I know it was ruled self-defense, Miss Bolton. I believe Mr. Hannigan will be released on time in a few weeks.”

That was supposed to be at the end of last summer. I’d had the date marked on my calendar in my room at my mother’s house. I’d been counting down the days until Jet was home all the way up until I’d left. After I’d started working for Emmie, I’d still counted the days, mentally reminding myself every night as I’d gone to bed how many more sleeps it would be until Jet would be home with his family.

I didn’t kid myself that he might come looking for me once he was home. I knew he was glad to be rid of me. I’d just been his sister’s best friend who had loved him so obsessively and ruined his life. He was probably deep in Bubbles or one of the other sheep right now.

Jealousy sliced through me like a blade through flesh. Grabbing the phone, I headed off the bus. I ignored the big men standing by the front door and the others stationed around the perimeter of the bus. I needed to clear my head, walk in the cooling night air and maybe even shed a few tears without the fear of someone seeing them.

As I walked past all the other buses toward the darkened street, I held the phone against my chest. It was my last lifeline to my old life, one I was missing more and more with each passing day. But it was a life I couldn’t return to. Not now. That life would suck the rest of my spirit—hell, my frigging will to live—right out of me. I was needed here with Emmie and her family.

It was nice to be needed for a change.

Lord knew I’d never been needed before. My mother hadn’t needed me, hadn’t even wanted me. I didn’t know why she hadn’t just had an abortion to rid her of the ‘problem’ in the first place. I’d needed Raven, but I didn’t think she’d needed me. Maybe she had a little, but not enough. Jet hadn’t needed me, that was for sure. For a few months a helpless little life had needed me, but Westcliffe had destroyed my chances of ever holding that precious little baby. From what the doctors had told me the night I’d miscarried, I might never have a baby of my own. He’d been thorough in his beating, after all.

Westcliffe had left me alive, but he’d taken my will to live when he’d killed the baby that had been growing inside of me, taking away my last connection to the man I’d loved—and, stupidly, still loved.

Emmie’s family had given me back the will I needed to keep going. I’d found a purpose with them. I’d found myself again, and I actually liked the me I was when I was with them.

I still missed everyone though. Not the life, but the people. I even missed my mother.

Stopping under a streetlight, I glared down at my burner phone. I picked up a new one every few weeks, using cash instead of a credit card. The Club’s connections were far reaching and I wouldn’t put it past them to find me through them. I never used the phone though, but I couldn’t keep from wanting—needing—that small link to them.

My thumb punched in Raven’s home number and then hovered over the connect button. I shouldn’t—it was too risky, especially this close to Creswell Springs, which was only about a two hours’ drive from where we currently where. I knew the homesickness would flood in and I’d want to go home. I kept trying to remind myself it wasn’t home anymore. It wasn’t.

So what’s the harm in calling her?

Clenching my eyes closed, I leaned back against the light post. “Fuck it,” I groaned and let my thumb touch the one button I’d been fighting with myself not to hit all night.