Reconcilable Differences: A 'Having It All' Novel (39 page)

She opened her mouth to reply, to try to find words to
express the overwhelming feelings that swept over her, and leaned toward him.

This was it. She knew that what she’d yearned for lay
beyond this moment. “I can surrender now. I can love you with all of me.”

“You make love sound like a sacrifice. True loving takes
nothing away.”

“I know that now. I don’t mean sacrifice, but
acceptance.”

“And loving will make you stronger.”

Then he kissed her powerfully, opening his mouth on hers
and pressing so deeply their teeth clashed and she thought their skin would
break. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, searchingly, longingly. She felt
the power of her desire and his overtake her and jolt through her breasts and
womb and thighs like a river of molten lava unleashed after millennia of
longing. And at last she did let go and kissed him back with all of her,
opening the floodgates of her love and passion like a volcano, ripping open and
spilling its banks. At long last they paused for gasping breath.

She laughed nervously, under her shuddering breath. “I
haven’t felt this
consumed
since I was… nineteen.”

He chuckled softly and kissed the end of her nose.
“Mmmm.”

“You have quite the way about you.”

“You still don’t get it, do you? It isn’t me. It isn’t
you either; it’s us together.”

Simon pulled the pile of fleece blankets and quilts onto
the floor in front of the fireplace and laced his fingers with hers, slowly
kneeling and pulling her down onto the soft mound. He lay her back gently and
leaned on his elbow beside her, kissing her again, slowly, languorously,
tasting her, nibbling her lips, and then feathering kisses across her eyebrows,
and the line of her jaw until he reached her earlobe and suckled it slowly,
licking. Currents of heat coursed through her body where his skin touched hers,
but she hesitated, pulling back.

“Maddie?” she whispered, remembering the little girl
upstairs.

“Very heavy sleeper,” he murmured, continuing his gentle
onslaught.

She lay quite still, her eyes following his movements at
first, and then slowly closing, so that she could feel only him, her lips
slightly parted, her breath ragged. His hands roamed across her body, stroking
and caressing her shoulders, arms, back and thighs as if he would have all of
her at once until she was trembling with tension and anticipation. Her body
arched toward his, yearning to touch every part of her to every part of him.
She could feel his arousal pressing against her abdomen, and a surge of molten
desire shot through her, emptying her mind of all but one thought, to envelope
him, to be one.

When
at last Kate let go, she
experienced a flood of sensation and emotion unlike any she had felt before.
Kate’s liberation rendered her uninhibited, intense and ardent, the expression
of her love boundless and wild in a way that evoked the first time.

All her worries were annihilated by the here and now, of
her connection with Simon, her need for him. His achingly familiar scent, the
wiry strength of his long, lean limbs and arching body drove her mad. She was
carried away on the floodwaters of their shared desire, inundated and
bewildered by the intensity of her own feelings. When she reached for him it
was as though all the power of the universe was unleashed through her, her
fingertips and lips and eyes and the very core of her womanhood astonished by
the force of their connection and electrified by it. In that moment, she could
believe their bodies and souls mingled in some cosmic dance, as though their
love subsumed their individual selves. Falling into his shimmering flame-blue
eyes, she saw everything and nothing. And she felt timelessness and
weightlessness and selflessness so absolute it was near unbearable and she was
submerged in him like death and rebirth. Simon’s muted roar and wracking sobs
echoed her own sensations.

“I love you so much,” he said, his voice quavering.
“Words just can’t…”

“I know. I know,” she whispered hoarsely, her eyes
closing. “I… ” she drifted away, utterly spent.

~*~

Kate
awoke in Simon’s bed the next
morning. She watched his peaceful slumber, the sheets tangled around his
beautiful long limbs, her heart squeezing joyfully. Here she was on the other
side.

Slipping out of the bed without disturbing him, she did
sun salutations at the foot of the bed, truly filled to brimming with
gratitude. She was just coming down from upward dog when she heard his voice.

“Kate?” he said tentatively, the panic rising in his
voice. “Kate!”

“I’m here,” she replied from the floor. Simon sat up,
peering over the edge of the bed, his eyes wide, to find her contorted on the
floor, one knee up under her nose, her arms outstretched.

He sat up to watch. “Aah. Yoga?”

“Mmhmm. Sorry. I waited for you, but you were sleeping so
soundly.”

“What do you call that?”

“
Eka pada
rajakapotasana
.”

“Huh?”

“Pigeon pose,” she mumbled to the carpet, smiling, then
pulled back, her arms in the air.

He lay back in bed, sighing. “You have beautiful
breasts.”

They had staggered upstairs to his large white bed and
made love a second time, slowly, dreamily and unhurriedly and fallen asleep
again.

Simon’s face reappeared over the edge of the bed. “Oh my
God! What’s that?”

“Downward dog,” she said, laughing breathily from her
inverted position.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He rose from the bed and
stood behind her as she stood up.

She was grinning over her shoulder, her eyes cast down at
his brazen erection. “Merry Christmas.”

He grinned back, stepping forward, ready to pounce. The
tip of his cock was just poised at her entrance when his delirious grin twisted
into a grimace.

“Ah, damn. Maddie will be up any moment. I’ll deal with
you later.” He lightly slapped her bottom and planted a possessive, hungry kiss
on her mouth. “Come down when you’re ready.” He sighed, pulling on sweats and a
t-shirt and hurried downstairs.

Kate had a quick shower in Simon’s ensuite and, curling
her nose at last night’s wrinkled clothing, wrapped herself in his plaid
flannel robe. Toweling her hair dry, she wondered how Maddie would react to
finding her still in the house. She slipped downstairs to find Simon busy in
the kitchen again. She plonked herself down on a bar stool and grinned at him a
little sheepishly.

“Merry Christmas again,” she said.

He licked his lips and smiled wryly. “Merry Christmas to
you, ma’am.” He set a large cup and saucer in front of her. “Lose your
clothes?”

“Should I have dressed? I was worried what Maddie would
think.” She took an appreciative sip from the steaming mug of tea. “Mmmm. Chai.
Perfection.”

Simon made a face, shrugged, and turned his attention
back to his waffles. “Kids are adaptable.”

“You’re cooking breakfast?” she enquired. “I would have
thought you’d have had enough of playing chef after last night’s dinner. It was
a spectacular feast, Simon. I’m amazed at your skill, not to mention ambition.”

“Thanks.” He shrugged, his back to her, and continued his
work. “I like to be in the kitchen. It’s relaxing and gives me time to think.
Besides, my daughter has expectations.”

She sighed and took another sip of her tea.

He shot a quick glance over his shoulder. “What?”

“Oh. You know.” She laughed, teasing, “I was just
thinking how you’re just about the most perfect man I’ve ever met.”

“Is that so?” he replied.

“Mmhmm. Almost… ideal, as a matter of fact.”

“Almost…” He laughed heartily at that. He bent to place a
waffle in the warming oven and turned his attention to whipping cream. She
gazed out the French doors, thinking how different the atmosphere felt between
them this morning, all tension and reserve evaporated. Despite colder
temperatures, the bright sunshine softened the shallow blanket of snow that
coated the lawn and flowerbeds. The reflected glare was intense, making her
squint. The stone terrace and larger shrubs were already half bare, and
glistening wet, shimmering.

Kate turned when Madison shuffled sleepily into the
kitchen wearing her rumpled pink flannel nightgown covered in tiny white
snowmen. She stood and took in the scene, blinking blearily.

“Daddy.” She yawned.

“Morning, sunshine,” Simon said to her, in a laughing
voice. She was incredibly cute. It was obvious she hadn’t yet remembered the
occasion.

“Hi, Kate,” she smiled sleepily. “Did you sleep over?”

“Yes. I wanted to be the first to wish you a Merry
Christmas, Maddie,” Kate said, smiling and meeting Simon’s eye warily. He
smiled.

“I’m glad.” Madison yawned. “Oh!” she squealed,
remembering, suddenly wide-awake. “Was Santa here? Can I open presents now,
Daddy?” The questions tripped over each other in her enthusiasm.

“In just a few minutes, sweetie,” Simon said as he set
their plates on the bar. “Let’s have a little breakfast first, okay?” He turned
back to the stove.

“I don’t want breakfast. I can’t wait.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Kate suggested, raising her brows
and looking at Simon. “If it’s okay with your Dad, you can open my present to
you right now, then after breakfast you can tear into the rest.”

“Oh, Daddy. Can I? Can I? Please?”

“Hmmm,” Simon seemed to consider “I suppo-ose. But hurry,
the waffles are ready.” Kate went into the living room without another word and
returned with the oddly shaped, soft parcel she had brought, handing it to
Madison. She clutched it in her tiny hands, her eyes as big as saucers.

“Go ahead. Open it up.” Kate grinned at Maddie, expecting
her to tear into the paper. They both watched her, with her bouncy brown curls
mashed into an adorable nest, her round cheeks flushed with excitement. Simon
pressed his lips together in amusement as Maddie knelt down on the floor with
the parcel between her knees and carefully pulled off the bow and ribbons and
attempted to peel the paper neatly away, her little brow frowning when it tore.
Finally she revealed a long-legged rag doll with a mop of brown hair just like
hers.

“Ooh. Kate. It’s beautiful,” exclaimed Maddie. The
giftwrap fell to the floor and a small suitcase bounced out. “What’s this?”
asked Maddie as she picked it up. Simon served the food, observing the
exchange.

“It’s a suitcase full of clothes for her to wear, so you
can dress her,” replied Kate, sliding off her stool to crouch next to Maddie.
Her face lit up with delight. “Let’s have breakfast and then I’ll help you.”
Maddie threw herself around Kate’s neck with a huge bear hug, and Kate had to
force back inexplicable tears.

“Thank you soooo much.”

Simon and Kate burst into laughter at this delightful
display of innocence and goodwill, their eyes meeting over Maddie’s head.
Thank you
, he mouthed.

They ate breakfast, all perched around the high kitchen
bar, Maddie and Kate ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over Simon’s culinary skills. “You
can’t go wrong with waffles, strawberries and sausages with a four year old,”
he said, setting a small glass of milk down in front of Maddie, and refilling
their tea mugs.

“Works at thirty-four, too,” said Kate through a full
mouth.

“Drink up your milk, Maddie, and we’ll go open the rest
of our gifts,” he said. It didn’t take long before they were all settled in the
living room around the tree. The tiny colored lights glowed weakly in the
strong sunshine that angled in through the front windows. Simon put on a Diana
Krall CD.

Maddie went first, opening her new toys and games
carefully, though with increasing enthusiasm as time went on. Finally she
opened a large square box and let out a delightful squeal.

“Oh Daddy. It’s just what I always wanted,” she cooed,
looking it over. “What is it?” She lifted her innocent enquiring eyes to the
adults, waiting expectantly for an explanation. After they recovered from a
bout of hysterical laughter, wiping tears from his eyes, Simon replied, “It’s
something I loved when I was about your age, Maddie. I thought you would like
it too. It’s a kind of building kit.” Maddie’s smile twisted into an uncertain
scowl.

“You can’t play with dolls all the time, Maddie,” said
Kate. “This will teach you how to be clever and solve problems. It will help
you become a smart lawyer like your Mommy and Daddy.”

“I don’t wanna be a lawyer,” dismissed Maddie with a toss
of her curls
.
“When I
grow up I’m going to be a Mommy. I’ll take my babies to the park to play and
give them baths and hug them all the time.”

Simon blinked. “That sounds lovely, sweetie. Just
remember that Mommy’s have to be the cleverest of all. Mommy’s know how to do
everything.”

Maddie giggled. “Oh Daddy, that’s not true. Mommy can’t
cook anything.” She flapped a dimpled, dismissive hand at the suggestion. Simon
pulled a chagrinned face and glanced at Kate, who was biting back her laughter.

“She didn’t have to because I did,” said Simon. He drew a
breath, held it and let it go with a huff. “Daddy’s have to be clever, too.
Your turn.” He hefted a large rectangular package to Kate, dropping it in her
lap, and sat back to watch.

She carefully opened the heavy gift to reveal a large
format Thai cookbook, with gorgeous glossy photos of the people, countryside,
markets and villages of rural Thailand. “It’s spectacular! Thank you,” she
gushed, leaning in to kiss him.

He looked over her shoulder as she flipped the pages,
stopping here and there to comment on the gorgeous colors and interesting
details that he remembered from his travels. “The Thai people are the happiest,
most peaceful people I’ve ever met on my travels. I’d like to take you there
someday.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Well on that note, open
mine,” Kate said. “There are some places I’d like to take you.”

He stood and retrieved the blue package with curiosity.
It was also rectangular and heavy, but more squat than hers. “Hmm. Could it be
a book?” he teased.

“Perhaps, but not just any book.” Their eyes met, full of
fun, and she felt her face crease in a grin to match his. “Go on.”

Simon ripped away the paper and ran his fingers over the
cover, which was embossed with gold on brown leather and bordered with delicate
tracery and foreign script. As he realized what it was, he grinned and slid his
eyes over to her coyly. “The Illustrated Kama Sutra?” he nodded. “Ve—ry nice.
Thank you.” A chuckle erupted from his throat. “Well, we’ll have to read it
together, won’t we?”

“Whats it Daddy?” asked Maddie.

Simon glanced up, his ears suddenly reddening. “Nothing
you’d be interested in, sweetie. Grown up… ah, it’s a … how-to manual, I
guess.” Maddie harrumphed and forgot them again. He turned to thank Kate with a
long, deep, lingering kiss that aroused a deep, thrumming response in her. They
were listening to the strains of
You’re
Getting to be a Habit With Me
, and Simon sang along briefly, off
key, pressing his face into her silky hair until he made her laugh.

After their gifts, they relaxed in front of the fire
sipping tea, nibbling on mincemeat tarts and tossing benign glances at Maddie
industriously playing with her new toys and dolls. The doorbell buzzed
suddenly, and Simon jumped.

He sat up straight, yanked at the front of his wrinkled
t-shirt and surveyed the room. It was a mess, torn gift-wrap, Mandarin orange
peels and dirty dishes everywhere. He grabbed a plate, scraped some debris onto
it, glanced around desperately, catching Kate’s puzzled frown, then sighed,
laughing nervously, and set it down again.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Who is it?” Kate sensed his agitation.

The look he sent her was pitiful. “I think it’s Rachel,”
he grimaced and shrugged, looking around helplessly.
Ah
. She understood his discomfort. Then he
straightened his shoulders and headed for the door.

It wasn’t Rachel, after all, but his elderly neighbor
with a small gift for Maddie and a tin of cookies, to thank him for helping
with a contractor earlier in the year. “Thank you, Mrs. McCall. Merry
Christmas.” Closing the door with a sigh, he returned to the living room,
laughing, and set down the gifts. “I don’t know what I’m so nervous about. She
will show up eventually.”

“Who?” asked Maddie.