Red Hourglass (18 page)

“You’re so tight,” he groaned.

He sucked on my nipples and took his time thrusting in and out. I stopped pulling against the ties and gave in. I moaned in pleasure as my body went wild and my mind fell into an ecstatic delirium.

“You need more,” he said, lifting my pelvis and shoving a pillow underneath me. He penetrated me as deeply as he could and stopped. “This feels right.”

I involuntarily arched my back and contracted around him, jerking against the ties. He began pounding me, each thrust of his cock transporting me to cloud nine.

“You like being tied up and fucked.”

I nodded.

“I own you now my Scarlet Queen.”

He charged at increasing speeds, sending me into outer space. I was under his control, a part of him. I no longer had a mind of my own.
Is this submission
?

“I’m coming,” he moaned. He stiffened up and gave a sharp grunt, releasing his fluids deep inside me.

My eyes rolled up and my body quivered with pleasure as his essence filled me. I shriveled into a series of spasms as I drifted into a transcendent space where all was still and quiet. I was his now. I was owned.

The humiliation of losing to this man, my target, set in. Conan had crossed the threshold and claimed me as his property.
I never thought I’d be controlled by another man and I began tearing up.
I’ve lost the game of love
.

“Will you be good if I untie you?”

I nodded. He removed the saliva-soaked panties from my mouth and untied me.

“You may leave now.”

“What?” I asked, sitting up and massaging my wrists. There were rope marks on my skin.

“I didn’t tell you to speak. My chauffeur will drive you home.”

* * *

I ran up the stairs to my apartment and Milky was waiting for me just inside the door. I picked her up and gave her kisses as I hugged her furry body tightly against my chest.

She was hungry and she started to meow. I put her down and gave her a whole can of tuna. She gobbled it up.

I couldn’t believe what just happened with Conan. I felt used and abused, like he’d chewed me up and spit me out.

I began thinking about my stepfather, remembering his life draining away before my eyes. I hated him and I knew he deserved that end. I was reborn that day as a cold-blooded killer. My blades brought me the justice I craved
.

I hope the White Queen changes her mind and wants me to kill that son-of-a-bitch Conan Casey. He’s just another abuser
.
Why did I lose control and submit to him like that
?
How could I let my target do that to me
?

I sat down and wrote a few lines of poetry in my notebook.

“Love is a Curse.

Love is nothing but a curse,

A curse that controls me.”

A sentimental killer
?
I don’t think so.
I ripped the page out of my notebook and threw it in the trash. I had no time for love.

I had to get control of myself. I did a hundred sit-ups and fifty push-ups. I started doing more sit-ups as punishment for my weakness. After two hundred ninety-nine, I collapsed on the floor.

I stared up at the white ceiling, trying to catch my breath. I knew that working with my target over an extended period could lead to an emotional attachment—just like with Milky. She started coming for dinner every night, and if she didn’t appear I’d be worried sick. I’d imagine that she’d been run over by car, or had been in a fight and was dying in the gutter. Once, I didn’t see her for two weeks. When she finally turned up she was a filthy bag of fur and bones. I decided I had to make her mine. I closed the kitchen window and kept her inside for good … away from all the evil humans and animals. I gave her a bath and let her sleep in my bed.
Now she wears a collar with a name tag. She’s my pet and her destiny is in my hands
.

My feelings for Conan were going to destroy me. I had to stop this madness. “Erase all attachment,” I told myself. I had to be numb to him. I was numb to physical pain, and I needed to steel myself against emotional pain.

I looked at the scar above my waist. It would be with me for life and it was Mimi’s fault. Her weakness—her love for the mob boss—stopped her from going in for the kill when she had a chance. I was sliced open and barely escaped with my life. Vanus came to our rescue and all I remember was running to the car holding my bleeding wound. I was unconscious before we got back to the Academy.

The White Queen’s doctors saved me, but they said I was dead for ten seconds.
For ten seconds, my heart didn’t beat
. I saw my mother in those ten seconds. Her face and the sunflower field were a blur of sepia—like old photographs—until everything went pitch-black. When I opened my eyes I was back in the sterile white room with blinding lights, white coats, and stainless steel medical instruments.

I had life-saving surgery and I stayed in the mansion for the next few weeks. The White Queen’s nurses cleaned my wound every day and made sure I ate enough to heal. When I started physical therapy I had to be careful not to rip out my stitches. I did a lot of stretching, and I played shooting games on a Wii to keep up my eye-hand coordination. Slowly, I regained my strength and my health … and my resolve to live. I still had to find my mother and I wasn’t about to give up.

I never forgave Mimi for her mistake, for her weakness. I swore—for the sake of my sisters—that I would never compromise my missions.

No Happy Endings

Conan was cold to me on Monday morning—no flowers, no kisses, no sweet words. It was as if Saturday never happened. He locked himself in his office and buried himself in work. He barely even acknowledged me when I brought him his lunch.

I tried not to worry about him, but it really started getting to me in the afternoon. I began thinking about his last secretary. I wondered if she left because of his kinks or because he was a total prick after she submitted to him.

Was this Conan’s idea of being exclusive? Did he always torment his lovers, get them to submit so that he could entwine them in pleasure and pain as part of some cruel fantasy? Did he have a dungeon with torture devices? Was he just a sick, kinky bastard who derived pleasure from sadistic games? What other secrets was he hiding?
Did I imagine everything
?
Am I overreacting
?

I finished my work early and sent Conan an email saying I was going home sick. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold it together on the subway and I took a taxi.

* * *

There was a rose on the sidewalk outside my building. I picked it up before I went inside.

Milky was sleeping on the sofa. I flopped down next to her and stroked her neck. The loud vibration of her purrs against my hand was a comfort.
At least someone loves me
.

A few realizations hit me like a ton of bricks. The White Queen gave me everything I needed to start a new life.
Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am
. My sisters, the Red Hourglass, and my missions were all part of me.
I have to serve the White Queen.
The old me—the naïve me who could trust men—was dead. I could never trust a man again. They only disappointed me … time and time again.

I started plucking the petals off the rose, chanting “he loves me, he loves me not” like a silly little girl. I felt like I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and I decided to take some time off work.

I figured I needed a week to detach from my emotions and get down to business again. I sent Conan an email.

Dear Conan,

I have to take leave for the rest of the week. I hope this is okay.

Regards,

Scarlet Walters

He replied immediately.

Scarlet,

Your leave is approved.

Is anything wrong? I’m always here to help.

Conan W. Casey

Chief Security Officer

Wilmar Enterprises

____________________

Conan,

Thank you. Nothing’s wrong. I just need a break.

Scarlet Walters

____________________

Scarlet,

I’ll call you after work.

Conan W. Casey

Chief Security Officer

Wilmar Enterprises

I shut down my laptop and turned off my phone. Did he really care? No, he didn’t. He was just using me.

* * *

The next morning, I had a text message from Vanus: “Don’t forget the milk.” That meant there was something for me in the dead drop. I went downstairs and grabbed the white envelope from the milk box.

My instructions from the White Queen were exactly as I expected. I had to get the date of the meeting with Zhong Yuan and find out where their people would be staying. I crumpled up the page and tossed it in the toilet. That was my favorite way of destroying our paper trail. I liked watching the runny ink and crushed paper swirl around in spirals before everything washed away.

Conan called my cell phone. I didn’t want to answer, but I did.

“Hello.”

“Scarlet, is anything wrong?”

“I’m not feeling well, but I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? Should I come over?”

“No. I just need to take this week off … to think about things.”

“Are you uncomfortable with my proposal?”

“I’m still considering it, but I really don’t know if getting closer to you is a good idea.”

“Because I tied you up?”

“No, I enjoyed that.” I didn’t even know if I was lying or not. It felt good, but I hated the humiliation and the old memories it dredged up. Conan confused me, made me do stupid things.
I should never have trusted him, or slept with him
.
I’m a fool
.

“Well, what then? Are things moving too fast? We can slow down …”

“Conan, it’s tricky being in a relationship with someone at work.” I couldn’t tell him I was upset because he ignored me, or that our relationship was doomed because I was spying on him.

“It might take some time to adjust, but I’m sure we can figure it out.”

“I don’t know.”

“Trust me Scarlet. I’ll pick you up Friday evening … for the weekend.”

“Hmm.” I hesitated. “Okay.” I had to stay close to him for the mission.

“Have a good rest of the week. Call me anytime.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care,” he said. “I have to get back to a meeting.”

My emotions were in turmoil. Conan was alluring and repulsive at the same time. Like waves of the sea, I was drawn to him before backing off. The control he had over me was dangerous.

I called Mimi and asked her to come over after work. I didn’t trust her like I used to, and I didn’t want to reveal my weakness to her, but she was the only person I could talk to.

* * *

“What’s going on?” Mimi asked as she sat down on the sofa and kicked off her shoes.

“I’ve lost it!” I said, pacing back and forth.

“What are you talking about? What have you lost?”

“I’m worried that I’m falling in love with Conan. I don’t think I can kill someone I’ve grown attached to.”

“He’s not a target, silly. All you have to do is get information, no killing. Conan is Johnson Wilmar’s heir and you’re working with him, getting close to him. You owe the White Queen too much to give up this opportunity for personal reasons.”

“But I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to quit.”

“Do you really want to abandon your sisters and let the White Queen down?”

Realizing my delusion, I stopped in my tracks.
The White Queen’s business is under threat, she could send agents after me and lock me up if I blow this
.
Anyway, I need to find my mother. That’s why I’m here
.

“Of course not,” I said. “I owe her everything … and I love my sisters. I guess I have no choice but to finish the mission.”

“Good call.”

“But what should I do? How do I handle this?” I turned to Mimi.

“It’s simple. Just focus on the mission. You can quit Wilmar when we get hold of Yuan and his people. Get the intel we need and the rest of us will make sure that the merger doesn’t go through.”

“You’re right Mimi. Thanks.” She always gave sound advice, like a sage.

“What’s so special about Conan anyway? You’re so different since you started working for him. You’re no longer yourself.”

“That’s not true! … I don’t know. He’s good-looking, rich, powerful. What’s not to like? But I don’t think I’ve been any different. I am myself! How can you say that Mimi?”

“Okay, okay, relax. You’re the one who said you’re losing it. So my advice is to take control. Let’s meditate.” Mimi sat on the floor and got into the lotus position. “Om … just let your mind be still. Let your thoughts flow naturally, don’t resist.”

“If I’m going to finish the mission, I need the White Queen to promise me something.”

“What?”

“That I won’t have to kill him.”

“Janet, the sooner you learn that romantic love is temporary, the better off you’ll be,” said Mimi. “Anyway, there’s no such thing as love in that sense. It’s all in your head … it’s just your imagination.”

“Love is temporary?”

“Of course it’s temporary. It doesn’t last. Your love is transferred from one person to the next. You think you love Conan, but that will change.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember your first boyfriend? Do you still love him?”

“No way.”

“See? Right now you think you love Conan, but it’s all in your head. Your love will find another object in time. Anyway, he’s only using you as a stand in girlfriend. He’ll move on to his next secretary once he’s done with you … just like he did with his last secretary.” Mimi smirked and folded her arms.

“So you think he’s just using me, lying to me?”

“Yes! Men lie to women all the time!” Mimi threw her arms in the air. “You can’t trust them! He’s just like any other man … your stepfather, your first boyfriend, remember them?”

“Yes … they were assholes.”

“Good. Now that you’re seeing sense, just remind yourself that you’re on a mission. Acting like his girlfriend is part of the job, it’s your undercover identity, nothing more. You’re just pretending to be in love with him until the mission’s over. You’re Janet, NOT Scarlet. Don’t forget that.”