Red Hourglass (20 page)

He was panting in front of me on the floor as I admired his half-naked body. I had an urge to dig my claws into his chiseled muscles, but I held back. As I kissed his lips, I gently moved my fingers down his chest, sliding them inside his waistband. Conan groaned and closed his eyes.

I have him now
. He was a fool, crawling into my scarlet web. I was his Scarlet Queen and there was no escape.
It won’t be long before he realizes he’s in love with me
.

The Secret Engagement

I woke up naked next to Conan’s sleeping body and thought about our passionate night. I was finally in control and I intended to keep it that way.

I walked into the bathroom to wash up. There was a heart-shaped velvet box in a basket beside the sink. I hadn’t noticed it before and I opened it out of curiosity. It contained a diamond solitaire ring. Conan knew I didn’t like diamonds, and I knew the ring wasn’t for me.
Is this his last secretary’s engagement ring
?

I stormed over to the bed and shook Conan. He rolled over and opened his eyes.

“What is this?! I damn well know it’s not for me! Who’s it for?!” I had one hand on my hip as I waved the sparkling diamonds under his nose.

“Scarlet, hold on,” he said, propping himself up on an elbow.

“Tell me EVERYTHING before I slice your face with this rock!” I imagined dragging the ring across his cheek, leaving a crimson trail of blood.
I should just kill him now. I’d be doing him a favor. What greater joy could there be than being freed from this pathetic, miserable existence by your lover
?

“It belonged to my ex-fiancée. She gave it back before she left me.”

“Your ex-fiancée?” I hissed. “This is the first I’ve heard of your
ex-fiancée
. Were you ever going to tell me about her? Why the hell do you still have the ring?”

“Scarlet, you don’t understand. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re damn right I don’t understand. From where I’m standing, it looks like you’re just a run-of-the-mill lying scumbag. Lies by omission are still lies.”

“I can explain.”

“Go on. I’m listening.” I dangled the ring off my little finger. “You better hurry up before I flush your precious ring down the toilet.” I’d hoped he was a different breed, but he was just an animal … like all the other men.

“Scarlet, please don’t do that.”

“I’m giving you one chance.” I gave him a deadly stare. I breathed in slowly, trying to calm myself. I had to get control of my emotions before I did something I’d regret.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I was engaged to my last secretary. She worked for me for three years. Things got really bad toward the end.”

“All the more reason to ask
again
, why did you keep the engagement ring?”

“I don’t know … for the good memories … to remind me that I might find love one day … or to remind me how a woman almost destroyed me. I don’t know!”

“Ah, I see.” I rolled the ring between my thumb and index finger. “And what if I destroy your precious ring?”

“Don’t Scarlet. Give it back to me.” Conan swung his legs over the side of the bed and held out his hand.

“So you want the ring more than you want me?”

“It’s not that.”

He lunged at me and made a grab for the ring but I hopped out of reach.

“What other secrets are you keeping?” I asked as I leaned forward and glared at him. “You never even mentioned this woman. Do you honestly expect me to be okay with you keeping her
engagement
ring, this reminder of your lost love?”

“No, of course not,” he said, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “I can’t explain it, but the ring kept me going.”

“Why? Relationships fail all the time.”

“She used me until she found someone better. It’s painful to talk about.”

“That may be, but if you’re holding on to this ring it’s obvious that you still need to process whatever happened. Talk.”

“She tore down all my walls and made me trust her. Then she took everything she could get. She never loved me. She just used me … and nearly bankrupted me.” Conan started to sob and he buried his head in his hands. “I paid off her school loans and all her debts. I gave her a condo and supported her career ambitions. I bought her a new wardrobe, paid for dance lessons and an acting coach, used my contacts to get her auditions … but it was never enough. She was desperate to be famous and I did everything I could to help her. I never denied her anything. Then she found
him
. His mother’s a famous actress.”

“I’m sorry Conan.” This rich, powerful man knew pain and suffering. Seeing his fragile side—the damaged, sentimental, delicate side—eased my fury.

Conan stood up. He was nude, like a knight who’d lost his armor. The morning sun glowed on his naked skin.

“Scarlet,” he said, cupping my hands to his chest. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get over this. I don’t know if I love you, but I won’t let my past destroy my future.”

“I understand.” I led him back to the bed and sat down next to him, holding his hands. I knew he was sincere and I felt strangely forgiving. I placed the ring in his palm. “Take it,” I said, closing his fingers around the ring.

“Thank you.”

He put his arms around me and squeezed. I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek.

“Scarlet, I hope to give you a ring one day, but I can’t do that until I’m ready. It will symbolize my undying love, my desire to spend the rest of my life with you in sickness or in health, in pain or in joy.”

The morning sun filtered through the white curtains and warmed our skin. I held him close and felt his delicate heartbeat against my chest. As I lost myself completely in Conan’s embrace, my old grievances toward mankind melted away. I felt that there was hope.

* * *

Conan’s chauffeur drove me home. I fed Milky and exercised until I was exhausted.

I lay on the floor and stared out the window. Conan gave his love and it was abused, but he still believed in love.
Do I still believe in love
?
How can I truly love when the world has only taught me pain
?

The chances of being with Conan were slim, but I wished I could let him see the real me behind the masquerade. I didn’t want to lose the game I was playing for the White Queen, but I was terrified of losing him. I’d give up anything to be with him, yet I knew there was no happily ever after in our future.

I thought about all the men I’d killed—my stepfather, all the targets … victims. The White Queen called them targets, but they were victims hunted down and murdered in cold blood. Who was she to be judge and jury? What gave her the right to send out her assassins to eliminate the competition? They were bad men, yes, but wasn’t she just as bad?

I’m a murderer, a sick, sick psycho without a heart, without a mind of my own
…
a live killing machine
. I needed to be free of the White Queen and her missions. I needed to live my life for me, not as a disposable pawn on her chess board.

I was ashamed of myself—my life, my lies, my murders. I killed my stepfather in self-defense, but I’d taken many other lives for no good reason.

Milky licked my face and lay down next to me.
I could never kill her or Conan
.
Maybe I’m not that bad
.
Maybe I can be redeemed
.

Haunted

I was back at work on Monday. I spent the morning trying to catch up with last week’s work.

Mimi popped by my desk before lunch. After all these months working in a big corporation, she still looked like an anime schoolgirl.

“Hey Scarlet, let’s go for lunch,” she chirped.

“All right. Just a sec.”

“Why are you so busy?”

“I was out last week, remember?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Okay, lets go,” I said, leaving neat little piles all over my desk. “Should we see if Liza wants to join us?”

“Sure.” Mimi followed me to the elevator.

We went down to the accounting department on the fourteenth floor. I could barely see the top of Liza’s thick black glasses behind the mountain of files on her desk. Liza’s code name was the Pyro. She was a hot-tempered Latina. We’d been on a few of the same missions before, but we’d never worked together. I once asked Vanus if Liza could help me with a difficult task and she said Liza prefers to work alone.

“Hey Liza. We’re going to lunch. Want to come?” I asked.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Liza continued typing furiously without even glancing at us.

“We’ll be at Café Ristretto if you change your mind,” I said.

“Okay,” said Liza as she fed some pages into the shredder by her desk.

Mimi and I took the crowded elevator down to the lobby with the rest of the worker rats. We walked over to the café and bought lunch. It was cold but sunny and we sat at a table on the empty patio.

“How’s it going in operations? Do you like working with Miller?” I asked.

“I’m bored out of my skull. Miller’s a balding middle-aged man with a young wife and kids. He’s dull and the job’s monotonous. I wish the mission was almost over, but it’s going to take some time to get the info the White Queen wants.”

“Maybe you should hit on Miller for the fun of it.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” said Mimi. “I have the hots for an accountant in Liza’s department. He’s really good looking and he goes to the gym.”

“Maybe he has a thing for Asian girls. Why don’t you join the gym and see if he hits on you?”

“I just might do that to spice things up.” Mimi blushed and folded back the paper wrapper on her sandwich. “But I’d still prefer working for someone young and naughty like Conan. How are things with him?”

“Better.”

“Do you still like him?” Mimi leaned forward and put her elbows on the table. She stared at me as she took a bite of her sandwich.

“It’s under control,” I said calmly, sipping my coffee.

“Good.” Mimi leaned back in her chair just as her phone rang. “Scar, it’s Vanus. I have to talk to her.” Mimi stood up and walked to the other side of the patio.

I wasn’t surprised that Mimi was bored with Miller and the corporate world. I thought about the mobster mission. It was one of the first assignments Mimi and I were sent on together. Playing mobster molls and having meetings in dark alleyways under the watchful eye of the moon was fun at first.

Mimi had to get close to the mob boss Vargen. They were together all the time and he was truly infatuated with her. Vargen was usually crude and rude, shouting insults and orders at everyone, but he was like a sweet little puppy around Mimi.

I don’t know how the mobsters found out that we were agents, but I’ll never forget the day they confronted us. They told us to meet them in an alley for a drug buy. As Mimi and I walked down the filthy alley I knew something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I heard laughing and I looked over my shoulder. Vargen and four of his guys were walking up behind us, and when I turned around another five had just turned into the alley.

“You sluts really think you can take us down for that she-devil boss of yours?!” yelled Vargen.

Mimi and I stood back-to-back. We took out our knives and slowly began moving in a circle so that we could each get a view of the whole situation.

“I got this boys,” said Vargen. “I’m going to personally teach these stupid little bitches a lesson.”

Vargen attacked me with his dagger as his henchmen watched. It was obvious that he wasn’t trained—he held the blade loosely and he was clumsy. I kicked the knife out of his hand, he lost his balance, and I pierced him between the ribs. A bloodstain immediately appeared on his shirt, but I knew the wound wasn’t fatal.

“Mimi!” I shouted. “Finish him!”

Mimi looked at Vargen and hesitated. He was kneeling on the ground trying to stop the bleeding with his hands. I stabbed him again and twisted the blade. Vargen collapsed into a heap just as one of his men ran up behind Mimi. I shoved her out of the way and felt a knife slice through the left side of my abdomen. I swiftly turned and stabbed the mobster in the kidney. Vargen was gasping for breath and I knew I must’ve punctured his lung. Mimi closed his eyes and delivered the fatal wound as tears ran down her cheeks.

A white van screeched into the alley. It would’ve run down most of Vargen’s boys if they hadn’t scattered in terror. Four agents chased after the mobsters and Vanus ran over to me. She helped me to the van as I clutched my side, leaving a red trail in my wake.

My crescent scar is a permanent reminder of Mimi’s weakness for love. I covered the scar with concealer every day because I wanted my body to be a flawless figurine, but this blemish would be with me forever.
If I’m ever killed on a mission, I’ll die in my perfect body.

“Janet? Janet?” Mimi called as she tapped on the table and picked up her sandwich.

“Yes.” I snapped out of my memories. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

“You daydream too much,” said Mimi. “It’s not good for you … and it’s downright dangerous in public. You’re an agent, you have to be alert at all times.”

“I know. I just can’t help it sometimes. The past keeps coming back to haunt me.”

“Put it out of your mind. Force yourself to think of something else when that happens … or chant … do whatever you have to do to get rid of those thoughts.”

“Don’t you ever think about the past?”

“No,” said Mimi. “I only think of the here and now. I can barely remember yesterday.”

Now I understood. Mimi didn’t hold on to her emotions or collect memories. She lived in the present, doing whatever was necessary in each moment to keep moving.

“Do you ever miss Vargen?”

“No.” Mimi put down her sandwich and began chewing on her fingernails. “We had some fun all right, but I was only with him for the assignment. It was my job.”

“Didn’t you love him?”

“I don’t think so. He was great company, but we were more like friends with benefits. Anyway, I knew we were only using each other. He was only interested in my body and I was only interested in completing the mission.”

“Really?” I lowered my voice. “Then why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you go in for the kill when you had the chance?”