Red Ochre Falls (17 page)

“I pushed at Tab,
but he grabbed me and kissed me anyway. When I asked him to stop, he just
laughed. He said I should loosen up and have a good time. We exchanged words,
but he kept coming.

He backed me up
until I tripped and we fell onto the bed. I wriggled and flailed, and screamed
to get him off me, but he wouldn’t move. I felt claustrophobic and sick as his
hands wandered. We struggled until Chloe came into the room.

Tab got up. I
backed away. He and Chloe argued. The next thing I knew, he swayed and passed
out.

We tried to wake
him, but he wouldn’t budge. Pretty soon he went pale. We thought he was dying.
Chloe rushed to check his pulse. I went to get help while she gave him CPR.

When I came back, I
watched as Chloe breathed and pushed until she could barley move. Exhausted,
she slumped over him and started to cry. I was torn between anger and fear. She
knew what had happened, but Chloe pulled herself back up and did the breath and
chest compressions harder until Tab finally breathed again. He was back, just
barely. Chloe saved us both that night.” If only it had lasted.

“I’m sorry,” Tess
interjected. “How does it relate to Chloe’s death?”

Tess may have been
a witch with a capital B, but I wasn’t going to let her stop me.

“After several
months trying to get clean,” I sighed. “Tab decided he couldn’t do it. He left
a note and shot himself up with enough heroin to stop his heart.” My energy
drained until I looked at Tess standing there. She didn’t know Chloe was the
one carting Tab to rehab, and back home. She didn’t even know about the
nightmares, or how the situation with Tab brought him closer to Chloe. My anger
resurfaced.

“Chloe saved Tab
only to watch him turn around and try to kill himself. Chloe loved Tab. She
found him nearly dead, again. And she saved him, again. She checked him into
rehab, over and over trying to get him clean, and stuck by his side to show him
his life meant something—but for every time she picked him up, he fell
harder, and got meaner.”

I got worked up,
but made sure everyone heard the next part. “Chloe did everything she could,
but it wasn’t enough as long as he didn’t care. She broke up to force him to
get help. She vowed never to do drugs, and she meant it. She threw herself into
her studies, and became a lawyer to put dealers behind bars. So she could save
people like Tab. She wouldn’t have done this!”

“Mattie.” Garrett
reached for my arm. “I believe you, but—”

“But what? You
still believe Tess’s drug addict story?” I shook him off. “Look, I should have
been there for her, only I was too involved in my own problems. Whether you
want to call it intuition or stubbornness, I don’t believe Tess. Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I have to bury a friend.” My voice was acidic. All the happiness I’d
felt earlier with Garrett evaporated. My heart fractured. I barely looked at
them as I turned and left.

When I got to the
door, I heard Cal mumble something. He sounded concerned, but I didn’t bother
to ask him to repeat it. The door clicked closed behind me.

I shuffled my way
through the house. About the time I reached the spot outside the viewing room,
Millie startled me. She just appeared there and started talking. “You got to
stop being so tough on that boy,” she scolded.

“Why? What did you
hear?” My cheeks flushed.

“Enough to know he
didn’t deserve ‘dat. He only got your best interests at heart.”

“If he did, then
he’d believe me.”

“He does believe ya
girl. You just need to stop talking long enough to hear it,” Millie pointed and
chided me like a child.

“He took her side,”
I protested.

“From what I heard,
he didn’t get a chance to take nobody’s side. Ya talked all over, but did ya
listen? Did ya?” Millie may have been right. My emotions may have got the
better of me, but it wasn’t just jealousy over Tess. Something else didn’t add
up.

“Look, ya been
working hard, and your mama’s been gone. Ya aren’t thinking clear right now. I
can tell it from the muddy aura surrounding ya. What ya need is some time to
rest and think. I got just the thing.” Millie dug deep into her purse, which
could have fit a side of beef. She pulled out two small vials and handed them
to me. I half expected the bottles to start glowing and levitate, but they
didn’t. They clinked together in my hand.

“What are these?” I
jiggled the colored liquids inside.

“Special herbal
remedies,” Millie said with a sly smile. She pointed to a blue one. “Take a
drop a this one later tonight, when ya get tucked in and are ready for sleep. It’ll
help ya calm down and dream, which is important for the mind and body. Take one
dose every night for the next week.”

“Okay.”

“This one,” She
pointed to the green bottle. “Will help ya with balance and clarity. Take it
after the first bottle is empty, but not before.”

“Why?” I was
worried it might turn me into a frog or something.

“Because I said so,
that’s why!” Millie eyed me hard for a moment. She laughed a hearty laugh.
“Ha-ha-ha! It won’t turn ya into a frog, oh no! It’s because ya shouldn’t mix
them or else ya might get sick.” She smiled at me.

Could she read my
mind? I didn’t know, but I liked Millie even though her intuition scared me. My
first experience with one of her lab experiments had been good—I hardly
felt like a human accordion after taking her first potion—a little extra
help in the clarity department wouldn’t hurt either, so I kept the bottles.

“Thanks,” I said,
gently tipping them up and down.

“Get some rest and
feel better. I gotta leave now. But remember, Garrett is only looking out for
ya. Keep that in mind before ya open your mouth next time.”

I slowly nodded in
agreement. She left and the house was quiet. I figured Garrett, Cal and Tess
were probably outside discussing my mental health, so I inched my way up the
stairs and locked the door behind me.

Jos would be here
in a couple hours. My overloaded brain screamed for me to rest. I walked
through the apartment and crashed on the bed. But sleep just wouldn’t come.

I checked my phone.
No new messages. I wrote about the crap day I was having in my journal, got a
drink of water, and ended up back on the bed. I tried to read, but couldn’t
concentrate, so I sorted laundry. It was piling up, but I was in no hurry to
descend into the dank basement two floors below for a few clean t-shirts.

About halfway
through the mound, I glanced at the bed. Suddenly, I didn’t like the clothes I
had picked out for the funeral, so I immediately tore through my closet.

Three dresses, a
pep talk in my bathrobe, and two pantsuits later my phone buzzed. It was Jos.
Crap! She was less than an hour away, and I still needed to get ready. My body
ached. My head hurt. I went to the kitchen, grabbed some Tylenol and rushed
back to the bedroom to get dressed.

I slipped on a deep
plum dress, decorated it with the tasteful fake pearls Chloe always liked, and
pulled my hair up. Something was missing. Shoes! I slipped on a pair of dark
grey pumps and stood a couple inches taller than usual. I fussed in front of
the mirror for a while covering a small blemish, and the circles darkening
under my eyes. I added a touch of tinted moisturizer then powder, blush and
lipstick. I stopped mid-mascara stroke when my reflection startled me. It was a
grown-up I didn’t recognize. A lovely woman full of strength and sorrow.

A text from Jos
snapped me out of my trance: ‘Almost there.’

I moved back to the
bedroom and scrambled to stuff everything from my regular purse into a smaller
one that matched my outfit.

When everything
felt put together, and there was nothing else to do, I locked up and headed
downstairs.

CHAPTER 16

Since Garrett was doing so much to help investigate Chloe’s death, the
Ellis Family decided to hold Chloe’s viewing and services at the Mackenzie Funeral
Home. No one from the family was here yet, but they would arrive soon.

Close family
members often arrived before the visitation to prepare and have private time
with the deceased. There’d be an open casket today. Everyone would see Chloe in
her restful slumber. I cringed thinking about what she must look like dead.
Although, the work Millie and the guys did was so good, I swore some of the
bodies looked like they’d wake up and talk. Imagining Chloe’s posed corpse gave
me the heebie jeebies. I moved past the viewing room door without peeking.

The “cookies and
mourning” tables—what I call the break area folks went to have a snack,
and sometimes, a good cry—were empty. I went to the office to offer help,
even though Garrett might still be mad at me for earlier. Surely, we could put
aside our differences long enough to help Chloe’s family say goodbye.

Ryder whistled
through his teeth. “You clean up nice, Mattie.”

“Thanks.” I
blushed.

Garrett looked up
from his computer and smiled. I felt relieved. Maybe he wasn’t as mad as I’d
thought. He came over and asked if I was okay.

“I’m good.” It was
sort of true. “Thought I’d come down early and help.”

“The viewing room’s
ready,” Garrett said. “We just need to set up the coffee and cookies.”

Since we moved in,
mom and I helped set up a number of funerals. “I’ll do it.”

“Sure thing,” Ryder
answered.

Garrett got a
serious look on his face. “I’ll help her. Let me grab the cookies. Meet you at
the tables.”

“Sounds good.”
Garrett’s expression looked troubled. Maybe he was mad after all.

I pulled some
coffee out of the cabinet, placed filters in the baskets and emptied the foil
packets into them. Water went in the top, the regular and decaf carafes got
placed below, and I flipped the switch. It reminded me of the first funeral I
worked.

A young girl was
struck and killed by a drunk driver. The entire community came to pay their
respects. The parents had their hands full with the crowd. I noticed her
younger sister crying alone in the back of the viewing room.

She had on a soft
pink dress and black patent shoes. Her hair was full of brown curls, which fell
forward as she hung her head and cried. It was so sad to watch this girl who
could have been dressed for a celebration sit alone crying.

Thinking it would
help, I gave the girl some tissues. I let her wipe her face and told her, ‘So
sorry for your loss…time should help ease your pain’.
 
I actually thought I was doing a good
job comforting her.

Then this child, no
more than seven, told me something that sounded so grown up, it shocked me.

“I’m sad she’s
gone, but all the love and fun stuff we did stays forever. I cry because I’ll
miss making new memories with her.”

She was young to
sound so wise.

The nutty aroma
shook me out of the past. I watched coffee stream into the first pot when
Garrett found me.

“Wanna help me with
these?” He shook a bag of chocolate mints at me. We expected quite a few
people, but one person could have easily set up the refreshment table. He
wanted to talk and wasn’t going to let me off the hook.

Not knowing what to
say, or even where to begin, I just shook my head and quietly followed him.

I resisted making
eye contact as Garrett opened the bag. My eyes followed a vintage floral
pattern up the wall until it met the ceiling. He cleared his throat, and I
traced some leafy vines back down. When he finally caught my attention, he
signaled me to give him a small crystal bowl, one reserved for the special
mints. I slid it his way and returned my gaze to the wall puzzle.

“You know, you can try
to ignore me, but I don’t give up.”

“Easily,” I said
instinctually, and pulled my eyes from the wall. He caught my glance and I had
a hot flash.

“What?”

“Sorry. Don’t you
mean you don’t give up easily?”

“No. I don’t give
up.”

“Oh.” It was hard
for me to decipher his meaning because I was starting to feel all jumbled up.
Upset about how I stomped off earlier, and unsure of his response.

It didn’t help that
I was well aware of our physical attraction. Keeping my eyes off him in his
dark tailored suit, and crisp white shirt was difficult. We were close enough I
could smell his clean, sexy scent, which tempted me as much as looking at him.
I wanted to flirt and joke with him. I wanted to do even more, but I was too
unsettled. Chloe was dead in the next room. We still had the viewing, and
services—and little time left to say our goodbyes, because in just a few
hours she’d be gone. Forever.

“I don’t give up.
But I can be patient.” Garrett stopped working, and I noticed he had set
everything out on the table. I had done nothing except reluctantly passed him a
candy dish and deliberately ignored him. Why couldn’t I be normal?

“Sorry. It looks
nice.” Our eyes met, and kept focused until the stare turned intimate. There
was no denying it. I felt another heat spike through my entire body.

“Mattie,” Garrett
stepped toward me and I inadvertently pulled back. My eyes darted away. First,
finding the visitation room, then the floor. “You’re allowed to have feelings.”

“Pardon me?”

“It’s okay to feel
confused.” Garrett took my hand. “Do you want to see her?”

I was shocked. What
did he say? What did he mean? What was happening right now? How could so many
feelings—anger, avoidance, confusion, lust, fear, and sadness—pass
through me at once? Maybe it was grief. I wasn’t sure how to handle the flood
of emotions. But, I did think seeing her might help. I nodded fast and hoped if
anything strange happened, it would be during a private moment before Chloe’s
family arrived.

My pulse raced, but
my legs felt trapped in sludge as Garrett walked me to the casket. The room was
quiet. It was just the three of us, or two and a corpse. I stood there and
looked her over.

Blonde waves framed
her pretty face—Millie had outdone herself, and so had the guys—she
looked dead, but still a lot like Chloe. She wore a tasteful floral dress. It
was probably something her mom brought in because it was a lot nicer than the
dressing gowns I’d seen before.

It’s shocking how
much a person can look asleep, when they’re really dead. Her hands and arms didn’t
have a rubbery sheen, but I knew they’d be cold. I started to cry. After
staring some more, my chest and lungs tightened. Feelings overwhelmed me and I
bawled. Garrett put a hand on my arm to reassure me, but my head sank.

“Can I have a
minute?”

“Sure.” He squeezed
my hand then left.

The place felt
emptier than when he was here. Alone with Chloe’s body, I cried until the tears
burned, then started mumbling.

“I’m sorry. I
should have stayed. I should have tried to help you more. I’m so sorry, Chloe!”
Clutching the edge of the casket, I cried and explained.

“Jos, Nina and I
tried to help, but you wouldn’t listen. You know I couldn’t stay and watch him
hurt you, not after what he did to me. Mom needed me. She did, but I used it as
an excuse to run far away. I abandoned you.” The irony was not lost on me. I’d
run away from this place, this town, and everyone in it, only to end up right
back where it all started. And in what seemed a deeper mess than I’d left. My
head pounded, and I was starting to sound crazy—justifying my actions to
a dead girl. It was time to say a proper goodbye, and get myself cleaned up
before her mom showed up.

“I’m sorry. I know
you didn’t do this. I promise I’ll find whoever did this, and make sure
everyone else knows it too. Whatever it takes.” I patted her cold hand, said
goodbye, and walked out of the viewing room.

Glad for tissue
boxes, I snagged a couple and dried my tears.

“She feels guilty,”
a female voice said.

My brain didn’t
register it until I got near the office. Jos. The door was partially open and
Jos was talking with someone. My head bobbed left and saw Jos talking with
Garrett. Curious about their conversation, I took a few steps forward and to
the right then hid so I could listen.

“Mattie felt
responsible for all of us,” Jos said. “When she left, things got worse between
Tab and Chloe. Even though Mattie managed to avoid most of the bad stuff for a
while, she felt guilty about it. She tried to keep in touch, but had her hands
full at home.”

I wondered why Jos
was telling all this to Garrett. Maybe my hysterics in the viewing room had led
to more discussions of my sanity.

“When Chloe reached
out recently, Mattie hesitated. She was just overwhelmed with this move and
helping her mom. She didn’t have the time or the energy to get involved right
away. But they did talk before Chloe died. I don’t know. I guess Mattie feels
partly responsible.”

What? I wondered
what she meant.

“You mean for
Chloe’s death?”

“You know, for not helping
her sooner. Mattie probably thinks she could have done something more. We all
do.”

A knot moved from
my stomach to my throat. My vision blurred as I fought the urge to cry.

“She is not
responsible for Chloe’s death,” Garrett’s voice had an edge to it. Similar to
the edge he had when we argued with Tess about the suicide.

“I know it,” Jos
said. “And I think she knows it. But, maybe Mattie believes she could have
saved Chloe. It’s what they had in common.”

“The need to save
people?” Garrett understood. I’d told him about the night at the lake.

“Yeah. Mattie’s
been saving people since we were kids. Chloe helped save her from Tab. But
Mattie couldn’t save Chloe. Even though she wasn’t responsible, I think she
wishes she could have done something more. It’s crushing her.”

The wall couldn’t
hold me up. I started to sway, but made it to a chair. I laid my arms on the
table, dropped my head, and let the tears flow.

Garrett and Jos
found me crying. I wasn’t in a chapel, although, it was near a casket room. A
lot of people cried in this place. This was the mourning area Garrett and I had
set up earlier.

Jos was the first
to say anything. “Cookie?” She held out an oatmeal chocolate chip. I looked up
and laughed. Garrett smiled thinly. He looked worried. I lifted my head and
shoulders off the table and bit into the cookie.

“Didn’t mean to
mess things up,” I apologized.

“You didn’t mess
anything up,” Garrett said. “You can hardly tell anyone’s been here, except for
the missing cookie.”

“I could put it
back if you want.”

“Customers don’t
appreciate half-eaten cookies.”

“I guess I’ll just
have to finish it then.” For a minute I forgot Jos was standing right there. I
tried to eat and flirt, but ended up with cookie crumbs down my front. Bet they
looked awesome with my mascara stained cheeks.

“Girl, you’re a
mess. Let’s get you fixed up before Mrs. E sees you.” Jos and Garrett helped me
up. Jos took my arm and walked me through the hall and up to the apartment. I
let us in. We were in the kitchen, and I still had half a cookie, so I pointed
to the cabinet where Jos could find the glasses. “Milk?” I asked.

“Sure. But only if
you sit for a minute.”

I pulled out a
striped chair and sat.

“I like your
place,” she said as she sat at the table with me. “Want to show me the rest?”

I shrugged. Giving
a tour didn’t seem important right now.

“After you eat your
cookie.”

The apartment was
small, and she’d see half of it walking between here and the bathroom anyway.
Maybe showing her around the apartment was the distraction I needed. I drank
the milk then showed Jos around.

We walked through
the kitchen, the living room and into bedroom. Jos picked up a photo. It was
taken before I left school, and sat in a collection of family pictures on the
dresser. Nina, Jos, Chloe and I had gone out to dinner, which we couldn’t
afford to do that often, so it was special. It was kind of like a last supper,
only none of us knew it then. The day after, I got the call about mom’s heart
attack—so, I packed and left.

I sighed and Jos
put the photo back down.
 

“How about we
freshen up?” She smiled.

I headed toward the
restroom. She followed me in and leaned against the counter.

“You’re a beautiful
person, even without touch-ups. I just thought you might feel better if Mrs. E
saw you without black streaks.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. You
wanna talk about it?”