Red Sun (11 page)

             
He was laughing now.  “No, not a cop out; just a simple answer for a complicated situation.”

             
I glared at Elan, not buying his explanation.

             
He rolled his eyes.  “It just got old,” he blurted.  “I got tired of the same thing day in and day out and I ended it.”

             
That wasn’t quite the answer I was hoping for.  “Sooooo…..you got bored with the girl and just moved on?”

             
“Obviously I haven’t moved on because I’m still single, so it wasn’t like that.  I just…..” he dropped his gaze to the ground again.  “I just got tired of waiting for her to become who I wanted her to be.  There were things missing that she wasn’t just gonna start doing overnight, so I had to make a choice.”

             
“What was it that you wanted that she wasn’t doing?”  I asked reluctantly.

             
He shook his head.  “It wasn’t just that, I mean that was part of it, but it was more than that.”

             
“Give me an example,” I replied. 

             
He turned to face me again and shot me a questioning look.  “You think it was about sex, don’t you?”

             
I bit the inside of my cheek nervously.  “Well…..wasn’t it?”

             
Elan laughed.  “No, not at all.”  He leaned back and continued to look me in my eye while responding.  “She had this habit of just letting life happen to her instead of taking control and making moves toward getting what she wanted.  I’m the exact opposite.  I’m focused almost to a fault.  I get my eyes set on what I want and I don’t let up until I have it.”

             
I shifted in my seat when his intense stare made me uncomfortable.

             
“Another thing; she was the least supportive person on Earth.  Every dream or ambition I shared with her, she shot it down and killed my spirit.  That’s one of the worst things you can do to somebody.  If we don’t have some sort of goal in life then we’re just existing without a purpose.” 

             
I nodded.  The passion that arose when he began arguing his point made it impossible to think that he was lying or covering up some dark secret.  The reasons he gave were the honest ones and I loved that he was looking for a deeper connection with someone and not just someone to have fun with.

             
“Now you.  I let you dig up my skeletons, so we have to keep the playing field level.”

             
I sighed at the thought of going into detail about me and Vince.  “Huhhhhhh……where do I start.  He cheated.  End of story.”

             
Elan shook his head no.  “Cute,” he replied.  ”But I think I earned the unedited version.”

             
I rolled my eyes and leaned back.  “We dated for a year.  He started seeing this other girl behind my back and we broke up.  Better?”

             
“Just like that?  You weren’t hurt or anything?”  Elan asked.

             
I shrugged.  “I mean, yeah I was hurt.  He was my first.  It hurt for a while actually.”  My stomach was starting to feel queasy.  “Look can we change the subject?”  I was desperate.

             
Elan leaned his head to the side thoughtfully and watched me squirm.  “Sure, if you’re uncomfortable.”

             
We were both silent and I had to break up the tension.  “Since you know a round about time that I gave up
my
cookies, how old were you?”

             
The way I worded my question amused him, but he answered.  “By cookies I’ll assume that you’re asking when I lost my virginity.  Seventeen.”  He picked up the stick lying on the ground in front of him and fidgeted with it aimlessly instead of looking at me.  “Did you regret it?”  He asked.

             
There wasn’t exactly a clear cut answer to that question in my case. “Mmmm…..yes and no.   Yes, because he ended up cheating.  And no, because at the time it felt right.  Does that sound stupid to you?”

             
“Not at all.  If that’s how you feel then it
can’t
be stupid.” 

             
I pushed my hair back.  “What about you?  Would you take it back if you could?  Would you have waited or done it with somebody different?”

             
When Elan smiled, I felt oddly more comfortable than before.  “Not really.  It was with this girl I’d liked a while.  We hooked up a few times after that and then we drifted.”  He was about to explain more in depth, but one of his friends was running full speed in our direction.

             
“We gotta make a drink run.  The supply’s running low.”

             
“Already?”  Elan protested.  When I saw in his eyes that he was disappointed that we had to put our conversation on hold, it made me feel good.  It let me know he was enjoying our talk just as much as I was. 

             
He looked at me apologetically.  “The store’s close.  I’ll be back in like fifteen minutes,” Elan promised. 

             
I nodded, and then watched him and the other guy walk toward the truck.  I was really starting to feel good about this.  Being with Elan was easy and I laughed at myself for feeling disappointed that he had to leave me.

             
“What’s funny?”  Jolon asked nonchalantly when he filled Elan’s seat.

             
I jumped when I turned and found him sitting there waiting for me to respond.  “Nothing.  I….just thought of something funny from earlier.” 

             
He cocked his head to the side and continued to watch me curiously.  “Hm….,” he replied and took a sip of the drink in his hand.  We both sat there looking off into the distance at the trees and listening to the noise going on around us.  That same thickness that always looms in the air whenever he’s around wasn’t absent now simply because we’d had one polite conversation.  I could almost feel it pressing down on me.

             
“Enjoying yourself so far?”  He asked.

             
I nodded.  “Yeah, I am.  Everybody seems cool.”

             
He took another sip. “We try to get together like this every couple months or so.  Gives us all a chance to hang out.”

             
“That’s cool.”  From the corner of my eye, I glanced over at him, wondering at what point he noticed that I was even here.

             
Silence again.  Apparently we only have things to talk about when we’re not getting along.  There was a huge elephant in the room, so to speak, and I felt like until we addressed it, we’d always have offbeat conversations and awkward meetings like this.  Talking to him was like pulling teeth.

             
I was looking around, trying to ignore the quiet when Jolon all of a sudden blurted, “So, you and Elan seem to be getting along.”  The implication in his tone was puzzling.  His statement came out of nowhere, and if I didn’t know better I’d say that there was an undertone of…….
jealousy
?  Nah, couldn’t be.  Not him.  Wasn’t possible.

             
I looked at him, shocked.  “We’re……getting along fine, I guess.”  I paused.  “Is that ok with you?  I mean, do you have a problem with me and Elan being friends.”

             
“Friends?”  He nodded sarcastically to match the expression on his face.

             
“Yes, friends.  Ever had one?” I asked, hearing the irritation in my own voice.

             
“Wow.  No need to get testy.  Just making an observation.”  I watched him wrangle in his emotion and put the wall back up that he’d never intended to let come down, not even for a brief moment.  “I just noticed you two sitting here laughing and talking and everything and thought….”  Jolon’s voice trailed off as he changed his mind. “I just didn’t realize that you two were tight.  That’s all.” When he finished speaking he cleared his throat and rested his elbows on his knees. 

             
It looked like I hurt his feelings which made me feel guilty again.  I softened my tone this time when I spoke.  “When he came into the shop the other day I guess he decided to ask me then”.

             
“It’s really not my business,” Jolon replied.  I recalled the things Ruthann and Elan had told me about him and felt even worse about my comment.  If this whole being civil thing was gonna work, I had to do better. 

             
I stared at him as he watched the others as they headed toward the edge of the woods and then disappeared.  “Where’re they going?”  I asked, making sure all traces of frustration were absent from my tone.

             
“Swimming.  At the river.”  As soon as the words left his mouth, Jolon thought about the same thing I thought about and smiled a little to himself.  He tried to hide it by putting his head down, but it was too late.

             
I sighed.  “Let’s just get this out the way.”

             
“Get
what
out the way?”  He asked, still trying not to laugh.

             
“The sooner we talk about it, the sooner we can put it behind us.

             
“Talk about what?”

             
I rolled my eyes.  “About that day at the river.”

             
His smile grew.  “I didn’t think there was anything to talk about.  You weren’t watching me, remember?”

             
He was giving me a bad case of the bubble guts.  “It wasn’t my intention to go down there and find you…..well….like you were.  It was just a really unfortunate coincidence.”

             
“Listen, it’s cool.  Don‘t explain yourself,” he insisted.

             
“But I really didn’t mean to invade your privacy like that.  I just wanted to go for a walk.”

             
His smile turned into a laugh.  “Solei, let it go.  I have.”

             
I sat there still feeling like I hadn’t justified my actions, but he was right.  I was digging myself in a deeper and deeper hole with every word. 

             
“The way you fell,” Jolon said, reminiscing.

             
By now he was laughing so hard that I couldn’t help myself either.

             
“Shut up!  It’s not funny.  I really hurt myself!”

             
He regained control of himself and took a deep breath.  “And then I couldn’t figure out if you were conscious or not so I was getting ready to get out and come help you and all I kept thinking was that you’d think I was trying to attack you or something.”

             
I shook my head at him and smiled.

             
“Were you scared?  I’d give anything to know what you were thinking at that point,” he said.

             
“I was just trying to get out of there.  That was all I wanted.  I was embarrassed and ashamed; I guess my hiding spot wasn’t as good as I thought.”

             
He raised an eyebrow.  “Hmm….an admission.”

             
I cocked my head to the side.

             
“I thought you weren’t watching?”  He added.

             
My eyes shifted to the ground and I didn’t try to defend myself.  The smile on my face was meant to hide my current mortification and also because I still had a clear mental picture of him running toward the water.  Again, I was grateful that no one could read my mind.

             
I sighed.  “Ok, so maybe I was watching a little.  Sue me.”

             
Jolon smiled.  “It’s fine, I won’t charge you this time.”  There was a brief silence again.  “Did you seeeeeee…..everything?”  He asked, turning to watch my expression.

             
A cold sweat broke out on my face and I knew right away that I had to lie.  “No, not with the river between us.”  Jolon continued to stare, not believing a word I said.  I wiped my face with the back of my hand and shifted in my seat.  “I’m serious!  It’s really big!”  Before I could laugh at myself, Jolon did it for me.  I put both hands over my face and leaned forward.  “I swear I was talking about the river.”  This couldn’t get any worse.

             
He was still laughing when one of his hands reached forward and pulled my braids back.  “Solei, seriously, it’s cool.  I was just messing with you.”  I sat back and couldn’t even look him in the eye.  “Listen, why don’t we just walk down there with everybody else?  It’ll be fun,” he suggested

             
I shook my head.  “Can’t swim.”
              “Then wade. It’s not that deep around the edge.