Redeeming Justice (9 page)

Embarrassed beyond belief, she floated to the side of the tub and swung over the side.
Coming to her feet on the stone tiles, she quickly snatched up a towel and wrapped
it around her trembling body. If she didn’t think she’d end up flat on her face, Meghan
would have run at full speed away from the mortifying scene. At twenty-eight, she
was hardly a girl, but the only thought rattling in her skull was that girls shouldn’t
play with grown men. She was way, way,
way
out of her league. The hard, closed off expression on his face wasn’t helping things.

Then the echo of his words, “
None of this should be happening,
” screamed in her mind. Before fleeing she chanced a look at his scowling face and
asked breathlessly, “Why? Why was kissing me so wrong?” She needed to understand.
Her self-confidence was hanging by a thread.

“Because if it wasn’t for me, you’d be happily married by now; living the future you
and David planned.”

Wait.
What
? Married to David? Well, that actually wasn’t how their engagement was going to pan
out but that was a drama for another day. And besides, there was a dark undercurrent
to what he’d said
. If it wasn’t for him
? Dammit. She was missing something important, she was sure of it.

“Alex,” she murmured, “I wasn’t really going to marry David.”

He cut her off before she could continue. “Doesn’t matter. Fact is, he’s not here
because his commander let him down—him and a whole bunch of others. Don’t look back,
Meghan. I’m not worth it. Just get your ass out of here before I forget myself and
make things worse.”

She didn’t know what exactly triggered his reaction, and she definitely didn’t understand
why he thought he was responsible for her fiancé’s death but she knew an emotional
brick wall when she saw one. Or when she slammed into it at Mach two.

Walking away was proving more difficult than she thought. Embarrassed?
Yes.
Mortified?
Yes.
Confused?
Hell yes.
Had she read the situation so badly? Her heart clutched when she glanced at him and
found him staring at her with an expression of utter desolation. He looked…well, he
looked like he didn’t have a friend in the world and yet she knew that not to be true.
Good people who obviously cared for and held him in high regard surrounded him. What
in holy hell had happened in his life that left him so wounded in spirit? His injuries
were one thing, but whatever happened in his soul had left deeper and much uglier
scars.

Mentally pulling her big girl panties on, Meghan reached deep for some confidence.
When she found it, she fixed him with a look that suggested he listen to what she
had to say. “We may have just met Alex, but I feel like we’ve known each other forever.
I wanted you to kiss me.”

His dark expression suggested he really didn’t want to hear that. Tough. Things might
be somewhat awkward right this moment but he hadn’t seemed all that reluctant when
his hand was tangled in her hair and his tongue was exploring the deepest recesses
of her mouth. Pushing aside her embarrassment she told him, “I don’t know what just
happened here but you are
so
worth it.”

Clutching the towel, she shivered in the cool night air, put her head down, and fled.
He was clearly uncomfortable, she was freaking out, and nothing more would come of
trying to figure out what was actually happening tonight.

Alex watched her go while an unfamiliar ache invaded his chest and his stomach turned
to one big knot. He’d kissed his fair share of women but none of that mattered the
second his lips took hers. Not all kisses were created equal and the one he and Meghan
just shared brought that point home with alarming precision.

At first he’d been surprised by her obvious lack of experience. Probably been wasting
her time with twenty-something dickheads who didn’t appreciate that kissing was all
about the build-up. He remembered being young and stupid, thinking with his cock—focusing
on the end and not the journey.

She got up to speed quick though, giving him access to her mouth, tongue, and lips
with a fervor that sent all the blood in his head racing with alarming speed to his
groin. He thought he’d died and found heaven when those voluptuous curves shimmied
on his lap in the swirling water while her hand clutched at his hair. Her passions
ran deep.
For the right man
. And no matter what he was feeling, that man couldn’t be him.

Seeing her all but run back to the Villa gutted him. She was embarrassed. Who could
blame her? One minute he was devouring her mouth while she surrendered to him with
a sweet vulnerability that fired up his passions, and the next he was a snarling,
growling asshole. Yeah. He’d handled that with the finesse of a cranky three-year-old.

He didn’t know where the fucking thought came from but the moment he remembered who
he was, who she was, and what had brought her here, nothing could stop a cascading
waterfall of icy memories. He’d killed her fiancé. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best
way of putting it, but it was how he felt. There would never be enough time or denial
to overshadow what were the undisputed facts of the situation.

David Anderson was a soldier under his command and he and a shitload of others had
been killed or injured on his watch. There was not a snowball’s chance in hell of
Alex ever atoning for what he felt had been his failures as commander.

Not only did he not have the right to be lusting after a dead man’s fiancée, the burden
of guilt he carried from those days made that lust feel immoral. He was a fucking
pig for coming on to her. Didn’t matter that she met him halfway and returned his
desire kiss for kiss, lick for lick, and nibble for nibble. She didn’t know what he
knew. Didn’t know her future had been wiped out by his failure to stave off that last
horrific bombing. But he knew it and that was enough.

Plus, there was also the matter of his need for unconditional control. There was something
about having power that was an absolute for Alex. While he sneered at the term dominate,
it was an apt description of him. For him though, the mastery and control couldn’t
be taken or forced. He needed it to be given, freely. He wasn’t a fool. Alex realized
that the trust required in giving so much of one’s self was the thing he desired most.
Maybe that was what he needed to heal his soul—trust and control. He doubted someone
as inexperienced as Meghan would understand the fierce desires fueling his lustful
appetite.

Dragging himself from the bubbling hot tub with leaden feet, Alex toweled off, then
set the timer for the lights and jets before he headed back inside. Looks like his
original plan to drink the discomfort away was back on the agenda. Only now he’d be
drowning his inappropriate desire for the sexy teacher at the same time.

Making his way wet and barefoot to the study, he shut the door firmly behind him and
immediately peeled off the damp bathing suit leaving it in a pile on the floor. With
the towel wrapped around his hips he made it to the wet bar in record time, pouring
a tumbler of Glenfiddich that he easily tossed back like water, making his eyes water
and throat burn. Fine with him. He didn’t care at that moment if the Scotch burned
a fucking hole in his stomach. The goal was to obliterate the memories dragging him
into the shadows, make the sharp ache in his leg go away and turn off the current
of desire for a woman he couldn’t have before all three consumed him.

He must have tied on one hell of a drunk because that’s where they found him the next
morning when Cam and Drae came to grill him about the surprising guest he had stashed
in the main house.

“What do you make of this?” Cam asked Drae as the two of them surveyed the scene they
found in the study. They’d come to talk to Alex about whatever the hell it was that
was going on.

Seasoned surveillance experts, they didn’t need to look very hard to see a shit-ton
of evidence that created a pretty interesting picture of how Alex’s night had ended.

Both noted the swim trunks inside the door and the towel that at one time covered
his nakedness bunched in a ball and now stuffed down next to his passed out body sprawled
in a recliner.

A big tumbler, one made more for water than sipping expensive whiskey, sat on the
side table next to him while an empty Glenfiddich bottle lay on the floor.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Drae muttered. “Looks like Papa Bear had a bad night.” Cam
snorted in agreement.

“Told ya,” Cam snarked. “He was too quiet at dinner. I
knew
something was up. Lacey did too.”

“Yeah, I know. Victoria talked my fucking ear off after we got home. I swear to God,
being pregnant has made her some sort of empath. She picks up on everything. Even
the little shit. She said Alex watched Meghan all through dinner and not in that eye
fuck kind of a way. There’s something else going on here. And now
this
bullshit.” Drae was less than pleased.

“Fucking, eh,” Cam bit out. “What the hell do we do now?”

“Well let’s start by getting him cleaned up and some coffee down his throat. You go
wrestle up a pot of that black sludge he likes while I destroy the evidence and try
to wake him up.”

Cam wandered away muttering, “Great fucking way to start a day.”

Sighing, Drae cleared away the tumbler and empty bottle, picked the swim trunks up
off the floor and cracked open the shutters to let in a bit of light but not too much.
He was no stranger to a whiskey hangover. Alex wouldn’t appreciate the glare of a
sunny day.

He also knew better than to try and rouse him with a touch. Good way to get his arm
ripped off so he gave the recliner a good kick with his booted foot to see if that
got a reaction. Alex groaned but that was it. Fuck, fuck,
fuck
.

He kicked the chair again and barked out Alex’s name. A deep, menacing growl split
the air as his old friend started to come around. Drae had the good sense to back
off a few paces; not knowing what to expect once Alex came to. Prepared for a blind
rage, he was mildly surprised when first one blood shot eye and then the other slowly
cracked open and instead of fury he saw something else, an unguarded expression that
was deeply unsettling. Drae knew that fucking look. Knew what a disturbance in the
force looked and sounded like.

“Brother, you look like shit,” he told Alex quietly. The bloodshot eyes slowly focused,
chasing away the unguarded expression Drae had just seen.

Seeing Alex reach up and cover his eyes with a hand that was more than a little shaky
made Drae wonder just how much of that bottle he’d had to drink. Judging by the evidence
right in front of him the answer was probably, a
lot
.

The door to the study opened briefly then shut again as Cam carried in a tray with
a carafe of coffee plus a couple of mugs and dropped it on the wet bar.

“Anything?” he asked.

“Yeah. He’s on his way back,” Drae answered with a look he hoped Cam would pick up
on. They’d been through a lot, the three of them, and Cam’s quick nod meant he understood
Drae’s unspoken signal that shit was off the hook.

Pouring them each a cup of steaming coffee, Cam walked one over to Alex and put it
on the table next to his chair.

“Dude. Coffee,” was all he needed to say to pry Alex’s hand from his covered eyes
as his gaze searched for the mug. When he sat forward the recliner returned to chair
position and he leaned his head into his hands with his elbows resting on his knees.
It took him a good minute or two before he was able to reach for the mug with a steadier
hand. Drae and Cam calmly drank theirs and waited.

They knew he was back to the land of the living when his hand scraped back and forth
against his skull making his mess of hair all the worse. After a few minutes Drae
asked, “Better?” Alex nodded but they both knew his head was probably pounding like
a motherfucker.

“Where are your clothes, man? Gotta get you dressed. We don’t need to see Mr. Winky,
bro,” Cam snickered good-naturedly. Guy talk was generally a safe bet. They didn’t
want an unruly, hung over Alex on their hands.

Having it pointed out that he was butt ass naked, Alex grimaced and fell back into
the chair as if it was too much to even sit up.
Well, this was going just great
, Drae thought.

Eventually, Alex managed to haul his uncooperative body from the chair and to standing
on his unsteady feet. Naked and scowling at the other two he staggered awkwardly to
the half bath at the back of the study where he shut the door behind him. Drae was
going to let him have a few minutes to get his shit together, but if he didn’t reappear
in a timely fashion they would probably have attempted to offer some bathroom assistance.
Part of the Bro-Code.

Inside the bathroom, Alex thought his brain was going to explode. Or maybe it already
had and what he was feeling was the aftermath. In any case he felt like fucking shit.
Luckily he found a pair of sweats hanging on the back of the door that he barely managed
to slip on without falling on his ass. His stomach rumbled and for a second he wondered
if he was going to puke his guts up.
Why not
? What his pounding head needed was a little bit more indignity just for shits ‘n
grins.