Redemption (Night Marchers #2) Written by: Rebecca Gober and Courtney Nuckels (5 page)

Do I love him? I wish there were an easy
answer to Tristan's question. A yes or no, but still, I do not
know. Understanding that he needs and deserves an answer I say, "I
care for him. I don't know if I love him." I suddenly realize that
I have been holding my breath so I force myself to inhale and
exhale slowly. I turn towards him and the pain on his face makes my
heart break. I hurt him. This man who loves me. I don't deserve him
or Kai or anyone.

He stands up and turns his back to me. His
hands are balled into fists. Not fists of anger, but I'm pretty
sure he's just clenching his hands in an effort to keep it
together. In this moment all I want to do is make it all go away,
but how? I plead with him, "Tristan, you haven't asked me how I
feel about you."

I watch him slowly release his hands from
fists. He takes a deep breath and turns towards me. I can see
moisture in his eyes and it takes all that is in me to not cry as
well. I don't wait for him to ask me how I feel about him. I tell
him. "I care deeply about you too. I don't deserve you, but you
mean so much to me. I loathe myself for making you hurt Tristan. I
don't know how I feel. I don't even think I understand love or how
one can interpret it. All I know is that when I'm with you I feel
happy and safe. I feel your love and I wish I could tell you right
now that I love you. But, how can I say I love you when I also care
for someone else? I’m not worthy of you Tristan; I’m not worthy of
anyone! I am no good Tristan. No good for you or for anyone!" There
is no way for me to hold back the tears now. Not when I feel this
deep gashing hole inside my chest. "I understand Tristan if you
don't want to be around me; I understand completely. You don’t
deserve this." I pull my knees up towards my chest, cover my eyes
and weep. I hadn’t realized just how cumbersome this burden had
become.

"Emma, please don't cry." He says in a hushed
voice. I barely hear him walk over to me. He sits down and puts an
arm around my shoulders, which makes me feel even more horrible. I
should be comforting
him
. I'm the one hurting
him
.
"Listen to me Emma. I don't understand love in its entirety either.
You can't help the way you feel. You have been through things in
the past few days that would break an average seventeen year old
down. You aren't an average seventeen year old though. That's what
I love about you. You are strong, tough, caring and honest, just to
mention a few."

I shake my head because I totally disagree
with him. "Yes Emma, you are." He says so strongly that I find
myself wanting to believe him.

Getting my sobbing under control I pull my
head up and wipe at my eyes. It takes me a few seconds to get up
the courage to turn my eyes on Tristan. Afraid of seeing the hurt I
inflicted on him. I say, "Tristan, it's okay to be mad. You don't
need to comfort me. I’ll understand and respect your choice if you
want me out of your life."

Before I can push my gaze away from him again
he gently re-directs me to him with his finger under my chin. "I am
not mad. Am I upset or disappointed? Yes. Not in you or in who you
are...in the situation. I don't want you out of my life. I can't
bare the thought Emma. I will respect that you need time to figure
out how you feel. I can wait."

I have nothing that I can say in response. I
try to allow my heart to speak to him through my eyes and perhaps
my heart will even translate to me what it's saying. He breaks our
gaze first when his attention is pulled to the fire that has
depleted down to mostly just embers. He rubs my shoulder
affectionately then stands up to gather more wood to fuel the
flames.

After the fire has been re-ignited, he and I
lay down next to it. No more words tonight. My chest feels like
it's been broken into pieces and my empty stomach aches with pain.
This intensely emotional night has taken a toll on me. When sleep
finally comes I welcome the exit of this night that has left me
feeling like only a shell of the girl I once was.

***

The morning light stirs me from my sleep. I
don’t move; I just simply let my eyes open slowly. It takes me a
few moments to gather my bearings and last night rushes back to me
full force making me cringe. The feeling is short lived though as I
notice an arm draped around my middle keeping me warm. I can hear
Tristan’s steady breathing just behind my ear and I close my eyes
cherishing this moment. I quietly roll over slightly turning my
face to see him. He looks so peaceful and beautiful in the early
morning light. Like a younger version of him, the version I had not
yet corrupted. I hear a few of the embers crackle behind me as I
brush a small strand of hair off his forehead. Tristan’s eyes
slowly flutter open and a slow smile creeps onto his face. “Good
morning beautiful.” Tristan says in a husky voice. He tightens his
grip on me just enough that I am pulled into the crevice of his
body. He strokes my hair with his chin as I simply melt into his
arms.

It’s as if all the worries and anguishes of
last night have simply melted away, even if it’s only for the
moment, it comes as a welcomed relief. This is the Tristan I know
and adore. I wish life hadn’t gotten so complicated…but yet it has,
and I desperately need to accept that. I feel his soft lips gently
grazing my neck. All of the worries and anxieties are quickly
replaced by a serene peacefulness. I feel myself shiver at his
touch. Within a few moments I feel our bodies shift into facing one
another as Tristan continues to kiss me. I don’t stop him, nor do I
want to. I shut my mind off and allow myself to just be, ignoring
this chaotic web I have spun. I feel warmth spread through my body
as my head fits into the curvature of his neck. I return his kisses
with one of my own near his ear and I can feel his body shiver.
Tristan’s kisses become more urgent as his mouth lands on mine
hungrily. Kissing Tristan feels so easy, it's like we are puzzle
pieces meant for each other and just being with him fits. I'm
jolted back to reality when the thought of Kai pops into my head. I
try to ignore it, but I can’t push it from my mind. Tristan must
sense the tension because he stops kissing me and turns his face
towards mine. He brushes my hair softly out of my face.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

My heart melts as he says this. The pet name
he has just given me feels so much more intimate than I had
anticipated. I close my eyes and just shake my head. I can’t bear
to tell him to stop, because in all reality, I don’t want him to.
Tristan leans closer and I feel him kiss my forehead leaving a warm
feeling flowing over my face. Tristan continues stroking my hair
until I gather my bearings and am able to open my eyes again.

He simply smiles back at me, so I return one
to him.

“You look so beautiful in the morning.”
Tristan begins. He still has his bedroom voice on and it causes my
heart to flutter. He takes a deep breath and continues, “Sorry,” he
laughs. “I guess I just couldn’t help myself.”

I giggle a little with him. “Don’t think you
were the only one,” I say as matter of fact as possible. In a few
seconds we are both giggling and when I look back at Tristan I see
the man I met only a few weeks before. I want so badly to go back
to that moment, when we didn’t have a care in the world. When we
could surf, and take walks, and go on drives, and just be. But
realization dawns on me as I realize that innocence is lost.
Tristan must realize my change in demeanor because his face changes
from giddy to a small look of worry. “What’s wrong, Emma?”

I just stare back at him. I so badly don’t
want to ruin this moment, but I just can’t sit here and let myself
go while there is so much worry that is running through my
mind.

Tristan doesn’t wait for a response before
talking to me again. “It’s okay Emma, I know you have a lot going
on. I miss it too.”

Before I have a chance to ask him what he
misses he continues. “I miss the simplicity, and the time when
there were no worries.” He takes a deep breath and exhales. “Most
of all, I miss you.” His eyes drop from mine and his brow creases
in sadness.

I hate how I am making him feel, but if we
ever have a chance to go back to the way things were, we have to
help Kai, Adam and Noa first. How in the world did life get so
complicated I think to myself then whisper to Tristan, “I miss you
too.”

He wraps me in a comforting hug and then
helps me to my feet. Sitting up, I stretch my arms up over my head
only to find myself landing back on the ground after Tristan
tackles me and begins tickling me. Grateful for his way of
diffusing the tension between us, I throw my head back in full
fledge laughter as I playfully try to fight him off. I begin
tickling him in return and I laugh so hard it makes my side hurt.
In a stealthy rolling move, I manage to get out from under Tristan
and run to the other side of the cave while he playfully chases
me.

I don’t get far before I notice a strange
shadow appear at the cave entrance. I turn towards it when all of
the breath comes barreling out of my chest. I inhale sharply and
let out a shrill scream backing myself abruptly into the cave wall.
A look of pure horror flashes over Tristan’s face as he yanks his
head towards the entrance. But it was of no use. The shadow had
disappeared, and along with that shadow went Kao.

Chapter 3

"Folks, we have begun our descent to DFW
international airport where the current weather is eighty-four
degrees. We'd like the flight attendants to prepare the cabin for
arrival. And once again, thank you for flying with American
Airlines." I hear a pilot with a smoky voice say over the
intercom.

I'm grateful for the interruption of my
flashback to earlier this morning. I shiver thinking of Kao and his
evil black eyes. I didn't tell Tristan what I saw. Instead I blamed
my screaming on a spider. I know it's lying but, Kao is dangerous
and the last thing I need is to have Tristan risking his life by
running after him. I can’t even imagine the things Kao is capable
of and I definitely don’t want Tristan caught up in this more than
he already is. I also didn't want to have to go into detail about
Kai's twin brother who is now a human after he once tried to hunt
me down as a Night Marcher.

A blonde flight attendant announces that we
need to turn off all electronics and put our seats back in the
upright position. The man sitting in the seat next to me puts his
laptop away. I shake my head a bit trying to clear it from the daze
I was in throughout the flight. My stomach growls and I realize
that I didn't eat or drink a single thing. I don't even remember
the flight attendant coming by and asking for my order. I look over
to the attendant who is cautiously checking to make sure everyone
is following directions. She looks at me with a strange expression.
Blushing, I realize it's most likely because I must have been
basically unresponsive these past eight hours. I turn my gaze out
the window, trying to not draw any additional undue attention to
myself.

Seeing the familiar flight tower of the
Dallas Fort Worth airport brings back memories of the many trips my
dad and I made for his work. My stomach sinks when I think about
what I've put him through and the sacrifice he is making by sending
his only daughter thousands of miles away to keep her safe.

Once we land I grab my small carry-on from
overhead and follow the shuffling group of weary travelers out onto
the jet bridge. Stepping out on the gate I take a second to really
absorb the fact that I'm back home, in Texas. While I wasn't happy
that my dad sent me here when I need to be in Hawaii trying to help
Kai, Adam and Noa, I can't deny that seeing Kaylee isn't getting me
excited.

I look at my watch to see that it's already
six p.m. It has nearly been twenty-four hours since Paul's
terrifying announcement that someone captured Adam. Paul's friends
said that they are looking into a way to find Adam and I can’t help
but wonder if they were successful. My rushed attempt last night
was totally faltered. My chest aches thinking of Adam still being
out there somewhere hurting. I offer a silent prayer to God that
the Menehune's have been able to find a way to get to him.

After a long walk I finally turn the corner
into the baggage claim area only to hear a high pitch, deafening
scream, which captures most of my other fellow travelers attention
as well. It doesn't take me long to recognize those vocal cords.
Tears spring to my eyes as I see Kaylee running towards me. My
heart wells up as I run meeting her half way and we crash into each
other in a heart felt hug. I can't believe how much I missed my
BFI. Best friends infinitely are what we call each other. Not
forever, because with a friendship like ours, forever is too short.
I'm sure people are staring at us but we don't care, we just stand
in the middle of the baggage claim hugging and crying like two
sobbing fools.

After a few seconds Kaylee pulls away but
keeps her hands on my shoulders. Searching my eyes she says, "Emma,
it's going to all be okay now. I'm so glad that you’re home." Not
able to respond I just nod and hope that she's right. Even if she's
not, at least I have my best friend to talk to now.

As we hear the beeping sound announcing that
luggage is going to start spitting out onto the carousel, we both
start wiping our eyes with our hands. I'm pretty sure that my
mascara is running everywhere, so is Kaylee's, but of course she
still looks like a super model with her big blue eyes and blonde
hair.

A few seconds later my luggage comes circling
around. I didn't pack my stuff; I'm guessing that my dad did. It
doesn't matter though if he missed anything. Kaylee and I wear
pretty much the same size so I can always borrow what I don't have
from her.

With my luggage in hand, Kaylee and I head
out into the balmy late spring air of Dallas, Texas. The sun has
already set and all of the city lights have come on full force.
Kaylee grabs her keys out of her purse and we take the long hike
towards her red Volvo.