Reflected (Silver Series) (16 page)

Felicia turned around to rest her hip against the counter, holding the spatula idly. There was supposed to be a spoon rest but someone had probably washed it recently and forgot to put it back. “Okay.” Susan waited, so apparently Felicia was supposed to be official about it. She pressed her thumb to her forehead. “My word on the Lady.”

“Do you know if Portland’s bi?”

Felicia waited for the rest of the question, but Susan didn’t add anything else to make that make sense. “Buying what?” Susan exhaled on a slight frustrated laugh and Felicia’s mind finally caught up with the human slang. “You mean bisexual?”

Susan nodded. “Attracted to both genders.”

“To play chase with, or settle as a mate with?” Felicia thought back to the times she’d met Portland. She certainly hadn’t heard about the woman having a mate since she was in North America. “I don’t think she’s the type to mate same, like Sacramento, if that’s what you mean.”

“Hm.” Susan frowned down at the table and tapped her fingers a couple times. “But is she the type to sleep with women normally? Play chase with, I mean. Not literally nap together.”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Felicia felt like she was missing three-quarters of this conversation. Was that a human thing? “You’re not planning to claim that humans only play chase with people they think they might settle as mates with, are you? Even given how much stuff on TV is made up, I know that’s not right.”

“Some religions claim that’s what we should do,” Susan said with a low laugh, and then waved away the comment and Felicia’s further confusion. “But no, what I mean is that many people think of themselves as attracted to either the opposite gender, or the same gender, or both. And by attracted, I mean for anything. To fuck, or to settle down with. Either.”

Felicia rubbed her temple. Her headache might be gone, but humans were still weird. “But you can decide to play chase with someone for so many reasons. You might have a reason to have sex with all kinds of different people. That’s different from the specific kind of person you’d want to settle down with long term.” She found a paper towel, laid it on the counter, and started lifting the bacon strips onto it. Once the bacon cooled, she’d hold the towel in her hand so she didn’t have to get a plate dirty.

“Huh.” Susan thought about that for a while, and then stood to snag half a strip and eat it despite her earlier refusal of the offer. “So that’s how Were think about it.” She licked her fingers. “Have you ever played chase with a girl, then?”

“Back in Spain.” Felicia shrugged. Adela had been her first, because she’d wanted to try out sex with someone she’d have a better chance of understanding. Then she discovered that Adela had blabbed details of her clumsiness to all the other young people in the pack. There hadn’t been a second time, even when the teasing died down fairly quickly. She’d realized much later that the others had probably been sympathetic due to embarrassing first times of their own. “Haven’t you?”

Susan hesitated a beat, perhaps considering telling Felicia that it was none of her business—since Susan was higher ranked, that was true, but she could still ask—and then shook her head. “I was never much of a partier in college, in any sense, that party I was talking about earlier being a notable exception. Turned me off the idea.”

Felicia chomped through her bacon. She couldn’t say she was surprised. Susan had always seemed the kind of person who settled down early, rather than chasing for an extended period. The boring kind of person.

Tom came into the kitchen, an empty mug dangling from his fingers. Felicia started to hold out her paper towel and the last few remaining strips in offer, but Tom walked by without looking at her. He rinsed his mug in the sink and refilled it from the office-size pot of coffee someone always made for everyone in the morning.

“Tom, look…” Felicia crammed the last bacon strip into her mouth and dumped the paper towel in the food waste bucket. “About last night—” She couldn’t admit that she’d lied to him, couldn’t tell him he’d been completely right about Enrique, but at least she could apologize for everything else.

Tom concentrated more than really necessary on not spilling any coffee, and Susan glanced at her watch and left the kitchen, presumably off to the preschool thing. Having made that promising beginning, Felicia stalled out for several moments. “I grew up seeing people use whips, you know.”

“I know.” Tom turned around and stared down into his coffee, hair falling into his eyes. “It caught me off guard. I don’t blame you for it. You’re not like that.”

“And I know Enrique was showing off to try to needle you.” Felicia examined her hands for any remaining bacon grease. Maybe he’d also meant to lead her into another lie, but he’d smelled a lot like he was posturing like a stupid boy. Her lie was probably just a bonus.

Tom grimaced and sipped his coffee. “After you danced with him.”

Felicia’s head snapped up. “I didn’t mean—” She cut herself off. She had meant to see Tom’s reaction, but she hadn’t really thought it through beyond that. She hadn’t realized Enrique might take it as an invitation to be challenging at Tom. She’d never intended that.

“It’s fine. Dance with who you want. I mean, I think that someone who shows off with whip tricks isn’t exactly a decent kind of a guy, but what do I know about non–North American standards.” Tom shrugged.

Felicia clamped her jaw shut against instant agreement. Never mind not decent, Enrique was a fucking cat, working hard on digging down to Madrid’s low level. But she couldn’t say that, so she shrugged, as if she disagreed but couldn’t articulate a defense.

She thought she’d done pretty well with the gesture, but Tom’s attention narrowed to her face. “Where is he from, again?”

“Chile.” Felicia hid her reaction to having to renew the lie with movement, sliding her hand down Tom’s wrist to clasp his fingers. “I’m someone he can speak Spanish to, that’s why we ended up talking so much. I’m sorry, anyway. I was being prey-stupid last night too.” She dropped his hand before he could pull it away. “I know, we’re keeping things to ‘friends.’” Saying that so casually, like she agreed, stung. But she’d needed to raise that issue to distract Tom from his suspicions about Enrique. She slipped out of the kitchen. She needed to deal with Enrique, and fast. Then she could repair things properly with Tom.

*   *   *

Silver had a morning of relative quiet while Felicia slept late, and Craig undoubtedly howled to everyone he could think of. When the pack drifted out after the chaos of breakfast, Silver claimed the room and sat with the remains of her food and Death, thinking. When she heard Felicia in the next room, she left the young woman to Susan. The need to create a strategy for keeping the packs united was more pressing at the moment.

“I want to avoid arguments if I can.” Silver spoke in Death’s direction, but he only flicked an ear. Apparently she was on her own in planning this. “Letting them whine at me makes it seem like I might change my mind. But if I dismiss all of them out of hand, that will create resentment.”

“Roanoke?” Tom leaned through the doorway. He smelled of frustration again. Perhaps with Felicia. “Do you need me for anything?”

Silver tipped her head to invite him over to sit. “I can use your help for talking at a distance, yes. But first, are you all right? You and Felicia…”

Tom pulled out a chair but leaned with his hands on the back rather than sitting. He rolled his shoulders in a gesture more awkward than a shrug. “We’re not great.” Amusement sparked up suddenly. “She needs to get over herself, you know?”

Silver laughed, as much in relief at Tom having found the humor in the situation as anything else. “You mean the Lady didn’t build the world as a foundation for a young Were’s feet?”

Tom ducked his head, pressing his grin down to a smile. “It’s not that she’s selfish. I mean, I like her. Really like her. She’s gorgeous. And wicked smart. But I think coming here at the age she did, and with what everyone says about Europeans, she wants way too much for everyone to
like
her. And then if someone—like that roamer—pays her a lot of attention…”

Silver raised her eyebrows. “That’s extremely perceptive.”

Tom dropped his head even more, embarrassed. “Not really. It’s amazing what you can figure out if you shut up and actually listen.”

Silver nodded. Tom could take care of himself, clearly. She let silence settle for a beat to mark the change of topic. “As for what I need your help with, I’m sure the sub-alphas will all be asking to speak with me soon. I’d like you to answer, to emphasize how I don’t need to defend my decision.” She held up a finger. “Except for the troublemakers. Sacramento’s here, at least, but I want to talk to Billings or Charleston if either calls.” She reviewed their sub-alphas in her mind and added a few more names after consideration.

Tom flopped into the chair. “Are you sure you want to talk to them at all? I know you don’t like it when people aren’t here in person.”

“This isn’t about what I like.” Silver flattened her palm on the table.

Death flicked another ear. “So you say now. Let’s see if your resolve survives all of the sub-alphas.” Silver ignored him and went to draw herself a drink.

The first sub-alphas wanted to speak to her before she finished the last of that drink. Tom spoke to them. Silver sat and listened with thinned lips and tried not to doubt herself. She’d decided not to speak to all of them, and that was the end of it.

Susan joined them after the first few conversations. Silver looked up as the woman arrived, but she shook her head. She hadn’t found out anything more about the roamer. Silver hadn’t really thought she would, but it had been worth trying. Susan was closer to Felicia’s age than Silver was, but she was mated and a mother, which Silver suspected would put her in an entirely different category in Felicia’s mind.

“Let me,” Susan offered, when it came time to answer a call from the next faraway worried sub-alpha. She held out her hand to Tom, but it was Silver’s turn to shake her head.

Susan frowned, but Silver waved her away more emphatically. “If they can’t take the hint when the alpha refuses to listen to their whining, it won’t help to speak to the beta.” She tossed Susan a wan smile. “With two strikes against her. A woman—”

“And human.” Susan smoothed her hair, though it wasn’t out of place, and brushed an errant wolf hair from her thigh. “All right. I’ll see you tonight.” She squeezed Silver’s shoulder and slipped out of the room.

“Billings,” Tom said a moment later, wincing, and held something out to her. Silver didn’t take it yet. She’d told Tom to do this, but Lady, she didn’t want to talk to the man. Nothing for it, however.

She accepted whatever it was and held it close so the conversation wouldn’t carry to others in the house. She closed her eyes to make talking over such a great distance a little easier. The lack of smell was still disturbing, but at least she could ignore the fact she couldn’t see him. “You have some issue to bring to your alpha’s attention?”

A pause, then: “Roanoke Silver. Yes. I’ve heard about your recent decision about the petition concerning Portland, and I think perhaps you haven’t considered all the implications.”

Silver gritted her teeth against the condescension in Billings’s voice. He was one of the traditional sub-alphas. He’d held his position for half a century, if she remembered correctly. He liked to cloak his outdated attitudes in politeness, as if any other participants in the argument would realize their childishness and be shamed into accepting his adult wisdom. “On the contrary. I considered them for much longer than I normally would have on a less contentious issue.”

Billings didn’t interrupt, but he picked up again a beat too quickly, as if he hadn’t really listened, just allowed a pause to provide that illusion. “We are not humans, electing leaders. Holding an alphaship is a matter of strength, pure and simple. I would never argue that female Were aren’t strong, but their strength is not an alpha’s strength. It’s the strength to refrain from shifting and carry children to term, and protect them from harm as they grow. I would never challenge a mother for her child, but she’s not suited to being an alpha. Especially not at the same time.”

The calm of incredulity led the storm of Silver’s anger. To hear it said so baldly, so unapologetically—she could hardly process it for a moment. How dared Billings? How
dared
he? Knowing Were thought that was one thing, hearing it said to her face was quite another.

Silver twitched her bad fingers once and the effort needed for even that small movement focused her mind. In some ways, Billings’s sheer effrontery also helped her set her emotions to one side. He made no points in gray areas that she might have to allow him, as she had allowed Craig his about Portland’s previous child. She could tear the throat out of Billings’s argument.

But how? With one of the men who shouted and blustered, as she suspected Charleston would, she would refuse to argue. Instead, she’d reassert her position on the basis of her authority, making it her authority as a whole that he had to accept or reject. Other sub-alphas, she would try to persuade, but she wasn’t sure about Billings. Ironic that he would be the one she had to speak to first. It would be foolish to meet his illusion of logic with the unyielding wall of her authority, and she doubted he’d actually listen to any arguments she made to persuade him.

“Why do you insist on framing your thoughts in their terms?” Death asked, exasperation only thinly veiled. “Must a blind Were argue colors?”

Silver froze and opened her eyes to stare at Death. He stared right back. Of course. She should have thought of it herself earlier. “Who is alpha to the Lady, Billings?”

Silence, which Silver let stretch long enough she was sure Billings could have searched his memory for her words even if he hadn’t listened to them at first. “What?” he said finally.

“Who is alpha to the Lady? The Lady is a woman, after all. She had the strength to create all Her children—all of
us
—and to lead them too. Death was Her partner once upon a time, Her equal, as much as the one who came before all else can have an equal.” Silver paused to give her next words the true bite of teeth to the jugular. “Are you calling Her weak, Billings? Or are you implying that She loved some of Her children less, that She would deny them part of Her strength? That is not the Lady I know. Perhaps you know another.”