Regrets of The Fallen (Victis Honor Book 1) (24 page)

Haruka leaned forward to look past her. “So why do you help him?”

“It’s something to do.”

Haruka blinked, looking at her. “You slaughter people out of boredom?”

“Would it matter if I didn’t?” Isabella looked at her, smirking. “Would you prefer a more noble reason? Help my country, further my ambitions, protect people?”

“Yes.” Haruka leaned back. “I’m an assassin; I won’t judge your profession. It just seems like you don’t care.”

“I don’t. There’s nothing to care about. If I follow Faust, he tells me what to do.”

“You don’t want to make your own decisions?”

“No. I don’t want to think or feel.”

“Faust is just using you.”

“That’s fine. Whoever wants to use me can, for whatever they want. I’m just a weapon.”

“There’s more to life than being used.”

“Not mine.” Isabella looked at her. “Why are you bothering me?”

“I…” Haruka looked at the floor. “I guess I can leave you alone. I just thought you looked… lonely.”

“There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.”

“Well, you looked both.”

Isabella paused, studying her. “Why are you trying so hard?”

Haruka smiled. “Because… You remind me of someone I care a lot about. I think I can help you, honestly. You deserve it.”

“I… deserve it?” Isabella frowned. “How could you possibly know that? You don’t-“

“I know what you’ve done,” Haruka said, stepping forward. “And I don’t care. I’ll accept it.”

Isabella met her gaze, looking between her eyes searchingly. “…Thank you.”

IXH

Isabella’s Dream

Two Hundred Years Ago

Isabella had just fallen asleep beside Haruka, or at least she thought so; now she was standing in an oddly-designed building. She was used to nightmares, but this was very different. There was nothing horrific about where she was; in fact it felt kind of like a school. She noticed people passing her and realized where she was by their dress and symbols: the Black Sun Monastery. Why was she here? Shouldn’t this be Haruka’s dream? Bella had never been here and knew nothing about it.

That would have to mean this wasn’t a normal dream, a fact proven by the younger Haruka she saw walking through the hallway. Isabella ran over to her and wasn’t noticed; she waved her hand in front of her face and hopped around her in a circle, but still nothing. She set a hand on her hip as she watched Haruka pass her. “How rude. Reality Ruki is much nicer than Dream Ruki. Or Past Ruki. Dream Past Ruki? This is kind of complicated.” She decided to follow Haruka, clasping her hands behind her back and humming to herself as they walked.

Haruka seemed much more detached than Bella had ever known her to be. She stared at the floor as she walked and didn’t seem to pay attention to anything, even where she was walking. Physically, she looked similar; she looked younger, a couple of faint scars Bella knew should be there weren’t, and her hair wasn’t waist-length yet but about shoulder-length. She also seemed less confident and certainly less attentive. Even… meek? Could Haruka be meek? She hadn’t known her to be, but she seemed to avoid people as she walked. How long ago was this? Haruka seemed to be about twenty Common Age, so probably about two hundred years ago or so, she figured. “She was pretty already,” Isabella said to herself as they walked. “Will I have more of these dreams? Will I get to see her as a child? I hope so. That’d be so cute!”

As they turned a corner Haruka ran into someone. Isabella blinked as she apologized quietly, keeping her head down; the man she’d run into had shoulder-length blond hair and an irritating smirk that already made Bella dislike him; his friend, who flanked his shoulder, had short, spiky black hair and the grin of a dumb jerk. They both seemed only a little older than Haruka but they acted like she was a child as the blond made himself tall above her. “Whoa, watch where you’re going, Mute.”

“She almost actually hurt someone for once,” the other one chuckled.

Isabella huffed, her glare going unnoticed by the three. Haruka seemed irritated but she made no attempt to respond; she just tried to walk around them. “Wait a minute,” the blond said, grabbing her shoulder. Haruka immediately caught his wrist and turned to catch his shoulder but he spun under her arm, curling his right arm under her extended one and his left arm around her neck. Haruka gasped and struggled but he just tightened his grip, grinning. “Almost. Getting a little fiery there, aren’t you?” It was at that moment that Isabella learned her fists just moved through them without doing anything. She cursed as the blond leaned his head down beside Haruka’s ear. “You still think you can get away with shit by being the boss’s kid?” Haruka shook her head as best as she could and he released her.

She fell to her knees rubbing her throat and staring at the ground. The two men chuckled and walked away, and Isabella, out of pure anger, tried one more time. Her fist smacked the back of the blonde's head and he stumbled forward, rubbing it. “Ow! What the hell?!”

Isabella blinked, then thrust her fist into the air in a cheer. “It worked!”

Both boys turned around to stare at her in surprise, and Haruka had a similar reaction from her spot on the floor. “Who the fuck are you?” the black-haired boy said. “You’re not Black Sun!”

Isabella grinned at them, endlessly excited that she was actually physically there now. She cracked her knuckles. “I’m not, but I’m a friend of Haruka’s.”

The black-haired boy snorted. “She has friends?”

The blond shoved past him. “Who cares? She fucking hit me. I’m kicking her ass.” Being a monk, he wasn’t like any normal bully; the punch he threw was fast and strong. Of course, Isabella wasn’t there to be hit by it anyway. She stepped to the outside and caught his wrist, punching the underside of his bicep to deaden his arm. She then spun under his arm and drove
her elbow into his chest, sending him stumbling back into his friend with the breath knocked out of him. “What… What the hell?”

Isabella gave him her sweetest smile, curling her left arm behind her back and lifting her right hand, beckoning him with her fingers. “Just one hand? You look like you need a handicap.”

The black-haired boy made to move forward, but the blond threw his arm over his friend’s chest. “She’s mine!” He stalked forward angrily, ready to try now. He went down to sweep her leg but she lifted the leg and smashed her knee into his face. He came back with an angry punch and she caught his wrist, yanking him past her and tripping him at the same time so he hit the floor behind her. His friend came forward then, coming at her with a leaping kick. Isabella laughed as she stepped to the side, catching his collar as he flew past. She yanked him back down out of the air and drove her knee into his back, hearing a satisfying rush of air from his lungs. She then drove her other knee into his stomach, then struck his chin with her palm, sending him to the floor.

The blond came at her back in a rush until Haruka’s fist connected with his jaw from the side. Isabella smiled at her as the blond stumbled past her, flattening her hand and striking the back of his neck with the edge. He, too, hit the ground beside his friend, and neither of them made a move to do anything but groan. Haruka looked at Bella quizzically, an expression that just made her laugh again. She grinned at the monk. “Let’s go somewhere else, even near-unconscious they annoy me.”

“O… kay,” Haruka said softly, leading her through the hallway. They ended up in a room full of fountains and miniature waterfalls and rivers.

Isabella smiled, turning in a circle. “Relaxing… This is a very nice room.” She noticed Haruka was still giving her an odd look and giggled at it. “I’m not used to seeing you that confused, Haruka.”

Haruka blinked. “Know me?”

“Yes… But not yet.” Isabella clasped her hands behind her back, tilting her head and studying Haruka. “I know you later, in the future. My name’s Isabella.” She watched Haruka slowly nod and laughed again. “I’m not crazy. Well… I mean… I am, but not about this. I think.” She paused. “Let’s forget all that for now, though. Why did those guys bother you?”

Haruka shrugged. “Easy target. Well-known.”

“It’s not because of the cute way you speak, is it?” Haruka blushed and Bella noted that she wasn’t completely different.

“Partly. Also, my father. And… I don’t fit.”

Isabella took a seat on the edge of a fountain, nodding. “I know what it’s like to be in a place that doesn’t fit you. That just means you haven’t found the place you’re meant for yet.”

Haruka frowned. She tentatively took a seat, studying Isabella. “I’m here.”

“For now.” Bella smiled. “Things change. Besides, you can do well even here if you try.”

Haruka looked down. “Not really. No talent.”

“Aren’t you tired of your situation here? You can change it yourself, you know.”

“I want to.”

“Keep working at it then.” Isabella leaned back on her hands. “You bow to everyone. You act like they’re better. Why?”

“They have… pride,” Haruka said weakly, looking at the older woman. “Skill. Success.”

“You could have pride.”

Haru smirked. “About?”

“You’re pretty. You’re probably smarter than all of them. And you’re fast, aren’t you?”

Haruka sighed. “I can run.”

“Maybe use that?” Isabella tilted her head. She wasn’t getting anywhere; maybe that wasn’t the only reason she was here. “Tell me about yourself; your situation.”

“Why?”

“I just want to learn about you.”

“Really?” Haruka looked skeptical, but she nodded. “Well… Unpopular. No friends; dislike everyone anyway. They dislike me.”

“Because of your father?”

“Partly. Believe it’s… unfair.”

“It is,” Bella said, “but it’s unfair to you. They don’t see that?”

“No,” Haruka said in frustration. “They don’t. Higher expectations, so much pressure, no care, anger…” She coughed, rubbing her throat. “Annoyance.”

“I know,” Isabella said softly. “What they think, though, doesn’t matter. And despite everything, what your father thinks doesn’t matter. What matters is you.”

Haruka looked at her. “Not much me. Father’s goals, father’s means, father’s directions.”

“One day, you’re going to get out from under him.” Bella leaned forward. “What do you want that day to be like? What do you want to do, to have? What do you want?”

Haruka looked thoughtful, kicking her feet a little. “Someone who cares?” she suggested. “About me, not my abilities. And… skill. Success. I want that.”

“You want those things, even though some are what your father wants?”

“Yes.” Haruka looked at her. “But for me, not him.”

Bella smiled. “That’s all you need. Look, working to please your father or the others here isn’t going to do much for you but disappoint. Work for yourself. Become better than them, but do it because it’s what you want.”

“It’s… that simple?”

“It can be.”

“Well, I’ll… try.”

“And succeed. I know it.”

Haruka looked at her as she stood up. “…Thanks.”

IXH

Isabella and Haruka awoke at the same time. They glanced at each other and then away, sitting up in bed. “I think I had your dream,” Bella said, looking back over.

Haruka blinked, meeting her gaze. “I had
your
dream. Or, I mean, dreamed about you.” She paused and blushed. “Not like
that
, although I’m not saying-“

“
Relax
, Haruka. Man, you spent forever barely talking and now you won’t shut up,” she said playfully, receiving a glare from Haruka. “Okay, calm down.”

Haruka sighed. “Is someone messing with us?”

“I don’t think so. Or if they are they’re not doing a very good job of it. You were adorable.”

Haruka blinked. “
Ador… What did you see?”

“You were like… twenty, I think? You were very different, but not
entirely
different.”

“I… Ah.” Haruka ran a hand through her hair. “Twenty…? Seems like so long ago…”

“Well it’s two hundred years, so… yeah.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

Isabella grinned, leaning on her shoulder. “You don’t
look
old.”

Haruka looked at her, thinking. “Maybe we were supposed to see bad versions of each other? And whoever did this didn’t know we’d just accept it?”

Bella tilted her head. “Why? Did you see…?”

“Well, I… don’t know the exact timeline. Whenever it was, you were the other you.”

“Oh,” Isabella said softly, looking off and pulling away only to be pulled back into Haruka’s arms as she hugged her from behind.

“You were different,” Haruka said, “
but interesting. Some of the
you
I know, was in there. You actually thanked me.”

Isabella blinked. “That doesn’t sound like me.”